Day One Thousand One Hundred And Eighty-One

Dear Diary,

Y'know, I know that I've made it clear, or tried to, that I'm a Goddess of Agency. I mean, it's not a Domain or anything, at least not that I know of. Honestly, I'm not sure how or if that could even be a Domain. It's kinda abstract, really, unlike shit like 'Lightning' or 'Dark' or... Fuck, even 'Healing' is a natural process. A word that is a noun, and a noun that describes a concrete, real process that exists. Meanwhile Agency is just, I dunno, I'm pretty sure it's something that philosophers argued over whether it existed or not in a deterministic universe.

I'd say that I'm no longer in that universe, but I can't really tell which is more deterministic, one that runs via cause and effect, or one that runs via literal Fate Deities weaving some kinda giant tapestry.

Although... I guess if it comes down to it, Change is kinda abstract as well. And if Fate Deities are a thing here, then I guess Agency is just Changing Fate. So maybe that's just part and parcel of me as Mimic. Which really makes me wish I could get my shit together and multitask, because I sure as fuck wish I could make sure that everybody within my realm of influence actually had Agency.

I think part of that is the whole 'Justice' and 'Redemption' thing. Not to mention Egalitarianism. Because if being of equal moral value under the law is important, then being of equal moral value under Metaphysics really ought to be. Because if somebody's Fated to be an asshole, like at every single important point of their life they're railroaded into saying or doing the exact wrong thing, I can't see where that's really their fault. So anything that happens to them isn't really 'Justice'. Fuck, if that's the case, and Fate is just running them around like a puppet, they're not really 'Redeemed' either.

Y'know, I gotta check with the Norns about that. Because while I know they and the Moirai are both Deities of Fate, where the Moirai are all about determining the color, length, shape, direction, and placement of every single fuckin' life, if I remember that old book the Norns are really more about making sure the world itself is functioning like it ought to. Watering, tending, pruning the branches of Yggdrasil. Which might just be a different way of saying the same thing, or might be closer to making sure cause follows effect and shit like that.

At any rate, I know I talked about it in my Doctrine, but the problem with Agency is that there is more than one Person with Agency in the universe. And if there's one thing that the dipshits who do shit like former Holder Landau are all about their own Agency, but do not give the slightest shit about the Agency of others.

Thing is, when I look at things like Fate and Domains and Deities, that gets even hairier, and not in the way Karen enjoys her partners. Seriously, at this point the folks I'm looking at personally visiting Justice and Vengeance on are Deities or people at that level of power. And while my first instinct is to say people with that level of power have all the Agency in the world, I've realized that might not be quite correct. Tallulah, for example, has frozen up completely when she tries to lie, or go against her given word in any way. Shit, Ria's had the same problem, so that's maybe a Sidhe thing, but 'preternaturally good at Shaping and Immortal' is a heck of a Racial combo pack.

Or the kind of thing that happened to me tonight, even though I almost missed it. Fuck, I did miss it until after the fact.

So after teaching Math all day yesterday, I came home, made sure everybody was home and fed, then looked at my Kitten.

"What's wrong, love?"

I sucked at my teeth for a second, then said, "I'm not sure I'm up for anything tonight." When she looked at me, I sighed and explained, "the stuff with Holder Landau has had me kinda lost in my head about it."

She nodded. "Well then. Perhaps go and tell your Worshippers that?"

I thought about it. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that."

So after giving out hugs and kisses to kids and ladies, I stepped to the Temple of Love, dropping my Blend as I did.

The moment I arrived, I turned to Karen. "Who's first tonight?"

Yeah, I didn't realize it at that point. I spent the first hour or so with Amber, letting her vent her frustrations as I massaged her. She shuddered to stillness at the end with a smile on her face.

Then Karen sent me to New Amsterdam, where Marie had Andre and Andrea waiting. Kind of a challenge keeping things synchronized with the pair of them, but kinda fun nonetheless.

Finally down to Norfolk, where Madeline had a young Jotnar siting tailor style next to the Altar.

"This is Jorgen, Goddess."

I stepped up, laid a hand on his knee, and said, "so, Jorgen, what did you want to do?"

He blushed, and I looked into that dark place inside him.

"Really?"

He blushed harder, then nodded.

I smiled up at him. "I'm gonna need to go get some supplies, okay?"

He nodded, and I hopped back home, gathered up some supplies, then hopped back to find Jorgen, Madeline, and the rest of the congregation next to a newly excavated pit on the beach.

Did not expect to be doing a cookout today, but I'm not gonna let one of my faithful go without when his deep, hidden need was an invitation to my personal cookout.

In the morning, after feeding not just Jorgen, but the rest of the congregation once he'd eaten his fill, I hopped back to the Homestead, carrying the crocks and pots I'd used to cook for Jorgen.

I think I surprised Murder Mittens when I stood there, arms and tentacles full of cookware, when I barked out, "what the fuck?"