Chapter 322 – The End of the Universe

"Good Evening, Sir, Madam's. Welcome to Millieway's. Do you have a reser- Oh, Goddess Xiaolin! It is excellent to see you again." A small, bald, green alien in a black suit said as John and the two women at his side stepped through the portal from the castle into the restaurant lobby. 

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

"Calphid! It is wonderful to see you as well. Yes, we should have reservations under my name. How have you been? It's been far too long since I was last here."

"Very well, Madam. We just finished the renovations a few cycles ago, so I do hope you enjoy the new atmosphere for the show."

"I'm looking forward to it. How is your wife doing? And the kids?"

As Xiaolin continued to converse with the host, John looked around. The lobby they stepped into was rather large, made entirely of aquamarine-coloured stone in a shade almost the same as Aqua's eyes. A large crystal chandelier glowed softly above him, and hidden lighting along the ceiling's edges gave the room a very alien yet grand appearance. The strange mosaic pattern on the tile floor alternated between shades of blue, drawing his eye to a nearby doorway.

The open glass door led to the seating area and bar, and he wasn't disappointed. A massive 80-yard-long curved bar with a marble counter, more chandeliers, very comfortable-looking seating around more marble tables, and a massive panoramic window that was currently covered with thick, black curtains. Even most of the aliens walking around the bar were different than what he had encountered so far. While there were the odd humans, elves, and beastfolk, most of the crowd was very, very different from what he had experienced so far in DEN. Insectoids, slimes, slugs, robots. All manner of beings he never expected to see outside of some sci-fi film were scattered around the restaurant, drinking and socializing in a variety of languages he could only partially hear but somehow understood, even without a Babblefish in his ear.

I'm glad I asked Xiaolin if this place existed. With DEN being full of worlds based on stories, this place seemed possible. I remember reading about Miilieway’s in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy when I was a much younger man, and I thought it was a pretty amusing place.    

"What is this place?" Aqua asked him quietly. She was clutching his left arm tightly as she looked around. Apparently, the girl talk her and Xiaolin had earlier hadn't included a description of tonight's events. 

"A fancy, five-star restaurant at the end of this universe. I hear the food is as excellent as their drinks, not to mention the show we get to watch." He replied, looking down at her and admiring the blue ballgown she wore. It reminded him of Cinderella's dress, with the bodice leaving her shoulders bare, accentuating her curves, yet only exposing a small amount of her cleavage. She wore a circlet of white flowers on her head and elbow-length blue gloves. 

"I could really use a drink right now. Xia fixed our constitution so we can get drunk tonight if we want... I wish you told me that Substance X would prevent alcohol from working... do you know how many bottles of wine I drank while you were away before I noticed I couldn't even get a buzz on, let alone drunk!"

"To be fair, I didn't know until after the fact. It used to act like a truth serum for me when I had alcohol with it, so I had refrained from drinking when taking the pills. A permanent experience boost and status immunity seems like a good trade-off to me... at least for now. And you're not getting drunk tonight. I don't want to be holding your hair while you puke your guts out again because you overdid it."

"No, I don't want to go that far; I just want a bit of fun. Acting as your wife and head of our village was taxing, and I deserve a break, don't I? That is what this is, isn't it? A break for both of us? Besides, Xia said we would be dancing, hence why we are wearing these absurd gowns."

"You look beautiful in it. Very classy." He said. Xiaolin wore a golden gown with the same cut as Aqua's; her massive breasts were barely contained by the fabric, and her tiger-stripe vitiligo was on full display across her shoulders and upper arms. There was a special hole for her tail to come out of the back, and the appendage was twitching slightly as she talked to the Maître D'.

"Thanks- wait! You're thinking naughty things, aren't you?"

"Guilty, but they can wait until later." He said, then refocused his attention back on Xiaolin and the alien.

"That is good to hear. You must be proud of them for earning a place at your establishment."

