Chapter 241 - 241: Heart

The night streets were steeped in the glow of convenience stores and vending machines.

Tsushima Kagami sat on the steps in front of a convenience store by the road, his back against a vending machine and its faint hum.

He raised a hand and touched his cheek. The left side was swelling, growing hot under his fingers.

He pressed the spot carefully with a fingertip and hissed in a breath through his teeth.

The pain drove into the nerve like a needle, and his eyes narrowed on their own.

"At least wait for the swelling to go down before heading back..."

"Kenta doesn't hold back at all, does he."

He muttered it to himself, palms braced on the step, slumped there staring at the handful of stars the city sky allowed.

He shut his eyes and rested the back of his head against the machine, feeling the faint vibration of the compressor running inside it.

Then he heard footsteps.

They came deliberately toward him and stopped.

Tsushima Kagami opened his eyes.

It was Yamada Kenta. Half his face was lit by the convenience store sign, the other half swallowed in shadow.

He looked down at Tsushima Kagami for two seconds without saying anything, then turned and walked into the store.

When the automatic doors slid open again, Yamada Kenta came out with a white plastic bag, two blue rectangular packages faintly visible inside.

He stopped beside Tsushima Kagami and glanced down at him.

Then he pulled one of the instant cold packs out of the bag and held it out.

"Here."

Tsushima Kagami looked at the cold pack, then up at Yamada Kenta's face.

He reached out, took it, and pressed it to his swollen left cheek.

The cold made his skin contract instantly. Part of the pain seemed to freeze over, and the hot, throbbing pressure eased.

Yamada Kenta sat down next to him and pressed the other pack against his own swollen right cheek.

They sat shoulder to shoulder like that. Neither of them spoke.

Night wind came down the length of the street, stirring a few dead leaves that had fallen early.

"How did you find out?" Tsushima Kagami finally said.

"That I'm Xuanyaye."

Yamada Kenta didn't answer right away.

He switched the cold pack from his right hand to his left before he spoke.

"I'd heard a while back that the Manga Research Club was making doujinshi. And then..."

"And then there were those handwritten thank-you notes in the Akane Shinsha and WANI releases. One look at that handwriting and I knew it was yours."

Tsushima Kagami blinked, then glanced down at his own right hand without thinking.

So that was how he'd been made.

"I wasn't hiding it from you on purpose. I wanted to tell you a bunch of times."

"Something always came up right at that moment, and afterward I could never find a good opening."

Yamada Kenta smiled. "Whether or not you're Xuanyaye has nothing to do with whether you're my friend."

"So even after I figured it out, I wasn't planning to ask."

His tone was perfectly calm.

"If you didn't tell me, you had your reasons."

"Friends don't have to say everything."

Tsushima Kagami looked down at the cold pack in his hands. A fine layer of condensation had formed on the blue packaging, sliding slowly along the curve of his fingers and dripping onto the trousers of his uniform.

"Then what was all that earlier..."

"You were furious. You said I was treating you like an idiot."

"Well, it stung a little that you're my friend and you still didn't tell me."

"You literally just said friends don't have to say everything."

"You actually believed a nice line like that? Careful, those girls around you are going to chew you up someday."

"I already have a headache about it."

They fell quiet for a moment, then glanced at each other and laughed under their breath.

Tsushima Kagami took the pack off his face and inspected it. Some of the ice had already melted.

He pressed it back on, tipped his head up against the vending machine behind him, and said, "Want to hit the arcade?"

Yamada Kenta turned his head to look at him.

"I already told your aunt earlier."

"We'll be back late."

Tsushima Kagami stood up, brushed the dust off his trousers, and tossed the cold pack into the trash bin beside them.

Yamada Kenta got up too, shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, and tilted his head toward the street.

"Let's go, the one by the station."

"King of Fighters or Street Fighter, I'll take you on all night."

The two of them walked side by side down the night sidewalk.

...

It was almost eleven by the time they came out of the arcade.

"Kagami, you're terrible at this and you still love it," Yamada Kenta said through a yawn. "If you hadn't dragged me back in insisting you had to beat me once, I'd have gone home ages ago."

"My hands were off tonight. Not up to my usual standard," Tsushima Kagami said, defending himself shamelessly. "Next time."

