Chapter 242 - 242: Not Allowed! (8.2K)

This was Natsume Soseki's most famous full-length novel.

With consummate narrative skill, Natsume Soseki gave a psychological novel all the pull of a mystery.

Its sales even surpassed those of his own I Am a Cat.

It had sat at the top of Japan's literary fiction sales charts for decades, hailed as "the best-selling novel in the history of Japanese literature."

Kokoro builds an eternal story of betrayal, sin, and punishment.

The story turns on a betrayal inside a love triangle.

Out of selfishness, "Sensei" betrays his closest friend, "K," and indirectly drives him to suicide. From that day on he lives under the reproach of his own conscience, until at last he destroys himself.

The novel dissects how money and desire warp a human being. It traces the entire process by which "Sensei" changes from victim into perpetrator.

That raw, unflinching display of the dark side of human nature still moves readers today to examine and question their own moral dilemmas.

And through the figure of "Sensei," Natsume Soseki's Kokoro gives profound voice to the theme of spiritual fastidiousness and moral dilemma.

That so-called spiritual fastidiousness shows itself in the novel chiefly as Sensei's extreme pursuit of moral purity. He cannot tolerate the slightest moral blemish in himself or in anyone else, and so he sinks into a crushing guilt and endless self-punishment.

Tsushima Kagami didn't consider himself burdened with any extreme moral purity complex. But the guilt that rose in him now, at the thought of crossing the moral line he had always drawn for himself, did resemble Sensei's more than a little.

Tasting the book again now, he understood the torment of that man's state of mind better and better.

He could no longer lie to himself either.

Once all the work of these weeks was finished, he would face those girls head-on. Even if disappointment and anger were what waited for him, he would take every bit of it.

But at least…

At least let him spend this last stretch of time greedily enjoying their tenderness.

On the first Friday of March, a light rain fell over Tokyo.

The script for The White Tower was done, and the production had officially begun shooting.

Given the way a drama ran—one episode airing while the next was reviewed and a third was cut—Tsushima Kagami had to stay with the crew through the filming of the first three episodes.

So for now he was living in a hotel alongside them to make communication easier, and had taken leave from school.

In front of the Kinokuniya Shinjuku main store, a long line snaked around the corner.

There were office workers in suits, students with schoolbags, gray-haired old men, and young mothers pushing strollers.

They waited quietly in the rain.

Overhead, their umbrellas opened into a forest of many-colored mushrooms.

Today, Tsushima Kagami's new novel, Kokoro, went on sale.

It was the first book he had published since the Akutagawa Prize, and his third full-length work of pure literature after The Setting Sun and No Longer Human—while his other work, the Hear the Wind Sing trilogy, was still being argued over by writers and professors who couldn't agree whether it counted as pure literature or popular fiction.

Shinchosha had set the first print run at two hundred thousand copies.

For a new author less than a year into his debut, it was a staggering number.

But no one thought it excessive.

Because the name "Master of Dassai-ya" was no longer a simple pen name.

It stood for a school of writing, a phenomenon.

An impossible existence: a boy of only seventeen already called a literary giant.

In the bookstore window, an enormous poster read:

[The Newest Novel by the Master of Dassai-ya—Kokoro]

[His First Work After Receiving the Akutagawa Prize]

[After The Setting Sun and No Longer Human, once more he interrogates the darkness and the light at the depths of the human heart!]

The poster's background was a deep indigo, with a pale moon at its center.

Beneath the moonlight stood a lone figure seen from behind, alone at the edge of the sea.

Inside, the line at the register stretched back through the aisles, and the clerks could barely keep up.

Every copy of Kokoro sold was carefully fitted with a paper cover, then slipped into a bag printed with the Kinokuniya logo.

And yet the group gathered at that moment in the reading café on the second floor of the Shinjuku main store had no attention to spare for any of it.

At the long table by the window, Yukinoshita Shizuku sat in silence.

A copy of Kokoro lay open in front of her, already turned to the second half.

But she plainly wasn't reading it.

Her eyes rested on the page, and focused on nothing at all.

Her right hand worried absently at the corner of the paper, her fingertip sliding back and forth with a faint dry whisper.

Hiratsuka Shizuka sat on Yukinoshita Shizuku's left, turning a page now and then.

She didn't seem to be in the mood to read either.

On her right, Shimizu Nayotake held her own copy of Kokoro and worked through it slowly, line by line.

Kosaka Akane sat across from her, her trademark hime cut clipped carelessly behind one ear, exposing the delicate line of her profile.

