34 – Hunter and Iphis play detective

The towering letters, written in an archaic holy script and deeply carved into the stone as though scrawled by a single giant claw, read:

YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW FEAR

HAVE YET TO MEET ME.

Then, in the bracketed cartouche Cydonians reserved for officially invoking the epithet of a god, it was signed, [THE FLENSING SHADOW.] 

Below this was the only intact corpse in the room, which was bent over and kneeling as though praying or begging.

Behind it, what was presumably the body’s skin had somehow been pinned to the wall, splayed out like a hunter’s trophy in a macabre parody of the man in front of it.

It was a horrifying tableau, one that rivaled any of the disgusting things Hunter had witnessed in his last life. He took in this scene and thought it over once, twice, and then began to cackle, softly at first, then louder and louder until he was hugging his waist.

“Keheheh—oh, I like that. Ohhh, ahah, that’s so fucked—”

Iphis, having just walked over to rejoin him, tilted his head in confusion and asked, “Consultant, are you alright?”

“Are you kidding me? I’m great, I mean, look at this—they left a scary message and they carved it!”

“Yes, they sure did.”

“No, no, you don’t understand—look, a fonfer¹a lazy person woulda taken the easy way out and written that message in blood, but carving? Now that’s going the extra mile! It screams, ‘go on, just try to erase this, you fuckers!’ Damn, I respect that. Not to mention using a fancy outdated alphabet, and on top of that there’s the way they worded it, so stiff, so ominous—do you think they had to write a few drafts first? Like, to get it short enough so they could keep the letters big, but still get the message across? Or do you think that shit came right off the pan, fully formed like Venus from the waves?” he asked, making a chef’s kiss gesture from his mouth. 

Despite the hysterical way in which he said this, he was being completely and utterly 100% sincere.

While his old occupation might have sounded exciting to some, Hunter always felt that the vast majority of people he met through it were incredibly boring. Almost every awful thing they did was out of greed for money or lust for power, the two oldest and least interesting motivations mankind ever came up with. He could count the amount of times he’d run into someone he’d enjoyed tangling with, someone with a real sense of passion or flair, on one hand.

“Uhh, I couldn’t say…”

“Seriously, you had a chance to look at these bodies yet? The bastard really did flense ‘em! Not just Corpsey over by the wall, either, he did it to all of them! You know what I call that? Commitment to the bit! Ah, and their work’s so neat, too—I mean, it’s a little hard to tell with all the blood everywhere, but everything they took apart, from bone to skin to muscle? Perfect technique, I couldn’t have done a better job myself.”

Iphis, crouching down to inspect one of the meat piles, said, “Oh, you’re right, they really did flense all of them… I wonder how long that took? Apparently these people only died last night and there’s, what, at least seven victims?”

“Wow, now that’s efficiency. No way one guy did it by hand, otherwise their arms would be falling off by the end—ooh, maybe they used magic? I bet you could do that with ectoplasm—man, now I kinda wanna try that. Hey, you got any spare bodies laying around?“

Iphis stood and stepped closer to Hunter, saying, “Um, Consultant? Maybe you should lower your vo—”

“Hey, you ever been skinned before?”

“What? No, have you?”

“Haha, yeah!” Hunter mimed grabbing his left hand with his right, and then using it to take off an imaginary glove while making an awful popping sound with his mouth. 

At this, one of the closer eavesdropping clerics involuntarily flinched. 

“My doctors called it a, uh—a ‘partial de-gloving,’ or something like that, ‘coz I didn’t get all the fingers. Hurt like a son of a bitch, let me tell you—oh, but the treatment and recovery was even worse, so much air hitting stuff it really shouldn’t, and with all the pins and stitches they had to put in it and how swollen it got, by the time they were done it didn’t even look like a hand, I swear to God it looked more like, like Frankenstein’s deformed dick—the monster’s, not the doctor’s—no, I mean the movie monster’s, I think the book monster was supposed to be hot, although I guess being hot doesn’t mean you can’t still have a weird pe—”

“My dear, are you feeling nervous again?” Iphis asked, slinging an arm around his shoulder and pulling him close.

