Chương 99: Chapter 99: The Instant Buddha Fat-Loss Method 

Since his esteemed father had explicitly given him permission, how could Fat Thor possibly refuse? 

"I shall obey your will, All-Father!" Fat Thor declared, his expression turning instantly solemn. 

In response, the clear Asgardian sky outside the window rapidly darkened. Thick, churning storm clouds gathered with unnatural speed. A blinding bolt of pure lightning violently struck the window, completely shattering the glass, and blasted directly onto Fat Thor! 

Instantly, his ragged, comfortable clothes were violently vaporized, replaced by a gleaming set of Asgardian battle armor that magically expanded and contoured to perfectly fit his... generous proportions. Blinding arcs of raw electricity violently crackled across his body, and his mismatched eyes glowed with terrifying divine power. 

"Where exactly are we doing this?" Fat Thor asked, his voice echoing with localized thunder. 

Seeing that the depressed god was actually taking this seriously, Luke smiled. "We definitely can't fight in here. We'd destroy the palace. We're going to the Mirror Dimension." 

Luke casually waved his hand. Several pitch-black, jagged cracks instantly appeared in the air, rapidly expanding like shattered glass until they completely engulfed the group, seamlessly pulling them into the Mirror Dimension. 

(Author's Note: I've always wondered, why didn't Doctor Strange just pull Thanos into the Mirror Dimension during the battle on Titan? Wouldn't it have been infinitely easier to fight the boss in a dimension where you literally control the environment? Or was the Space Stone simply too powerful and allowed Thanos to shatter or ignore pocket dimensions entirely?) 

Feeling the subtle shift in reality, Odin nodded approvingly. Kamar-Taj's mastery over spatial magic was truly formidable. 

"Alright, Thor. Go stand over there. I'm going to start summoning my subordinates," Luke said, pointing to a flat section of mirrored terrain in the distance. 

"Are we really making this such a big deal for a single, tiny little shadow creature?" Thor grumbled, clearly unimpressed by the frail-looking Shadow Ninja he had seen earlier. However, he obediently flew several dozen meters away. 

"Is this far enough?!" Thor shouted back. 

"A bit further!" Luke yelled, flashing a highly devious, deeply wicked smile at Frigga. 

Frigga saw the predatory smile and sighed helplessly. "Please do try not to give him permanent brain damage." 

"Don't worry, Your Majesty! This guy is already incredibly stupid! He literally can't get any dumber!" Rocket cackled from the sidelines. "Although... I sincerely doubt that little shadow guy is going to be enough for him. This idiot actually managed to overpower Thanos at one point. Well... maybe all that extra weight will slow him down a bit?" 

Luke just chuckled. He watched Thor fly further away until he was a small speck in the distance. 

"I never said I only had one subordinate!" Luke yelled across the mirrored expanse. 

Instantly, a massive ocean of absolute, pitch-black shadow aggressively violently erupted from beneath Luke's feet, rapidly expanding until it completely completely covered the ground in all directions. 

"Whoa!" Rocket yelped, quickly scrambling up Frigga's flowing robes to avoid stepping into the creepy, moving shadows. 

Loki, looking highly annoyed by the raccoon's audacity, grabbed Rocket by the scruff of his neck and unceremoniously lifted him away from the Queen. Rocket dangled helplessly, his short legs kicking the air in vain. 

In the distance, Thor had originally assumed Luke was just playing a prank on him. But as the massive, writhing ocean of shadows completely surrounded him, his expression rapidly shifted to one of profound concern. 

He distinctly remembered that the single, frail-looking ninja had materialized from a patch of shadow. Therefore... if the entire ground was now covered in shadows... 

"Don't worry! My subordinates are completely immortal! You can hit them as hard as you want!" Luke yelled encouragingly. 

He clapped his hands together. 

Instantly, thousands upon thousands of glowing red eyes ignited within the darkness! In the blink of an eye, a massive, endless ocean of over ten thousand heavily armed Shadow Ninjas violently erupted from the shadows, completely surrounding Thor! 

"WHAT THE F—!" 

Thor stared in absolute horror at the overwhelming, terrifying sea of assassins. He suddenly deeply regretted not bringing Stormbreaker with him. 