She was reading Kokoro too, but her brows were faintly drawn and her lips pressed into a thin line.

Every so often she stopped and tapped the tabletop lightly with a fingertip, as if chewing over the meaning buried in some sentence.

Machida Sonoko sat beside Kosaka Akane, wearing glasses for once, holding her copy in both hands. Judging by how she turned the pages, she was clearly rereading certain passages again and again.

Sayuri sat next to Kosaka Akane and Machida Sonoko, and she was the most restless of them all.

She flipped the book open, then set it down, then sprawled across the table, then sat bolt upright again, like a cat that couldn't settle.

Her hair was tied today into two low ponytails resting on her shoulders, which made her look even more childish than usual.

Her fingers twisted endlessly at the ends of her hair, and her eyes were full of things she wasn't saying.

Seika Ijichi sat at the far end of the table, a latte gone stone cold in front of her.

She cupped her chin in both hands and stared out at the raindrops on the window, thinking who knew what.

Hiroi Kikuri sat beside Seika, holding a copy of Kokoro—almost upside down.

She wasn't reading a word of it. She was sneaking looks at everyone else's faces instead.

PA-ko sat at the very edge, her copy already turned to the final chapter.

She went through it nearly word by word, stopping now and then to close her eyes, as though digesting something.

Nine people, nine copies of Kokoro, nine completely different ways of reading.

But their moods were strangely identical.

Worry.

It had all begun right after Tsushima Kagami turned in the manuscript.

Professor Kosaka, who happened to be there, and Editor-in-Chief Kobayashi both finished reading Kokoro.

Their first thought was that something might be wrong with Tsushima Kagami's mental state.

In truth they had been worrying ever since he wrote The Setting Sun and No Longer Human.

Kagami always insisted he was fine, but both men understood: the more capable a writer was of producing novels like those, the more faithfully those novels reflected the state of his heart at the time.

Since he said there was nothing wrong, though, there wasn't much they could say. They could only keep watching, quietly.

Then the manuscript of Kokoro landed on their desks, and the moment Kobayashi Tomoaki finished it he rushed off to find Yukinoshita Shizuku and ask about Tsushima Kagami's recent state of mind.

Professor Kosaka, meanwhile, went home and asked Kosaka Akane—back from school by then—whether Kagami had shown anything unusual at the club.

Both girls read the novel in bewilderment, and at first neither of them grasped what it was supposed to mean.

It was only after Kobayashi Tomoaki and Professor Kosaka explained the core of the thing that Kosaka Akane and Yukinoshita Shizuku understood how serious it might be.

After questioning Tsushima Kagami several times and getting nowhere, the lot of them had finally gathered here to compare notes on whether anything about him was off.

"I still don't get it," Seika Ijichi said, speaking up first.

Everyone turned to look at her.

She pressed her lips together, and only after seeming to arrange her words did she go on slowly.

"No matter how you look at him, Kagami isn't the type to crack up and kill himself, is he?"

"Look at that face of his. Grinning all day long, ready to chat with anybody. How could a guy like that possibly—"

"That's not necessarily true, though."

Hiroi Kikuri cut in abruptly. As the junior here, and socially anxious to begin with, she could only manage a small voice.

"I've heard that the worse a person's depression is, the more cheerful they act."

"They bury all the pain deep down, and on the outside they're always bright and sunny."

"Smiling depression!" PA-ko blurted out.

Everyone looked at her.

PA-ko's expression was complicated.

"There was a girl in my class like that."

"Everybody liked her. She was always laughing, she got along with anyone."

"Then one day she didn't come to school, and that's when we found out she'd slit her wrists at home the night before and been taken to the hospital."

The air in the café seemed to freeze.

After that, PA-ko fell silent. Her eyes dropped to the copy of Kokoro in front of her, though she clearly wasn't reading a single word.

Only Shimizu Nayotake went on turning pages as if she'd heard nothing at all, her expression as detached as ever.

"There's one thing we need to establish," Yukinoshita Shizuku said, drawing a deep breath, her gaze sweeping over every face at the table.

"Has Kagami been acting strangely lately, or hasn't he?"

She looked at Sayuri first.

"Sayuri, you've spent the most time with him recently. Have you noticed anything?"

Sayuri bit her lip and thought hard.

Her eyebrows knotted together, her fingers still twisting at her hair.

Then she hesitated, and said slowly, "I keep feeling like Kagami's been avoiding us."

"Avoiding you?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku's eyes sharpened.

