Chapter 35.2: The Wrong Kind of Mother

“I’ll be transferring your guardianship to your father’s side. Even though your father isn’t around, your grandparents should be happy to take you in. After all, you’re a kid who got into the junior genius class—they can be proud of that.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t want anything else. Just send snacks and school supplies, the new kinds, okay, Mom?”

“I knew you wouldn’t want it. You’ll keep clinging to anything that ties you to me. That’s exactly why I’m sending you back to my hometown—a place I’ll never return to for the rest of my life.

I’ll transfer guardianship to my father. Your household registration, your school files, everything will be moved.

I’m really grateful for this project—it’s given us the convenience to settle these family matters.”

“Mom, I’m living with Great-Grandpa Li Sanjiang now. He likes me and asked me to stay with him for a while. He’s really nice.”

“I see.”

“Mm, that’s all then, Mom. I’m going to pass the phone to Grandpa now—he still wants to talk to you.”

Li Zhuiyuan held the receiver for a moment, waiting until he heard footsteps walking away, then approaching again, before reluctantly handing the phone to Li Weihan.

Li Weihan took the phone. “Hello, Lanhou? Don’t worry, Little Yuanhou is doing just fine here. We’ll take good care of him.”

Li Zhuiyuan didn’t want to stick around and watch his grandpa chat with Aunt Xu.

“Grandpa, Grandma, I’m going back to Great-Grandpa’s for dinner.”

Cui Guiying quickly said, “Go on then, don’t keep your great-grandpa waiting. In a while, your grandpa and I will go talk to him and see when you can return home for good.”

“Okay, Grandma. Bye, Grandma. Bye, Grandpa. Bye, everyone.”

Li Zhuiyuan waved goodbye to everyone and turned to leave.

Runsheng followed behind him. He was starving but didn’t dare urge the boy to walk faster.

He always felt the boy had two faces. Though he always called him “Runsheng ge,” when others were around and when it was just the two of them, that “ge” felt completely different.

In public, it came with warmth and respect. Alone, it felt more like “Runsheng ge” was just his actual name.

Still, he wasn’t curious enough to dig deeper. His grandpa had told him he wasn’t smart enough to figure out what clever people were thinking anyway.

He could tell the boy was feeling down. All he could do was keep him company, walking slowly by his side.

In Li Zhuiyuan’s mind, his mother’s words from the phone kept echoing.

It was comforting—his mom hadn’t talked this much to him in one breath in a long time.

But he knew those words weren’t really meant for her son. They were more like something she was saying to a version of herself, buried deep inside.

And she saw him, her son, as the cold, emotionless incarnation of that self.

If it were him, and the expressionless face in the cupboard mirror would someday be his child, he might go mad too. He’d go hysterical.

She had poured everything into suppressing that icy part of herself, and in the end, it turned into a child who clung to her all day, calling her “Mom.”

Li Zhuiyuan chuckled.

He found it funny, like a silent black-and-white satire film.

He stopped walking and squatted by a small roadside ditch.

It was already dark. The canal water reflected nothing but a pitch-black face.

Li Zhuiyuan stared at it, unsure of who it belonged to.

Runsheng squatted beside him and silently lit a stick of incense.

Li Zhuiyuan picked up a stone and tossed it at the reflection in the water.

Plop…

The ripples spread, then quickly stilled.

He knew—his mother was beyond saving now.

Tonight’s call was her surrender. She was exhausted. Despairing. She would stop fighting, stop resisting. She would merge.

If you wanted to be hopeful, you could say this call was her final confession.

Even if it was laced with curses, insults, and venom.

Yes, there was hate in her voice. Even jealousy.

Her skin had already split open, and now she wanted to tear off her son’s skin too.

So, Mom, is that it? After your total collapse, you’re just looking for a kindred spirit?

Angry?

Sure.

But how deeply? Li Zhuiyuan wasn’t sure. Because he understood.

Because that was pure, logical reasoning.

She had proved with her own life that no matter how much you fight, it’s all meaningless. So she wanted to spare him that effort.

But Li Zhuiyuan felt lost.

She shouldn’t have sent him back. She shouldn’t have sent him to Nantong.

Sometimes, it’s not about what people say—it’s about what they do.

If he had stayed in Beijing, kept attending the junior genius class, kept following the plan—study, graduate, get assigned to a job…

As long as he followed the plan, he’d become just like her, sooner.

She wouldn’t have to lift a finger. He’d turn into her anyway. After all, his illness started earlier than hers. And it was already worse.

But she still sent him home. Said she’d never return there.

Was it because that place held your last glimmer of hope?

Was this your final attempt to protect me, your last hope for me?

You believed life there is what let you hold off the sickness longer, get married, have a child, live like a normal person for a while?

Li Zhuiyuan buried his face in his hands, pained.

Or is all this just wishful thinking?

Runsheng saw the boy begin to rock back and forth. He looked like he might fall into the water.

Li Zhuiyuan did want to fall in. To jump into the ditch, slap the water, scream and cry. He thought maybe it would help him let go.

But in the end, he held back—because it felt childish.

Li Zhuiyuan turned to look at Runsheng squatting beside him.

Runsheng flinched and quickly looked away. He couldn’t meet those eyes.

Li Zhuiyuan looked at the incense stick in Runsheng’s hand. He reached out and gently grasped the burning tip.

Pain seared through his hand, but his face didn’t twitch.

Until the pain peaked.

“Hiss…”

He finally let go, face contorted.

“That hurts…”

His voice turned into a child’s whimper.

Runsheng turned his head, just in time to see the incense flicker and the burn mark on Li Zhuiyuan’s palm. He panicked.

“I’m sorry, Xiaoyuan, I didn’t mean to! I swear I didn’t mean to!”

Runsheng thought he’d accidentally burned the boy when he turned.

“It’s okay, Runsheng ge. I grabbed it myself. I was curious.”

Runsheng’s eyes welled with tears. Even now, Xiaoyuan was lying to keep him from feeling guilty.

He felt even worse. And he’d been stupid enough to think Xiaoyuan’s gaze was scary just now.

Li Zhuiyuan looked at the burn on his palm.

Was the sickness already so bad he was seeking self-harm?

Li Zhuiyuan stood up. “Runsheng ge, let’s go back.”

“Your hand—”

“It’s fine. I’ll ask Aunt Liu for some ointment.”

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