Chapter 35: The Wrong Kind of Mother

"Li Zhuiyuan, you're getting more disgusting by the day."

At that moment, Li Weihan, Cui Guiying, the gathered Li siblings, Aunt Zhang, and a few villagers stopping by the convenience store in the evening all watched Li Zhuiyuan with curious, smiling faces.

The group was quiet, yet eager.

It’s human nature to yearn for something beautiful.

And what could be more touching than a mother and son, separated by distance, still able to hear each other's hearts?

Li Zhuiyuan clutched the phone tightly with both hands. The shy look on his face didn’t fade; it only deepened. He turned his body slightly, as if trying to escape their gazes. But to the onlookers, this only made him seem more like a bashful child playing coy.

Everyone found the moment adorable. Smiles widened across their faces, mouths slightly agape, waiting for the next exchange.

Though they couldn’t hear the voice on the other end of the phone, they could easily imagine what his mother must be saying by watching his responses.

"Mom, I'm doing great at home. I’ve been very well-behaved."

"Aren’t you supposed to be angry? Shouldn’t you be smashing the phone in rage? Crying or throwing a tantrum? Demanding why I’m this kind of mother? Oh, that’s right. You wouldn’t.

Hehe,

They’re all around you, aren’t they? Watching you?"

"Mom, I don’t really miss home. I'm really happy here."

"Li Zhuiyuan, this is the first time you've seen them, and it’s also the first time they’ve seen you since you were born. So, do you really need to keep performing in front of them?"

"Grandpa and Grandma treat me really well. Panzi, Leizi, Yingzi, Shitou, and Huzi—they all treat me great. They take me out to play."

"You're such a hypocrite, Li Zhuiyuan. Deep down, you look down on them. You think they’re ignorant fools, and yet you still try to paint yourself as something you're not in front of them."

"The village is really fun. There are fields and irrigation ditches. I can catch fish and frogs. Grandma’s sauce is delicious. She says you used to love it when you were little, too."

"Aren’t you tired, my son? How can you be so endlessly enthusiastic about this little game?"

"I even visited Aunt Xianghou. She told me a lot about what you were like when you were younger. A lot of people still remember you, Mom."

"I'm amazing, aren’t I? I gave birth to a son that makes me sick to my stomach."

"Mom, is work busy on your end? Grandpa and Grandma hope you’re taking care of your health. You should eat on time and not overwork yourself."

As Li Zhuiyuan spoke, he looked over at Li Weihan and Cui Guiying. The elderly couple nodded firmly, signaling him to keep going.

"I thought I had it under control, but your birth was like a mirror, showing me everything I hate about myself. Li Zhuiyuan, do you know that every time I see you, I have to fight the urge to strangle you?

Every time you call me 'Mom,' it sounds like a demon whispering in my ear."

Li Zhuiyuan nodded as he listened, looking to everyone else like a dutiful child receiving his mother’s love and advice. The villagers assumed his mother must be gently instructing him on how to behave and take care of himself.

"I get it, Mom. I understand. I really do."

"I’ve stitched together this skin I wear every day. Each morning, I face the mirror, repeatedly convincing myself that I am who I pretend to be.

But you—you always try to tear that skin off.

You are me, and I am you.

Li Zhuiyuan,

We, mother and son,

Are both monsters in human skin."

"I understand. Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll behave."

He pressed his ear to the receiver, swaying slightly like a child half-annoyed by parental nagging, half-embarrassed, but with a touch of sweetness.

"Your father once helped me keep my illness under control. Marriage gave me a semblance of normalcy. I could’ve stayed on the right path—until I gave birth to you.

Your existence undid everything I worked so hard to build.

To me,

Li Zhuiyuan,

You’re a mistake that never should’ve happened."

"Mom, can you send more snacks? Those cookies—we all really liked them. And maybe some school supplies? Everyone loves my pencil case, and I promised to give them some."

Shitou and Huzi were so excited by this that they hugged each other.

"I shouldn’t have tried to find a cure for you after realizing what you really are. Each failed attempt only mirrored my own failures.

My life was already dark, but you—you snuffed out the last bit of light.

Little Yuan,

Why won’t you just die?"

"Mom, same to you."

"If you had just died on your own early on, maybe it would’ve awakened some motherly instinct in me. Don’t you think?"

"Mm, but I won’t."

"I'm joining a secret project tomorrow. It’s very dangerous. I don’t know if I’ll come back alive."

"Take care of yourself, Mom. I’ll be worried about you."

"I’m telling you all this because if I die, I don’t want these truths buried with me. I think we need this moment of honesty.

You’ve always understood, haven’t you? Just like I can see through you, you can see through me. Isn’t that right?"

"Mm. I’m listening. I’ll remember, Mom."

"This path—you chose it.

When your father and I divorced, even though he begged and pleaded, you insisted on staying with me.

He always thought I was the one with the problem, that I was the one tormenting you both.

But he never realized his son is an even greater demon than I am. All his expressions of love were nothing but clownish farces in your eyes.

He’s heartbroken now. He’s applied to a polar expedition team.

When I wanted to change your last name, Grandpa disagreed. But you insisted.

When Grandma said if you followed me, you’d never be welcome back home—you still clung to my sleeve and walked away with me.

Li Zhuiyuan, do you think all this will move me? Make me change my mind?

In my heart, I just scream over and over:

Why?

Why do you keep clinging to me and torturing me like this?"

"Okay, okay, I understand, Mom. You don’t need to say any more. I get it."

"I'm joining the team tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll make it back. But if I do, I hope my life won’t have you in it anymore.

I’ve thought it through. My decision is made.

Li Zhuiyuan, I’m done with you."

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