Day One Thousand One Hundred Fifty-One

Dear Diary,

Still so weird sometimes, finding myself where I am. Who I am. Who I've surrounded myself with.

Not bad, mind you, or in any way unwanted, but holy shit is it weird.

I mean, the street kid in me is just boggled at how I've managed to acquire not just a singular loving partner, but a whole assed Mom Collective, of whom I'm one, who all love me in their own way. And I them, honestly. Each one of those combinations is unique, even if there's some overlap in the Venn Diagram. Much like there's some overlap between my partners. I guess my inner Tomoko isn't surprised that I find that hot enough that there is no room left for jealousy, but the fact that they all return the sentiment, both in terms of overlap with me and enjoying the show, that's just wild to me. Again, not bad, just something that still catches me now and then and makes me go 'wow, that's so cool'.

Okay, there's a strong feel of 'don't fuck this up' on endless repeat, too, but that's just me knowing me. Although lately that's getting quieter. I'm never not going to worry about fucking it up, but somehow I've come to realize that what they want isn't some performative... Performance I'm putting on for them. They don't want me for things I do. Or rather, they enjoy the things I do, but more because they're things I do than because of what I'm doing. Or because I'm the one doing them.

The things. Not my ladies. Although I have it on good High Clergy Mind Meld authority that they enjoy that too.

So yesterday was, honestly, the absolute most pleasant kind of boring. Nothing at all unexpected happened. I taught Math, I guarded bodies, I did laundry, I cooked dinner. I think having six bodies all with something to do is helpful for my ADHD. I still can't really multitask any more than any Human Adjacent Mortal person, but as Saffron has pointed out I can fake it real good. I still wind up with all but one of me disappearing when I fall asleep though. Thing is, whenever one of me is losing the ability to stay on task, I kinda put that me on autopilot and score some dopamine from one of the others. Mostly that's the one doing laundry, but honestly there are boring moments while cooking and teaching too. I mean, bodyguarding would be boring as fuck on the best of days, but there I've got fantastic scenery, terrain, or occasionally both.

Yeah, Tallulah has taken to running her fingers through my hair as an idle fidget. Sometimes she skritches my scalp, sometimes she does the finger combing thing, sometimes she just strokes my curls. Meanwhile I lay there like the worlds biggest, laziest guard dog. Okay, not biggest, because Cerberus is a pupper who exists, but I think I can compete with all three of him in terms of being lazy.

'Course, the funniest part of yesterday was actually today after dark. Just after dark, as I stepped us all home. Specifically as I went to bring Marie and Saffron home from the Grand Council chambers, at which point she redirected us to my office, looked at me, and said, "don't think I didn't notice you fondling me with your tentacles all day."

I just smiled the smile of one who is innocent of what she'd accused me of and said, "but I didn't?"

"Then who, pray tell, was doing so?"

My grin got very impish, and I brought in a few tentacles. First I wrapped one around just under her breasts. "See, this is a tentacle helping support you. Like a bra." Then I pulled another pair around and did a little bit of light fondling. "This is tentacle fondling. Neither of those is what you felt today, right?"

She frowned. "No. They are not."

I realized that her frown was just as much play acting as my innocence. So I stepped behind her, took her in hand, and whispered into her ear, "did you forget I can Blend?"

"All day long?"

I shrugged, enjoying her very pointed responses. "Yeah, well. You didn't seem to mind."

She huffed. "Very distracting. Next you'll wind up fingering me in public like that."

"Nah."

"Nah?"

I snickered, then whispered into her ear again, "that, my Kitten, is far easier to do with tentacles."

Marie snorted, shook her head, and ended our flirtatious little conversation with a single, "Truth."

Then she stepped us both down to dinner.

I kept it simple today. Omelets and fried toast. Different fillings and spreads depending on who was getting them, because that doesn't take all that much more effort, and it makes my girls happy.

After dinner, in the Bath, Siobhan floated over to me. "I heard what you did with Saffron today."

I paused a moment. "Too much?"

She smiled. "She would tell you if it was."

I shook my head the tiniest bit. "Yeah, well. I'm not sure about that." When she lifted an eyebrow, I shrugged and said, "she didn't say anything when I more or less told her I might wind up doing tentacle things to her next time."

Her smile remained unchanged. Okay, no, it slipped the tiniest bit, but turned wistful rather than disappointed in me. "As I said, she would tell you if it was. I think she does find the meetings boring, or frustrating, or possibly both. She's also far braver than I."

"Huh?"

"If I were braver, I'd be asking why you haven't done that to me."

