Day One Thousand One Hundred And Eighty-Eight

Dear Diary,

I am really bad at diplomacy.

Okay, there are certain kinds of diplomacy I'm apparently not half bad at, but those are mostly the 'swap bodily fluids until everyone agrees that being friends is way better than fighting' kinds. Occasionally those bodily fluids are the unsexy kind, like blood and snot and puke, especially when somebody gets punched in the lower abdomen hard enough. Typically they're the sexy kinds, like sweat and spooge and natural lube, and now the part of me that resonates with my Kitten is insisting I put blood on this side of the ledger too.

I mean, Marie mauling is incredible for my kind of chronic pain, but it does occasionally leave me literally slick with blood, so, I guess that's not wrong. Okay, not incorrect. I refuse to make moral judgements on blood play.

Fuck, my Moral Compass is pointing directly at is an objective good, because holy shit has it ever lead to 'fortune cookie for everyone' on the regular.

At any rate, my Kitten can do that five dimensional chess thing where no matter what choice her opponent makes they're playing right into her plan. Meanwhile I'm over here wishing I was smart enough... No, tryna do better, and I'm not stupid, but I'm also not subtle, not the kind of person who makes a ten thousand branch decision tree every time my conversational partner starts talking. I am not stupid, but I am kinda a blunt instrument, and I've made my peace with that.

At any rate, that came up yesterday, not long after the sun rose and showed that the Troll Legion had, in fact, swum upstream under cover of the fire the Pirates in London Castle had lit, then taken said castle overnight. I'm not even gonna say a 'daring night raid', because sending the bulk of the force in isn't exactly a 'raid'. Shit, they didn't go in and disable the weapons or walls or any of that typical 'raid' shit, they straight up conquered the place.

I am beginning to have a deep understanding of why the Tentacle from Troll Home is called the Conquering. Even if I'm not super thrilled with the full name of it juxtaposed with Furtim, because my Troll High Priestess, she a big, big girl, and if Marie's claws are a comfortable fit elsewhere, Furtim's would probably be stretching things depending on how much I'd pre-gamed. Given the complete lack of traffic elsewhere, 'comfortable' becomes 'a little intimidating' and 'stretching' turns out downright scary.

Don't worry, love. Furtim didn't name her Tentacle.

Well. That's a relief at least.

I did.

Oh, shit.

You rather don't, which only adds to the appeal.

Yeah, after I stood there staring at the London Fortress for a while, I noticed Anne waving to me from her ship. Before I could step over to her, Furtim's claw landed on my shoulder.

Goddess?

Yeah?

Bring her?

Honestly, given Furtim and the Legion's performance so far, she'd certainly earned a few perks and bennies, and if she wanted my conversation with Anne to take place on the Conquering, I couldn't see a reason why not. Although amusingly I knew it probably wouldn't be in the big cabin in the stern, because Furtim would have to duck to stand in that room. So I stepped over, took Anne's hand, and stepped back. She blinked, opened her mouth to speak, then froze when Furtim raised a hand.

May I, Goddess?

I mean, she hadn't made a threatening gesture or anything, just stood there, legs shoulder width apart, one hand in the small of her back, the only bit of her not in a perfect parade rest the hand she'd raised, one claw up as if requesting Anne's attention. Go ahead?

She nodded so subtly I thought I might have imagined it if I weren't in her head. "London Castle is ours."

Anne gave her a hopeful smile and said, "the Alliance has the thanks of the Thames for freeing our people, our City, and our Castle from the Leanan Sidhe."

Furtim's claw twitched side to side just once, and it was all I could do not to bark out a laugh at how Anne's mouth snapped shut. "Your people." Furtim nodded. "Your City." She nodded again. "Our Castle."

Anne frowned and turned to me. "Is the Alliance reneging on it's Agreements with us?"

When a woman as big as Furtim snaps her fingers, it sounds an awful lot like a small caliber gunshot. Anne's head snapped back around to look at my Prefect. "The Agreements do not speak of Castles." Anne's jaw dropped a little, and kept going as Furtim continued. I could feel her leaning on Blend for the words, but the ideas were purely her. "The closest clauses speak of captured ships." She paused, and I saw Anne thinking about all the ships she'd passed with pairs and trios of Trolls holding them when Furtim continued. "Any ships captured cooperatively have their value split according to the stipulations of the Agreements, but any ships captured purely by Alliance or Pirate forces belong to those who captured them."

I watched as Anne's building anger warred with her sense of self-preservation. Saw the moment when the two compromised, keeping her hands empty and open as she growled out, "so you would hold our ships, our castle, hostage?"

She glanced over at me, but I just nodded toward Furtim, who managed to keep a poker face while still radiating gratitude at me for not letting Anne use me to bully her. Thank you, Goddess.

De nada. Just please don't ruin our whole mercenary deal with the Pirates?

She smiled, barely. I'm not sure Anne noticed it. Understood. Minimal Casualties. As I relaxed, she said, "ours by right of conquest, but..."

She let that hang until the word was dragged from Anne's lips. "But?"

