Chapter 281: You were allowed to be tired!

Theo stared at him, and Sylas swallowed hard, his hands trembling as he reached toward her face.

"You think you betrayed us because you stopped fighting. You think you abandoned us because you were too tired to keep surviving." His eyes shone with fresh, rolling tears, "But you didn’t know we were coming back, sweetheart. You couldn’t have known."

She squeezed her eyes shut.

"You didn’t have the knowledge we have now. You didn’t have the hope, the trigger we’ve gotten from Liam. You didn’t have someone standing beside you, telling you that we were still out there, fighting our way home. You had nothing but your grief and that monster." He paused, forcing himself to breathe. He needed to breathe!

"And he used every bit of it against you."

Theo shook her head, crying harder, "But I let him!"

What the hell was it going to take to convince her that it wasn’t her fault?! "You were suffering!"

"I LET HIM!"

"You were suffering, Theo!"

"I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT!" She yelled.

"YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE TIRED!" Zeke and Sylas ripped out together before they could stop it.

And everything fell silent again.

"You were allowed to be tired," Sylas repeated alone, his voice breaking into something softer. "You were allowed to grieve. You were allowed to fall apart. You were allowed to reach a point where you couldn’t see a way forward." He then pressed a trembling hand against his chest, "God, sweetheart. You were allowed to be human."

Theo’s face crumpled, and a terrible, strangled sob escaped her, and she folded forward as though the words had physically struck her, "No," she whimpered. "No, no, no..."

"You don’t have to earn the right to be loved by surviving every terrible thing that happens to you." He added, moving closer.

She shook her head frantically.

"You don’t have to prove yourself to me. You don’t have to prove yourself to Zeke. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone." His voice was barely holding together, "You never did."

Theo let out a scream that wasn’t even a coherent sound. It was simply pain, months and months of it, ripping out of her body all at once.

She curled in on herself, clutching her stomach again as she sobbed so violently that she could barely breathe, "I’M SORRY!"

Both men shook their heads again. When would she stop apologising?!

"I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!" She pressed her forehead into the mud, "I’m sorry I couldn’t save you! I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough! I’m sorry I couldn’t kill him! I’m sorry I gave up! I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder! I’m sorry!" She couldn’t stop at all.

The apologies poured out of her, one after another, tangled together with sobs and broken breaths.

"I’m sorry I let him do those things to me! I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him! I’m sorry I didn’t come back to you! I’m sorry I—" Her voice shattered again, "I’m sorry I wanted to die!"

Zeke made a sound that would haunt Sylas for the rest of his life, then he moved. He crawled the remaining distance between them, still on his knees, "Look at me." He said.

Theo shook her head, "Please, Hellcat. Look at me."

She couldn’t.

She couldn’t bear to see the pain she had caused them, even though a part of her knew she hadn’t meant to.

Zeke reached for her hands, stopping just before he touched them, "Can I hold you?" He asked softly.

The question broke whatever remained of her composure, and she then looked at him.

At his wet hair.

At the tears running down his face.

At the beautiful, familiar eyes she had spent hours trying to forget.

And she saw no disgust.

No disappointment.

No hatred.

Only a man who was terrified of losing her again.

She nodded once, and Zeke instantly gathered her into his arms as if he had been waiting thousands of years to touch her. To give him permission to touch her. To fucking hold her!

She clutched his shirt with both hands and buried her face against his chest, screaming into him as though she could somehow tear the pain out of herself if she cried hard enough.

Zeke wrapped his arms around her and held on.

"I’m sorry," she sobbed. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry..."

"Shh. I’ve got you."

"I didn’t fight!"

"I know, baby."

"I didn’t fight for you!"

"I know, I know," He cried.

"I wanted to die!"

He kissed her head.

"How can you still love me?!!"

"Because you’re my fucking heart, you idiot!!!"

Her heart jumped again.

"Because I love you. Because I have loved you every second you’ve been gone, and I’m going to love you every second you’re here. Because nothing you tell me tonight is going to make me look at you and see anything other than the woman I would die for."

"But...I don’t deserve you."

"That’s not your decision to make."

She clutched him tighter and yelled again, "I don’t deserve you!"

"Then let me be the idiot who loves you anyway!" He replied just as hard, "Let me love you, Hellcat. Please. Stop trying to make that decision for me."

Sylas finally reached them too, his hand hovering over Theo’s back for one terrible second before he gently placed it there.

The moment she felt his cold touch, she immediately reached for him, "Sylas..."

"I’m here." He whispered

"I’m sorry."

He bowed his head against hers, "I know, sweetheart."

"I’m so sorry."

He wrapped his other arm around her, drawing her against both of them, "You don’t have to apologize for surviving."

"But I didn’t—"

"You survived." His voice was fierce now, even through the tears, "You survived Cain. You survived everything he did to you. You survived losing us. You survived a world that gave you every reason to stop believing there was anything left for you...and you’re here." He kissed her head too.

Theo shook in their arms.

"You’re here," He repeated, his voice breaking. "You’re here, and I’m never going to blame you for what you had to do to make it through those days."

"But I gave up."

"Then you gave up...and so what?" He agreed, and she went completely still.

He then pulled back enough to look at her face, "And I wish you hadn’t suffered alone. I wish we had been there. I wish we could have protected you. But I will not stand here and tell you that you failed us because you couldn’t keep fighting when you had nothing left. You were a grieving woman trapped with a monster. You were exhausted. You were hurting, and you wanted the pain to stop."

He brushed the hair away from her face.

"That doesn’t make you a failure, Theo."

"Doesn’t it?" Her mouth trembled.

"No."

"Then why does it feel like I’ve done something unforgivable?"

"Because he made you believe that your pain was another reason to hate yourself."

She stared at him.

"Cain wanted you broken. He wanted you to believe you were weak, worthless, and alone. He wanted you to believe that everything he did to you was somehow your fault. That’s what he tried to do to me and Zeke. And even now, after everything, you’re still doing his work for him."