"Of course. Nothing but the best here at Milliway's. Whether they're our children or not, we wouldn't let nepotism soil our reputation for the best dining experience in the universe. Now, may I ask who your guests are?" The alien asked.

"Oh, where are my manners. This is my fiancée, John Wayne, and one of his other fiancées, Aqua." Xiaolin said, introducing them. "I believe you know her mother, Magwayen, but it was some time ago since she last graced your establishment."

"Oh, this is wonderful news, Madam. Congratulations; I didn't know you were engaged. And Aqua, you say? Yes, I believe I recall her mother mentioning her beautiful daughter and her wonderful singing voice." He said, shaking John's outstretched hand quickly before turning his attention to Aqua. "Please, feel welcome here; you're among friends, yes? Your mother sang on our stage many times in the past."

"She did? I haven't... It's been a long time since I've seen her, and I don't remember much about her. I... have holes in my memories from that time in my life."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I did not mean to bring down the mood. Now, shall I lead you to your table?"

"We are still waiting for one more," Xiaolin said, giving John a sly grin. 

"No... You're not seriously bringing that ball of chaos here too, are you?!?" John said. He could already imagine the chaos Pande would cause in the bar after a few drinks, and he could feel a headache starting. 

"No, Honey, not her. Her." She said, then pointed behind him.

"Huh?" He said, and spun on his heel.

"Umm... John-sama? Where are we now? Is this another dream? Wait? Why am I in a noblewoman's dress?" A very confused-looking blue-haired bunny girl said. She wore a gown identical to Aqua's, except she was a few inches taller and had slightly larger breasts filling out the bodice. She stepped forward to greet him, then tripped over her heels and stumbled toward them.

"Nanaella?!?" He said, releasing Aqua and catching his other fiancée. While she wasn't muscular-looking, he could feel the strength in her body that belied her feminine looks, reminding him immediately how powerful the system was in her world. That didn't matter right now, as he looked into those crystal-blue eyes he hadn't seen in... he had no idea, but it had to be approaching a year, if not more. 

"John-sama? Are we dreaming again? I thought the next time I would see you would be back in the tent in the morning."

"No, this isn't a dream, though it almost feels like it is. It's been nearly a year since then for me."

"A year? I thought you would have been back sooner. What happened to your eye? And...why are you stronger than me now? You almost feel like Uncle Brod."

"A lot has happened, my love. A lot. I missed you." He said, then gave her a deep kiss on the lips as he embraced her. 

Okay... what is Xiaolin up to? No... is it... It is. 

Something clicked in John's mind. It was. He was sure of it. 

"Mmm... John-sama, this was a nice surprise. Now, who are these people, and where are we?" She said after they broke apart.

"Well, darling, we are at a restaurant having a group date." He said, setting back down and leading her over to a blushing Aqua and smiling Xiaolin.

Xiaolin, my ass. I know it now!

"First, I would like you to meet my fiancée, Aqua. She died saving another of my fiancées and my unborn child, was revived into DEN, and journeys with me. Aqua, this is Nanaella, my first love and fiancée on my DEN journey."

"Ahh... hello. John has mentioned you a few times. I was expecting to meet you soon, but... not right at this moment." Aqua said awkwardly. She wrung her hands for a moment, then shoved her arms down to her sides and bowed her head. "I'm not trying to steal your man. I love him too, and hope you're willing to share him with me."

"Ahh... It's fine. I'm happy he found love in these other worlds he visited." She said, then grabbed Aqua's shoulders and lifted her up. "You have nothing to worry about. I want him to make us a big family, so I'm happy I get to meet one of my soon-to-be sister wives."

"Really?"

"Yup! I want dozens of children running around with all his wives, like a big happy family I never got to experience." She replied, her head and ears tilting happily to the side. "We just need to deal with this church thing first, then get on with making him strong enough to unite humanity so we can face the demon kingdom with a united front instead of fragmented as we are. Hopefully, we can start building his family then, to be his rock in the political chaos that is bound to ensue." 