"Sure, sure. See you at school tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Tsushima Kagami watched Yamada Kenta's back disappear down the street.

Then he turned and headed toward his own house.

It was about a fifteen-minute walk from here.

Across two main roads, then into a quiet residential street.

That was when he noticed a figure up ahead.

Under the streetlamp it looked like a girl, in a school uniform, long hair loose over her shoulders, a small paper bag hanging from one hand.

She was walking along at an unhurried pace.

As if she'd sensed something, she stopped and turned around.

"Koharu?"

The instant Hiratsuka Shizuka saw Tsushima Kagami, her eyes curved and a smile broke across her face. "Yo."

She lifted the hand holding the paper bag, which apparently counted as a greeting.

"Wandering around this late. Not like you."

"That's my line."

Tsushima Kagami walked up to her and looked her over. "What are you still doing out here?"

He knew that Hiratsuka Shizuka and Seika Ijichi's band had a show at a live house tonight.

"The live house set just finished," Hiratsuka Shizuka said, cocking her head at him, the smile deepening at the corner of her mouth.

She raised the paper bag and waved it in front of him.

"I still haven't delivered the chocolate."

Only then did Tsushima Kagami really look at the bag.

Light brown wrapping with a small ribbon pattern printed on it.

"So you were on your way to my place?"

"Mm-hm."

Hiratsuka Shizuka drew the bag back and hugged it to her chest.

"Figured it was on the way anyway, so I just walked over."

"Didn't expect to run into you halfway. Saves me a few steps."

She looked him up and down again.

"What about you, coming home this late?"

"Went to the arcade with a friend."

"A friend? Yamada-kun?"

"Yeah."

"Is that handmade chocolate too?"

"Obviously."

Hiratsuka Shizuka wore a faintly proud look.

"Seika taught me. My hands nearly fell off."

She held them out for him to see. There really were a few small burn marks on her fingertips.

"See? All of this was for you."

Tsushima Kagami took the bag and opened it for a look.

Something occurred to him, and he glanced up at Hiratsuka Shizuka, one corner of his mouth lifting.

"You didn't put anything weird in it, did you?"

He'd meant it as a joke.

But something flickered through Hiratsuka Shizuka's eyes. Panic.

Then she laughed. "Ahaha, what kind of nonsense is going through your head now?"

Before Tsushima Kagami could answer, her gaze settled on his face.

The smile froze there.

"Your face. What happened?"

Her voice had gone cold.

Tsushima Kagami's hand went to his left cheek on reflex.

The swelling hadn't gone down all the way. It still hurt when he pressed it.

"It's nothing—"

Hiratsuka Shizuka's right fist clenched. Her shoulder dropped, her hips rotated, and she drove a punch into the streetlamp pole beside them.

The metallic bang went off like a bomb in the silence of the residential district.

The lamp post shuddered. A fist-sized dent had appeared in it.

Tsushima Kagami went completely rigid.

He swallowed back the explanation he'd been about to give about horsing around with Yamada Kenta.

Otherwise Yamada Kenta might not survive the night.

Hiratsuka Shizuka pulled her fist back and flexed her fingers, expressionless.

Her knuckles had gone red, but she looked like she couldn't feel it at all. Her eyes were fixed on him.

"Who hit you?"

"Who's been picking on you?"

"Nobody was picking on me."

"They swelled up half your face and that isn't picking on you?"

Her voice rose.

"It was a misunderstanding, seriously!"

"And I got a punch in too."

"Call it even."

Tsushima Kagami threw both hands up in surrender.

"When have I ever been the one who comes out behind?"

"Really?"

"Really."

"Nobody was bullying you?"

"Nobody."

Hiratsuka Shizuka made a small sound in her throat, apparently willing to accept that much.

But her eyes stayed on his face.

She took a step forward, then another, leaning in until her face was almost touching his.

"What are you doing?"

He stepped back on instinct.

"Let me see the injury."

She advanced again, caught his chin between her fingers, and turned his face toward the light.

"Hold still."

Her breath brushed his cheek, faintly warm.

Her brows were drawn tight, her eyes locked on the bruise without blinking.

"That's swollen pretty badly."

She pressed lightly on the edge of the bruise with her thumb.

