112: Subject – Kadell

“This is a waste of time,” Eris said flatly, arms crossed over her now-clothed chest. If she was going to be forced into something like this, she was going to do it with her dignity intact and her clothes on. “The Hollow is closer than it’s ever been and our plan to stop it is sitting here and talking about my feelings?”

Raneer sat back on the stool, holding a mug of coffee in one hand and resting the other on her knee. “No, just talking.”

“About me.”

“About anything. Whatever you want to talk about, just go ahead.” She took a sip from her dinnertime coffee and brushed a lock of curly black hair away, the entire length draping just past her shoulders and hanging free. If nothing else, Raneer certainly didn’t give off the… aura of a Syndicate official. She wasn’t wearing the dark blue uniform of all the graduated soldiers or crafters, she wasn’t wearing the white labcoats a bunch of the researchers did, and she wasn’t even following Dzhemehal’s fashion choice of a coattail suit.

She was just… plain.

Faded blue jeans, simple and well worn shoes and a light brown sweater that matched her eyes. All in all, it made the thirty-ish year old woman look like she wouldn’t have anything to do with the Syndicate.

Pretty, too. Very pretty.

“If you want, we can first talk about how much of a waste of time this apparently is,” Raneer winked.

Eris rolled her eyes and sighed into her lap.

“Look, I know that you’re just trying to do your job, and I’m not trying to offend you right now, but there are much more important things going on. I have a ‘To-Do’ list the size of Marrix and it’s only getting bigger with every passing hour because for some gods-damned reason, I have to do literally everything. The last thing I need is something else on that list.”

Raneer nodded.

“That is all very true. I have never met a person with such a drastic level of burdens to bear before you, Eris. May I call you ‘Eris’? Or would you prefer Miss Kadell?”

Eris rolled her eyes again. “Just Eris is fine.”

The woman smiled. “And you may call me Darcie. First names are easier, I think.”

The beat of silence passed while Darcie took another sip of her beverage.

“I will admit, this is a situation that I don’t think anyone has ever had to go through before. I won’t even lie and try to sugarcoat saying that things aren’t that bad, because they are. The survival of humanity rests almost entirely on your shoulders. You are, quite literally, the only person who is capable of helping the Syndicate through the next steps in this matter.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Darcie leaned forward a bit more, setting her coffee down on the wooden countertop between them.

“A month ago, you were nothing more than an aspiring girl from a farming village, who wanted to do her part to help a dying world. Now, you are the single most important person in that world. That alone is a leap that cannot be overstated enough. As a crafter, you should know that bringing a material from one extreme to another too quickly is never good for the structural integrity.”

“Actually, quenching heated metal makes it stronger and harder, so it’s the best thing to do for the structural integrity.”

Darcie raised an eyebrow. “Yes, but does it not make the metal more brittle in the process? It may be harder to cause damage to the metal, but when that happens, it doesn’t bend. It breaks entirely. The same goes for people. When we undergo gradual change, we are weaker but more flexible to new events or future changes. If everything changes abruptly, all at once and forces us to do the same, it has ugly results.”

“And you’re saying that I’m broken?” Eris glowered. Darcie paused for a moment, then looked over to the side of the room.

“Miss Charlotte, may we have some privacy?”

The armoured bodyguard nodded and walked towards the door. “I’ll be right outside. Yell if you need me.”

A moment later, Eris was alone with the therapist. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Even if Charlotte was there mostly to protect from physical threats, it was still nice to have a bit of company. On the other hand, it meant that the only person Eris needed to worry about right now was sitting in front of her. Darcie drummed her fingers over the countertop.

“What do you need to do to save the world, Eris?”

Excuse me?” the redhead asked. Darcie spoke again.

“What specifically do you need to do in order for you to become powerful enough to save the world?”

Eris paused. “Sex.”

“In the simplest of terms, yes.” Darcie sighed. “But it isn’t just sex with your partner, Jasmine, is it? It could have been, had we been under different circumstances. From what I understand, the Echoes of old had to indulge in their sin in order to gain their power, but that was a choice for them to make based on what they wanted to do with that strength. You, unfortunately, do not have that choice. They did not face the same threats we do today. They did not face the Hollow, serving as the one and only individual with the possibility of doing something to combat it. You are.”

Eris put both elbows on the countertop and rested her face in her palms. “Thanks for summing it up.”

There was a long moment before Darcie spoke again.