"Yeah." Sayuri nodded, her voice growing more certain. "Lately, coming to the Manga Research Club is like clocking in at a job for him. The second the time's up, he's gone."

"He used to stay with us until dark. Now he watches the clock and leaves on the dot."

She paused, then added, "And… there's something else."

"What?" they all asked at once.

"He normally loves telling dirty jokes, right?" Sayuri's voice dropped, and a faint flush rose in her cheeks. "But this whole time, he hasn't started one himself. Not once."

"Even when Akane-senpai and Sonoko-senpai and I were joking around together, he didn't pick it up."

Kosaka Akane and Machida Sonoko exchanged a glance, and each saw surprise in the other's face.

"Now that you mention it…" Kosaka Akane thought back. "That is how it's been."

"Before, if I made a joke like that, he'd fire back with something even worse."

"But lately, nothing at all," Machida Sonoko picked up. "Like he didn't even hear it."

"So he really is ignoring it on purpose?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku's brow furrowed, and she held Sayuri's gaze.

"When did it start, roughly?"

Sayuri shut her eyes and dug through her memory.

"The day after Valentine's Day."

"The day his face was all swollen and he came to school in a mask!"

Having said it, Sayuri went still for a second herself.

"At first I thought his face hurt too much to talk, that he just wanted to get home and ice it."

"But thinking about it now, it feels more and more like he's been dodging us."

There was a thread of hurt in her voice.

"Like we're some kind of natural disaster."

Yukinoshita Shizuku didn't answer right away.

She and Hiratsuka Shizuka traded a look, and each read something unspoken in the other's eyes.

Kosaka Akane, Seika Ijichi, and the others caught that glance.

"Do you two know something?" Kosaka Akane asked.

Yukinoshita Shizuku was quiet for a moment, as if weighing how to put it.

"That night, on Valentine's Day, after Kagami came home…"

"He's felt off ever since."

"Off how?" Seika Ijichi pressed.

Hiratsuka Shizuka answered this time. "It's like a distance opened up between him and us all at once."

"For instance, he used to be perfectly unbothered when we hugged him. If we were dressed lightly, he wouldn't blush or lose his composure."

"Like family," Yukinoshita Shizuku put in.

"But you are family," Sayuri said before she could stop herself.

Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded. "That's exactly what's strange."

"Things he'd long since stopped noticing—suddenly he's embarrassed by them?"

Silence settled over the table again.

Everyone frowned and looked helplessly at one another.

"That night on Valentine's Day," Kosaka Akane said slowly, "what exactly happened?"

And right then, a familiar voice came from the entrance.

"Whoa, it's packed today."

Every head turned at once.

Yamada Kenta stood at the doorway of the café area, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a Kinokuniya paper bag.

Like Tsushima Kagami these days, he wore a mask covering most of his face. From what showed above it, his cheek was still a little swollen.

Hazuki Hotaru stood pressed close beside him, one hand looped through his arm, the other holding a bag of her own.

She wore a sweet smile, and was practically molded to Kenta's side.

The two of them looked completely reconciled.

Closer than before, even.

Yamada Kenta had known release day would draw a crowd, but he hadn't imagined anything like this. Not a seat left in the place—plenty of people were sitting right on the floor.

His gaze swept along the long table, and found nine pairs of eyes locked squarely on him.

Gooseflesh crawled up his back, his scalp prickled, and every hair on him stood on end.

"Uh… you're all here," he said awkwardly.

Hazuki Hotaru waved with perfect ease, her smile bright. "We came to buy Tsushima-kun's new book."

"Kenta-kun." Yukinoshita Shizuku spoke up as he approached. "You've come at the perfect time. There are a few things we'd like to ask you."

Yamada Kenta's instincts screamed at him.

He looked at Yukinoshita Shizuku's calm, nearly cold expression.

Then at the eight other pairs of eyes, hungry as a wolf pack, and felt a violent urge to turn and run.

"Wh… what kind of things?" His voice came out thin.

Yukinoshita Shizuku didn't answer. She only pointed at the gap she and Hiratsuka Shizuka had opened between them.

"Sit down and we'll talk."

Yamada Kenta swallowed and forced a smile. "That's all right, we're heading out in a minute."

"Whatever it is, just ask me here, Yukinoshita-san."

"Fine." Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded and didn't push it.

The rest of them kept their eyes fixed on him.

Cold sweat beaded on Yamada Kenta's forehead.

At last Yukinoshita Shizuku spoke.

