Chapter 35: Gradual Change

Selene’s POV

What more should I have expected?

I shouldn’t have expected love or affection from a wolf who killed for fun and shot for sport. After everything Lucian said during that conference, I felt no less than used. I had been used all my life, but this time felt the worst. I was only an object to carry his child. I didn’t fit into the category of those who could occupy a place in his heart. Maybe I never would.

My belly couldn’t be that big yet. I wasn’t heavily pregnant ... I was just pregnant. So I still should have been allowed to do what I liked.

"Do you need anything, Selene?" Lucian asked from the doorway of my room.

I didn’t look at his face. My response came out laced with something that probably looked like contempt. I shook my head.

"You’re pregnant. How are you feeling? Let me call the nurse to come check on you." He continued, stepping further inside.

"I said I’m fine, Alpha." My voice rose without permission. Any average person with half a brain would have known something was wrong.

I looked angry because I was angry. But Lucian was never one to beg or gently ask what the problem was, so my attitude and cold gestures were a waste if I didn’t speak up.

He was already turning to leave when the words slipped out of me.

"I am only an object to you."

He stopped. Turned back slowly. "Who told you that?"

"No one did. I just know. You only see me as something to carry your child. I can’t be deceived, Alpha. I’m grown."

Lucian laughed. Not a mocking laugh ... just one that confused me.

"Someone has been influencing you, hasn’t it? Him or her?"

I didn’t answer that. He placed his hand over mine, and the warmth of it was almost disarming.

"You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a while," he said. "And this is how gifts are treated. Don’t feel used. You are not an object. You are alive, and you have feelings. Just take care of yourself, okay?"

He kissed me on the forehead. Then he turned and started going.

"Lucian."

He turned back again.

I stood up slowly and walked to him. I took his hand and pressed it gently to my belly. "Can you hear it?"

He smiled. "No."

Such a silly question. I already knew the baby wouldn’t be reacting at this stage. I just wanted to be closer to him. And now he was leaving anyway.

He left either way.

The interview that had just concluded was still getting on my nerves.

They had questioned the authenticity of who fathered my child. That was crazy, if I was being honest. How dare they ask something like that ... the audacity. In their eyes, everyone was unfaithful. No one was pure. It was all just noise to fill their headlines.

Tessa had also taken a stray bullet from that mess. She must have felt awful after what was said about her. Betrothed but not married. Acting like total strangers. Only relating when politics demanded it.

Damn. I didn’t want that to be me.

I had always been faithful. Never the type to undermine any relationship. Yet my own mate ... Draven ... had betrayed me and slept with my sister. This life truly wasn’t fair.

I had stopped expecting much. I had dreams and aspirations. Lucian didn’t have to be part of them. I just wanted to be a person of impact someday.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Come in."

It was my assigned nurse. She entered with her stethoscope and a small kit and went straight to work, pressing the cold metal against my chest and then my belly.

"The baby is fine," she said after a while.

"Of course he is. Or she," I replied, dry as sandpaper.

"What gender do you hope for? A boy or a girl?"

"A boy," I said, and I felt myself smile a little despite everything.

I asked her to go find Kael and let the king know I needed to see him. That it was something important.

Lucian arrived quickly.

"What is it? I heard you needed me."

"Alpha..."

"You can call me Lucian now," he interrupted.

"No, I can’t."

He insisted. I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. The child growing in my womb wasn’t going to make me lose my senses.

"I wanted to tell you I’d like to continue using the library," I said.

"What?" The reaction was immediate.

"I’m a reader and a researcher. I can’t go without studying."

"You’ll have to learn to manage without it for now. You’re pregnant."

I held his gaze. "I can’t pause for nine months, Lucian. Reading is how I get through each day. It’s my gratification."

He looked at me for a long moment. I imagined all kinds of things were running through his mind.

"The library will be brought to you here," he finally said. "Since you’re a bookworm."

My heart lifted. I nearly smiled.

Then he added a warning.

"Don’t overthink. It’s not good for you or the pup. If I find out you’re spiralling in your own head, I’m taking the library back."

"Well understood, sir," I replied.

"I said you can call me Lucian."

"Alright. Lucian, sir."

He laughed at that ... a real one ... and started heading out again.

"One more thing," I called out.

"What now?" But his voice wasn’t irritated.

"I’d like Ms. Ashlyn, the library’s custodian, to come work with me here. I do a lot of my research alongside her."

"That’s fine," he said, and he was gone.

Tessa knocked and let herself in shortly after.

"Hey, Selene. How are you doing?"

I replied with as much warmth and humour as I could manage. She came and sat beside my bed.

"How’s the little pup in there?"

"Fine, Tessa." I paused. "I’m genuinely surprised you came to visit me."

And I meant that. Every word.

"I just came to say hi to my fellow pregnant she-wolf," she said with a small smile. "If you need anything, just call me."

It felt good. Having people checking on me. This child had everyone moving differently, like the entire pack had been waiting on the Alpha’s heir for years. I didn’t fully understand the noise surrounding the pregnancy.

I’m not the first wolf to ever get pregnant, I reminded myself.

But maybe ... just maybe ... I was something more than I had ever let myself believe.

"Do you know the Morvaine Festival of Arts and Music is coming up?" Tessa asked.

"Wait ... are you serious? I completely forgot it was happening this year."

"Next week. Runs for three days from the first."

The Morvaine Festival happened every four years. The last time it came around, I had spent it in the library as usual, cleaning shelves. Now here I was ... pregnant and being looked after like something precious.

"I want to attend," I said.

"We’ll get you ready," Tessa said. "We’ll also be announcing the pregnancy at the fair so the entire kingdom can celebrate."

Three full days. Damn.

Astrid and my parents wouldn’t miss something like this. The last thing I wanted was to look across a crowd and see their faces. But I couldn’t avoid it. And honestly ... it was also my chance to step outside these walls and breathe again.

I wasn’t sure whether to dread it or look forward to it.

Maybe both.