Chapter 282: Please don’t let me go

Theo stopped breathing.

She had hated Cain for what he had done.

She had hated him for killing her mates, for destroying her life, for turning her grief into a weapon. But she had carried his judgment inside her.

Every day.

Every hour.

She had taken the things he told her and made them her own. And now, even with him dead, she was still obeying him.

Still punishing herself.

Still convinced that the only thing she deserved was a life without the two people she loved most.

A sob escaped her, and Sylas pulled her back against him, "I’ve got you."

"I don’t know how to stop." She confessed, "I don’t know how to stop hating myself."

Zeke pressed his face against the side of her head, "Then don’t do it alone."

"We’ll figure it out," Sylas whispered.

"But what if I never forgive myself?"

"Then we’ll love you while you learn." He replied.

Theo began to cry again, and she held on to them as though the world might take them away if she loosened her grip, "I’m scared," she whispered.

"We are here, Venom. We are always here. We are never leaving you again."

Zeke shook his head, tears spilling freely, "I really thought I’d lost you again. I thought you were somewhere in this fucking forest, hurt or dying, and I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t feel you, and I didn’t know what to do."

"Oh, Zeke..."

Then, they both took one hand each and pressed it against their chest, "Do you feel that?" They asked.

Her fingers trembled against their shirts.

"That’s what you do to us. You make us terrified of a world where we can’t find you."

"And if you need to be alone sometimes, fine, " Zeke said, "If you need to cry, fine. If you need to scream at us, fine. But please..." His voice broke completely, "Please don’t decide that you have to leave us because you think you aren’t worth loving."

"I don’t want to leave you." She finally admitted, staring at them, " I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to stay here. I want to be with you. I want—" She gasped, struggling to breathe, "I want my life back."

"Oh, sweetheart." Sylas pulled her in again, and she clung to him, sobbing into his coat, "I want to look at you without thinking about how I failed you! I want to hear Zeke laugh without remembering that I thought I’d never hear it again! I want to love you without feeling like I’m doing something wrong!" Her fingers twisted into Sylas’s coat, "I want to be happy, and I don’t know how!"

Sylas held her tighter, and Zeke wrapped his arms around both of them.

For a long time, none of them spoke. They simply knelt in the mud beneath the pouring rain, holding each other while Theo cried out every ounce of grief she had been carrying alone.

And when her sobs finally quieted enough for her to speak again, she whispered the one thing she had been too ashamed to admit.

"I missed you."

Zeke managed a smile.

"I missed you both so much. I missed you every day. I missed you when I woke up. I missed you when I went to sleep. I missed you when I was training, when I was sitting alone in that horrible room. I missed you when I started to forget who I am. I missed you when I was fading. I missed you when I died. I missed you when I returned. I missed you so much that sometimes I couldn’t even remember what it felt like to be happy without you."

"I missed you too, sweetheart." Sylas’s tears fell into her hair.

"I kept thinking that if I could just see you one more time, I’d be okay. That if I could hear your voices again, if I could touch you again, maybe I could finally breathe." She drew in a shaky breath, "But then I remembered everything, and I thought..."

"What did you think, Hellcat?" Zeke asked, gently stroking her hair.

She couldn’t look at him, "That I had no right to have you back."

Zeke’s face crumpled all over again.

"Look at me." Sylas pleased, and pressed his forehead against hers.

Slowly, reluctantly, she lifted her eyes, and Sylas held her gaze, "We are not a reward you have to earn."

Her lips parted.

"We are not a prize for being strong enough. We are not something you have to deserve by suffering the right amount or fighting every battle or making sure you never break." His thumb brushed her cheek, "We love you. That’s all."

A fresh tear slid down her cheek. She’d cried an ocean today.

"You don’t have to be the woman you were before Cain. You don’t have to be the woman you were before you died. You don’t have to be anything other than the woman standing in front of me right now." He kissed her forehead this time, so softly that she felt her body sag against his even more, "And if all you can do tonight is cry, then cry."

"If all you can do tomorrow is get out of bed and sit with us, then that’s enough." Zeke added and kissed her temple, "And if it takes a long time before you believe any of this, we’ll still be here."

Theo stared at them.

For the first time since her memories had returned, she allowed herself to consider the possibility that she might not have to run. That perhaps she didn’t have to punish herself for the rest of her life.

That maybe, just maybe, the two men holding her would not turn away if she stopped pretending to be strong.

"Promise?" Her mouth trembled.

Sylas answered immediately, "I promise."

"On my life." Zeke squeezed her hand.

She let out a broken laugh through her tears, "That’s a stupid promise. You’ve already died once."

"Are you seriously making jokes right now?" Zeke asked, laughing in disbelief.

"I don’t know," She sobbed, smiling at the same time, "I don’t know what I’m doing."

"And that is quite ok, Hellcat,"

Theo’s eyes fluttered shut, and she let herself collapse completely into them. She held them as tightly as she could, and between broken breaths and trembling sobs, she whispered the words she had been trying so desperately not to say.

"Please don’t let me go."

"Never." Zeke whispered.

Sylas pressed his lips against her wet hair again, "Not a fucking chance, Venom."

Theo cried harder, and they simply held her there in the rain...letting her grieve, letting her break, letting her be the woman who had survived the impossible and still didn’t know how to live with what it had cost her.

All they knew was that they would be here with her through it all. Till she could smile brightly again.

Till she discovered herself again...fully.

There was no rush.

Inside, Seraphina purred with relief, *I knew this would work,* She whispered to herself.