"That night on Valentine's Day."

"What did you and Kagami talk about, exactly, that ended with the two of you beating each other up like that?"

Yamada Kenta's stomach dropped.

Here it came.

That idiot Kagami still hadn't sorted it out?

He was dead. He was so dead.

Hazuki Hotaru was watching him with open curiosity, clearly waiting for the answer too.

He swallowed again, his brain racing.

He couldn't tell the truth. Absolutely not.

Kagami had obviously landed himself in some very strange territory.

One look at these women's eyes made that clear. That wasn't ordinary concern between friends. That was—

That was a hunter's eyes on its prey.

This wasn't actually turning into a full-blown galgame shuraba, was it?

Yamada Kenta suddenly felt a stab of sympathy for Tsushima Kagami.

"So, um…" He coughed dryly. "It really wasn't a big deal."

"He just insulted me."

"Insulted you how?" Yukinoshita Shizuku pressed.

"He called me… he called me a battle-shy lizard who only knows how to run away. A coward. A spineless shrimp."

Yamada Kenta gritted his teeth and got the first half of it out.

"So I lost my head and punched him."

"And then Kagami said if I had the guts to throw a punch I should have the guts to confess, and he punched me right back."

"After that we made up and went to the arcade and stayed out late."

"That's all of it."

As he finished, he felt Hazuki Hotaru's hand tighten on his arm.

He turned his head and found her staring at him in astonishment.

When he looked back toward Yukinoshita Shizuku, nine pairs of eyes were still nailed to him.

Yukinoshita Shizuku went on, slowly. "So that's all there was to it?"

"That's all there was to it!"

Yamada Kenta nodded hard, working to make his face look sincere.

He even played dumb and asked, "So did something happen to Kagami?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku studied him in silence for a moment, as though judging how much of it was true.

"Kagami hasn't been himself lately."

"He's been off ever since he came home that night."

"So we wanted to ask whether you had any idea why."

Yamada Kenta laughed bitterly to himself.

An idea? He had far too good an idea.

But he didn't dare say it.

He couldn't shove his best friend into a BAD END with his own two hands!

All he could do was put on a puzzled look and shake his head.

"I don't really know. Maybe writing wore him out?"

"That guy was totally absorbed the whole time he was writing Kokoro, wasn't he?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku stared at him for several seconds, then sighed.

"Never mind."

"Thank you for answering."

Pardoned at the scaffold, Yamada Kenta said quickly, "Right, uh… Hotaru and I still want to look around, so we'll be going."

Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded. "Have fun, you two."

"Thanks."

Yamada Kenta pulled Hazuki Hotaru along and walked briskly out of the café.

Only once they were through Kinokuniya's front doors did he let out a long breath.

"Kenta-kun." Hazuki Hotaru spoke up quietly. "You weren't telling the truth just now, were you?"

Yamada Kenta's steps faltered.

He turned and met her clear eyes.

His mouth opened, and in the end all that came out was a rueful laugh.

"Hotaru, there are some things I can't tell you."

Hazuki Hotaru looked at him, silent for a few seconds, then gave a small nod.

"Then don't tell me."

She took his arm again, her voice gentle. "I trust you to make your own judgment, Kenta-kun."

Warmth welled up in Yamada Kenta's chest.

He gripped her hand tight, and she had just laughed and opened her umbrella—

when the drizzling sky abruptly cleared.

Back in the café, the mood was still heavy.

"We didn't get anything out of him," Kosaka Akane sighed, leaning back and rubbing her temples.

"He definitely knows something."

"But he obviously isn't willing to say it," Machida Sonoko added.

"Then what do we do?" Sayuri rapped anxiously on the table. "What if Kagami really—"

No one answered.

Into the silence came a cool, clear voice.

"Has it occurred to any of you that there's another possibility?"

Every head turned toward the sound.

Shimizu Nayotake still sat in her corner, head lowered over her copy of Kokoro.

"What possibility?" Yukinoshita Shizuku asked.

Shimizu Nayotake turned a page and said flatly, "That Kagami's problem is romantic."

"Romantic?" Seika Ijichi frowned. "He doesn't even have a girlfriend. What romantic problem could he have?"

Shimizu Nayotake didn't answer at once. She kept turning pages.

"Akane-senpai said it, and so did Shizuku and Shizuka."

"Lately Kagami has started keeping his distance from them."

She raised her head, her gaze passing lightly over their faces.

"Doesn't that suggest some subtle change in how he feels?"