While they made a little bit of small talk, he was reminded of what was happening in The Great Cleric. 

Right, that was the big picture in that world. Brod mentioned that I'd eventually need to make a few political marriages once it became known I was... reincarnated like that one guy... crap, I'll need to refresh my memory on everything that happened before I return there. 

He laughed for a moment, one of his parallel minds wondering if he could marry some Queen and Princess combo to check off one of the boxes for that stupid quest. 

Enough of that. I know it now.

He touched Nanaella on the shoulder. "Finally, I would like to introduce you to Xiaolin. She is a goddess in DEN, and my former fiancée."

"What?" Aqua and Xiaolin said at the same time. Xiaolin was surprised, then looked hurt by his words.

"Yes. Former. Because sixty-some years ago, we got married. Didn't we, Nancy Forest Wayne? Formerly Nancy Forest Little." John said, dropping the bombshell he was positive about. He knew her; he felt her soul when he used his Truesight, and he knew. "To death do us part, my love. Well, you're not dead yet."

"You figured me out, Honey." She replied, still smiling up at him, her golden eyes shimmering with power. "Though technically I did die in that world. My last world."

"It was thanks to this eye you made for me... though I'm still not sure why all the deception about it."

"That... that is an answer only the Director can give you." She said, shaking her head ruefully. "Here I was going to surprise you tonight by having Nanaella join us. It turns out that you are the one who surprised me."

"Ahem, if the Sir and Madam's would follow me, I will lead you to your table. I'm sure it would be much more comfortable to talk there than here in the lobby." Calphid said, bowing towards them and extending an arm towards the restaurant.

"Lead on, my good man. Lead on." John said, offering his arms to Aqua and Nanaella. They both glanced at Xiaolin first, then took their places at his sides, while Xiaolin just smiled and walked behind him.

{We'll talk later, Honey. For now, let's just enjoy the festivities.}

I just wish you told me sooner, darling. You know I despise all these little games. 

{I know, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I love you.}

I love you too, darling. Heh, don't be sorry; even death was only a little bump in our road.

"*HIC* And then he threatened to spank me. A goddess! Just because I was a little clingy.*HIC*" Aqua slurred as she told Nanaella the story about how they met. "And then when I tried to call his bluff, he did it! In public! *HIC*"

"Hehe, when we met, he nearly passed out on his bed while I was still cleaning his room. At first, I thought he might be a spy, or a fallen noble from somewhere else. I never could have imagined he was actually this man who travels to different worlds. It's still hard for me to grasp the reality of the situation, but it's amazing! I got to meet his first children, and now I get to come here and meet his first wife and another of his fiancées. Oh, these are amazing! Here, try one!" Nanaella said, stuffing the little snack that was delivered to their table into the other woman's mouth. 

Oh, she is adorable and so fun to be around! I'm so glad Xiaolin brought me here to meet them. Speaking of which, where are they?

She looked around, wondering if they were back yet. Once they were seated, the four of them ordered drinks and chatted for a bit as they looked over the menu. The language wasn't her own, but she found she could read it easily. Afterward, John stood up and walked off, saying he wanted to talk to someone. A few minutes later, Xiaolin left too, telling them to drink whatever they wanted and put it on her tab.

She was a little hesitant about that, not wanting to anger the obviously powerful goddess, but when she came back a few moments later with a tray of something called jello shots, her inhibitions quickly melted away. Xiaolin disappeared shortly after, but that didn't stop her and Aqua from enjoying the rest of the sweets and getting to know each other. 

She spotted John standing at the bar, talking to another tall man who for some reason had a towel over his shoulder, and another man with two heads. Xiaolin was beside him, talking to a woman and another man, both of whom looked rather underdressed for this place, but she couldn't be sure. Even with Uncle Galba's training in infiltrating high society, it all felt so alien to her. 

