Chapter 199 — This Was Real

Chapter 199: Chapter 199 — This Was Real

~ Cassian ~

"You manipulative bastard."

Cassian stared at Raven, too stunned to respond.

His cheek still burned from the slap, but he barely noticed it anymore. He had only just returned to Valerius, and somehow, within minutes of finding her, Raven had gone from asking whether he was alright to looking at him as though she wanted to slap him again.

For several seconds, he simply watched her, trying to make sense of an accusation that had arrived without the slightest explanation.

"What the hell is this?" he finally asked, his voice unusually still.

Raven stepped closer instead of answering immediately, her eyes fixed on his with an anger that made him wonder what could possibly have happened while he was gone.

"I know."

Cassian frowned. "Know what?"

"Thalia."

His eyes widened slightly as understanding finally settled.

"Oh."

But that was the wrong thing to say.

Raven stared at him in disbelief, her expression growing angrier with every passing second. "Oh? That’s it? That’s all you have to fucking say?"

Cassian said nothing as he considered what she had just told him.

Thalia must have told her.

Fuck.

He had wondered more than once whether this conversation would eventually happen, although he certainly hadn’t expected to return from six days away and find himself having it within minutes.

The arrangement itself was hardly new.

Cassian had been gathering information around Valerius almost from the beginning of his time at the academy, long before Raven Rivers ever appeared there. Thalia had simply been one of the more useful people he approached.

She was observant, socially connected and considerably better at noticing things than most people gave her credit for.

More importantly, she had a way of making people comfortable enough to talk around her, something Cassian had learned was often more valuable than asking questions directly.

She was also easier to influence than someone like Brielle Vance or Tessa would have been.

The arrangement had worked rather well.

While other students occupied themselves with rivalries, House politics and whatever ridiculous scandal happened to be circulating that week, Cassian rarely needed to involve himself in any of it. Information reached him regardless, often before the people involved realized anyone else knew.

He knew which students were struggling, who was concealing injuries, what different Wings were preparing for upcoming competitions and which alliances were beginning to form.

There had been occasions when knowing something a day earlier made the difference between walking into a competition prepared and discovering an opponent’s advantage too late.

Cassian had always preferred the former.

Then Raven arrived.

At first, the fact that she had become Thalia’s roommate had seemed like an interesting coincidence. Cassian hadn’t arranged it, nor had he instructed Thalia to befriend her.

But Raven had gradually become part of Thalia’s life, which meant information about her had started reaching him too.

He should have reconsidered the arrangement when that happened, especially once his own interest in Raven stopped being entirely ordinary.

He hadn’t.

And now Raven was standing in front of him, furious enough that he could practically see everything she had been thinking since discovering the truth.

"How long?" she demanded.

Cassian looked at her. "What?"

"How fucking long, Cassian? How long has Thalia been working for you?"

He considered the question for a moment before answering honestly. "Before you came here."

Raven went still.

For half a second, Cassian thought she might actually calm down, but then a short, disbelieving laugh escaped her.

"Before I came here," she repeated, studying him as though he’d just confirmed something considerably worse than she expected.

"Yes."

"Oh, Goddess." She looked away, dragging a hand over her face before turning back to him. "So she was already working for you when we became roommates?"

Cassian nodded.

"And when we became friends?"

"Yes."

Raven stared at him, and he watched her expression change as she began putting things together.

He was fairly certain he wasn’t going to enjoy the conclusions she reached.

"Then what?" she demanded. "She just started telling you everything about me?"

Cassian hesitated.

Most of what Thalia had told him about Raven was information he already knew, and she had always been careful about what she shared concerning her friend.

Still, he had never told her to stop.

Raven noticed his hesitation, and whatever little patience she had left seemed to disappear.

"Of course."

"Raven, that’s not what happened."

"Then what happened?" she demanded, throwing her hands apart. "Because I’m having a very difficult time understanding how the girl I sleep in the same room with, eat with, go to classes with and actually consider one of my closest friends just happens to already belong to you."

Cassian’s expression hardened slightly. "Thalia doesn’t belong to me."

"Oh, fuck off, Cassian. You know exactly what I mean."

He did, and unfortunately, Raven was already too angry to care about the distinction.

She stepped away from him briefly, shaking her head as though she could hardly believe what she’d discovered.

"Goddess, it makes so much fucking sense now."

Cassian remained quiet while she turned back toward him.

"You always act like you don’t give a damn about what happens around here. The rankings, the Court, all the stupid academy politics." Raven shook her head. "And somehow, you still seem to know more than anyone else."

He started to speak, but Raven lifted a hand before he could get a word out.

"No, let me finish."

Cassian closed his mouth.

"I used to think you were just observant. Now I find out my own roommate has been giving you information behind my back."

Cassian could hardly argue with that.

He liked knowing things, and more importantly, he disliked entering situations without understanding what he was dealing with.

Information gave him options, and options made it considerably easier to deal with people who preferred using their influence rather than their intelligence.

He had never considered that particularly unreasonable.

But Raven was no longer talking about how he handled academy politics.

She was talking about herself.

"Did you ever actually trust me?"

Cassian’s jaw tightened.

"What?"

"It’s a simple question." Her voice shook slightly with irritation. "Did you ever trust me, Cassian? Or was it easier having Thalia tell you everything so you never had to?"

"That’s not what I was doing."

"Then what were you doing?"

He looked at her without answering immediately, and Raven gave a sharp, disbelieving laugh.