Furtim's smile got a little wider, enough for Anne to see as my Troll Lady thought, sixth? While I tried to keep my face sober and friendly without giving in to the weightlifter grimace or outright guffaws, she shrugged and said, "the Legion has no need of this Castle, or of these ships. As ought be obvious."

Anne's eyes narrowed. "So you'd be willing to... Negotiate a sale to us?"

Furtim shrugged again. "No long deliberation. Verbal Agreement is acceptable."

Yeah, Anne's eyes tried to go wider, but she was not a stupid woman either. "What do you want?"

Furtim leaned forward. To her credit, even when the Prefect got within 'could literally snap her head off' range, she didn't flinch. Not even when Furtim's grin showed all her teeth before she said, "say please."

Anne blinked. "Excuse me?"

Furtim snorted as she straightened up. "No. Not 'excuse me'. 'Please'."

Anne frowned. "You'd have me beg, then? Should I bend the knee?"

Furtim slow blinked, shaking her head equally slowly. "Not beg. Ask. Politely." She paused just long enough to interrupt whatever Anne had been going to say with, "like you would with people."

Yeah, I got her point right about then. I'm pretty sure Anne did as well, and if not she picked up on it really quick. "Like people?" Furtim nodded. "Because you are? People?"

"Yeah," I growled out, not realizing how much realizing what Furtim was doing upset me. Not at her, but at how she felt the need to do it. "because they are. People."

Anne considered for a long moment. "I suppose you'll want me to spread word of that?" Furtim nodded, and Anne turned to me. "What are her Titles?"

I didn't quite get it, but I answered anyway, because I figured Anne was just being polite and not tryna fling a surreptitious Status. "She's my High Priestess. She's Captain of the Conquering. But I think the pertinent title here is Prefect."

Anne nodded, then turned to Furtim. She didn't take a knee, but she did give a little curtsey bow thing, doffing her hat before speaking. "On behalf of the Pirates of the Thames and people of London, I offer thanks to the Troll Legion for removing the Sidhe enemy's enchantments from our people, our ships, and our castle. May we please have them back, Prefect Furtim Cauda?"

Furtim clapped her jaw a couple times, but even I could tell it was just for show. She held out one claw, palm sideways, "of course, Captain Anne Rackham. It was our pleasure to assist you."

They clasped hands, and after they shook, Anne quietly said, "I'm... I'm sorry that you felt the need to do that." Then she sighed. "But I can't say you're wrong." She shook her head and shot me a crooked grin. "If you could give me a lift back to the Tigress?"

I laughed, held out an arm, and when she took it I stepped us back to her ship. "No hard feelings?"

She shook her head. "We pride ourselves on treating every man Jack the same. Even when she's not a man. No matter where they're from. But," she sighed, "most of us don't like anyone that is obviously inhuman."

I shrugged. "Yeah, we've got our share of that in the Alliance." When she frowned in obvious disbelief, I chuckled and said, "Saffron and I don't let them get away with it in any kind of meaningful way, but nasty people are still gonna be nasty." I thought about it for half a moment before adding, "but the folks at the top usually set the tone for that kind of thing." Just in case she didn't quite pick up what I was putting down, I finished with, "don't you think, your Majesty?"

"What?"

I smiled. "You own London Castle and a whole assed fleet now. Just for saying 'please' and treating Furtim as a person. Pretty good deal if you ask me."

I left her standing there gawping as I stepped back to Furtim. I smiled up at her as, with a few gestures, she ordered the Conquering to head downstream and the Legion to leave the castle. I glanced back once to see Trolls practically boiling out of the place, leaping into the water from the battlements even. I almost worried about them breaking their damn necks if the river was too shallow. Then I remembered and shut my mouth before I made an idiot out of myself.

"You had me a little worried there, Furtim."

She raised one eyebrow. "Really?"

I chuckled. "Not really, no. Okay, maybe a little worried at what you'd ask, but..." I sighed. After a while, I put an arm around her and leaned against her, surprised when she trusted me to take a little of her weight with her claw wrapped around my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"You... Your people. You've been treated like tame monsters for how long?"

She sighed, and kinda put me in screen saver mode when she quietly said, "since the sky fell, since your people took over the world."

I wrapped a tentacle around her waist a couple times, rubbing the back of her head. "You are my people, Furtim." Glad my tentacles are the strongest part of me, because leverage is a thing, and Furtim be a big, big lady. "Want to head back to the Homestead?"

She nodded once toward the bow. "When we're in open ocean."

Took until early afternoon, at which point she barked out a few orders, then turned to me. "Homestead?"

"Sure."

She waited another second, realized what I meant, what I wanted, and stepped us back to the Homestead. Okay, I'd kind of intended to give her a bit of a tour, but she'd hopped us straight to the Bath. "Shower first?" I asked.

She head tilted, then nodded. Apparently Trolls don't shower much. If at all. The whole partially aquatic thing, I guess. The two of us soaked until dinner time, then went down to the Dining Room. As I did, I thought, Karen?