"Does it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts when you poke it."

Tsushima Kagami turned his head away, ducking out from under her hand, and took a large step back.

"Too close."

"Close?"

Hiratsuka Shizuka tilted her head, the picture of innocence.

"Aren't we always this close?"

"Like that time we watched a movie in your living room and you fell asleep leaning on my shoulder."

"You didn't complain about the distance then."

"That's different..."

"How is it different?"

"I was asleep, how was I supposed to complain—"

Tsushima Kagami turned and started walking.

"You should head back. Any later and you'll miss the subway."

"Hey, wait for me."

Hiratsuka Shizuka caught up in a few quick strides and fell in beside him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I'll walk you home."

"No need."

"Your face is swollen like that. I'd be worried."

"My face is swollen, my legs are fine."

He grumbled it as he walked, and she trailed along half a step behind him the whole way.

"What if you run into some punk on the way and he beats you up?"

"Who would bother beating me up?"

"Didn't somebody just do exactly that?"

"I told you, that wasn't that."

"Whatever, you're too weak. I'm walking you."

Her tone was half command, half coaxing.

Tsushima Kagami knew there was no point arguing with Hiratsuka Shizuka about this.

It really was late. Better to let her walk him quickly and get herself back in time for the last train.

"Fine."

"Just make it quick."

The two of them walked side by side through the sleeping neighborhood.

By the time they were standing at his front door and Tsushima Kagami was reaching for his keys, the entryway door opened from the inside.

Yukinoshita Shizuku stood there in pale gray loungewear.

Her long hair hung loose over her shoulders, and her face carried the look of a newlywed wife greeting her husband at the door: expectant and delighted at once.

"Welcome home."

Her voice was soft, her eyes smiling. "I've already made—"

Her gaze traveled past his shoulder and landed on the person standing behind him.

The smile vanished.

In its place, ice.

"Koharu. Why are you here too?"

Hiratsuka Shizuka poked her head out from behind him, grinning without a shred of self-awareness.

"Ran into him on the road. It was on the way, so I walked Kagami back."

Yukinoshita Shizuku's eyes paused on the way Hiratsuka Shizuka's arm was hooked through Tsushima Kagami's.

Only then did Tsushima Kagami notice that at some point she had linked her arm with his.

As if she were holding on to something that had always belonged to her.

A cold sweat broke out down his back.

"Thank you for that. Be careful on your way home."

Yukinoshita Shizuku stepped back, pulled Tsushima Kagami inside, and made to shut the door.

Hiratsuka Shizuka moved fast, stepping forward so that one foot was already planted in the entryway.

"Hey now, don't be in such a rush to close it."

"I walked all that way. You won't even give me a glass of water?"

"Sorry, we're out of water today. The convenience store has some."

With that, Yukinoshita Shizuku produced her wallet and held out a few coins to Hiratsuka Shizuka.

Hiratsuka Shizuka took them, still smiling.

"Well, the thing is, I probably can't make it back to the station in time for the last train."

"How about you let me stay the night?"

"Here."

Yukinoshita Shizuku pulled out two ten-thousand-yen notes with Fukuzawa Yukichi's face on them and held them out.

"Take a taxi."

That got a slightly awkward look out of Hiratsuka Shizuka, who then turned to Tsushima Kagami.

"Oh my. But it's dangerous for a girl to take a taxi alone this late, isn't it?"

"You've seen the news lately, haven't you?"

"Right, Kagami?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku drew a deep breath.

Tsushima Kagami could see the vein near her temple twitch faintly.

"Then what exactly do you want?" Yukinoshita Shizuku asked.

"Let me stay the night."

Hiratsuka Shizuka pressed her palms together, smiling with angelic innocence.

"It's not like it's the first time."

"Besides, I can help take care of Kagami."

Only then did Yukinoshita Shizuku's gaze move to Tsushima Kagami's face. Her expression went from cold to startled, and from startled to pained.

She stepped quickly forward, cupped his chin gently, and turned his face toward the light.

"What happened?"

"Who did you fight with? Does it hurt? Has anyone treated it?"

"Let's not do this in the doorway."

Tsushima Kagami eased her hand away and stepped past her into the entryway.