She shook her head. "Aqua, I'm going to get us more drinks!" She said, determined to enjoy this wild night. She was just in a harrowing situation, nearly killed by that mercenary, and narrowly saved John and the rest of their party's lives when Lumina had shown up with her Paladins. She wasn't a lush by any means, but drinking after a hard dungeon run was pretty normal for adventurers, and that one was harder than most. 

"Okay! Let me come with you!"

"No, you just stay here. I'm not sure you can walk right now."

"It's okay, I can cure myself if I need to. Besides, we have to dance in a bit."

"Dance?"

"Well, yeah. Silly, why did you think we were in these dresses? John is taking us all dancing after dinner! *Hic*"

"Let's go then!" She said, and then dragged the other blue-haired woman out of the comfortable booth they were sitting at and over to the bar. She had kicked off the ridiculous footwear earlier, so she was barefoot now, but no one would be able to tell. 

"Eeekkk!!! You're crazy strong. Are you rabbitwomen all like that?"

"You know other rabbitwomen?"

"Not personally, but one of his other fiancées is one as well. She is a powerhouse just like you are." 

"Really? Sounds like we have a lot to talk about! Tell me more about what he has been up to!" She said happily. 

"So what do you recommend?" John asked the bartender, folding his new towel and tossing it over his shoulder. She looked nearly as out of place here as Ford Prefect and the rest of their party were. 

"Well, the house special here is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, but if you want handsome, I can make you something special I used to make in my old bar. It's a little girlie-looking, but I assure you, there is no drink quite like a Cosmo Canyon." The beauty behind the counter said. She had pale skin, long dark brown hair, and dark red eyes. Unlike the other bartenders who were wearing some sort of suits, she was wearing a white and black tank top and black booty shorts, showing off her incredibly fit frame and form fitting to her large breasts that almost seemed too perky to be real. 

"I'll take four of them, darlin', put it on table seven's tab." He said, returning her smile before turning to Nancy... Xiaolin. "So, that was fun."

"Indeed. I thought you would like to meet them." 

"It was interesting to meet characters right out of a book. Now, what are the girls up to?"

"Oh, they are quite lubed up now, telling each other stories about you. Earlier, I put an entire tray of jello shots on the table for them. I don't think Nanaella realized how much alcohol was in them, but that's okay, you can just cure them both later."

"Magic is wonderful like that. So I take it it was the Director's idea to stop you from telling me who you were?" 

"Yeah. He wanted to keep teasing you with hints until you figured it out."

He sighed. "Just who is this guy? My father or something? No, that doesn't seem like something he would do."

"No, he isn't your father. I'm afraid I'm not allowed to tell you. You will find it all out once you eventually win this contest."

"Win? I know I was excited about this when we started, but how do I even win? I've never seen another contestant, at least not one that hadn't already won."

"Make it through all the worlds to their satisfaction, and you win. You're really only competing against yourself. Get yourself killed off in enough worlds and then you will 'fail', but I don't see that happening, not easily anyway. You are not some megalomaniac searching for power that would force these worlds to try and unite against you."

"No, I suppose I'm not. Hon, I... why."

"Why am I accepting of your other women? Why don't I seem to mind following you around as you develop other relationships?"

"Well... that too."

"You were always the more traditional one of us. I came from a different time, where it was common for a single man to have multiple concubines. I told you that before. My time in DEN showed me other ways of thinking, and I explored those. By the time I came to Earth again, being reborn as the child protagonist in a damn ghost story, I was ready to just relax and have something normal. I ended that world when I was nine, but decided I wouldn't return to DEN until I died, living out my life as a normal human being. I manipulated a few things for us, making sure we had a fairly easy life, but otherwise kept my powers hidden."

"Wait, I thought we came from Earth Prime. Are there DEN stories in the Prime?"

"No... you're not actually from Prime. You're from one of the other Earths, like High School of the Dead. Very similar, but some key differences. Ghosts were actually real in your world, though, like the Devils and Angels in DxD; they did things in the shadows."

"But, other than exceptions like Aqua, I thought only people from Prime could become contestants."

