Ch. 264 - Teacher, Good Thing You're Proctoring Us

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"Even a dog won't eat this shit! Let's fly!"

Time was tight tonight — once the laxative wore off, dealing with Black Iron Lords wouldn't be nearly as easy.

"Xiao Huang, stay away from me!"

Chen Shu's expression jolted as he saw the Slime bouncing toward him and immediately called out to stop it.

The Light-Wing Bird Lord's surroundings were covered in bird droppings. Now, the slime really had become a Shitleme.

Chen Shu carefully recalled it into his Beast Taming Space.

The three of them stood atop the Mutant Thunderbird's back and flew off in another direction.

Bright moonlight spilled across the land, and the Thunderbird streaked like a beam of light through the star-scattered night sky.

---

Day seven of the gaokao, just before dawn.

The Fire Claw Leopard's territory was a wailing wasteland — blood everywhere, corpses strewn across the ground, most of them mangled beyond recognition.

"ROAR!"

A powerfully built Fire Claw Leopard howled at the sky, its eyes filled with grief and despair.

And up ahead, a blood-soaked giant yellow ball stood with vacant, cutesy eyes, a husky bouncing nonstop on top of its head.

Gurgle gurgle gurgle!

Just as the two sides faced off, the Fire Claw Leopard's stomach growled again.

"ROAR!"

The Fire Claw Leopard looked utterly humiliated. It wanted nothing more than to tear the three humans in front of it to shreds.

It had seen underhanded tactics before, but it had never seen anything THIS underhanded!

Poison! And it was fucking laxative!

"Goo-gii!"

The moment its attention wavered, the Slime hit it with a [Deterrent Roar], stunning it on the spot.

Next came [Charge] followed by [Violent Sit-Kill].

The heavily wounded Fire Claw Leopard was pinned once more, completely out of fight.

The husky bounded forward, practically muzzle-to-muzzle, and stuffed a fireball right down its throat...

Another Black Iron Lord dead on the spot!

"Finally done!"

Chen Shu breathed a sigh of relief. In a single night, they had slaughtered a full four Black Iron Lords.

Granted, they were all Black Iron One-Star and suffering from laxative torment, but it still demonstrated Chen Shu's ferocious strength!

Xie Sunan extracted the Lord Materials and Beast Taming True Pearls, his face brimming with a grin.

Four Black Iron Lords — that would push their combat scores up another tier.

While Chen Shu would score the highest, he and Xu Xingxing would get bonus points too.

The Winged Caterpillar and Mutant Thunderbird had already proven their worth in scouting and tracking the Black Iron Lords.

"About done!"

Chen Shu yawned. Only three days remained until the gaokao ended.

Barring the unexpected, his combat score would land somewhere around 240.

Sure, poisoning them was a bit shady, but hey — he was the Nanjiang Bandit!

Besides, beast taming was all about tactics. Who knew? Instead of losing points, he might even get a bonus.

"Let's find somewhere to rest. I'm pretty beat."

The three of them left the ravaged battlefield behind.

Not long after, beasts began arriving at the scene, devouring the Fire Claw Leopard's flesh and blood.

The Fire Claw Leopard Lord's flesh was especially tempting. A swarm of beasts tore it apart and devoured every last scrap.

The same went for the other three dead Black Iron Lords.

The energy in the flesh was absorbed — but so was the laxative.

These were all ordinary beasts, and none of them were willing to yield to another. Even beasts of the same species turned on each other.

The allure of Lord flesh was simply too great!

Often, a beast would swallow a chunk of meat only to be torn apart by its rivals, its own flesh then devoured in turn.

And just like that, the laxative-laced flesh spread through countless beasts, rippling outward like a plague...

Granted, the laxative's potency had faded considerably by now.

But the beasts consuming it were too low-level — there was no escaping the fate of the spray.

Today, everyone was a Spray Warrior!

...

Beside a small lake, the giant yellow ball rolled back and forth, washing the filth from its body.

Meanwhile, Chen Shu and the other two crawled into their tent and fell into a deep sleep.