I shrugged. "You're not wearing enough to let me really get my fondle on without showing you off to the whole Infirmary."

She just grinned at me. "And?"

I rolled my eyes. "Really? You're getting all exhibitionist too now?"

"Now? I didn't have all that long from the time you first wooed me to the time Saffron got me with child and I lost any ability to enjoy anything to the fullest. And..." She stared off into the distance, pondering.

"Obol for your thoughts?"

She smiled. "No, I think if I were to do anything with an Bonita Obol, her husband would insist on joining in, and I'd rather not."

I just stared at her for a minute. "You're serious?"

She shrugged. "I think that year or more of misery has left me with no real shame or hesitation when it comes to things I've not yet tried. I might not enjoy or repeat things, but I don't think I'm nearly as afraid as I used to be."

At that point Aoibh, who'd been floating snuggled next to Marie, woke up and started grumbling. Marie handed her over, and Siobhan shifted around to let her nurse.

"I must admit, I never really appreciated how uncomfortable these can get while she naps."

"Yeah, that's another reason. I might be able to avoid flashing you to the world, but you'd kinda wind up leaking if I got handsy with you."

She frowned. "True. I'd hate to wind up with my robes smelling of cheese by the end of the day."

I chuckled. "Yeah. So... When she's weaned?"

Siobhan sighed, then smiled. "Let it be so."

As we all snuggled in with the kids in the bedroom after a quick trip to the Bedroom, I murmured into Saffron's ear, "was that Consent I heard regarding you, tentacles, and the Grand Council chambers?"

"Hmm... Yes. And retroactive for the pleasant support today."

I winced. "Fuck. Sorry."

"Did that," she murmured sleepily. "Also Consented, as noted. Enjoyed it. Which you knew I would. Go to sleep, love."

So I did. Dreamt of my ladies doing more East Tower choreography. Like a diving competition. Okay, not all of them, just Marie and the Archmagi, but still. They hit depths where I'd rarely managed to pull someone with my tentacles.

Still couldn't taste them right, though.

In the morning I went about my day, and it looked to be another lovely boring day. Cooking, cleaning, not quite napping with my head against Tallulah's knee, playing with the kids, watching Saffron walking around looking all anticipatory, goosing Siobhan after sending her a mental image of doing so and getting an enormous smile in reply, and teaching the Camden Yards Cadets some more... I want to say 'Combined Arms', but honestly I'm not sure it qualifies. Still, I taught them more about Shaping during combat. Honestly, I kinda wish I'd taught my other classes more about that, but I guess that's one of those reasons experience counts. The longer you do something, the more mistakes you make, the better you get at not making mistakes.

Or at least you make all new ones.

Late in the afternoon, Orla dropped in, by the faint smell of salt and the sea straight from the Penetrating. "Champion?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"It's the Pirates."

I Co-Located one of me to her side, then stepped us both to my office. "Are they... Wait, which group?"

"The new ones, specifically the ones not yet under contract."

I nodded. "Okay, what's up?"

"It has to do with that, actually. Some of them are... I don't want to accuse them of dealing in Bad Faith, because that's exactly what they've been implying."

"Dafuq?"

She shrugged. "So far there are three broad groups among them. Those who saw our fleet, saw us working with our three Mercenary Captains, and decided to sign up. Those who hesitated, who are speaking with both our Mercenaries and some of our Sailors, I think to try and get a better deal or perhaps a better idea of what they're getting in to."

"And the third?" I asked when she paused.

"Those... Haven't really negotiated. They haven't refused to talk, but it's becoming clearer and clearer that they don't intend to sign on with us. But they also haven't taken the opportunities we've given them to escape, nor have they asked to be set free."

"Escape?"

She shrugged again. "The Imperator's idea. She's hoping that knowing we won't execute those who don't join with us will make others more likely to strike their colors than fight to the death."

"Okay, that makes sense. So why'd you come to me about the last group?"

She shook her head. "I... I'm not sure. Just a hunch, really, but I think they're not fully in control of themselves. I wondered if you or one of the Archmagi could come confirm my suspicion."

I thought about that. "Any time criticality to this?"

She thought about it, then said, "if they're still being obstructionist when all of the others are dealt with, the Mercenaries may take offense and initiate violence. Or some less desirable eventuality beyond our control."

I nodded. "Okay. I'll be around tomorrow morning."

"I'll see you then, Goddess."

Ah, well. A Goddess' work is never done. Which is probably a good thing, considering how close I've been to depressed the past few weeks.