Day One Thousand One Hundred Thirty-Four

Dear Diary,

Y'know, I've always heard that once you've got a plan in place, the doing is the easy part.

Honestly, I've mostly believed that. My lived experience lines up with that, both back in the day and here and now.

Huh, I keep calling here and now 'here and now', but while it's definitely here, it isn't really 'now' any more. The person I was when i showed up here isn't the person I am now. Shit, I'm pretty sure Past Me wasn't her either, because there was so much trauma I'd recovered from. Yeah, plenty I'd gotten since then, like falling to my death, diving headfirst into my worst impulses, getting nommed by a dragon, murd... executing ten thousand poor bastards in ten minutes of blood and terror. But somehow the shit that had happened back in the day wasn't weighing on me, and the fresh trauma wasn't either.

I mean, it just makes sense, what with Past Me being an artifact of Ria's very much well intentioned Blessing, but I think it's interesting that looking back, Past Me wasn't the me who arrived here on Day One. So much had changed, not just around me, but in me since I arrived. Shit, it's even possible that when I first hit that Blend switch and formed the physical appearance and body that I've come to think of as 'me' I made my new self the same physiological equivalent age as me from back in the day. If that's the case, then given weird aging rates caused by Hybrid genetics, maybe the... I guess year between me arriving and Ria Blessing me was one of those big neurological remodeling years.

But I guess 'here and now' is still, y'know, here. If I'm talking about myself right now, it's still now. So I guess it's still here and now, but I gotta maybe stop using that as shorthand for when I arrived here. But I also guess that here isn't a bad thing to call it.

At any rate, before I waxed not very poetic about how I refer to my past life and my current one, I was talking about planning something out being the hard part. Okay, the absolute hardest part for me is kicking something off, taking that initial step, pushing over that first domino. Don't get me wrong, setting up the dominoes is an absolute pain in the ass, even or maybe especially if I've hit the Absolut. Planning is not easy. But unless the Neurodivergence Department in my brain declares that the Stars Are Right, I have to beat myself to push over that first domino.

After that, everything is... Not 'easy', not always, but if I've planned properly, I'm not acting. I'm reacting to whatever happens. Okay, that's me in a nutshell, a bundle of reactions and reflexes, but if I've put the plan together properly, like I did dealing with the Kaiju, I'm just reacting to the next domino falling. There's no executive dysfunction, because I'm not taking action, I'm reacting to whatever just happened.

I mean, it helps that once I push over that first domino, there's usually some adrenaline flowing. Adrenaline will work in place of dopamine in a pinch. Shit, I'm not sure, but adrenaline might be one of those precursor things, that sets off dopamine production. Or maybe it's the other way around. Again, not a scientist, just a kid with an internet connection and no self-regulatory mechanims.

Thing is, all that aside, and even though proper planning not only prevents piss poor performance, it also generally sets me up so that I don't have to act, just react, now and then I get into situations that are... Not Like That.

Yes, I am absolutely talking about having The Talk with twenty-three kids of varying sizes and ages ranging from 'Marie's calf' to 'compact mini-van' and 'typical precocious grade schooler' to 'High School Senior'. I didn't include Isnomi in any of those other than the initial count, either, because mini-bitch Menace apparently not only sizes how she wants, she does the same with age when she can get away with it too.

Yes, twenty-three. Isnomi. The five from Marie's original horde hoard. Seven kits. Jack and Karen. Aisling. Aoibh. Normally that's who I would have been planning on, although I guess I shouldn't have counted Aoibh, since she pretty much did nothing except suck, shit, and sleep today, although she did wind up being a pretty pointed object lesson in 'the dangers of unprotected sex', what with most of the kids seeing most of Siobhan's fourteen months of 'morning sickness' and catching the edges of her week long labor.

But Conrad decided that he wanted to come along, since I'd never given him 'The Talk'. Which was patently absurd, but I've always tried to be the best mom I can for him, and part of that is including him in any family activities he showed an interest in. Which meant I wasn't gonna tell him no about coming along. Which meant I also couldn't tell him no when he insisted on bringing his brother. Not Jack. The other one. Specifically, the incestuous mostly inanimate sentient weapon of mass destruction and Primordial of Calamity, Vulcan.

Yes, I Inspected him before bringing him along, just to make sure there would be no shenanigans.

At any rate, with the entire expanded horde hoard going, D made noises about wanting to go along this week, and once Sarah and Dionysus were going, Alexandra asked if she and Venus could come along as well, because Venus is now interacting. She's still very childish, but she's got the body of an adult woman, so she needs to hear about some of this shit, as irrelevant as some of it is for those of us who are Divine.

So yeah, on top of the nineteen kids I'm normally nominally momming, Conrad, Vulcan, D, and Venus were in the audience today.