They looked at one another.

"Then why would it change?" they all asked at once.

Sayuri slapped the table hard enough to startle everyone.

"I've got it!" Her eyes lit up. "It has to be that something changed when Kagami and Yamada-kun traded punches!"

"Changed how, exactly?" Seika Ijichi pressed.

Sayuri's mouth opened, then closed. She couldn't find the words, and stamped her foot in frustration.

Yukinoshita Shizuku spoke then.

"Knowing Kagami's character, even if he goaded Kenta-kun with words to make him confess to Hazuki-san—"

"—and even if he pushed him far enough to get punched, he'd have accepted that punch as the consequence and borne it alone. He wouldn't have hit back."

"Right." Hiratsuka Shizuka nodded. "That really isn't his style."

"So why did he hit back this time?" Seika Ijichi pressed.

Sayuri smacked the table again.

"Because he was exactly like Yamada-kun—somebody hit a nerve and he went red hot! He lost it!"

As she spoke, her eyes shone brighter and brighter.

"So here's the question."

"Why did Kagami lose it? What did Yamada-kun say to him?"

Machida Sonoko spoke up abruptly, her expression thoughtful. "When people are insulted, they instinctively throw the insult back."

She pushed up her glasses, her gaze sharpening. "Kagami called Yamada-kun a turtle hiding in his shell, too scared to confess to Hazuki-san."

"So how would he throw that back?"

"By saying Kagami doesn't dare confess either—that he's the battle-shy lizard, the spineless shrimp, the coward!" Sayuri said excitedly.

At that, every mouth in the group closed at once, and they all glanced at one another.

A dead silence fell over them.

Nine faces stared at nine other faces, and nobody spoke.

Hiratsuka Shizuka broke it first.

"Then… who would this person be that Yamada-kun says Kagami wants to confess to?"

"Doesn't he not have anyone he likes?"

Shimizu Nayotake turned another page and said mildly, "Then why has Kagami suddenly begun keeping his distance from all of you?"

Every gaze swung to her.

Shimizu Nayotake still didn't look up. She went on reading.

But her voice had reached every ear at the table with perfect clarity.

They all sank into thought.

Kosaka Akane found herself remembering the way Tsushima Kagami used to look at her—the way an adult looks at a child.

That look really wasn't how a boy looks at a girl his own age.

And lately he'd been avoiding her eyes entirely.

Which meant… did it mean Kagami had liked her all along?

And now he could no longer pretend otherwise, so he was agonizing over how to confess?

The thought sent Kosaka Akane's hands to her own cheeks without her meaning it, her face going pink.

Machida Sonoko had arrived at precisely the same conclusion.

The corners of her mouth crept upward.

Kagami must have finally noticed how charming I am, and now he's afraid he won't be able to hold himself back, so he can't even look at me!

That has to be it!

Sayuri sat there grinning foolishly as well.

She was thinking of the day in the Manga Research Club when she'd told Kagami she wanted to kiss him, and he'd kept his head down over the script revisions and refused to meet her eyes.

So he'd been faking it after all.

She and Kagami had already been acting strange before he ever went after Yamada-kun.

So he must be agonizing over how to confess to her!

Honestly, Kagami. He was way too shy!

Seika Ijichi chewed her lip, turning over all of Tsushima Kagami's recent oddities in her head.

Come to think of it… in class these past days he hadn't struck up conversation with her the easy way he always used to.

Several times when she'd gone to talk to him, he'd clearly slipped away.

Could it be that…

Her heartbeat picked up in spite of herself.

All the old memories came back.

That guy really had been annoying, but…

But he'd turned out, unexpectedly, to be kind-hearted and fun. A good person.

Hiroi Kikuri and PA-ko exchanged a glance, and each read the same delicate emotion in the other's face.

Hiroi Kikuri leaned over and whispered into PA-ko's ear.

"Why have all the senpai gone quiet and started grinning at nothing?"

PA-ko laughed under her breath. "Probably because they all think Kagami-senpai is getting ready to confess to them."

Hiroi Kikuri was scandalized.

"But everything so far has just been our own guessing, hasn't it?"

"It might not even be true, and they're already fantasizing?"

"Wait—doesn't that mean I could be one of the people Kagami-senpai confesses to too?"

PA-ko laughed. "Mm, enjoy the thought quietly for now."

"Just don't let the senpai hear you."

Hiroi Kikuri nodded emphatically.