He said, "We'll talk inside."

Hiratsuka Shizuka came in after him and bent to change her shoes.

Yukinoshita Rei stood off to one side, watching the whole scene with an expression somewhere between exasperation and resignation.

Yukinoshita Shizuku closed her eyes, drew a long breath in, and let it out slowly.

Watching her, Tsushima Kagami thought of a particular phrase.

Swallowing humiliation to bear the burden.

"One night."

"Excellent!" Hiratsuka Shizuka cheered, then turned to Tsushima Kagami.

"Come on, come on, sit down first. I'll get you an ice pack."

"Hold on, why are you acting like you own the place—"

He didn't get to finish. Hiratsuka Shizuka already had both hands on his shoulders, pressing him down onto the living room sofa.

The heating in the living room was cranked high.

Tsushima Kagami sat with his back against a soft cushion, watching the two of them bustle around in front of him.

Hiratsuka Shizuka dug an ice pack out of the kitchen freezer.

Yukinoshita Shizuku found a clean towel in the cabinet and laid it between the ice and his skin.

"So how did this actually happen?" Yukinoshita Shizuku asked.

Tsushima Kagami told the Yamada Kenta story again.

Leaving out his own part in it, of course.

"And Yamada-kun? Is he all right?"

"He's fine. We went and played at the arcade for a while, and by the time we came out he wasn't angry anymore."

"That's good."

Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded.

Right then, Tsushima Kagami's stomach let out a loud growl.

He clapped a hand over it, realizing that between leaving school, going to Yamada Kenta's place, and then the arcade, he'd forgotten to eat entirely.

"Oh, that reminds me," came Hiratsuka Shizuka's voice from the side.

"What about the chocolate I brought? Eat some to tide you over."

She took the clear box out of the paper bag and lifted the lid.

She picked out the most perfectly shaped piece and held it out to him.

"Here, try it."

Just as Tsushima Kagami reached for it, a cup of hot cocoa arrived from the other side.

Yukinoshita Shizuku had somehow come to stand beside the sofa with the mug in her hands.

White steam curled off the surface, and the rich smell of chocolate spread through the air.

"Drink this first."

"Today's is a special recipe."

Tsushima Kagami paused.

He'd been wondering why Yukinoshita Shizuku hadn't given him any chocolate.

Then he'd figured maybe family members didn't do the Valentine's chocolate thing.

After all, it was mostly for classmates and friends.

Turned out a special hot cocoa had been waiting for him all evening.

"Don't mind if I do."

He had just lifted Yukinoshita Shizuku's cocoa when he caught the light dimming for a moment in Hiratsuka Shizuka's eyes.

The mug stopped at his lips.

After all, he drank Shizuku's cocoa every single day. Better to eat Shizuka's chocolate first.

So he started to bring the chocolate in his other hand to his mouth instead.

And caught Yukinoshita Shizuku's face darkening beside him.

Uh...

He stopped again.

Tsushima Kagami took a deep breath.

He broke Hiratsuka Shizuka's chocolate into pieces and dropped them one by one into the hot cocoa.

Then he picked up the cup and drained it in one go.

The chocolate hadn't fully melted, so the last mouthfuls came with a grainy chew.

The two flavors ran together until there was no telling which part came from Yukinoshita Shizuku and which from Hiratsuka Shizuka.

Before either of them could speak, he set the empty cup on the table and stood up.

"I'm going to take a bath."

When he came back into the living room afterward, Yukinoshita Shizuku was sitting on the sofa beside Hiratsuka Shizuka with Yukino, who appeared to be asleep, cradled in her arms. They were watching television.

The news was on. A male reporter in a suit stood in front of some office building, rattling off a story with practiced fluency.

Tsushima Kagami went to the dining table, where a steaming bowl of udon was already waiting for him.

He sat down and picked up his chopsticks.

He lifted a mouthful of noodles, blew on them, and ate.

The noodles had good bite, and the broth was rich.

When he broke the onsen egg, the yolk coated the noodles so that every mouthful carried its thick, savory sweetness.

He ate slowly, half listening to the television.

The news cut from one story to the next, and a middle-aged man's face appeared on screen.

The reporter's voice went on beside it.