I swear, if I'd realized that last night, I might have asked Marie to do a Sparagmos on me, just to give me an excuse not to be there.

So yesterday we'd cooked up a bunch of different stuff that packed well, so we could eat with Mom and Dad at their place. A surprising amount of it wound up what I still think of as G Food. The stuff you'd find in the little lunch kitchen at the back of the cheapest class of bodega, where they've got a repurposed deli counter, a deep fryer, and absolutely no problems with bribing the health inspectors. Pretty much all of it fell into 'food on a stick' or 'deep fried pocket pastry filled with dubious greasy treats'. We'd also done a bunch of prep work for a couple recipes I'd surreptitiously ferreted out that Doc Z liked and Doc G knew how to make, because while they didn't come along for the sleepover, they'd been doing a job of work helping with the therapy sessions.

That meant no long soak in the Bath. Okay, nowhere near the long soak I wanted. Just showering everyone clean, soaking while we waited for everyone else to be ready, then getting up and drying off.

The girls joined us in the Dining Room, where we'd divvied the food out into portions small enough for everyone to carry. Which for me and Isadora pretty much meant a food truck's worth, but by unspoken agreement the Mom Collective have decided it's best if our kids help out whenever they can. Yeah, when a column is going down the road the combatants need their hands free, but we had no intention of letting that become 'the rich don't carry shit'.

That's right about when Conrad showed up carrying Vulcan's case, and the other four arrived shortly afterward.

Gotta say, Mom and Dad didn't bat an eye when our four permanent houseguests showed up. if they batted any eyes at Conrad and Vulcan... Honestly, I flinch at Conrad on the regular, and Vulcan's sense of humor guarantees me my surgeon general's recommended daily allowance of groans whenever he's involved.

Still, Dad rolled with it. "Welcome, Grandson. Grandsons."

Conrad just did that little head bow thing, recognizing that he stood in somebody else's home. "Thank you, Grandfather." His smile was no more than sixty percent smirk by volume as he added, "both of us are pleased to be included." Then he pulled out a little side table, set it along one wall, then set Vulcan's case atop it, propping the lid open with two of his bolts.

Then we all sat down to dinner. I swear I'd never seen someone eat a pastelillo without making at least a little bit of a mess, but my most fastidious son managed it somehow. I'm not sure I liked D looking up to Conrad as an example, but somehow he wound up mostly clean as well. His fellow Olympian, on the other hand, did not. After sniffing at her first pastelillo, she took the tiniest bite possible. Okay, the tiniest bite for her, at any rate, which was a solid hunk of nothing but deep fried pastry. That got her to give a confused, suspicious look at the pastry, at which point she took a much larger bite. Which, since she'd already taken out most of the flat crusty edge, put like a third of the filling in her mouth. Not to mention another third running down her front.

Her eyes shot wide, and as soon as she could swallow she jammed the rest of the pastelillo into her mouth, grabbing for another one. That one went down, but by the time she grabbed for a third, Alexandra was there. "Slowly, my Goddess."

If Venus got the tiniest of pouts, she didn't whine. But she did ask The Question. "Why?"

"First, if you eat too quickly, you might harm yourself. Second, if you gobble you do not savor, do not receive the full experience of the flavor." She nodded toward the Menace, who'd chucked an entire meat pastry in her mouth, but then settled down and masticated it, eyes closed and obviously enjoying the experience. "Finally," Alexandra added, her voice going quieter, the only reason I could hear her was how I'd moved closer when i saw her try to physically restrain her Goddess. "there are little ones here. Mortal ones."

"So?" Venus had lowered her voice in response to Alexandra, but she was still kinda on the audible side, what with the whole Olympian stature thing.

At that point it looked like Alexandra was struggling with the wording, so I stepped up. Equally quietly, I said, "Mortals, especially young ones, need this food. If they don't get it, they die. For us?" I split my first pastelillo of the night, which I'd been kind of pondering before eating, in half, and handed the other half to Venus. "This is basically just flavor. A nice experience, but we won't die without it." I took a small bite, took my time savoring it, then leaned in closer. "Don't worry. Marie and I made plenty extra, there ought to be leftovers when the kids and Mortal ladies are done, and if you're really still hungry we might be able to hop back and make some more once the kids are asleep."

Venus looked thoughtful as she nodded, then took a big bite of the pastelillo I'd handed her. Which was pretty much all of it but the crust she'd gripped it by.

"Thank you," whispered Alexandra.

"De nada. Us moms gotta help one another out." She blushed, but nodded before turning back to try and clean up some of the sauce on Venus' front.

Decided it was not my lookout when she wound up with half a handful of filling she had no idea what to do with until Venus stuck Alexandra's entire hand into her mouth to lick it clean. Like I said, childish, in the 'maybe slightly articulate toddler' sense.