Uh... I don't think I can handle this alone. Maybe I should have brought the entire Avengers team?! 

"CHARGE!" Luke waved his hand forward. 

The Shadowkhan army instantly surged forward like an unstoppable, pitch-black tidal wave, closing in on Thor. 

And this was actually Luke holding back significantly. He only deployed the standard infantry. If he deployed the specialized units right now, Thor might genuinely experience the horrifying reality of certain... unsavory internet memes involving a couch and multiple people behind it. 

"Alright!" Thor took a deep, shuddering breath, aggressively trying to hype himself up. "I just need to blast them all away with one massive strike!" 

Thor unleashed a deafening, thunderous roar! Blinding, apocalyptic lightning violently erupted from his bloated body! He leaped high into the air, drawing upon massive amounts of divine power, and violently crashed down directly into the center of the pitch-black ocean! 

KABOOM! 

Devastating arcs of hyper-concentrated lightning violently surged through the Mirror Dimension! The sheer, explosive power instantly completely vaporized hundreds of Shadow Ninjas caught in the blast radius! 

"COME ON!" Thor roared, his eyes glowing with terrifying intensity. 

He lunged forward, throwing a devastating, lightning-infused punch that literally blasted an incoming ninja and his katana into fine dust! Like a raging, unstoppable bull, Thor aggressively charged straight into the densest concentration of the horde, utilizing continuous, violent bursts of lightning to systematically eradicate every ninja in his path! 

"HELL YEAH! KICK THEIR ASSES!" Rocket cheered wildly, completely ignoring the fact that he was currently dangling humiliatingly from Loki's grip. 

"So, what do you think? His combat power is actually incredibly impressive, isn't it?" Luke asked, walking over to Odin with a satisfied smile. 

Odin completely abandoned his stoic, All-Father facade. His single eye was absolutely glowing with pride and joy as he watched his bloated, traumatized son violently tear through the Shadowkhan army like a literal god of war. 

"I have always known it. He will undoubtedly become the absolute strongest warrior in the history of Asgard!" Odin stated firmly. He turned to Frigga. "When I was his age, I was nowhere near as powerful as he is now." 

Frigga smiled radiantly, her eyes filled with profound maternal pride. "Asgard will forever shine brilliantly under Thor's lightning! Of course..." Frigga shifted her gaze toward the deeply shocked Loki. "...that is assuming this idiot doesn't accidentally destroy Asgard himself. Which means it is entirely up to you, Loki, to guide and manage your oafish brother." 

"Naturally, Mother. I always do," Loki smiled softly. "He has always excelled at charging mindlessly into overwhelming odds, and I have always excelled at ensuring the rest of the army is perfectly positioned to cover his eventual retreat." 

"I think that's enough of a warm-up. I'll recall the ninjas now," Luke suggested after a few more minutes. He noticed that the Shadowkhan numbers had been significantly reduced, and Thor was beginning to pant heavily, clearly feeling the strain of his poor physical condition. 

"Do not," Odin interrupted. "I can clearly sense that he hasn't engaged in a genuine, all-out battle in a very long time. Let him fully reacquaint himself with his power." 

Odin frowned slightly. "By the way, why exactly did a warrior like him abandon the front lines, which he loves so much?" 

Odin turned to the dangling raccoon. "Little one, would you kindly inform me exactly what tragedy befell Asgard in the future?" 

"I AIN'T NO 'LITTLE ONE'! CALL ME ROCKET!" Rocket instinctively snapped back aggressively. But he suddenly remembered that the kindly-looking old man in front of him was literally Thor's father, an ancient, unimaginably powerful cosmic deity. 

And it was common knowledge across the galaxy that Asgardian royalty only grew vastly more powerful as they aged. Therefore, Odin was likely capable of turning him into a fine red mist with a thought. 

Rocket instantly switched to his most polite, respectful tone. "Uh... yes, Your Majesty. The future Asgard actually suffered through several massive, apocalyptic tragedies. It... it's a very long, very depressing story." 

Odin nodded slowly. "That is fine. We have the entire evening. If you recount the tale accurately and in detail, I shall personally permit you to select a single treasure from the Royal Vault to keep as a reward." 

