Chapter 320 – The Proof Is In The Pudding

"I just want you to know that I really... really... am coming to despise you, Alec," John growled, his fist clenching as hard as his teeth were. 

Alec smirked as he swirled his drink. "Really? Well, I didn't think you were going to profess your undying love for me, but you would think that you would show a little gratitude for everything we have done for you."

"Oh yeah. I'm grateful for DEN, but if that little expedition to... whatever bureaucracy nightmare that was, wasn't your idea, I'll eat my shirt."

"Usually, one would require a shirt to make that kind of bet, but alas, you are indeed correct. I just wanted to have a chat with your two lovely companions for a bit before we got started. Now, before you give yourself an aneurysm, have a drink and reset your mind."

"Speaking of... Are you two okay? I'm sorry about that, but someone decided that was how I was supposed to arrive." John said, turning to the two women.

"It's fine, just... unexpected," Aqua said, pouring him a glass of Westria and doing everything she could to avoid looking directly at him right now.

"A domicus is allowed to take those liberties with their concubina... I was just shocked you finally conceded my submission." Pande said, her face also flushed in embarrassment. 

"Conceded? What are you talking about? Listen, you're cute, beautiful even, but I never said I would take you as a concubine. That doesn't mean I won't help you get home, but you're a special kind of crazy darlin', and I don't think even I can handle that." Taking the glass from Aqua, and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead in thanks before turning back to Pande. "How did you even follow us here?"

She pouted for a moment before replying. "I anchored my soul to your orb. As long as you don't cry hard enough to drop it, I can discover you everywhere."

"Yeah... this isn't happening. Alec, can you fix this please?"

"What? I am not a dog! I don't need to be fixed." Pande said indignantly, then leaned forward to look at Aqua. "Headwife, did you not talk to him for me?"  

"Ahh...well..." Aqua said, squirming beside him. He wanted to investigate whatever that was, but he maintained his focus on Alec.

"You're asking me to fix something for you after you just confessed your distaste for me? Really?" Alec replied, ignoring the two women as well. He had a merry twinkle in his eyes, making that oh-so-punchable face even more tempting to smack.

"Yeah. I am." He said, then slammed the drink back. He took a deep breath as the drink washed through his body, soothing his irritation and shifting the memories of Re: Monster to the back of his mind, recentering his thoughts on the task at hand. "You know damn well you deserved that, and I won't apologize for it. As for the request, it's going to be hard enough to explain Aqua in these worlds, let alone a kleptomaniac dragon lady. Not to mention she is on the run from my sister and that Constantine guy. I don't want to get into some battle with the pair of them over the theft of Hitler's dog paintings."

"He just needed practicum. I provided favour to him, made him try again."

"I just can't... can you please handle her."

"I suppose we can keep her safe... for a price."

"Seriously? You want me to pay? Wouldn't having a powerful chrono dragon tagging along with me ruin your show?"

"Yes, she probably would if she wasn't a coward and a pacifist. Keeping her with you would ensure that she would annoy you to no end. That alone is worth its weight in gold."

"I'm not a coward! I just don't like squishing squishy things; they make confusio when I do and stop making interesting things. I would rather run away than stop creators from creating."

"What?" Alec and John said at the same time.

"What? They make interesting things... want to see my hoard? There is proof there. Like this pudding!" She said, pulling out a chocolate pudding cup from her pocket dimension.

"I love pudding! Do you have butterscotch?" Aqua asked with a hopeful look on her face. "Here! I have some spoons! I even put little bunny ears on the handles!" She said, pulling the utensils out of her own pocket dimension.

"Mmm... Headwife understands!"

"For the love of, why are you like this? And Aqua, please don't pick up her bad hab-MRPH!!!" He started to say, but the blue-haired menace interrupted him with a spoon of processed sugar.

"Just eat this and let me speak for a moment," Aqua said, shoving the spoon of pudding into his mouth, then placing her now-free hand on his thigh. "Time has stopped in all your worlds; you don't need to worry about anything right now. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. So let's get through this, then head to our reservation and leave DEN problems behind for a day or two.

Give yourself some time before you face your nightmares, before you need to return to your journey again. If not for you, then can you do it for me, please? I don't want you to rush in there and make a mistake while you're irritated. So please stop being so serious for a minute, have some fun, and enjoy some nonsense. When we get back, you can then tackle your problems with a clear mind and greater focus."

