Chapter 1128 - 838: Master of Your Own Mind_2

"After the last consultation session, I followed your advice and drew a pie chart; as for the recordings, this week has been quite stable, I’ve been recording at fixed intervals as we discussed before..."

Jie Nianzhou actively started to review the events that happened around him since the last consultation, along with his corresponding inner feelings.

"But... stable does not mean relieved." Jie Nianzhou paused, "The pressure from Teacher Bi has become too overwhelming recently."

This was something expected.

Nan Zhubin nodded slightly, guiding the conversation smoothly: "What specific changes have there been?"

Jie Nianzhou took a deep breath: "Firstly... it’s about my academic matters."

"As you know, because of my previous mentor issues... my thesis progress has fallen way behind. Recently, I’ve designed an experiment about emotional regulation. I’ve revised and refined the experiment numerous times, from the experimental paradigm to the stimuli materials, spending a long time on each step, and I’ve repeatedly modified it to meet Teacher Bi’s requirements."

"Last month, when I submitted it to Teacher Bi for review, she approved it, saying I could start preparing for the experiment."

"By last week, I had coordinated all the subjects and arranged the experimental venue, thinking that I could conduct the experiment this week and start processing the data next week."

"But yesterday she——" Jie Nianzhou took another deep breath, "——she said the experiment was full of flaws and heading in the wrong direction, needing a complete redesign."

"I had been revising it all along according to her requirements, she clearly stated last month that I could start the experiment——but yesterday it seemed as if she didn’t remember anything."

"Moreover..."

Jie Nianzhou paused for a moment, starting to breathe deeply.

Nan Zhubin quietly waited, with a clear sense that the visitor had more to say.

Jie Nianzhou adjusted for a while, then continued: "She told me to do something else——to collect data in the lab. She said I should be responsible for all the coordinating and experimental work there."

"As for the experiment... Teacher Nan, you know as well." Jie Nianzhou’s voice was slightly constrained, even over the phone it conveyed a floating quality, "The reason I borrowed the lab from your project group yesterday was for that experiment."

Nan Zhubin refrained from commenting on the off-site contact, simply nodded with a "hmm".

Jie Nianzhou pressed his throat, seemingly feeling some discomfort. After a pause, he continued: "Yesterday, I felt quite good actually, because I secured the lab, so it’s like completing that task."

"But... after returning, she said to me——" Jie Nianzhou chuckled softly, "——she said, ’Since you’ve made a trip there, you’ll be responsible for all future coordination as well’... "

Jie Nianzhou paused again.

He suddenly looked at Nan Zhubin in silence, meanwhile his breathing became intense, and his lips tightly pursed.

It’s a very clear body signal, allowing Nan Zhubin to sense the visitor’s current struggle.

He silently waited for three breaths before intending to guide.

"And then?" "And then..."

Unexpectedly, Nan Zhubin and Jie Nianzhou’s voices sounded almost simultaneously.

Nan Zhubin was momentarily taken aback, but Jie Nianzhou wasn’t.

His speech pace increased, yet his voice grew more fluid.

"And then she mentioned something else——she said when I collect data from Teacher Bai’s project group, I should engage with them more."

"She wants me to inquire——what direction is Teacher Bai researching recently, what projects are being advanced."

"She wants me to find out——who at Teacher Bai’s side has gone on a business trip recently, who has returned."

...

Nan Zhubin felt a subtle shift within.

But his facial expression remained unchanged.

Jie Nianzhou did not focus on Nan Zhubin’s expression change, completely immersed in his narrative.

"Although she was subtle with her words——but can I not hear? Can I not know?"

Jie Nianzhou pointed to himself: "It’s practically no different from what happened last year."

"She wants me to gather intelligence and then sabotage behind the scenes——she wants to use me to harm others!"

The last sentence suddenly raised Jie Nianzhou’s voice.

The surroundings instantly quieted down.

Nan Zhubin did not speak.

After a while, Jie Nianzhou adjusted his breathing.

He had a lot to say, having only vented part of it by now.

He seemed to have discharged his emotions, his voice lowered, yet it wasn’t the fatigue after an outburst, but a form of relaxation.

Jie Nianzhou leaned back: "I never thought this way before, at least never had such definite opposing ideas about Teacher Bi."

"Since switching mentors, I’ve done whatever Teacher Bi said. I’ve never thought this work shouldn’t be mine, nor considered doing menial tasks bad. I only feared disappointing her somehow..."

Jie Nianzhou licked his lips: "But this time it was different. Hearing about this task, I had a strong thought——I don’t want to do it."

By this point, Jie Nianzhou’s voice stabilized again.

Looking directly at Nan Zhubin through the phone screen: "Then I thought——should I tell you?"

"Then I quickly decided I should, so I immediately scheduled your consultation this morning."

After finishing this sentence, Jie Nianzhou gazed intently at Nan Zhubin.

...

In the face of the visitor’s gaze, Nan Zhubin’s expression did not change.

It’s like he wasn’t Nan Zhubin at this moment, like he had no association with Bi Yanling, like the matters just mentioned by Jie Nianzhou had nothing to do with him.

Nan Zhubin simply nodded slightly, his voice as steady as a mountain in the rain mist: "It sounds like you’ve indeed gone through a lot in these past two days, and managed to initiate many changes through your own strength."

"I’m really pleased to hear this, and happy that you could think clearly and make decisions when facing such situations."

"I’m curious——when you told me this, how did you feel?"

Absolute neutrality.

This reaction truly stunned Jie Nianzhou.

"Uh..." He first licked his lips, as though his original framework of organizing words was disrupted, requiring reconstruction.

But the established therapeutic relationship from long-term psychological consultation played a role at this moment, subconsciously leading Jie Nianzhou to follow Nan Zhubin’s guidance, starting to think and perceive himself.

"I... feel quite relaxed." Jie Nianzhou said.

"And also a genuine sense of joy." He quickly supplemented fluidly.

Nan Zhubin tilted his body slightly forward, as if intrigued: "Are you able to sense how these emotions arise?"

Jie Nianzhou lowered his eyes and breathed for two seconds, then looked up: "Certainly."

He was very clear about his feelings at this moment.

"Previously, when I received tasks, I had a lot of thoughts. I would ponder the purpose behind the teacher’s assignment, consider how to accomplish the task better, and worry which people might be affected if the task failed."

"These thoughts emerged on their own, uncontrollable by me; the more thoughts I had, the more exhausted I became."

Jie Nianzhou paused: "This time is different. My thoughts this time are controllable by myself."

"I would think——should I accept this task at all, rather than automatically contemplating how to improve task execution like before."

"Moreover, I made the decision myself, deciding not to accept it."

Along with the narrative, Jie Nianzhou’s eyes grew ever brighter.

"During our first consultation, I mentioned my certain thoughts——those urges to push people off mountains, those fears of harming others——you told me not to be driven by those thoughts, to be able to control them myself."

Jie Nianzhou looked at Nan Zhubin: "I feel I’ve accomplished that now."