“That is the cost of war. I have spoken with soldiers who have needed to cut down their very friends or even siblings because the latter had been corrupted by the Hollow. The people most dear to them and everything they hold, struck and killed by their own hands because it was necessary not just for their own survival, but for the greater good. One moment of hesitation, because letting their humanity take control for that single second would spell disaster. They need to become what they hate most and live to regret it, instead of being the virtuous one that ends up dead.”

She took another drink. She actually seemed to age ten years when the resting smile on her face faded into a thin line.

“You love Jasmine Kerrot, yes?”

Eris recoiled a bit from the odd question, but ultimately nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“You want to be with her for the rest of your lives?”

“... Yes.”

“Tell me about her.”

“Excuse me?” Eris raised an eyebrow. Darcie idly dragged a tanned finger over the rim of her mug.

“Just talk about Jasmine. How you feel about her.”

Eris felt her cheeks going a little red. “Really? Do I have to?”

Darcie gave a soft smile again. “It would help me to understand better, but I won’t push you for it. Just know that everything you say is completely confidential unless you wish otherwise.”

“Oh please, you’re just going to tell the Syndicate everything the moment you leave…”

“No, I won’t,” Darcie said. “I am not a psychiatrist under their employ. If they wanted to know everything going on in your head, they would have the means to do so either by doctors or magic. Are there not alchemical products to make people speak true? If they wanted, they could strap you down and force you to tell them everything. Or they could have people stay here in this room, like Miss Charlotte, who would then confide in them afterwards and we would have no authority to tell them to leave. They could have secretly given me some magic item that would encourage you to be honest, or a ring that lets me know when you’re lying. So many things that could have been done to pull the wool over your eyes and get what they want from you.”

She looked around the empty room, then trained her eyes back on Eris.

“But this is none of those things. This is just me and you in this moment. Just us. No Syndicate, no reports, no magic, nothing. Only the two of us talking. Now, I am not naive enough to truly believe we can completely prevent the Syndicate from ever knowing what happens in here if they truly wished to.”

She started counting on her fingers. “They could have set up some kind of magic sensors, similar to the bracelet I was told that the Lieutenant Major wore. Charlotte may have incredible hearing from her numerous skills or magic items and is simply able to listen in from outside. There could even be an illusionist of some kind hiding in a corner with magic pulling a veil over our eyes and we couldn’t know.”

She then trained her eyes directly on Eris. “And if absolutely nothing else, they could force feed me some concoction to make me tell them everything against my will, and there is nothing we can do about it, except believe that they are above those measures. And I believe they are.”

She lowered her counting hand back to the table. “The Syndicate may be cold, but they aren’t idiots. Risking to make an enemy out of the one and only person that can help them is not a gamble they can afford to make. They can create your schedules. They can tell you what to do. They can try to persuade you in whatever direction they want, but ultimately, at the very core, they cannot go against what you choose to happen. And if your choice is for me to stay silent in regards to everything that happens in here, then I will do exactly that.”

“Then why would they even send you here?” Eris asked.

“Because this isn’t about getting information, or learning about your mental state, or how you’re feeling, or anything like that,” Darcie smiled softly. “I am here to be a pair of ears that you can talk to about anything and everything, and offer a bit of advice in return. Even if you think it doesn’t, talking about problems with someone you know will never spill your secrets can be very helpful.”

Eris rolled her eyes through her fingers- face still buried in her hands. Darce then chirped up again.

“Just because the weight is on your shoulders doesn’t mean other people can’t help to support you.”

Eris groaned through her best attempt at stifling a smile. “That has got to be the corniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“And what if it is?” Darcie asked, lifting her mug to her own smiling lips and taking a sip. “Surely you can entertain the notion for a few minutes while you tell me how much you love your girlfriend.”

Eris rolled her eyes but lifted her face from her palms and rested her chin in them instead so she could properly look at the woman across from her. Gods, this was so weird. Eventually, Eris sighed.

“Fine. Jaxie is everything to me. We were best friends growing up, partially because our parents were also best friends. I mean, my mom was her dad’s ex-wife, but they didn’t break up out of hate or anything, they just realized that they didn’t love each other as much as they thought they did.”

Eris looked at the mug of coffee which was mostly empty but still had a thin layer of pale brown about the same colour as Darcie’s eyes.

“Anyway, Jaxie and I were neighbours and best friends. We were always in the same classes at school and we always did everything together. Then, you know… the whole stuff with my actual parents happened.”

Eris let the words linger in the air for a moment. She didn’t really want to talk about it.