“Huh? Well, I mean… I’m standing between Tetsuo from the end of Akira on one side and Hannibal Lecter’s arts and crafts project on the other, so yeah, I reserve the right to feel a little uncomfortable.”

He was sure that, at some point in his life, he would have taken one look at this room and cried, or thrown up, or run away, but the days when the depths of human depravity could move him felt so long ago that it was almost like those reactions belonged to a completely different person.

It wasn't like he wanted awful things to happen to people, but since they already had, what could he do? 

“It’s alright, I know you just need to get it out of your system,” Iphis said, speaking more quietly. “I only interrupted because some of my colleagues can be a little sensitive, and I wasn’t sure if you minded whether or not you might offend them.”

“Ah, right,” Hunter said, nodding as a prickly tension he hadn’t noticed he’d been carrying drained away. Then, turning to the rest of the room, he waved and said, “Sorry! First time I’ve seen this sorta thing, my mouth got away from me there.”

Either this apology mollified them or they were ashamed to have been caught listening in, because at this they all went back to their original business.

Iphis pulled him right back around, at which point Hunter whispered, “Hey, I’m not getting you in trouble with them or something, am I? I can apologize more if you need me to.”

“No, no… I’m afraid my reputation is already about as low as it can get, I just don’t want you to have to deal with that unless you’re going for it on purpose.”

“Hmm… well, what if I was?”

Squeezing his shoulders, Iphis cheerfully replied, “Then we can alienate them together! Everything’s more fun with friends.”

“Okay, okay,” Hunter said, slipping out of Iphis’ grasp. “Hey Rook, I’ve got a question for you: who the heck is ‘the Flensing Shadow’? Are they a god?”

“Could be… could also be a demon, a lot of them like to give themselves god-like epithets. I couldn’t say for sure, I’ve never heard of them before.”

“I see. Second question, what’s up with the crown made of severed fingers on the flayed guy?”

“Hmm, that… are you aware that one of the symbols of the King Undying is a crown constructed of the severed hands of other gods?”

“I was not, but I am now. Also, wow, really? That’s gross, man. No wonder you guys prefer the spider-lady, She may be weird but at least She isn’t that edgy.”

“Any other questions?”

“Yeah, would you mind if I did a dramatic mystery novel-style breakdown of what I think happened here? I’ve always wanted to do that kind of thing, seriously, it’d make my day.”

“By all means, be my guest.”

Hunter smacked his palms together, rubbing them, then cleared his throat and theatrically announced, “In that case: this here isn’t one crime scene, it’s two.”

“Oh?”

Getting into the spirit of things, Hunter dragged Iphis by the hand back over to the summoning circle as he gestured to it and explained, 

“The first scene is the demon summoning. That circle isn’t drawn, it’s inlaid into the damn floor, which—well, it means whoever made it was very serious about getting it right, good on ‘em, not the kind of spell you want to fuck up—but it also means it was probably installed by someone who owns or lives in this house. Let’s call them, uh… ‘Demon-Summoning Jerks’ for now.”

Pointing at the demon’s massive corpse, Hunter continued, “I don’t think there’s anything left of their bodies, but judging by those shackles bolted down on the circle, we’re looking at somewhere around three victims who were sacrificed by the Demon-Summoning Jerks for the, er, summoning itself.”

“I see, go on.”

“Those doors over there bring us to our second crime,” Hunter then pointed at the partially broken doors hanging off their hinges. “The ‘Shadow Guys’ busted in and attacked the Jerks—there are marks on the floors and ceiling, both inside and outside the room, that show people defended themselves with magic. Judging by the drag marks and blood splatter outside the door, I think it’s also safe to say that anybody who tried to run was pulled right back in. The Shadow Guys completely overwhelmed the Jerks, turning ‘em all into mincemeat, except for the one guy who…”

Hunter paused and glanced back at the flayed man, at the begging pose he’d been arranged in, at the crown he’d been given and the pale pelt-like spread of his own skin behind him.

His eyes had been gouged out, so Hunter didn’t know what color they used to be, but judging by the long black hair hanging from the scalp there was a good chance he recognized this guy.

“… I am guessing is Antinous, son of the Archduke of Kastri?”