Rocket's eyes instantly widened to the size of saucers! 

Asgard was universally renowned as one of the oldest, most impossibly wealthy civilizations in the cosmos! Their Royal Vault was legendary, containing countless mythical, reality-bending artifacts! 

"Loki, it appears I will be occupied this evening. I leave the responsibility of officially welcoming the diplomatic delegations from Midgard entirely in your capable hands," Odin said, casually handing the legendary spear, Gungnir, directly to Loki. 

Given the recent instability across the Nine Realms, Loki would need a symbol of absolute authority to keep the mortal politicians in line. 

Loki stared blankly at Gungnir in his hands. He had held the spear before, when he briefly usurped the throne, but that was completely different! This time, Odin, his father, had actively, willingly entrusted him with the symbol of the King! 

The lingering sense of inferiority Loki had felt upon witnessing Thor's overwhelming power instantly vanished. He smiled proudly, gently tracing the ancient runes carved into the golden shaft. 

Seeing that the royal family had their evening planned, Luke casually replenished the Shadowkhan ranks, ensuring Thor was once again completely overwhelmed by a fresh ocean of enemies. 

"Are you three leaving now?" Luke asked. 

"Indeed. I am currently very eager to hear a long story," Odin smiled warmly. 

I really hope you don't have a weak heart... Luke thought, remembering the sheer sequence of horrifying tragedies that befell Asgard: Frigga's death, Odin's death, Hela's return, Ragnarok, and Thanos. Please don't have a heart attack. 

Luke drew a Sling Ring portal, allowing Odin, Loki, and Rocket to return to the palace. However, Frigga remained behind in the Mirror Dimension. 

"Is something wrong?" Luke asked, turning back to Frigga as he watched Thor—his divine energy rapidly depleting—start getting brutally pummeled by the ninjas. 

"I have a desperate, personal plea," Frigga said softly, her expression turning incredibly solemn. 

"Uh... there's absolutely no need for such formalities. If it's something within my power, I will gladly assist you!" Luke replied, feeling slightly uneasy. Frigga was almost always smiling warmly; seeing her look so grave was unnerving. 

"I desperately hope that, once you have successfully gathered all six Infinity Stones, you will personally travel to Thor's timeline and help him restore the people he lost," Frigga pleaded, her voice trembling slightly as she remembered the absolute agony she had witnessed in Fat Thor's memories. 

"The 'us' in his timeline... or rather, the fate we originally succumbed to... was far too cruel. We were too selfish, leaving him entirely alone to bear the crushing weight of such immense tragedy..." 

"This is the desperate, agonizing plea of a mother who simply cannot bear to see her child suffer any longer!" Frigga stepped forward, gripping Luke's hands tightly, her eyes pleading desperately. 

Luke looked at the Queen of Asgard and saw only a heartbroken, desperate mother. 

"I promise. I actually intended to do that anyway," Luke said earnestly. "As I told you before, I strongly prefer happy, perfect endings where everyone survives and celebrates together, not tragic victories built upon mountains of sacrifice." 

"Thank you," Frigga nodded deeply, taking a shaky breath to compose herself. 

Instantly reverting to her usual, warm, smiling demeanor, Frigga patted his hand. "Do remember to finish up here quickly! The Royal Chefs have nearly finished preparing the Dragon meat! As the glorious Dragonslayer, it is only proper that you have the first taste!" 

"Absolutely! Have a safe trip back," Luke waved cheerfully as Frigga stepped through the portal. 

He then turned his attention back to Thor. "Alright, you lucky bastard." 

Thor's divine energy was currently completely depleted. Furthermore, his massive, bloated physique made it completely impossible for him to dodge or counterattack the hyper-agile Shadow Ninjas. He was currently just standing there, helplessly taking a brutal beating. 

Fortunately, his Asgardian armor was incredibly durable, and the ninjas weren't actually aiming to inflict lethal damage, so he had managed to endure the beating for quite a while. 

Finally, completely exhausted and panting heavily, Thor collapsed onto the mirrored floor. He curled into a tight fetal position, desperately wrapping his arms around his head, as dozens of pitch-black fists and feet relentlessly rained down upon him. 

"NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! AND FOR THE LOVE OF ODIN, STAY AWAY FROM MY CROTCH!" Thor shrieked in pain, awkwardly rolling over to ensure the beating was evenly distributed across his entire body. (A perfectly tenderized cut of meat is always more flavorful). 

Seeing Thor just pathetically laying there like a beached whale, Luke decided to take a more active role in his nephew's physical rehabilitation. Remembering those ridiculous, violently vibrating 'fat-loss' machines he had seen in late-night infomercials, a brilliantly wicked idea sparked in his mind. 

Luke waved his hand. 

Instantly, the specialized, heavy-hitting units—the Razorclaws, the Nightbats, and the massive Trolls—which had been kept in reserve, violently charged onto the battlefield, aggressively converging on the pathetic, unmoving god. 

Honestly, lying here and just letting them pummel my armor feels like a really aggressive, deep-tissue massage. It's actually quite relaxing, Fat Thor thought as he lay face-down, completely oblivious to the fact that the standard infantry had just been replaced by significantly deadlier elite units. He briefly wondered why the beating had suddenly stopped. 

Just as he cautiously lifted his head, he found himself staring directly at the massive, terrifying, tree-trunk legs of a Troll Ninja. Uh oh. I remember these guys. 

Suddenly, several blindingly fast streaks of cold light violently slashed across his back! 

The Razorclaw Ninjas had utilized their razor-sharp arm-blades to effortlessly slice open the incredibly durable Asgardian armor that the standard ninjas hadn't even been able to scratch! Thor instantly felt the terrifying, agonizing sensation of sharp blades directly slicing into his flesh! 

"WHAT THE HELL?! ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO KILL ME?!" Thor shrieked, frantically trying to jump up. 

But a massive Troll Ninja violently grabbed him by the ankles! 

His perspective violently flipped upside down. Thor dangled helplessly as the Troll gripped his legs tightly. "Wait! Please! Let's talk about this..." 

Before he could finish, the Troll Ninja tilted its head, seemingly receiving a direct mental command from its master, and then... 

BAM! BAM! BAM! 

The Troll Ninja violently swung Thor around like a literal ragdoll, mercilessly smashing his massive, bloated body repeatedly against the hard mirrored floor! 

After several brutal, bone-shattering impacts, the Troll paused, examining Thor. Seeing that the incredibly durable Asgardian was still conscious, the Troll violently smashed him into the ground a few more times for good measure, before aggressively hurling him through the air! 

"OH YEAH!" Luke cheered enthusiastically, happily providing his own mental sound effects for the carnage. "THAT'S THE STUFF!" 

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Thor yelled, having been violently thrown through the air. He thought he heard Luke yelling something, but before he could process it, he was abruptly caught mid-air by another massive Troll Ninja! 

"Wait! No! Not again—" 

And so, Luke happily watched the massive Troll Ninjas casually toss Thor back and forth to each other like a screaming, three-hundred-pound volleyball. Whenever Thor desperately tried to alter his trajectory or escape, a squad of Nightbats would efficiently blast him with concussive shockwaves to ensure he landed perfectly in the next Troll's waiting hands. 

"This is my patented, highly exclusive 'High-Frequency Concussive Fat-Loss Therapy'! I absolutely guarantee you will feel like a brand-new man afterward! I'll come check on your progress in two hours!" Luke yelled cheerfully over the sounds of the brutal beating. 

He could hear Thor screaming something completely incomprehensible as he flew through the air. 

He's definitely aggressively thanking me for my generosity, Luke nodded solemnly. 

Luke pressed his palms together in a pious, prayer-like gesture, feeling incredibly holy and benevolent. However, the tantalizing thought of freshly barbecued Dragon meat instantly shattered his pious facade. He greedily rubbed his hands together and quickly opened a portal to leave. 

"YOU!" 

"ABSOLUTE!" 

"SADISTIC!" 

"BASTARD!" 

Thor's agonizing, furious screams echoed endlessly across the desolate Mirror Dimension. But the Shadowkhan, possessing absolute, unquestioning loyalty to their master, completely ignored his complaints and enthusiastically continued their 'therapy session.' 

readmore & support me at patreon(.)com/Lestusk