Chapter 423: Still My Husband

Cassia;

The door finally opens, and once again, my head lifts. But it’s not him. I don’t know how long Wilhelm has been in there.

An hour? Two? Maybe longer.

Time has become a strange thing tonight. Sometimes it moves too quickly, and other times it refuses to move at all.

I have remained on the bench across the corridor for most of tonight, watching healers, guards and servants walk past me. Watching them enter Liandria’s room and leave with red eyes.

I never thought so many people would mourn her death. But then again, we can not deny how much she changed these past few days.

She seemed like a whole new person. So full of smiles, and light and willingness to help. And with the way she died...It just makes things more tragic.

A few people have walked into that room tonight. A few people she helped and even made friends with. They all came out minutes later in tears, but Wilhelm...

He went inside so long ago, and still hasn’t come out.

The door opens, and my heart drops when I see him in the doorway. I slowly rise to my feet as he steps into the corridor.

The door closes quietly behind him, and for several seconds, he just stands there. He just stands there, and I just stare...

Light... I don’t even know what to say to him.

When Serenia died, I know he was hurt by it. But this? This is much worse... I have never seen him look like this.

His eyes are swollen and red. His hair is dishevelled from the number of times he must have dragged his hands through it, and the usual intimidating air around him seems almost...gone.

...No. Not gone.

Wilhelm will always be Wilhelm.

Even broken, there is something about that man that commands attention.

However, right now...he doesn’t look like the powerful King of Beast Heaven. He looks like a husband who just said goodbye to his wife.

My chest tightens as the reality of our situation once again dawns on me.

Liandria...

I swallow as fresh tears sting my eyes.

I can still feel her. Her... weight in my arms. Her blood on my skin, and...and her weakening fingers against my face.

"He has you now." The words echo, and I shut my eyes.

I—I can’t... I can’t think about it.

Not now. Not again.

When I open my eyes, I find Wilhelm staring at me. Our gazes meet from opposite ends of the corridor.

And suddenly...Everything else comes rushing back.

Gorlois...The secret. Thirty-something years of that secret. The attack the witches and warlocks dealt my people. My beast. The anger...The betrayal.

...Me screaming at him, throwing that ornament...telling him I didn’t want him in Gravemaw. That I didn’t want him around me. That I—that I didn’t want to see him.

"Leave." The memory of my voice saying that word to him brushes past my ears, and a shiver runs along my spine as I swallow.

Neither of us speaks, as his tired blue eyes hold me in place. His lips part slightly.

I...almost expect him to call my name, but instead, his eyes drop, and he turns to walk away.

I blink as I watch him take exhausted, slow steps away.

That’s... That’s it?

He doesn’t come to me. He...Doesn’t attempt to explain himself, or ask if I’m alright.

He simply turns away and starts walking.

I watch him leave. And something inside me panics. My feet move before my pride can stop them.

I march over to him and grab his wrist.

"Wilhelm," I call, and he stops...But doesn’t turn.

My heart pounds as I stare at his back.

Why isn’t he turning around?

The answer blooms in my mind before I get the chance to ask out loud.

He isn’t turning around...because I told him not to. The last time HE stood before me, I told him I didn’t want to see him. I told him to leave Gravemaw.

And Wilhelm...he remembers. Of course, he remembers.

My throat goes parched as emotions and worries race through my mind.

The corridor is dark. Safe for the moonlight spilling in from between the pillars. I stare at his hand. At my fingers around his wrist, and my lips tremble.

Hours ago, Liandria sat beside me and spoke about everything she wanted to fix. She spoke about Rhydian, about Elián, about herself...and him. Wilhelm.

There was meant to be time.

When Rhydian returned, she would speak to him. Properly.

She would... apologise. Even step away from his life if that was what he wanted. She was going to do better...She was going to make things right.

But...She died. Just like that.

With no...warning, preparation, or final opportunity to gather everyone she had ever hurt and tell them everything she wished she’d said sooner.

One moment she was smiling at me, and the next...She’s lying cold and rigid as stone in that room.

The tears in my eyes grow heavier, and I hear Wilhelm drag a breath. He gently tries to tear his wrist from my grip, but I don’t let him.

A tear falls down my face as I realise how warm...and alive his skin feels. He’s alive.

That thought hits me with such ridiculous force that I have to bite back a sob.

This time, he turns. He turns around slowly and looks down at our hands.

There is confusion in his eyes...And caution. So much caution that it breaks something inside me.

He looks at me in silence, and my lips part. I mean to say something. I want to. I should... But I can’t. Nothing leaves my lips.

What am I supposed to say?

That I’m still angry at him? That I hate what he did, but I can’t...I can’t bear what I feel right now? Or do I tell him that I don’t trust him the way I did before?

All of those things are true. Every single one....But there’s another truth standing in front of me.

Wilhelm is alive...And I love him.

Light, I love this bastard so much. Too much.

My grip around his wrist tightens, and I watch fresh tears build in his eyes.

"Cassia?" he whispers this time, and I feel something I had long bound inside me shatter.

"I..." I try to speak, but my voice breaks.

His brows pull together as he turns to face me fully, and I shut my eyes to drag a breath.