They'd been up all night. Naturally, they needed to catch up.

The four contract spirits stood guard diligently. With the Winged Caterpillar's skill in play, a sneak attack was basically out of the question.

Evening.

"Mmm~ now that was a good sleep!"

Chen Shu opened his eyes and stretched.

He patted down his psychiatric uniform, feeling absolutely fantastic.

"Time to rustle up some food."

The three of them emerged from the tent, but the moment they stepped outside, something felt off.

Xie Sunan twitched his nose and asked, "Chen Pi, you smell something?"

"There's a faint stink in the air..."

Chen Shu frowned and said, "Did one of you collect beast feces or something?!"

???

The two of them turned to stare at him in unison. Who the fuck collects that shit?

Did he think they were actually crazy?

"Awooo! Awooo!"

The husky, seeing its master awake, grew wildly excited, as if it were swimming in an ocean of bliss...

The three of them watched Er Ha lose its mind and immediately understood their guess wasn't far off.

"Chen Pi, you don't think it could be your laxative..."

They'd left in such a rush, they hadn't had time to deal with the beast corpses. Chances were high other beasts had eaten them.

"It should... probably not... First time using it, after all."

Chen Shu rubbed his chin, then said with a face full of pride:

"Would you say this counts as me improving the Alternate Dimension's ecosystem? All this free fertilizer just lying around now."

The hell kind of thought process is that?

"Let's find food first. I'm starving."

Chen Shu spoke as he recalled the golden Slime into his Beast Taming Space.

The three of them mounted the Mutant Thunderbird and sped off into the distance.

"This smell is getting a little too intense..."

The stench in the air had grown thicker. Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing covered their mouths and noses, already at their limit.

"Hang on, let me look!"

Chen Shu's eyes darted around as he rummaged through his backpack.

"I remember bringing some."

He pulled out all kinds of bizarre items, making the other two's hearts skip a beat.

"Found it!"

Chen Shu finally unearthed what he was looking for from deep inside his backpack.

Staring at the three items before them, Xu Xingxing and Xie Sunan's eyes went wide. A deep, profound silence settled in.

After a long pause, Xie Sunan swallowed and said:

"You fucking carry gas masks with you?! You planned on using the laxative from the very beginning, didn't you!"

Chen Shu let out a dry laugh and flatly denied it. "How could that be? I'm just experienced in the wilderness, that's all. What if we ended up in a toxic environment?"

The three of them, dressed in psychiatric uniforms and wearing gas masks, walking through the Alternate Dimension — they looked like a piece of performance art...

Absolutely no one would ever guess these three were here to take the gaokao...

"Chen Shu, classmate!"

In the distance, Du Ming approached on his red flying bird, drawing near.

"Huh?"

Chen Shu looked confused. Proctors weren't supposed to make contact with students — it risked cheating allegations.

"Could I... borrow a gas mask..."

Du Ming's mouth twitched as he spoke.

The air around them was just too foul. Even a Silver-rank couldn't endure it.

"Well now."

Chen Shu's eyes swiveled. A grin spread across his face as he said, "Teacher, good thing you're proctoring us!"

"If it were anyone else, they might've just lent you one for free."

"???"

Du Ming's expression froze. A vague sense of impending doom crept over him.

[1] Shitleme (屎莱姆): A portmanteau pun — 屎 (shǐ, "shit") + 史莱姆 (shǐláimǔ, "slime"). The Slime is literally covered in bird droppings, making the pun literal in this scene.

[2] Spray Warrior (喷射战士): Internet slang. Refers to someone suffering from explosive diarrhea — "spraying" rather than merely going. Originated as a humorous description on Chinese social media for severe food poisoning victims. Here, the laxative-plagued beasts all become involuntary Spray Warriors.

[3] Chen Pi (陈皮): Chen Shu's nickname, literally "tangerine peel." Used by close friends like Xie Sunan.

[4] 240: The gaokao practical exam is scored out of approximately 250 points. Chen Shu's estimate of ~240 would be an exceptional score.