He just blinked, the spoon of pudding forgotten for a moment. Was he being too serious? He hadn't thought so, but now that he took a moment to consider her words, he thought she might be on to something. Even when he was playing with one of his daughters, he was always thinking about the next thing, planning their next steps. It had been over a month since he sat down to even watch a movie, or do anything that was actually fun that wasn't sex related. The one time he tried to set something up for them all to relax, he stormed off, overwhelmed by the women falling over him in that world for what felt like the most superficial of reasons. 

Hell, even when he was getting a blowjob in the shower from her and Riana that morning before he joined the assembled villagers for the departure, he was distracted. Distracted by all their new arrivals. Distracted by their upcoming departure. Distracted by his upcoming return to Starcraft to face the demons plaguing his dreams. He was so far gone, he couldn't even focus on the two beautiful women kneeling at his feet, trying to make him happy.

Maybe she is right. Not that I don't have a right to be grumpy at that arse sitting across from us. Seriously, the paper Pelicans were bad enough, but this...ahh whatever. It's done; he has had his laugh. 

"Okay. I'll try and relax." He said, handing her the spoon back, then kissing her softly on the forehead. "Thanks."

"Mmmm... Did you get yourself sorted out, John?" Alec said. He was snacking on a vanilla pudding cup, making exaggerated noises of enjoyment. 

"Yes... Though, is making me annoyed like that part of the show? Or do you really hate me that much?" He said, turning from the blushing goddess back to the sassy game show host.

"I'm just a little jealous of you, actually." He replied, pointing a spoon full of pudding in his direction.

"What? Why?"

"Because you have no clue about any of these worlds, about the things to come or the potential ramifications of your actions when something does change. Let's take Warcraft for example. You're determined to save those people, going to massive lengths to finally get back to the world where you can get magic you believe will help you just for that. That might lead to a massive change to that world, and the domino effects from doing that might be nearly incalculable, or might be nothing but a drop in the bucket at the end of the day. Yet unlike our other contestants, you have no clue about that world, and all the extended lore about it. It makes it terribly interesting for us to watch, and I am a little jealous you get to experience it with a fresh set of eyes. Makes me feel young again." He said, his smirk changing to a warm, genuine smile.

Has everyone gone bonkers today or something? Aqua is making sense, Alec is reminiscing like an... old man talking to a grandchild, and Pande is, well, she is the same as normal.

"Well, either way. Congratulations are in order. You have unlocked all ten of your worlds, and technically finished two of them. Now, the next phase of DEN can begin!"

"Next phase?"

"Yes! Consider everything up to this point round one. You are now about to enter round two. New gatcha's, new quest, new scoring systems. It's all going to be different!"

"Oh really. And let me guess, it gets more expensive too."

"Well, of course. Did you want to talk about your time in Re: Monster before we continue?"

"Re: Monster was the name of that world? Well, I guess I was a monster. Destiny and Xiaolin told me a bit already, but why... why was everyone's personality so... underdeveloped there."

"It wasn't just the people; it was everything. The whole story was meant to be a reward world for a man who was as monstrous as he was socially awkward. They were shallow because he wouldn't have been able to handle a normal person, and most normal people would become terrified if he just started eating people in front of them."

"Gods, I figured it was something like that. Everything was appetizing. I even thought about biting... never mind." He said, shoving that dark thought about consuming everything to the back of his mind. 

Aqua probably tastes even more delicious... STOP IT!

"Yeah. Honestly, you probably already peaked in that world. Without consuming everyone and everything to gain more skills, you would have no further way to grow. Mainly if you planned on staying in that village; you all but exhausted the supply of stronger monsters within a two-day jog." Alec said, apparently not reading his mind at the moment. Or he was, but was being considerate enough not to say anything.

"Yeah... that's all I got. Let's just get on with this."

"Of course." He replied, and then the menu popped up in front of him.

[World - RE: Monster]

[Canon Completion (By NovelPhoenix) - 0%]

[Current Canon Integrity - 100%]

**[Anomalies]**

[Major - Gained admiration of goblin children early, through the use of dance, exercise and teaching, not fear - 5%]

[Minor - Changed goblin's names to not be gob-whatever - 1%]

[Major - Got on Gobjii's good side early, learned more about the outside world. Wondered who your parents were in this world - 5%]

[Minor - Trained other goblins to hunt early. Started animal husbandry with horned rabbits - 4%]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Gained Mi's attention early. Gained Ee's attention - 7%]

[Critical - Rescued imprisoned women instead of poisoning them. Killed your father, Jii, losing all extra knowledge he provided the MC - 35%]