“Jaxie was there when I needed someone the most. Then, when her own mom died, I was there for her. We knew we were legally sisters at that point since Dad- well, her Dad- adopted me, so it took a long time for things to actually cross the tipping point since we were both worried about things getting that far. We- umm…” Eris blushed, realizing that she was telling the origin of her pseudo-incestuous relationship to what was effectively a complete stranger. “Our f-first… our, uhh… our first kiss was the day Jaxie had her Gifting.”

Darcie nodded. “And how does she tie in with you being an Artificer of Lust?”

“She…” Eris faltered, then regained her words. “She told me that I should treat the world like the menu at a restaurant. That we can both try out anything and everything we want from the menu, as long as we always know that we’re each other’s favourite dish. The one we’ll always come back to.”

“Now, if you don’t mind me asking, do you want the world to be a menu you can choose from, or do you just want Jaxie?”

“The menu, because that’s how I need to do my job as an Artificer.”

Darcie’s fingers interlaced with each other. “That’s the option you need to choose, but which option do you want to choose? Completely forget about being an Artificer. Forget about getting more powerful, forget about everything. Just imagine that you and Jaxie are both non-Gifted individuals living somewhere far away with no problems. Would you, Eris, like a life spent only by the side of Jaxie, or a life with Jaxie while both of you have and share whatever partners either of you could possibly want?”

“I… I don’t know…” Eris tried. Darcie smiled softly.

“That’s okay, it’s not an easy question to answer. How about a different question, then? Without your approval because you were otherwise located, Jaxie got two other women pregnant. How does that make you feel, knowing that your girlfriend is going to be the father to children that aren’t yours?”

Eris hesitated without a response. Darcie then took that moment to lean forward a bit more. “And what about you? I was informed that you got a skill earlier today that could make you tremendously more powerful, but only if you have a child with someone. It is all but guaranteed that the child will not belong to Jaxie, meaning that although you two are with each other, your first children will not be your own.”

“I…” Eris faltered. “I don’t…”

Darcie didn’t speak up. Instead, she just sat there, quiet, waiting for a response that Eris didn’t know how to give. Eventually, she found herself stammering.

“I mean, I want kids eventually with Jaxie. But, uhh…” Eris’s face went red. This time, Darcie did speak.

“The idea of you or Jaxie getting other women pregnant is exciting.”

Eris nodded through blushing cheeks. “Gods, this is weird.”

“Yes, but so is saying an oath, sticking your face in otherworldly water and getting magical powers,” Darcie responded. “Now, I would like to ask you about something you may not want to talk about, and if so, we can talk about something else.”

“What?”

“Can you tell me about Pravala?”

Eris’s heart clenched in her chest. “There’s nothing to say. She was a hag of a woman that needed to die, so I murdered her.”

Darcie narrowed her eyes. “Saying she ‘needed to die’ implies that killing her is an act of preservation either for yourself or another, but ‘murder’ implies the opposite- that you are to blame. Which do you personally believe to be true? Is it her fault she needed to die, or your fault for deciding to kill her?”

“...It’s her fault.”

“Why is that?”

Eris frowned. “She was dangerous.”

“That woman standing guard outside, is dangerous. Incredibly so. She’s arguably the most powerful soldier in the Syndicate. Professor Konderlacht is dangerous. So is Professor Kull. Even you are dangerous. You can create weapons more powerful than anything seen in centuries. Does that mean someone has to kill you?”

Eris didn’t respond. Darcie continued.

“Or is it just because Pravala was dangerous to the Syndicate? To you?” A moment of pause. “To Jaxie?”

Eris felt her eye twitch. “She was insane. She had a mental breakdown and almost killed me despite me being her only way out. She was one bad day away from switching to the Syndicate’s biggest problem instead of their best solution.”

“She could have gotten help, perhaps from other therapists like me. Just because Pravala may not have had all the screws in the right place doesn’t mean her head couldn’t have been tightened back on eventually.”

Eris stayed quiet. Eventually, Darcie sighed.

“Do you think that you did the right thing by killing her?”

After a moment, Eris let out a weak breath. “No.” The woman across the counter nodded.

“Alright, now do you think you were wrong to kill her because she could have been saved and become a valuable ally in this war, or because you wanted her to have the opportunity to suffer for what she did to you?”

Once again, Eris didn’t respond.

The therapist drained the last of her mug in the silence. It was an uncomfortable amount of time after that when she finally spoke again.

