Ch. 281 - I'll Definitely Be at the Funeral Feast [1]

"Then it's settled."

Xia Bing spoke up. She had been worrying about having no one to keep her mother company.

The two families finished their discussion. Wang Qingxue, for her part, had no objections whatsoever — though deep down, she would have preferred Chen Shu be the one taking care of her.

"Chen Shu, what about you? What are your summer plans?"

Chen Shu, gnawing on a giant pork elbow, answered, "I'm heading to the Capital to find Sis Fang Si."

Xia Bing paused, a glint of delight in her eyes.

"We can go together! When are you leaving?"

"In the next couple days, probably."

"Then let's all head to the Capital! We'll fly, and I'll book the tickets!"

Xia Bing was uncharacteristically generous. Having someone to travel with was naturally a good thing.

Besides, Chen Shu really had helped her enormously. The tournament prize money alone had been tens of millions.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly impose..."

Chen Shu waved his hands in polite refusal — while nodding his head like a maniac, utterly devoid of any trace of embarrassment.

"..."

The three of them shook their heads. By now, they had Chen Shu completely figured out.

Only Wang Qingxue gazed at him with eyes full of adoration, practically twinkling with little stars.

The group enjoyed a pleasant meal together.

In the afternoon, as Chen Shu walked along the road, something suddenly occurred to him.

A Top Scholar Banquet — how had he forgotten about such an easy moneymaking opportunity?!

He pulled out his phone and opened the Special Training Class group chat.

The chat was buzzing at the moment, everyone talking nonstop about their summer gaokao plans.

Chen Shu typed directly:

"Everyone! Everyone! I'm hosting a Top Scholar Banquet and would like to invite you all. Would anyone be so kind as to grace me with their presence?"

In an instant, the previously lively chat went completely dead silent, as though the entire group had collectively lost internet.

"???"

Chen Shu slowly typed out three question marks. Seriously? Not giving your Brother Chen any face at all?

"Looks like everyone's internet is out. I'll just pay you all a personal visit tomorrow. Better stock up on urea bags..."

...

In the blink of an eye, people started speaking up in the chat.

"Congratulations, Class Monitor!"

"Class Monitor looked after us for an entire year — we HAVE to attend!"

"Anyone who doesn't show is picking a fight with me, Lin Xingchen!"

Chen Shu nodded with immense satisfaction. It seemed his authority as class monitor still held.

Everyone else was stewing with resentment inside.

You bastard's about to show up at our doors with urea bags over your shoulder — who the hell would dare cross you?!

"I'll be hosting a little Top Scholar Banquet in Africa, everyone. Do come tomorrow!"

???

The chat went dead silent once again.

Africa? Tomorrow?

Can you possibly make up any more bullshit than that?

"Of course, if you can't make it in person, your well-wishes in monetary form will suffice!"

Chen Shu bared his teeth in a grin. The map had been fully unrolled — the dagger was out.[2]

"Du Long has gone offline."

"Tang Lie has gone offline."

...

Chen Shu's expression froze. One by one, profile icons in the group were turning grey.

In just two minutes, only two people remained online in the group — him and Shen Wushuang.

"@Teacher Shen, in these crucial moments, only you, my teacher, have remained by my side. Your well-wishes better make it here!"

"Ding! You have been muted!"

"???"

Chen Shu's eyes bulged. He lifted his head to the sky, his gaze filled with sorrow.

My Top Scholar Banquet had died in the cradle!

...

Early the next morning.

"Mom, Dad, I'm off to the Capital to hang out with Sis Fang Si!"

Chen Shu, backpack slung over his shoulder, prepared to leave Nanjiang City.

Since Nanjiang had no airport, he'd have to head to Daxing City to stay the night, with his flight scheduled for the morning after next.

"Stay safe!"

"Thanks, Dad, for your concern. Got it!"

Chen Shu grinned, hoisting his oversized backpack as he left home.

His father Chen Ping added, "I was talking about everyone else. Including fierce beasts. Stay safe."

"..."

Chen Shu stumbled, nearly face-planting at the doorway.

Oh, so THAT'S the kind of "stay safe" you meant...

He had just left the apartment complex when he turned his head and spotted an old man ambling toward him, leisurely waving a palm-leaf fan.

"Holy crap! Trouble incoming!"

Chen Shu's body jolted. He immediately spun around to leave and broke into a run the next second.

However, in an instant, a palm-leaf fan smacked him on the head.