"Well-known actor, Mr. A, exposed for adultery. His wife has come forward with her accusations."

"Oh my," Hiratsuka Shizuka blurted out.

"That actor. I've watched his drama."

"I used to think his acting was pretty good, especially his fight scenes."

"And in the media he was always the tough guy who dotes on his wife, the pure-love type."

She sighed.

"Never would have guessed he was that kind of man."

"People are like that," Yukinoshita Shizuku said, in the tone of a very experienced teacher delivering a lecture.

"You can know a person's face without knowing their heart."

"Especially in the entertainment industry. Sordid, tangled relationships are the norm there."

The noodles lodged in Tsushima Kagami's throat.

He forced them down and kept eating with his head lowered.

He did not dare turn around and join the conversation.

The news shifted again.

A photograph of an author filled the screen.

A middle-aged man in glasses, smiling with cultured warmth.

The reporter continued.

"Popular author, Mr. B, had affairs with five women during his marriage. His wife has publicly come to his defense."

The female anchor discussed the matter in a bright, breezy tone.

The picture cut to street interviews. A young woman said with a laugh, "Well, he's a writer. Writers have richer inner lives. It's understandable."

A middle-aged man said, "That sort of thing is common in literary circles. Hardly big news."

"This one is worse," Yukinoshita Shizuku said, her voice dropping several degrees colder.

"Five affairs, and his wife is still speaking up for him."

"And the readers treat it as some charming anecdote about a romantic soul. Nothing worth getting worked up over."

"His wife even went out in person to defend him."

"Why is it forgivable when a writer cheats?"

Her voice rose a little.

"Why does it get savored as some romantic escapade?"

"It's exactly the same behavior, and yet it gets a completely different verdict depending on the profession. That isn't fair at all."

Hiratsuka Shizuka chimed in.

"Right? Cheating is cheating."

"If anything the writer's worse, and society still applies this ridiculous double standard."

"Kagami, what do you think?"

The two voices came from behind him at the same moment.

Tsushima Kagami whipped his head around.

"I—"

"Cough, cough, cough!"

He got one syllable out and choked.

A fragment of noodle had gone down the wrong pipe, and he doubled over coughing violently.

Bent at the waist, one hand braced on the table, the other clamped over his mouth.

He coughed until his eyes watered.

"What's wrong?!"

Yukinoshita Shizuku and Hiratsuka Shizuka both hurried over.

Yukinoshita Shizuku patted his back gently.

"What happened to you?"

Hiratsuka Shizuka came over too and handed him a glass of water.

"Nobody's going to steal it from you."

Tsushima Kagami took the glass and drank, then drank again.

The warm water went down and washed away some of the blockage in his throat.

"I'm fine."

He waved a hand, still hoarse and breathing hard.

He set the glass down, took a deep breath, and looked up at them.

"Writer or celebrity, doesn't matter."

"Cheating can't be forgiven, obviously."

"That's more like it."

Yukinoshita Shizuku and Hiratsuka Shizuka said it in perfect unison.

Then they glanced at each other, each gave a small smile, and went back to the sofa.

The news had already moved on to the next item, something about a large shopping center opening somewhere.

The host introduced the various promotions in an energetic voice.

Tsushima Kagami picked up his chopsticks and went back to his noodles.

But whether it was his imagination or not, he could feel two gazes still resting on his back.

Like a man obeying the rules of some horror story, he made himself not turn around.

He kept his head down, ate, and finally drained the last of the broth.

Only then did he set the bowl down.

"I'm finished."

Yukinoshita Shizuku and Hiratsuka Shizuka stood up at the same time.

"We'll go take our baths, then."

They gathered their change of clothes and went into the bathroom.

The sound of running water started up soon after.

Tsushima Kagami sat off to the side holding Yukino and watched TV.

The television kept talking, but none of it was reaching him.

His mind kept drifting back to that conversation with Yamada Kenta in the afternoon.

He was still staring into space when the two of them came out, freshly washed.

Both wore pale pink camisoles and shorts.

Their hair hung wet over their shoulders, water dripping from the ends onto the floor.

"Kagami, dry our hair for us."

He came back to himself and looked at them.

And realized they had nothing on underneath.

The camisole fabric was too thin. It was obvious.