[Major - Rescued women considered you a god. Started their healing process by aiding in Lina's childbirth - 5%]

[Minor - Gained human arts and trades through breastmilk - 4%]

[Minor - Evolved to Hobgoblin early - 3%]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Rescued women decided to worship you as a deity - 8%]

[Minor - Butterfly Effect - Kichi gained the attention of two of the previously unnamed goblins Kia and Mia - 3%]

[Minor - Trained goblins on how to clear land for expanding the farm - 2%]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Kichi evolved early. Rescued Mi and Ee from an Orc. Mi lost an arm. Mi and Ee evolved early - 8%]

[Minor - Started training Mi in the use of arcane magic instead of charm magic - 3%]

[Major - Met and bedded Riana early. Got her Pregnant - 15%]

[Canon Collapsed]

[Lore Successfully Changed to Follow the New Canon]

[Remaining Anomalies will be Counted for Bonus Points]

[Only Major Changes Will Be Listed]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Used a blessing early. Killed most of the hunting party. Killed Red Bear Early.  - 5%]

[Major - Rescued human captives. Learned the captives' names. Built a fortified village - 5%]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Sent parties to human territory to recruit and gather supplies. Helped create a mana well - 5%]

[Critical - Repaired Returner. Sei died and was entombed in a time loop. Kichi evolved early. MC did not deal with tomb raiders directly - 15%]

[Critical - MC did not eat tomb raiders. Sato joined you in bed. Did not eat the magic items in Velvet's treasury to gain their abilities - 20%]

[Major - Butterfly Effect - Discovered you impregnated many women. Took the village on a fishing vacation - 5%]

[Critical - Butterfly Effect - Dealt with the Elven recruiting party through negotiations. Did not eat or drug the surviving elves with powerful aphrodisiacs.  - 10%]

[Critical - MC did not save Mail. Part of Mail's entourage survived. MC did not eat the humans - 15%]

[Critical - Butterfly Effect - Negotiated with the elves to join his village. Recruited new people without violence or brainwashing - 10%]

[Major - Had children early - 5%]

[Diversion from Canon - 214%]

[Canon Snapback - 52%]

[Total Change - 162%]

[Canon Integrity - 0%]

[Overage Bonus - Capped 25% (62%)]

[Rewards]

[Gatcha Tokens]

[Percent Change - 16000]

[Seventh World Changed Bonus - 4000]

[Overage Bonus - 25000]

[Total Reward - 45000] 

[New World Bonus - Disabled]

[Stat Points - +41]

[Achievements Earned - First Step of the Divine]

[World - High School of the Dead* - Open]

[World - The Great Cleric* - Open]

[World - StarCraft - Open]

[World - Infinite Frontiers* - Open]

[World - High School DxD - AU - Open]

[World - Warcraft 3 Reforged* - Open]

[World - Battletech* - Completed - Open]

[World - My Hero Academia* - AU - Open]

[World - Konosuba* - AU - Open]

[World - Re: Monster - Completed - Closed]

[* Indicates Canon Collapse]

[Calculations Complete]

[Would you like to allocate stat points now?  Y/N]

"What in the? You can't be serious? I killed my father in that world? And it was that old goblin?"

"He was technically the father of many of the goblins, or grandfather, or great-grandfather. He was old and didn't leave the nest much, so he was always taking advanta-"

"Enough. I don't want to know any more. Honestly, I never want to think of that place again, and just looking at some of these changes... eating people, drugging elves. Why would he drug them?" 

"He stuffed them full of so many aphrodisiacs that they eventually begged for the goblins to have sex with them, breaking their will in the process. Then he used some of his skills to bond them to him, and they joined the army he built when they were not popping out more goblin children. The same went for the human army later. He either ate them, or drugged them and then bound them to him. Rape happened all the time; he didn't care if they were male or female, though his soldiers made sure he got the first taste of each one, and saved the especially attractive female ones for him alone."

"Fucking hell. Why? Who would write something so... degenerate! And then Destiny decided to make it a reward world for...this ain't right, Alec."

"Well, you did change things for the better this time around, though you didn't even get a chance to meet the sexy knight leading part of the human army. Though you do have another paladin looking at you in another world who looks similar, two actually now that I think of it."

"I'm good. I have too much on my plate as it is." He replied, well aware he had two beautiful women under his arms right now. He glanced through the list again at the other item that stuck out to him. "Now... why is Sei's body stuck in a time loop?"

Alec just shrugged, giving him that signature shit-eating grin.

John just sighed.