Yes, Goddess?

Will you be all right without me at the Revel tonight? I kinda want to get to know my baby mama a little more?

I didn't mention how last week had bothered me, and if she caught it she didn't either. Of course, Goddess. She's done great things for the Alliance, and for our people.

I can't tell whether I wound up more heartwarmed or gutwrenched by the girls swarming into the room. Not in any kind of sad or angry way, but holy shit Anise, Felicia, Menace, and Alex leading the Trollettes into the room did unpleasant things to the part of me imitating the hindbrain of a primate. Just... Every flavor of danger rushing at us all at once. Even when it's not hostile and you know it's not, it's still kinda sphincter clenching. Right when my posterior thought about returning to it's normal level of clench, I realized that Lindsey had come into the room with them and I hadn't even noticed her ass, which is really fuckin' impressive.

I'd bred or raised a whole ass Contubernum of Apex predator sophonts. When the time came, they were gonna hit the fuckin' world like an avalanche.

Hopefully, if I'd done my momming right, in a good way.

Marie and I made steaks tonight. Medium rare for the kids who wanted that, rare for most of us, practically raw for the Trolls and kits. Furtim frowned at the sear for a second before taking a surprisingly delicate bite, then smiled at it. "Butter and... Roots?"

"Garlic. Herbs." Murder Mittens supplied, slicing her own into bite sized pieces with a claw.

Furtim spent the night. No hanky or panky, although she did kinda pull me around to use as a pillow in the Bath again. Dreamt of the rest of the ladies making much of her. As was right and good and proper.

Dunno what it meant that my dream time self thought that. No, that I thought in those terms. Maybe I was going native. Maybe we all do, eventually, no matter where we find ourselves. Whenever we finally find a place that's home.

In the morning, before she left for work, Saffron asked Furtim, "would your daughters like to remain here at the Homestead until the Legion returns to Troll Home?"

Furtim's eyes narrowed, and if she had the lips for it I think she would have pursed them. Then she pulled me to her. "Our daughters." She nodded. "Of course."

Spent the day giving Furtim a tour of the Homestead. She definitely appreciated the security features, especially the ones on the family's bedrooms. As we walked through the Courtyard, which was definitely large enough that she didn't dominate the space, she sniffed and tensed. When I looked at her, she growled out, "Dragon?"

I nodded. "Baby."

She frowned. "Still Dragon."

I took her by the hand and led her to the exterior entrance to the stables, the tiniest bit worried that she was growling the entire time. Not hugely worried, because I figured the same terraria that kept Baby and her playmate contained would keep them safe from Furtim if it came to that.

When we came into view, a shudder and whicker went through the fuckin' Nightmares like a wave, and their gazes tracked us across the stables as we walked over to the middle, where Baby and her Swamp Dragon playmate both crouched, looking at Furtim like they were afraid she was gonna come through the glass at them. "This is Baby," I nodded at the Water Panther. "And the other one is her playmate, who the girls haven't named yet. Not that I know of."

Furtim's brow furrowed, and she looked down at me. "Named?"

"Yeah. Baby is technically my daughter Maze's pet, and the Swamp Dragon is supposed to be providing her with some companionship, socialization, and enrichment, but all of the girls look after both of them. Also, Menace mostly keeps both of them in line."

"Menace?"

"Isnomi? My daughter? The kinda feral one? Ranges between this and this big?" When I shifted my hand from just above the knee to just below my crotch, comprehension dawned.

"Really?"

I nodded. "She's the Mor Primordial of Predators. They kinda listen to her."

She nodded, then frowned again before nodding at the enclosures. "Dangerous."

I laced my fingers through her claws. "So are we." Her gaze snapped to me. "You are. I am. Our daughters are." I took a deep breath. "That doesn't mean we're not people."

Yeah, that hit home. I saw the realization wash over her, and if she still shot Baby a look, it wasn't the one she'd given before. Then she almost had me on the floor laughing when she pointed two claws at her eyes, then at Baby. "Watching you, Dragon." She barely glanced at the Swamp Dragon when she said, "you too."

After we left, as we walked toward the big gates down to the fields, I asked, "do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed, opened her mouth, then shook her head as she closed it. "Yes? Not now?"

I pulled her to me with an arm around her waist. "Whenever you're ready, I'd love to hear about it." I smiled up at her. "To learn more Furtim lore."

She didn't seem to get the joke, but she didn't look upset about it, either. Just kinda accepting that this was another little quirk of the tiny person who was her Legate and Goddess.

Then we got to the gate, which she crossed her arms and leaned on like a chest high fence. Before I could really say or do anything other than hopping up to sit atop the Jotnar femur, she started barking out laughter. I let her laugh until she wound down, then just raised an eyebrow.

She took a moment, then asked, "we... I... Bought our... My place here?"

I rocked my head side to side. "You... None of you needed to do that. Not for me, not for us. But... If you needed that?"

She thought for a second, nodded, then barked out another laugh. When I just smiled, she nodded toward the fields. "Looks like I bought the farm."