Day One Thousand One Hundred And Eighty-Nine

Dear Diary,

I really don't know what's going to happen with Furtim.

I'm okay with that.

Unfortunately, me being me, I'm not sure I'm okay with being okay with that.

On the one hand, she never really discussed the whole kid thing with me. I'm not sure whether it's some switch that got flipped by Isnomi, my Domain of Children, or some combination thereof, but I take parenting seriously, and that includes the 'making the kids' part. Not just doing the deed, but deciding to make kids. That's important.

But I only really remember that one time when the two of us did the deed with me as a Troll. A he-Troll to be precise, although I guess I was a pretty fuckin' big he-Troll, what with not being dwarfed by Furtim. Which means that part of her whole deep, secret need at that point was having me provide her with the kid requisitions.

But my point here is that I'm not gonna beat myself up for deciding to get her with kids. Or, as I'm just now realizing, literally fertilizing her eggs. She made that decision, asked me for help in my role of Goddess, and I provided what she needed.

Wait, no, I might have provided for her as her Goddess, but she might have asked me because I'm her Legate. Which might not be important, or it might be critical, and I just do not know. This is so stupid, I read all the bullshit takes on 'difficulties with interracial relationships', and you'd think mating with a literal lizard would be the weird part here, with the eggs and all, but it turns out the weirder part is the cultural differences. Which I'm not even fuckin' sure what they are, even though I've got a suspicion that I'm gonna be less clueless than I might otherwise assume.

Because back in the day the one group of baby daddies who were, as a class, not actually deadbeats? The dudes who went into the armed forces. Now, I'm not sayin' that every dude in the Army was a saint or whatever, but apparently they made enough money that they could send some home, and their NCOs made sure they did. Now, from that point all kinds of shit went wrong. Oh, fuck did things go wrong. Dads insisting on paternity tests, moms getting pregnant while the dad was deployed and claiming it was his anyhow, you name it, people fucked it up. But ain't nothin' gonna stop people being assholes. Hell, at one point I remember a woman getting power of attorney for her husband because that was standard operating procedure when a dude was deployed to a combat zone, then using that power of attorney to sign all the divorce papers giving her all his shit.

None of that was what I meant though. What I meant was that I've seen that 'dad's in the military, so he's never home, but he's still dad, and when he's around he's probably gonna do actual dad things'. Long distance relationships for work purposes, I guess, only with kids. Which kinda applies to Furtim.

Okay, no, it absolutely applies to Furtim. Because I saw at least one lesbian couple like that. Fuck, she even reminded me a little of Furtim. Big half-Samoan chick, reminded me a little of Angel, only bigger.

At any rate, spent a lazy day with Furtim yesterday, although at one point before dinner she stepped back to check on the Legion and the Plundering. The Legion is back aboard the Black Dragon, and the Plundering is escorting the Black Dragon on a slow loop around the islands. Ostensibly they're doing cleanup and S&R for potential leftover survivors from the Sidhe Cutters, but I'm thinking they're also a bit of gunboat diplomacy. Y'know, 'our little ships are bigger and faster than your big ships, and our big ship is on another level entirely, not to mention carrying an entire fuckin' Legion of Trolls'.

From what she said, the Plundering will be heading home after that loop, and all but a single Cohort will be returning with her. When I asked her how they're all gonna fit on the Conquering, she just grinned at me. Yeah, I know, stupid question; the only things in the water who might give Trolls trouble are Kraken, and we're all one big happy family now.

Speaking of happy families, the girls are apparently taking their time with nicknames for their Trollette sisters.

Also, after another steak and potatoes dinner, long shower and night napping in the bath, I broached a related subject with Furtim today while the two of us were standing atop the West Tower watching the harvest. 

"So, tomorrow we're all gonna go over to my Dad's place for a sleepover and family therapy." I paused to make sure she was following, but she just stared at me. "I was kinda hoping you and the girls could come along?"

Yeah, she definitely does that mouth clapping thing when she's thinking. Guess it works better for her than humming. Also works almost like an auditory 'loading' animation, since I've never seen her keep clapping after she replies. But this time it went on for a while.

Finally she asked, "why?"

I thought about it. "Because they're my daughters too? Yours and mine? Ours?"

She nodded slowly. "Ours."

"So we've got a whole lot of kids from a whole lot of places. Not to mention the moms are kind of a mix too. Dan, Bag, Sidhe, Maenad... Troll. It's... It's a way we can make sure none of us are feeling some kind of way, feeling bad about the way we're treating them. Or being treated. An open forum to talk stuff out, because we all have different assumptions."

She froze for a split second at that. Then looked at me. Then looked back at the harvest, mouth making that clacking clap again.

Eventually, she nodded again. "Once."

i thought about it, trying to make sure I was giving it the same consideration she had. "To see what it's like, what it's about?"

"Yes."

"If you like what you see, will you come along again?"

She paused, but this time her jaw wasn't working. I think she might have known what she wanted to say, but it took her a while to find the right way to phrase it. Which was weird, considering how simple her eventual answer wound up.

"Maybe." Then, after a long, long pause that she somehow still kept me quiet during, just saying with body language that she wasn't done, "daughters will, though."