Ye Qing stood before him, all smiles. The distance between them had been several hundred meters just moments ago — the physical capabilities of a Gold-rank were seriously no joke!

"Brat, where do you think you're running?!"

"Uncle Ye... I was wrong..."

Chen Shu wept with snot and tears, his eyes the very picture of wronged innocence.

"Drop the act. Here, this is for you!"

Ye Qing pulled out a golden booklet and handed it over.

"What's this?"

Chen Shu paused, accepting it. At a glance, he saw the words on the cover: "Huaxia Academy Admission Letter"!

"I promised I'd deliver it in person. When has this old man ever gone back on his word?"

"Mm, thanks."

Chen Shu nodded, casually stuffing the admission letter into his backpack.

"You're not even a little bit excited?"

Ye Qing's eyes went wide, utterly incredulous.

This was the nation's top academy, the holy land of beast taming that countless students dreamed of!

And this brat was this calm about it?

"What's the big deal?"

Chen Shu curled his lip, putting on the air of someone who had seen far grander things.

"You little punk! So, what are you up to?"

Ye Qing nodded, a hint of approval in his voice. Such composure — this was exactly why he valued this kid.

"Finding Fang Si. Making money!"

Chen Shu said. Then added, "Uncle, I'm kinda running out of time. Gotta run!"

"Hold it! Trying to bolt already?"

Ye Qing immediately called him back, his gaze turning razor-sharp. The presence of a Gold-rank sent an involuntary shiver through the heart.

Chen Shu's heart skipped a beat. He forced a dry laugh.

"That laxative!"

Ye Qing leaned in close, pressing his left hand down on Chen Shu's shoulder. He lowered his voice:

"It was way too satisfying. Give me some more..."

"??"

Chen Shu's expression froze. He'd been fully expecting Ye Qing to beat the crap out of him right there on the street.

"Holy crap, Old Man Ye, are you some kind of pervert?!"

"Watch your mouth."

Ye Qing frowned, coughed twice, then said, "As it happens, this old man's been a bit constipated lately. Problem is, regular medicine doesn't work on me. Your laxative, on the other hand, had excellent results."

"??"

Chen Shu's mouth fell open in utter disbelief.

"Gold-ranks can get constipated too?"

"Eat too much Gold-rank fierce beast meat, digestion gets sluggish. Got a problem with that?"

"Nope, nope!"

Chen Shu let out a long breath. So he WASN'T here for revenge after all.

"Just a moment, sir!"

He opened his backpack and pulled out — of all things — a urea bag. Inside was a large jar, and the jar was filled entirely with black medicinal powder.

Ye Qing stared. "You're using a urea bag to hold medicine?!"

"It gives me peace of mind."

Chen Shu nodded, then filled a small bottle with laxative for Ye Qing.

Watching the old man's departing back, it had never crossed Chen Shu's mind that laxatives could have such miraculous applications.

"Crap, I forgot to tell him the dosage!"

Chen Shu's eyes widened. Last time he'd experimented, he'd only used the tiniest pinch.

Add just a bit more powder, and the effects would multiply several times over.

"Forget it, can't be bothered. A Gold-rank body should... probably... be able to handle it!"

Chen Shu shook his head and headed for the station, ready to catch a bus to Daxing City.

"If he really can't pull through, I'll definitely be there in person when they hold the funeral feast.[1]"

[1] 吃席 (chī xí): Literally "eat at a banquet," but in Chinese internet slang, it specifically refers to attending a funeral feast — the meal served to mourners after a burial. The phrase is used as a darkly humorous euphemism for "someone's about to die." Chen Shu weaponizes this throughout the chapter: first trying to host a "Top Scholar Banquet" (状元酒) as a thinly veiled gift-grab, then closing with the promise to attend Ye Qing's funeral feast if the laxative overdose kills him. The chapter title thus works on two levels — the failed Top Scholar Banquet and the threat of a funeral banquet.

[2] 图穷匕见 (tú qióng bǐ xiàn): "When the map was fully unrolled, the dagger was revealed." This idiom originates from the story of Jing Ke's assassination attempt on Qin Shi Huang — Jing Ke concealed a dagger inside a rolled map, and when he unfurled it before the emperor, the weapon was exposed. In modern usage, it means someone's true intentions are finally laid bare after a buildup. Here, Chen Shu's "come to Africa" invitation is his map; the demand for cash "well-wishes" is his dagger.