"Do you have any idea how fucking humiliating this is?"

Something in her expression made Cassian’s irritation subside, although she continued before he could respond.

"What about all those times we spent together?" Raven asked, her expression tightening. "The book, our conversations, everything I told you because I thought I could trust you."

She swallowed, looking at him with growing frustration.

"How much of that did you already know because of Thalia?"

"Less than you think," Cassian answered firmly. "She was always careful about what she told me concerning you."

Raven shook her head, clearly unconvinced. "And how am I supposed to believe that?"

"Because I’m telling you."

"Oh, that’s wonderful." She gave him a look of utter disbelief. "You’ve been keeping this from me for Goddess knows how long, and now you expect me to take your word for it?"

Cassian drew a slow breath, forcing himself not to respond to the accusation as sharply as he wanted to.

He understood why she was angry. There was no point pretending he hadn’t used information that reached him through Thalia, and he knew perfectly well that he should have drawn a boundary once his relationship with Raven became personal.

But the idea that every interaction between them had somehow been arranged was beginning to irritate him.

"I didn’t have Thalia watching you," he said. "She was already working with me before you arrived at Valerius. I didn’t ask her to become your roommate, and I certainly didn’t tell her to befriend you."

Raven stared at him, her expression growing more frustrated rather than less.

"If this wasn’t about me, then why the fuck didn’t you stop when we became friends?"

He looked at her, considering the question.

There was no particularly satisfying answer.

At first, knowing what happened around Raven had simply been useful, especially with the trouble she attracted.

Then it became reassuring to know whether she was safe, until somewhere along the way Cassian began wanting that information for reasons that had very little to do with strategy.

He hadn’t considered how it might look from her side until now.

"You’re right," he said eventually.

Raven blinked, apparently caught off guard by the admission.

"What?"

"I should have stopped."

For a moment, she looked almost uncertain what to do with that answer. Then her expression tightened again.

"But you didn’t."

"No."

"Why?"

Cassian held her gaze, considering several possible answers and finding none he particularly wanted to give her.

Before he could decide what to say, Raven spoke again.

"Did you use her to get close to me?"

His eyes narrowed immediately. "No."

Raven laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Did you tell her to push us together? Was that part of it too?"

"No, Raven. I didn’t."

"Was all of that supposed to make me trust you? Was that the point?"

Cassian’s expression cooled. He had expected Raven to be angry about Thalia, but not to question every conversation she’d trusted him enough to have or the moments they had shared away from everyone else.

"Raven, I didn’t arrange any of those moments—"

"Then how am I supposed to know what you did arrange?" she interrupted, looking directly into his eyes.

"What, was the plan to keep showing up until I started liking you?"

Cassian went still.

For a moment, he simply stared at her, caught between the accusation and something else about the sentence that he couldn’t quite process.

Raven apparently noticed none of it.

She was already continuing, her voice growing sharper as the anger she’d been holding back finally began getting the better of her.

"Was that it? You found out what I liked, what bothered me, what made me feel safe, and thought you could use all of it against me?"

Cassian’s expression changed.

He had heard enough, but Raven seemed determined to keep going.

"Was any of it even real?"

For several seconds, Cassian simply stared at her.

His wolf surged violently beneath his skin, and this time the reaction had nothing to do with the pleasure of seeing Raven again.

A faint silver-white glow entered his eyes as the animal pressed closer to the surface, bringing enough of his Air with it that the space immediately around him shifted.

Cassian remained completely still, although controlling the anger rising inside him was becoming considerably more difficult.

He had crossed a line with Thalia, and Raven had every reason to be furious about it. But that didn’t make their private conversations, their banters or the nights he’d stayed beside her when she was afraid to sleep any less real.

Thalia hadn’t sent him halfway across the kingdom to recover Raven’s manuscript, either. He was carrying it beneath his coat right now, and Raven had no idea.

Cassian’s jaw tightened. Hearing her dismiss those moments as something he’d arranged hurt more than he wanted to admit.

"Raven."

Something in his voice finally made her pause.

She looked at him, and for the first time since their argument began, her expression changed slightly.

Cassian could feel his wolf pressing against his control, but he made no attempt to move closer.

"You can be angry about Thalia," he said quietly. "I understand that."

Raven’s brows drew together, although he continued before she could interrupt.

"But don’t confuse that with everything else."

She stared at him for a moment before shaking her head.

"How am I supposed to separate them, Cassian?"

He said nothing.

Her voice lowered, although the anger hadn’t disappeared.

"I don’t know what you knew because I told you and what you knew because somebody else did. I don’t know which moments just happened and which ones you were expecting."

Cassian felt something tighten unpleasantly in his chest.

Raven looked away briefly before returning her gaze to him, and when she spoke again, there was considerably more hurt than anger in her voice.

"And now I don’t even know what was real anymore."

That was enough.

Cassian took a step toward her, his wolf still close enough to the surface that the pale change in his eyes remained visible.

Raven noticed. He saw her gaze flicker toward his eyes before returning to his face, but she made no attempt to retreat.

Cassian stopped directly in front of her, holding her gaze as the last of his patience disappeared.

"You want to hate me for Thalia? Fine."

Raven’s jaw tightened.

His voice remained low despite the anger settling firmly beneath his skin.

"You want to call me controlling? Manipulative? Fine."

He didn’t look away.

"But don’t stand there and tell me this wasn’t real."