Also kind of telling which of the room watched that with a kind of carefully hidden refusal to leer, which ignored it, and which ones laughed like it was the height of slapstick. For what it's worth, Venus seemed to be between the second and third, and Conrad was the absolute center of that second part, closely matched by Tallulah, who'd been talking with him about the meat skewers. Guess being Ace does have its benefits.

Everybody, with the exception of Vulcan, slept in one big pile. Even, wonder of wonders, Conrad. i did not expect him to be snuggled in amongst the smaller kits, spooned up behind Isnomi, who had her arms around Aisling, but there we were.

I'd wonder what he was trying to pull, but again, tryna be a good mom for him. Who knows, maybe even he can Change.

I did ask him why he'd stayed overnight in the morning. He put on the best fake wistful look I'd ever seen and said, "it's been an age since I slept. Perhaps two since I did so in the company of another."

"So. Did you sleep well?"

"While my sisters are warm and, for those with fur, soft, the blankets did not quite soften the rock of the floor." Then he smiled. "Other than that? Like a babe in arms."

Once we'd collected the Docs and had the breakfast we brought, I got everybody settled in, all the kids, which amusingly included Conrad and Vulcan, facing me where I sat on the end of Dad's bed, between his feet, my legs dangling between my brother's intestines. The Mom Collective, with Sarah and Alexandra as temporary honorary members, were spaced along the back row, ready to step up if my voice got tired or I couldn't think of an answer, and also to do what I think my grade school teachers would call 'breakout sessions' with the kids who needed more help.

"Okay, kids. There's some stuff we need to talk about."

"What stuff?" asked Menace, her hellish dentition put away for the moment.

"A bunch of stuff," I held up a hand for patience. "Some of it is Adult stuff. Some of it is silly, or silly-adjacent. But some of it isn't; stuff that even somebody with as much silliness as your brother Conrad," I very pointedly ignored his sly smile and raised eyebrow," needs to know, even if I think he probably knows most of it already. Hygiene. The basics of reproduction. Consent. Maybe more details, if any of you need them. Or want them." I paused, thinking, then said, "all of you need to know about hygiene, and the basics of the other stuff. If, once you know those basics, you're not comfortable hearing more details, let one of the moms or Docs or Grandpa and Grandma know and they can maybe talk with you about something else, or answer other questions for you."

I firmed up my voice as the first hands went up, blessing the fact that we'd had them in class until that was sort of baked into them, and said, "but all of you need to know the basics. It's important." After a moment, I looked at the least likely culprit to raise a hand. "Conrad?"

"What questions may we ask, Mother?"

Holy fuck, but my boy had actually asked a useful leading question. Had to do something nice for him sometime soon. "Anything at all, as long as it's on the topics we're discussing. Or, y'know, at least sort of related somehow. No trying to derail the conversation because you don't like it, because some of your sss... siblings might really need to know this stuff. No asking stuff just to gross your sibs out, either. Like I said, this might be important for some of you, and some parts of it will be important for all of you at some point in your life."

Yeah, we started with hygiene, just like I said. If Jack was embarrassed at me knowing that he wasn't circumcised, which isn't apparently real common here and now, he didn't show it in the slightest, and when I pointed out that any little flaps of skin that collected sweat and funky smells probably needed regular rinsing and occasional scrubbing lest they start growing cheese, he laughed right along with the girls. I pointed out that normal sweat and washing might make stuff a little pink, and scrubbing too hard might make it red, but if it stayed that way, they should talk with one of us, just so make sure nothing bad was growing where they couldn't see it easily.

Ria pointed out that a few of them knew Assess Health, and Siobhan took over for a bit, explaining the common infections it could identify, what awful nasty shit those infections could produce. That got appropriate booger looks from the kids, which convinced me they'd come to us if something wasn't right. Better to have them come to us over nothing than avoid it until it hurt them.

When we got to menstrual periods, Jack raised his hand. "Do I need to know this?"

I nodded. "You might. You might get married one day, and knowing this stuff might be important if you have a wife. You might have a daughter. Your sisters might need help related to this. Hell, you might decide at some point that you are less boy than you thought, at which point you'll want to know for purely personal reasons."

Before Jack could even argue, Conrad interjected with a quiet, "Mother is correct in this, Brother."

"Okay. Thanks."

I think he really meant that. I hadn't blown his question off, but I hadn't excused him from it, either. Also, I was kinda gobsmacked by Conrad backing me up.

Once we went through the entire process of uterine lining, or 'womb lining' as Siobhan called it, as well as ovulating and ditching lining and egg both, the other questions started.

Karen asked, "eggs?"

"Yep."