"Why aren't you two, uh, wearing anything under that?"

Hiratsuka Shizuka turned to him, honestly baffled.

"We're going to bed in a minute. What's the point of underwear?"

"Besides, wasn't it the same when we were here at New Year's?"

"You could at least put another layer on," Tsushima Kagami said, changing tack mid-sentence. "What if you catch a cold?"

Yukinoshita Shizuku turned around too and tilted her head at him.

"I'm always like this at home, aren't I?"

"The heating's on full. It isn't cold."

"And you've never made a point of telling me to put more on before."

She frowned then, studying him.

"Kagami, what's the matter with you?"

"You've been strange ever since you got home."

Hiratsuka Shizuka picked it up from the side.

"Did Yamada-kun's punch knock something loose?"

Tsushima Kagami started to answer and found he had nothing to say.

"I..."

"I'm a little tired today. I'm going to bed."

"Dry your own hair."

He turned and walked quickly toward his room.

Leaving Yukinoshita Shizuku and Hiratsuka Shizuka staring at each other in confusion.

His room was dark, lit only by the thin line of light seeping under the door from the living room.

Tsushima Kagami lay on his bed, eyes open, staring at the black ceiling.

The hairdryer droned on in the living room for a long time.

Then there were two voices talking, too low to make out.

A long while later came footsteps, one set after the other, heading toward Yukinoshita Shizuku's room.

Then the sound of a door closing.

The house went silent.

Tsushima Kagami rolled over.

In his head, the interrogation from Yamada Kenta that afternoon kept replaying.

He'd said he wouldn't play dumb anymore.

But how was he supposed to put his own feelings into words, to answer theirs?

Was he supposed to just come out and say you're both my wings?

He was frowning almost before he'd finished the sentence in his mind.

What even was that? A line from a light novel? A comedian's bit?

Even if he could overcome every psychological barrier and actually say something like that, how would they react?

Yukinoshita Shizuku would probably smile and throw the hot cocoa in her hand at his face.

Hiratsuka Shizuka would probably punch him on the other cheek.

And then he'd have a nicely symmetrical pair of swollen cheeks.

Never mind whether he could flip in an instant from "a man who holds the line" to "and now you shall witness an unprecedented display of dazzling shamelessness" — his entire character would collapse on the spot!

He sighed and pulled the blanket over his head.

If they found out he was really no different from the two-timing scum they'd been condemning, they'd be crushed.

He thought of all the shuraba stories he'd read in his past life.

Male leads hacked apart with hatchets, stabbed with kitchen knives, beaten to death with baseball bats, turned into a video game, imprisoned forever...

Saying that out loud would get him killed on the spot, wouldn't it.

He knew those plots were deliberately exaggerated and dramatized for entertainment.

How many yandere were there in real life?

And neither of them seemed remotely the yandere type.

Still, just imagining the humiliation of getting caught, he had no confidence he could pull off being a flawless time management master.

He'd never even had a relationship before, and he didn't consider himself born with the natural constitution of a playboy.

Back in the day, just watching Chen Gou juggle Shen Youchu and Xiao Rongyu had nearly worn him out as a reader.

Doing it himself, with more than two of them...

Damn it, how did I turn into such scum.

Tsushima Kagami began to suspect that maybe he did have the natural constitution of a playboy after all.

In any case, the conversation with Yamada Kenta kept circling in his head, and he could no longer face these girls with an ordinary heart.

"What do you actually feel about them?"

"What do you actually want?"

"You can't keep going on like this forever, can you?"

He couldn't keep going on like this.

He had to settle it.

But... how did a person settle something like that?

He turned it over and over.

The tangled thoughts and the throbbing in his cheek kept sleep out of reach.

Tsushima Kagami sat up.

He got out of bed and felt his way out of the room in the dark.

The living room was black.

He turned on the light and went to the dining table.

From the storage box underneath he took out the manuscript paper and fountain pen he always used.

He smoothed the paper flat, held the pen, and looked at the blank sheet.

There were a thousand things he wanted to say, a thousand feelings he wanted to put down.

He wanted to write something.

It was a long time before the pen finally touched the paper and he wrote a single line for a title.

The title was one character — "心" (Kokoro, "Heart").

____

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