“Eris, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“And what do you want me to say?!” Eris snapped back. “That I wanted to be the perfect little Artificer and bring back a troubled soul for rehabilitation, tea and cookies? Or do you want me to say that I wish I could go back and rape her instead while telling her it was what ‘we Echoes’ needed to do? To make her cry and bleed and understand what it felt like to be helpless?”

“I just want you to say what you believe is true,” Darcie replied. Eris sighed through a growl.

“Fine. I killed Pravala because I hated her. I hated what she did, I hated who she was, I hated that she raped me, and I hate that I understand why she did it.”

After a moment; “And why did she do it?”

“... Because Echoes aren’t allowed to be good people,” Eris sighed.

Darcie set the empty mug back down, right in the middle between the two girls. “Is that really what you believe? That you aren’t a good person?”

Eris sighed.

“I have to indulge in Lust in order to become strong enough to make a difference, and I’ve already got a skill that needs me to knock people up. That druid chick needed to mate with a bird for one of her skills, that titan that fought a volcano needed to be a pedophile, and even Vojemala herself who’s talking to me in my sleep apparently fucked an honest-to-goodness corpse.”

Eris expected Darcie to respond, but the silence simply stretched on. The therapist sat in her stool, leaning on the counter and staring at Eris expectantly. Eventually, the redhead gave up and had to keep talking.

“If I don’t do absolutely everything I can to get more powerful, the Hollow will win, or Miknalor, or whatever damned event wants to happen that wipes out the world. Whatever. If I can’t stop it, then everyone dies. Everyone. It’s on me, so I have to do it. Even if I don’t want to do it, I have to want to do it.”

“Wanting to save everyone you love doesn’t make you a bad person, Eris.”

“Yeah, but the steps I’m gonna have to take to do that will,” the Echo responded. “The Hollow is here. The Obelisk might blow up the city and there’s a bunch of Echoes inside that need to be saved but they might also have gone completely insane like Pravala did. And even if I find some way to stop the Hollow there may very well be some other threat like Miknalor that takes its place and needs to be dealt with because of that stupid Balance bullshit Pravala was talking about. I’m not like the previous Echoes of fighting natural disasters or other kingdoms, I’m fighting the literal end of the damned world, so I don’t have the choice to draw lines that I won’t cross.”

Eris’s hands were shaking, so she steadied them by clasping them tightly together.

“If I get a super powerful skill that requires me to rape somebody, I’m gonna have to become a rapist. If a skill needs me to have sex with a child, then I’m a pedophile. I have to do it, because if I don’t, then everyone dies. The option to choose is gone.”

Darcie remained quiet. Eris chirped up.

“What, not gonna say ‘Oh, no, you don’t have to do those horrible things! We’ll find a different way’!”

Surprisingly, the therapist shook her head.

“No, I will not say that. I won’t say it, because the sad reality is that you’re likely right and I refuse to ever, ever lie to anybody.” She sighed deeply.

“With anyone else, in any other circumstance, I can tell them to make good choices or try to avoid such dastardly actions. Any other time, it would be a hypothetical question; ‘If you had the option to save a kingdom of ten thousand people, but you needed to non-consensually violate a hundred children, would you do it?’”

“And the kingdom of ten thousand people is now a continent holding millions, and is the last piece of humanity still existing,” Eris added. “So even more pressure leaning in that direction.”

Darcie stood up from her stool and walked around the counter, coming to a stop just beside Eris. Unfortunately, Eris started to wonder what the woman looked like naked when she got closer and could see the curves of her breasts under her sweater. Having Darcie then rest her hand atop of Eris’s trembling ones to help steady them didn’t really help the lewd thoughts much. Her fingers were soft, like Bailey’s when they were wrapped around her-

“There is one other factor to understand, Eris.” Darcie cut off Eris’s perverted inner thoughts. “Wanting to do bad and needing to do bad are two very different things. A woman held at knifepoint and forced to kill three people to save herself isn’t a murderer- she’s a survivor.”

“What if…” Eris found herself talking without even meaning to. “What if she didn’t know whether she wanted to do it or not?”

“If she wasn’t sure whether to let herself die or the three others?” Darcie asked for clarification. Eris nervously shook her head.

“No- if she wasn’t sure whether she already wanted to kill those three and the knife was an excuse to do it.”

Darcie’s lips became a thin line and her other hand came to rest on Eris’s shoulder, giving a firm squeeze.

“Then that is a woman who needs help, if she’s brave enough to accept it.”