Chapter 230: Truth & Nightmares

"I-I need you, Zadey." I broke down sobbing so hard I thought my nose was gonna fall off. "D-Do I really have to tell you that I do? Y-You know I do."

"I know, kitten," he murmured, kissing the top of my head.

"Then why are you..." I couldn’t finish because he sat me down on the bed and used his thumb to wipe my tears away.

"Crying doesn’t suit you."

"That’s beside the point right now."

He said nothing, but I could tell he wanted to say more. Since when was Zade the tentative type? He was the kind of man who takes no matter what. That was the reason I hated him then. A trait of his that got on my last nerves, but not anymore.

Zade’s ability to take and consume was the only reason I could’ve fallen back in his arms. He couldn’t let me go, and I was thankful he didn’t.

I already had a life without him, and I knew what that felt like. That loneliness for the past two years was all because a part of me was missing.

"I’ll tell you about Annabeth. Whatever you wanna know."

"Why?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Because that’s the only reason that all this happened in the first place..." There was a dark edge to his tone. "You wouldn’t have fallen victim to my enemies if I had been honest with you from the start."

I blinked away, feeling my chest grow heavy. "Lately, I’ve been... remembering."

I felt his hand beneath my chin, and my gaze was brought back to his.

"You wouldn’t have called me Zadey if you weren’t," he said with a smile. "An amateurish name, but I’m glad to hear you say. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now."

"You already knew I was starting to remember because you’d been watching me all this time."

He stroked my cheek, in a gentle way that contradicted everything this man embodied.

"What do you remember?"

"I’m scared..." I confessed. "I’ve always been scared, but I’m terrified. It won’t change anything, will it?"

"No, it won’t. Sometimes the fear is what we need."

I took a deep breath. "Then tell me, Zade, and this time, don’t protect me. Did you really kill my sister?"

"No."

His confession finalized the doubt that had settled over me since the fragments of my memories pieced back together.

I had a... feeling. A feeling that all this time, when I thought Zade had been the villain in my life, he was actually protecting me all along.

"But I did the honors of delivering her body back to your father. I couldn’t risk anyone finding out what really happened."

"Who killed her?" The question barely left my lips before I went impossibly still. "I-It was me."

My breath shuddered rapidly, my head racing through the fragments, but I couldn’t pinpoint each of them.

I could hear Annabeth’s voice, the things she said, and the sharp echo of the machine, and then blood. Lots and lots of blood.

I whimpered when Zade forced me back to his attention, his hands cupping my face to keep me in place. My nails dug into his flesh, but he didn’t flinch or blink away from me.

"Whatever happened that night wasn’t your fault. Your sister..." he paused, jaw tightening. "She tossed herself right into the trap she set for you. If you hadn’t, she would have killed you. Either way, Anastasia, only one of you was gonna walk out from that stable alive."

I shook my head, trying to release myself from his hold, but he didn’t let me go.

"That’s the truth."

The truth? That killing my sister was the only way I could’ve survived? How did it even get to that point? Why did it have to be that way?

I sobbed before clenching on his shirt and burying my face in his chest.

"I-I thought she loved me. She was my sister. How could she..." I trembled, unable to finish, my chest tightening so hard that for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

"Why?" I asked that over and over again, wishing none of it could have turned out this way.

~☆~

My head thrashed from side to side, chills racing down my spine as a bead of sweat trickled down my skin.

The deafening roar of the machine drowned out everything... the screams, the taste of blood in my mouth... The tires screeching against the asphalt, then the blaring horn of the oncoming truck.

"N-No." I stretched out my hand for something to hold, and when I did, I opened my eyes.

I was in Zade’s arms, and somehow, while crying, I must have fallen asleep.

"Nightmare?" he asked.

I could only offer a nod as I rested my head back against his chest.

"That night..." I gulped. I could barely make out the details.

Of all my memories I’d hoped to recover, I wish I could never remember that night. I could handle the words, but images were something else entirely.

It was hellish, and even now, after awakening from that nightmare triggered by what Zade told me, I was still in shock and shaken.

I have spent the last two years traumatized by a lie, and now that I got the truth handed to me, I had no idea how I could live with it.

"Annabeth said a lot of things. She told me how she hated me ever since she came to the Morri estate."

I looked up at Zade, and he already had his attention focused on me.

"Did you know she wasn’t really my sister? That her mother was my father’s mistress?"

"I found out after."

"I see..." I mumbled. "Now I feel like all those times I spent drowning in my anger were all for naught. The hate I had for you was—"

"That was the best part."

"W-What?"

A grin spread across his lips. "The sweet, innocent Anastasis was obsessed with me, and now this Anastasia is obsessed."

That doesn’t make sense, yet his words managed to trigger a shiver, and my eyes dropped to those stretched lips, already picturing how they would taste against mine.

I never thought it was possible to starve for a meal that was right in front of you, even when you had all the chances to pick up the fork and eat to heart’s content.

I guess I wasn’t in the right headspace for that right now.

"If there’s any luckiest man on earth, then that will be me. Not many can boast about seeing all shades of their wives, even the ugly ones."

I tensed up when his free hand slowly wrapped around my throat, in a quiet, threatening way that made a subtle thrill kiss my spine.

"Do you still have any reason to doubt?"

"D-Doubt?"

"That we’re soulmates."

Soulmates.

Is that what he thinks we are? I’m not sure what I could use to define what Zade and I shared, but this seems like the perfect word for it.

Hence, justifying all the unholy actions and crazed obsessions that existed between us. That’s right. It wasn’t just about Zade’s obsession but mine too.

I had a feeling that despite the chances I had to avoid him in the past, I didn’t use them. I went down the rabbit hole and never came back up again.

Suddenly something flickered in Zade’s eyes, and his grip around my neck loosened.

He released me and sat up, his broad back to me, and I noticed how tense his shoulders were too.

"Zade?" I sat up, trying to reach for him, but he stood.

Panic seized me at the thought of him leaving. But instead of walking away, he turned back, lifted me from the bed, and carried me to the bathroom.

He set me on the edge of the vanity and proceeded to unbutton my pajamas.

"Starting from tomorrow, you’ll take your rehabilitation seriously."

I shivered when the cold air kissed my skin, and my nipples hardened instantly.

"What if I don’t want to?"

"You and I both know that’s a lie, Anastasia." He gently grasped the waistband of my pants, and I placed my hands on his shoulders as he aided in taking them off.

I pulled him closer, locking my hands behind his neck.

"You never hesitate. So why did you?"

He ground his teeth and tore his forehead away from mine, but I grabbed his face and pulled him back to me, feeling tingles as my thumb brushed against his rough stubble.

"Why?"

"A husband who can’t protect his wife..." he stated. "That makes me feel like less of a man."

"You forget that everything happened because of the decisions I made. You tried to get me away, Zade, but I didn’t listen, and I pulled that card about the accident to push you away. If there’s anyone to blame, then it’s me."

"There wouldn’t have been a decision to make if I had come clean about the truth."

"Maybe..." I murmured. "But we’re here now, Zade. So where do we go from here?"