"That is normally true; however, the reward I asked the director for when I 'won' DEN was to allow you to experience this journey as I did. Since you wallowed away in loneliness after I passed, I wanted you to have a new life and experience the joy of having a family again. I didn't expect him to bring you here as you were, a nearly crippled old man, but he can be mischievous. In fact, he decided to do a bunch more than I asked for, reincarnating your sister and changing around... other things I can't talk about yet."

"Four Cosmo Canyons. Authentic as they would be if I made them in 7th Heaven." The bartender said, sliding into their conversation with his drink order.

"Thank you, Miss Lockhart. How are you enjoying the new job?" Xiaolin said, taking two of the drinks. 

"Don't do that to me, Xia. How long have we known each other now?"

"It has been some time; I wasn't sure you remembered me... I didn't quite look like I do now back then."

"Well, the tiger ears and tail are different, not to mention your chest is fuller, but I would know those eyes anywhere. You're just as beautiful now as you were when you came to Midgar with Cloud."

"Please, have you looked at yourself? You haven't aged a day. So, the job?"

"Well, it beats fighting godlike beings and dealing with a man whose vocabulary seems to consist of about twelve words. I thought we had something, but after you left, he and Aerith went off and eloped, leaving me to deal with a broken-down bar in the slums of Midgar."

"What? I thought you two were going to share him. What about Barrett?"

"Yeah... about that. He ended up marrying Elmyra, Aerith's adoptive mother, and they moved to Costa Del Sol, where they are raising Marlene together. Last I heard, he was working on the ferry... loved that sailor suit so much he didn't go back to mining and decided to work on a ship instead. If Calphid hadn't offered to let me work at this bar, I'm not sure what I'd be doing right now. I don't exactly like it here, but I'm getting too old to be turning tricks to make ends meet." 

"Ahh, that is crazy. Listen, I have some connections if you're interested in being around humans again. Calphid is an old acquaintance of mine, so he won't mind if you leave here to work for me."

"Really? That would be great!"

"Darling, who is this?" John asked, his brain trying to process the random conversation.

"Oh. Sorry Honey. Meet Tifa Lockhart. She was part of one of my DEN worlds, and I learned how to fight from her. Tifa, this is my husband, John Wayne."

"Please, you're embarrassing me. You knew how to use a sword before we met." She said, taking his hand. Her grip was deceptively powerful, like he was shaking Brod's or Bryn's. 

"Yes, but I didn't know martial arts or Ki control until after you taught me. Actually, honey, were you not looking for an instructor for that very thing? I can't think of a better one for the basics of Ki control and practical application than Tifa. She might not look like it, but she can empower her body enough that she could probably fight one of your mechs with little more than her boots and a pair of gloves." 

"Oh, it's been so long since I fought anything, I doubt I could do that anymore." 

"Well, I would love to learn more, though I'm not sure exactly... how that would work right now." He said, glancing at Xiaolin with a raised eyebrow.

You're not trying to hook me up with one of your friends again, are you?

{Maybe. Besides, you're in the middle of creating a last bastion of humanity in that world. Having someone like her nearby, who has seen apocalyptic events like that firsthand and survived, will be a great asset. Not to mention, I know how you like strong women who are submissive.}

"It will be fine. Here, take this. Just press the button once you settle up with Calphid, and it will teleport you to where I work. I'll meet you there, okay?" She said, handing Tifa a rod inlaid with several blue gemstones. 

"Are you sure?  I hate to be a bother like that."

"Please, dear, we saved your world together. The least I can do is make sure you're taken care of. If I hadn't been so busy with my job, I might have noticed you were in trouble sooner. For that, I apologize."

John shook his head in amazement, wondering what other craziness would happen tonight. 

Dinner came, and the four of them dug into one of the best meals he had ever eaten. There were some foods he recognized, like the french fries cooked in some exotic-sounding fat that Aqua was scarfing down, but everything else was a mystery to him.

