Chapter 200 — I Missed You

Chapter 200: Chapter 200 — I Missed You

~ Raven ~

"But don’t stand there and tell me this wasn’t real."

Raven had several answers ready, none of them particularly kind, but the moment she looked into Cassian’s eyes, she found herself unable to say any of them.

The silver-white glow was still there, faintly illuminating his eyes as his wolf remained close to the surface. She had seen him angry before, and she knew how cold he could become when somebody pushed him too far, but there was something different about the way he was looking at her now.

Cassian wasn’t trying to conceal how much her accusation had hurt him, and Raven felt an unpleasant twist in her stomach.

Raven held his gaze for another moment before drawing a slow breath. She was still furious about Thalia, but she’d gone too far when she questioned whether anything between them had been real.

Cassian had kept things from her, and she had every right to demand answers, but that didn’t make everything else a lie.

Unfortunately, acknowledging that only made the whole situation more fucking infuriating.

"You’re right," she admitted eventually, watching his expression change slightly. "About that part, anyway. What happened between us was real to me, Cassian. I’m not going to pretend otherwise just because I’m angry."

He remained quiet, although some of the tension in his expression seemed to ease.

"But what you did with Thalia was still shitty," Raven continued, lifting her chin. "You should have told me, especially after we became close."

"I know," Cassian answered, his voice considerably calmer than before.

"And I’m still angry with you."

"I gathered that when you slapped me."

Raven gave him a look, although the remark lacked his usual amusement, and she noticed that he hadn’t quite relaxed despite her admission.

She glanced away, struggling to find a way to explain the rest without making herself sound completely ridiculous.

The truth was that she’d been upset with him long before she learned about Thalia, and now that he was standing in front of her, all the things she’d wanted to say during his absence were becoming annoyingly difficult to arrange into words.

"For six days, I didn’t even know where the hell you were," she said at last. "I had no idea who to ask."

Cassian’s brows drew together slightly.

"I kept wondering whether something had happened to you," she continued, looking back at him. "And then you finally show up, acting like you’ve only been gone for an afternoon, and I discover you’ve been keeping this from me too."

He studied her for a moment before asking, "You were looking for me?"

"Obviously."

The answer escaped so quickly that Raven immediately regretted it.

Cassian’s expression changed, and she felt an absurd urge to look somewhere else. She’d spent nearly a week telling herself that his absence was none of her business, only to admit within minutes of his return that she’d been worrying about him.

Goddess, she was terrible at this.

"I was already angry with you before you came back," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "Which is rather impressive, considering I didn’t even know about this particular reason yet."

A faint smile touched Cassian’s mouth before he seemed to remember that smiling might not be the wisest response.

Raven noticed the smile but, for once, didn’t bother calling him out on it. She was still angry with him, and she didn’t want him misunderstanding that, but there was something she’d been holding back since he returned.

She hesitated, suddenly finding it difficult to meet his eyes.

"I missed you," she admitted quietly.

Cassian went completely still.

Oh, Goddess.

Raven pressed her lips together, already considering whether she could somehow turn the admission into another insult, but the expression on his face made the thought disappear.

He was looking at her as though she’d just said something he hadn’t expected to hear, and for several seconds neither of them moved.

Then Cassian stepped closer.

"Raven," he murmured, lifting one hand toward her face.

She watched his fingers approach, expecting him to brush her cheek or tuck a strand of hair away from her face. Instead, his hand stopped a few inches from her skin.

Raven blinked.

The hesitation was so unlike him that she found herself staring at his hand before looking back at his face.

Cassian Blade, who ordinarily behaved as though he had an answer for absolutely everything, seemed uncertain whether she would allow him to touch her.

Something about that made her chest tighten.

Her wolf stirred at his closeness, becoming increasingly attentive as Raven looked between his face and the hand he had yet to lower.

She wanted him to touch her.

The realization should probably have embarrassed her, especially after everything she’d said to him, but Raven was becoming thoroughly tired of pretending she didn’t want things simply because admitting them would make her uncomfortable.

Slowly, she raised both hands and caught his outstretched one between them.

Cassian watched her without speaking as she guided his palm the rest of the way to her cheek, holding it there until his fingers settled naturally against her skin.

His hand was warm, and Raven found herself leaning into the touch before she quite realized what she was doing.

For a moment, she closed her eyes.

Her wolf responded immediately, its earlier agitation easing into something that felt almost embarrassingly content.

When Raven opened her eyes again, Cassian was still watching her, his expression softer now.

Goddess, this man.

She looked up at him, still finding it difficult to believe how badly she wanted to kiss the same man she’d been furious with only moments earlier.

"Fuck it," Raven whispered.

Cassian’s brows drew together. "What—"

She caught a handful of his white hair, pulled him down and kissed him.

For one astonishing second, Cassian didn’t respond.

His lips were warm beneath hers, but she felt his entire body go still. When she opened her eyes slightly, she caught his eyes widening in unmistakable shock.

A terrible thought struck her.

Perhaps she’d made a complete fool of herself.

She was already beginning to pull away when his hand slid from her cheek into her hair, and before she could retreat more than an inch, Cassian drew her back against him.

Then he kissed her properly.

Raven’s breath caught at the sudden intensity of it. His fingers settled firmly against the back of her head while his other arm circled her waist, pulling her against him as though he’d finally decided that the distance between them had become entirely unnecessary.

She barely had time to recover before his mouth moved against hers again, more urgently this time, and Raven forgot whatever embarrassing thought had made her consider retreating.

For someone who was usually so irritatingly restrained, Cassian seemed to have very little interest in holding himself back now.

And Raven discovered that she liked it.

Quite a lot, actually.

She tightened her fingers in his hair and drew him closer, earning a quiet sound from him that sent an unexpected thrill through her.

His hand at her waist tightened in response, and when she tilted her head to meet his next kiss, he followed the movement immediately.

Cassian had already made his feelings clear, but knowing he wanted her and experiencing it were two very different things.

His lips moved against hers with an urgency that made her heart race, and she found herself kissing him back with an enthusiasm she would probably be mortified to remember later.

At some point, her free hand slid from his shoulder to the front of his coat, gripping the fabric as he drew her closer.

Raven had no idea how long they remained like that.

The distant music from the ballroom continued, and she was vaguely aware of the cool evening air against her exposed shoulders, but neither seemed particularly important compared with the man holding her.

When Cassian finally eased back just enough for her to breathe, she barely had time to open her eyes before he kissed her again, slower this time but no less thoroughly.

Raven smiled against his mouth.

The bastard apparently had no intention of making this easy for either of them.

She didn’t particularly mind.

Her wolf, however, had begun behaving strangely.

At first, Raven barely noticed. The animal had been restless since Cassian approached her, and she’d grown accustomed to its ridiculous enthusiasm whenever one of her mates came too close.

But as the kiss continued, something changed.

The familiar pressure beneath her skin gave way to an unmistakable sensation of another presence reaching toward hers, and Raven suddenly became aware of something she’d only ever felt in fragments.

Another wolf was answering hers.

And this time, she could actually feel him.