Light, I hate him. I hate him for making me love him this much. And I hate myself for believing that anger somehow made the love disappear.

It didn’t. It never did.

"I don’t want this." I croak, and he blinks at me in confusion.

"What?" He asks, and I hold his gaze.

"This," I reply as I gesture helplessly between us. "This...whatever this is."

He remains silent, and I wipe the tear that escapes.

"I don’t want it," I add. My voice cracks, and tears finally spill from my eyes regardless of my efforts to hold them back.

"I don’t want us walking past each other like strangers," I whisper as I hold his eyes, and I watch his expression crumble even more.

"Cassia..." He whispers, and I feel my lips tremble as tears temporarily steal my vision.

"I watched her die." I croak with the words rushing out.

"I held her, Wilhelm," I add, and my fingers release his wrist because suddenly I need both hands to wipe the tears pouring down my face.

"She was talking to me, and then she wasn’t. She was breathing, and then..." I continue but stop, as a sob tears through me.

"...she wasn’t," I whisper, and he shuts his eyes.

I can see the pain that bleeds afresh onto his face. But I can’t stop.

"Just minutes before that, she was talking about Rhydian. She was talking about fixing things. About apologising. About everything she wanted to do differently." I add, and my chest hurts from the sobs I’ve been holding back.

"She thought she had time," I add, my voice falls into a whisper. "We all think we have time."

Wilhelm opens his eyes. Tears glisten in them again, and suddenly, I cannot stand the distance between us anymore.

I step forward, and before either of us can protest, my arms go around him. He goes completely still, and for one horrifying second, he doesn’t touch me.

Perhaps because he doesn’t think he’s allowed to.

That thought makes me cry harder. I bury my face against his chest as I feel shivers run through me.

"Hold me, you idiot." I sob. His arms close around me instantly, and Light...I break.

I completely break.

My fingers clutch the back of his robe as I sob against him. His arms tighten around my body, pulling me closer until there isn’t a breath of space between us.

He buries his face into my hair, and then I feel it. His body shakes, and a broken sound leaves him. Suddenly, we’re both crying.

Not King Wilhelm, or Queen Cassia. Just...Us.

Two people who have lived too long and somehow still haven’t learned that tomorrow isn’t promised.

"I’m sorry," he whispers, and I shake my head in disagreement.

"Not now."

"Cassia..." He whispers stubbornly, and my grip on him tightens further.

"Not now, Wilhelm." I croak, and he falls silent.

I don’t want an apology right now. I don’t want to hear about the warlock he fell in love with, the reason the witches came after us, or who was right and who was wrong.

Tomorrow can have those things. Tonight... Tonight, Liandria is dead. Tonight, my husband is grieving. I’m grieving... And tonight, I don’t want either of us doing it alone.

His hand moves slowly over my back.

"I’m sorry," he whispers again, and I hit his chest.

Not hard, but hard enough.

"I said stop apologising." I croak, and he falls silent.

Another sob escapes me as I shiver.

"I’m still angry at you," I whisper, and he nods against my hair.

"I know." He whispers, and I swallow.

"You hurt me." I cry, and he drags a breath.

"I know"

"You lied to me...for decades." I whimper, and he gently strokes my hair.

"I know, Cassia. I know..." He whispers shamefully, and sorrow fills me.

"And because of all this...I lost my beast."

His hold around me loosens, and when I look up at him, guilt flashes across his face. I immediately grab his clothes before he can pull away.

"No." He looks at me. "Don’t you dare."

"Cassia, I..."

"I am not telling you this so you can run away and punish yourself." I caution him, and his jaw tightens.

"I’m telling you because I’m still hurt." He says nothing.

"I am still so unbelievably angry with you, Wilhelm," I add, and he gulps.

"And I haven’t forgiven you," I whisper, and his gaze falls.

"I understand." He whispers, and I sniffle.

"But..." My voice breaks.

Light! Why is this so difficult?

I press my forehead against his chest, and shut my eyes.

"I don’t want to be angry with you from a grave." His breathing stops, and I close my eyes.

"If you died tomorrow..." I begin, but I can not finish. I can’t even say the words. Not tonight...Not after Liandria.

Wilhelm’s hand moves to the back of my head.

"Cassia." He calls softly, and I shut my eyes tight as more tears escape my eyes.

"What if those had been the last words I ever said to you?" My voice trembles violently as sorrow and shame grip me.

"What if after you left Gravemaw as I ordered you to, something happened?" His arms tighten. "What if someone came back and told me you were dead?"

I pull away enough to look at him.

"I would have had to live knowing the last thing I ever told you was that I didn’t want you." I cry, and his face twists.

"But you had every right to—" He begins, but I cut him off.

"I KNOW!" My voice echoes through the corridor. I immediately lower it.

"I know I had every right to be angry." Tears slide down my cheeks. "I know you hurt me."

I press my palm against his chest as I hold his gaze.

"But being angry with you doesn’t mean I stopped loving you," I confess, and I see something break behind those eyes of his.

His hand covers mine over his chest, and I feel his heart beating beneath my palm.

Alive...Still here.

"I don’t want to lose you...Evere. Especially not while we’re fighting," I whisper, and he nods solemnly.

"You won’t."