Within the imperial family, succession candidates who failed to become emperor but still remained in the winner’s favor were given ‘archduke’ or ‘archduchess’ as an honorary title. Their children could not inherit it nor the territories they were temporarily given to rule, but they still held considerable power by virtue of being members of the imperial family.

Antinous’ father, Archduke Eupheithes, was one of the current Emperor’s surviving half-brothers, which would make Antinous the Emperor’s nephew.

“Ohh, I’m impressed you knew that. Was your predecessor familiar with him?”

“She was familiar with all the local monied big shots, but she never really interacted with this guy much because he refused to make any donations or attend any of the university’s fundraising events.”

Iphis let out a laugh. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“Either way, whoever the Shadow Guys were, they must really, really hate this dude. There’s no way what they did with his body wasn’t personal, I mean—do you see that bruising on the edges of his skin? They flayed him alive, slowly enough for bruises that big to develop, and considering how skilled they were, it must have been on purpose.”

“Well, if he is Antinous, there are quite a lot of people who’ll feel grateful to the ‘Shadow Guys.’ I’m not sure how well-versed you are in the scandals attached to the imperial family, but he’s been involved in a lot of them… in fact, he’s someone I’ve tried to bring in for consorting with demons before.”

“Really?”

Iphis nodded, “Really. Unfortunately, with people at his level, there’s always someone else willing to take the fall… but I digress, please continue.”

“Eh, I’m pretty much done. The only other thing I was gonna say is that the way they staged his body with the message is meant to do three things: humiliate him, imply that he may have been killed due to connections with the King Undying, and warn other people out there like him that they’re next,” Hunter said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Actually, now that I think about it… killing an imperial nephew and threatening anyone else like him, on top of implying that someone in the imperial family had Order connections… isn’t that kind of a big deal?”

“Yes. An enormous deal, a stupendous deal, ‘big’ can’t really cover it. There’s no way this whole thing isn’t going blow up spectacularly once the truth leaks, and considering the size of this operation I’m positive it will… Oh, my little Crane will be thrilled.”

“Well, all that aside, what do you think? How’d I do? I’ve even been paying some attention to politics lately, so not bad, right?” Hunter asked, giving Iphis a good-natured elbowing.

Alas, if only someone hadn’t drained this whole room of mana, he could have tried asking a few of the corpses. As it was, he’d done the best he could with what he had to observe, and was feeling pretty proud.

“No, not bad at all, bravo,” Iphis said, giving him a few congratulatory claps. “But Consultant, what about the demon?”

“Oh, that? The Shadow guys killed it along with the Jerks. Sorry, I should have been clearer about that.”

“According to the cleric I spoke to, the prevailing theory is that the demon over there is the ‘Shadow Guy,’ and that it was uninterested in being summoned, so it ate everyone it could before leaving a nasty message not to bother it again and abandoning its mortal shell.”

Hunter frowned, considering this.

While a lot of demons seemed to consider this world like an all-you-can-eat buffet, there were reports of demons who refused to work with humans, or who were summoned and immediately left simply because they couldn’t be tempted into staying.

“Yeah, I’ve read about that kinda thing happening… and I’d say that might have been a possibility, if the demon wasn’t dead."

“Dead? Do you mean dead dead? How can you tell?”

“‘Coz there’s little chunks of it all over the place, and I’m pretty sure that’s ’coz someone or something ate it. Hey, quick question, can you not sense any of that?”

When he’d initially walked in he’d noticed patches of strangeness in the room, spots of subtle distortion in the air that seemed to vanish whenever he looked at them directly. He recognized them as similar to the demon he’d encountered in his dream, and realized that this must be what Selene had been talking about earlier.

However, since the overwhelming impression he got was that this particular demon was dead and gone, he hadn’t felt it was important enough to point out. It hadn’t occurred to him that, to Iphis, an empty shell did not mean a dead demon but rather an absent one.

“You can see its body? Its actual body!?” Iphis asked, grabbing him by his shoulders and giving him an excited little shake. “You’re serious? You never told me you could do that!”

“I, uh… only just figured that out myself…,” Hunter mumbled, feeling sheepish. “Anyway, ‘see’ is the wrong word. I can’t ’see’ shit I can just sort of… tell, okay?”