"All of us?" She almost didn't look at Isnomi, but she very definitely caught my rolled eyes when I cleared my throat.

"Yes, Karen. Every Human and Human-Adjacent woman I know of drops at least one egg every time they have their period."

"But..." I practically heard the question before she asked it, "I've never seen or heard of that?"

"They're really little. Like smaller than a grain of sand. They're also clear, which means they're near impossible to spot in that big mass of half congealed blood."

At that point I realized that while Siobhan had stayed up front near me, Saffron had waylaid the Docs and was quietly answering what had to be an absolute avalanche of questions. Fortunately,  smart men though they were, my Kitten was absolutely smarter than both of them put together, and used to wrangling the Grand Council to boot.

The next question came from the kits. Hailee, specifically, although the rest of them seemed to be looking to her to ask. "We've never experienced that?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Back where I'm from, women have them once a month. From what Mommy Marie tells me, she gets hers once a year?"

Marie nodded, then added, "Usually Spring."

"Okay, so for you kits, you might have been too young this Spring. Or maybe you'll have them at different rates than her."

"What about you?"

I shrugged. "i don't get that. I mean, I haven't. For all I know, it's gonna happen once a decade. Or maybe I'll never get that. Or maybe..." I shrugged, at a loss for a second.

Siobhan jumped into the gap. "Every Human-Adjacent Race has different moon blood cycles. Longer lifespans tend toward longer cycles, but this is not always the case. Also, some women who are particularly athletic or undernourished have them intermittently or not at all." Quicker than ideas could form, she frowned and said, "this is not a good thing. Normal cycles are healthy. Irregular cycles can be a sign something is wrong, and you should speak with a Healer about it. Or your mother."

"Which one?"

Siobhan blushed, but smiled at Maze's question. "Any of us, Mazikeen. At worst, if one of us does not have enough knowledge to confirm that you are healthy, we can take you to one of the others who does. Or if none of us do, to a Hospital or Healer where someone does."

Again, I realized that one of my kids had stepped in and asked a question not because they needed the answer, but because some of the others might need to hear it.

So proud of my kids. We talked about which kinds of cloth were good to use, both for absorbency and ease of cleaning. Lindsey asked some questions about herbs that could stop a period, and while I wasn't surprised about Marie and Siobhan each knowing some, I did not expect Tallulah and Alexandra to add in a few more each.

Of course at that point it came up that some of them were abortifacients, which meant we had to explain what that meant. Some of the girls looked a little ill at the idea of terminating a pregnancy, but Saffron stepped into that gap. "There are times when a woman is not in any condition to carry a child to term. Times when trying to would kill her long before the babe could survive. There are lean times when a child would cause both her and her mother to starve. There are women too young to be mothers, and women too old to do so as well." She shrugged. "There are as many reason to follow that path as there are women, and the final decision lies with the mother herself."

She deflated a little, and Tallulah came to her rescue. "But doing so deliberately aside, doing so by accident would be a tragedy, which is why we tell you which of these herbs would do such things."

Definitely appreciated having the Mom Collective at my back just then.

Kinda weird, but most of the kids had at least a passing familiarity with the idea of sex. Like, some of them had seen parents doing it. Some of them had seen the livestock breeding down in the barns. Sure as shit Lindsey'd at least had seen that. So even Daya and Menace, who were clearly the 'youngest' pair, weren't skeeved by it. Bored, maybe, in Daya's case, and eye rolling and muttering about 'silliness' in Menace's case, but neither of them seemed in any way traumatized to hear about that particular part of the birds and bees.

Oddly enough, the whole discussion on Consent wound up super short. Not that it wasn't important, or that I cut it short, but after I'd gone over the basics about each of them having final say in what happened to their bodies, Alex raised her hand and announced, "Isnomi told us about this!"

Yeah. Apparently that conversation I'd had with her after the whole fight with The Morrigan had stuck, and her two Priestesses in Training had gotten an earful. So, y'know, the entire idea wasn't a foreign concept to them, at least. We talked about it for a bit, and then the kids kinda broke up into groups, each one asking one or two of the adultier Adults in the room about something. I very carefully ignored how Anise and Felicia asked Marie to explain details of the Act of Mating, as the Bloodhound Gang put it. I mean, shit, I'd done that shit with her, but I still...

They hadn't asked me, and I absolutely did not feel any kind of way about that, because them asking me meant I would have had to answer, and I'm not sure I was ready for that.

Even if them asking meant they were probably ready for the answers.

Mom Collective for the win.

I just got Jack, Isadora, D, Venus, and fuckin' Conrad asking me if I'd ever actually kissed a boy, and what that was like.

Fuckin' Conrad, man. Even if, y'know, he doesn't do that. Which is fine too.