The place quickly became more crowded, and he realized adding Pande to the mix would only have accentuated the chaos, not put her center stage. Hundreds of aliens fought to talk over each other, while a live band played upbeat music he didn't recognize, ending any chance of real conversation at their table. That didn't seem to stop the three women, who were pounding back drink after drink, enjoying the Cosmo Canyons Tifa kept making for them, and shouting at each other over the noise. Xiaolin would send him messages to his mind once in a while, but otherwise was bonding with the other two women. 

John didn't mind being left to his own devices. As much as he wanted to talk with Nanaella and question Xiaolin further, he could wait until later when it was quieter. Instead, he melted back into his chair, doing one of his favourite hobbies: people-watching. He could see scenes play out from that book, laughing when he saw the two-headed man, Zaphod, try to interact with the rock star slumped over his table, the man acting dead for a year for tax purposes. 

The alcohol was swimming in his system by the time dinner was over, and the band picked up speed as a man dressed in the most sequined suit John had ever seen climbed up to the elevated stage above the diners.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen!" the man cried out, eliciting applause from the audience. "Thank you very much. Thank you so much." Once the applause died down, he spoke again in a normal voice. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Universe as we know it has now been in existence for over one hundred and seventy thousand million billion years and will be ending in a little over half an hour. So, welcome one and all to Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!" With a gesture, he deftly conjured another round of spontaneous applause. With another gesture, he cut it. "I am your host for tonight," he said, "my name is Max Quordlepleen, and I've just come straight from the very, very other end of time, where I've been hosting a show at the Big Bang Burger Bar - where I can tell you we had a very exciting evening, ladies and gentlemen - and I will be with you right through this historic occasion, the End of History itself!"

Another burst of applause died away quickly as the lights dimmed further. On every table, candles ignited themselves spontaneously, eliciting a slight gasp from all the diners and wreathing them in a thousand tiny flickering lights and a million intimate shadows.

John just smiled as the man continued, the words almost exactly as he remembered from the book. He wondered for a moment if the cow was coming to their table soon, asking what cut they wanted off its body, but he got distracted when the curtains were drawn back, revealing different parts of the universe being pulled into a massive black hole. 

Planets were ripped apart just outside the window, turned into long spaghetti strands of brilliant light before disappearing into an inky black void with a golden halo. Whole galaxies were drawn in on the far side, sending plumes of energy in all directions and making a massive light show that was silent but should have shaken the building to pieces if it hadn't been protected by some weird temporal field. 

Max continued his show, calling out to several special guests seated around the room, sometimes welcoming them, other times mocking them. Another round of drinks arrived at the table, and he thanked the waiter over the din as best he could. He pushed them aside and placed a hand on Nanaella's shoulder. "Detoxify!" He said, using as little mana as he could to clear some of the booze from her system. 

"And he stood over top of her and fought back the mercenaries with nothing but a sword, and- Huh? Wait, what happened? John-sama?" She said, then looked back at him.

"You ready for the first dance, or did you want to wait until after the Universe has ended?" He asked, offering her his hand.

"What? You want to dance? Where? This place is as full as the guild hall on a celebration night!"

"Out there, of course. Among the dying stars." He said, giving her his best shit-eating grin. He had danced among the omniverse with Xiaolin, danced across a lake of magic and divinity with Aqua; he wanted his first dance with Nanaella to be just as memorable. 

She took his hand, and they suddenly found themselves outside, stepping rapidly across the void, surrounded by celestial bodies being destroyed by the massive black hole below them. They felt none of it as they moved, clumsily at first, but they quickly found their rhythm. Before he lost himself in the crystal-blue eyes of this beautiful bunny girl, he sent one last thought to Xiaolin. 

Thank you for this, my love. I will never forget it.

{My pleasure, Honey. Now, go knock her socks off. I'll keep Aqua entertained for a bit, but don't keep us waiting too long. The End doesn't last forever.}

He just smiled.