Meanwhile Yukinoshita Shizuku and Hiratsuka Shizuka were both remembering that night after their baths, when Tsushima Kagami hadn't dared look straight at them in their camisoles.

Could it be…

Could it be that Kagami has finally stopped seeing me as an older sister?

So thought Yukinoshita Shizuku.

Could it be that Kagami has finally stopped seeing me as one of the guys?

So thought Hiratsuka Shizuka.

Neither of them could quite keep the corners of her mouth down.

Shimizu Nayotake kept turning pages, but her lips parted slightly.

"The core of this book is spiritual fastidiousness and moral dilemma."

"So what trapped Kagami in a spiritual fastidiousness and a moral dilemma?"

Sayuri's hand shot up like an elementary schooler racing to answer.

"I know!"

"Kagami's a pure-love purist!"

"What does being a pure-love purist have to do with spiritual fastidiousness?" Seika Ijichi frowned.

"Kagami said it himself: if pure love isn't absolute, then it's absolutely not pure love!" Sayuri announced to the table.

"And what does that have to do with a moral dilemma?" Seika Ijichi pressed.

There Sayuri got stuck.

The others frowned and fell into thought as well.

Hiroi Kikuri raised her hand timidly.

"Um… does everyone remember that gossip piece from the Newspaper Club?"

PA-ko picked it up. "The one saying Kagami-senpai was running a harem in the Manga Research Club and the Light Music Club."

"That Kagami-senpai is the harem king of Private Ousai High School."

Hiratsuka Shizuka murmured suddenly, "No wonder… that night on Valentine's Day, Yukinoshita and I were watching TV and a story came on about a celebrity and a writer cheating on their partners."

"We asked him whether that kind of scumbag behavior deserved forgiveness."

"And the look on Kagami's face was… very odd."

Yukinoshita Shizuku remembered that night too, and nodded. "I thought at the time his reaction wasn't normal."

"Looking back now, he was already tearing himself apart over it."

Another silence spread across the long table.

All that talk about pure love, and in the end he wanted a harem of his own?

That really wasn't very pure-love of him.

After a long stretch of quiet, Hiratsuka Shizuka started laughing.

"Honestly."

"None of us has even stated her position yet, and he's decided all on his own that we're all in love with him, and gone off to torture himself over it?"

Her laughter cracked the frozen air.

"Exactly." Kosaka Akane managed a strained smile. "We never forced him into anything. Is that any reason to go as far as the man in that book and practically kill himself over it?"

"Looks like we'll have to sit him down and talk sense into him ourselves," Seika Ijichi said.

"And besides…"

Hiratsuka Shizuka's smile faded a little, and she didn't finish the sentence.

But everyone understood her meaning perfectly.

All of them turned again to Yukinoshita Shizuku, who hadn't said a word since.

The air over the long table trembled with something delicate.

At last Yukinoshita Shizuku let out a long sigh.

So it really had come to this, just as her mother had said it would.

In that silence, every one of them admitted a fact.

They had known for a long time that the others were rivals, and not one of them had any intention of dropping out.

If it truly came down to choosing only one and kicking everyone else off the field, then each of them faced far too great a chance of losing.

They couldn't afford that gamble.

Better, then, to keep this unspoken arrangement exactly as it was—so that they could stay at Kagami's side, and stay, and go on staying.

And of course, what if Kagami really did confess to her alone?

Then… then she'd be generous about it, and turn a blind eye.

Kosaka Akane stole a glance at Machida Sonoko and found her looking back. Both of them looked away at the same instant.

Sayuri kept her head down, drawing circles on the table with a fingertip, thinking who knew what.

Seika Ijichi stared out the window, her eyes empty, the corners of her mouth curling faintly upward.

Hiroi Kikuri and PA-ko exchanged a glance, and each saw the same subtle anticipation in the other.

Yukinoshita Shizuku lifted the coffee cup in front of her and discovered the coffee had long since gone cold.

Hiratsuka Shizuka leaned back with her arms folded, that meaningful smile still hanging at her lips.

For a moment the atmosphere was delicate past all describing.

And just then, Shimizu Nayotake finally closed her book.

She lifted her head and looked at all of them.

"Considering that Sensei kills himself at the end of the book—has it occurred to any of you…"

For once, Shimizu Nayotake hesitated.

"What Kagami wanted to express in it at the end…"

"Maybe it wasn't that he wants to die."

"Maybe it's that he wants to give up?"

"You can't!"

At that, every face went taut with alarm, and they all shouted it in unison at the utterly unruffled Shimizu Nayotake.

____

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