“You’re sure that’s what it is?”

“Pretty damn sure, but like I said, it’s dead, and as far as I can tell its invisible body was kind of scattered everywhere, uh… messily. Also, and this is just me guessing mind you, I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t eaten that some of its energy would be left behind, like how people still have mana when they die… but to me it feels as empty as these mana-stripped corpses.”

Even though he couldn’t see Iphis’ face, he got the impression that he was suddenly staring at Hunter very intensely, so he took a few steps back in caution.

“Consultant, have you ever thought about working for the Golden Shield full time? I’m sure Grandmother would be willing to waive the priesthood requirements on your behalf, and there’s quite a few unique benefits—”

Hunter put his hands up in a ‘stop’ gesture and refused, “Naught-ah, no way, I’m done with being in the military, any military, thank you.”

“What a shame,” Iphis sighed. “Well, nevermind, if what you’re saying is true then we’ve got to find the Boss.”

Iphis, practically skipping with unrestrained glee, hauled Hunter out of the room and off to go find Chiron.

The clerics of the Silver Spear had chosen to set up their command center within the mansion’s ballroom, as it wasn’t far from the main entrance and gave them a great deal of space to work with. This turned out to have been a good call, as by the time Hunter and Iphis arrived there the Kastri Guard had officially joined the scene and things were beginning to get a bit crowded.

It didn’t help that the argument from outside seemed to be continuing loudly indoors. From what Hunter could overhear, it was an argument over who had jurisdiction, with both sides equally convinced that the other didn’t belong there.

Finding Moros and Chiron wasn’t too difficult, as they were the only two clerics upstairs wearing masks, and also because they’d situated themselves far away from the argument, taking up a position next to one of the room’s many ornate columns.

Judging by the angry messages Chiron sent earlier, Hunter half-expected to find them in some sort of conflict, but from their body language alone it seemed like they were having a relatively peaceful discussion within a sound barrier.

“The Boss can never stay mad at my beloved Crane for long,” Iphis whispered, having tacitly picked up on Hunter’s surprise. “That’s why it’s always better to let him go on his own. If it were the Boss and myself instead, we’d probably have brought the place down by now…”

“So your boyfriend’s the favorite, huh?”

“Something like that, but also he’s a combination of ‘too valuable’ and ‘too hard to offend,’ so getting angry with him feels a lot like beating yourself up. Most people aren’t willing to endure the sensation for long.”

Hunter, who’d been ready to tear Moros apart for shoving him into the vehicular equivalent of a ‘get-along sweater’ not even an hour ago, recalled just how quickly a few sentences from the man had taken the wind right out of him and sighed in sympathy for Chiron.

Noticing their approach, Chiron lowered the barrier just long enough to let them enter before curtly ordering, “Report.”

Moros took notes in his journal as Iphis quickly summarized what they’d found, giving Hunter credit for most of their theories, and then finished with, “Boss, our new Consultant can see demons.”

There was a heavy pause as an uncomfortably intense amount of creepy masked attention was focused upon Hunter, who suddenly found himself sweating.

“Hey, it’s not like I can see, see them, I can just… kind of tell where they are, and if they’re alive or not, I guess…”

“I wonder, is it because you’re possessed? Can all demons… sense each other like that, or is it just yours?” Moros mused aloud.

“I mean, I can ask next time the worm and I talk, but it’s a lying little bastard so I don’t know if we should trust anything it says.”

“If only the other demons we’ve caught were as forthcoming as you, who knows what kind of information we’d have by now,” Iphis sighed.

“Do you have any interest in joining the Golden Shield full time?” Chiron asked in an uncharacteristically kindly voice that set all of Hunter’s hair on end.

“Uhh, not really, thanks.”

“Are you sure? There are a lot of unique benefits—”

Iphis clapped a hand on Chiron’s shoulder and said, “Boss, I already tried to recruit him, he’s not interested. Also, please stop using that voice, or you might scare him away for good.”

“Fine, damn it. Consultant, is your ability new, or did Ianthe already have it?”

“The latter, I think, but my memory’s still shit, so…”

Moros cleared his throat to get their attention and said, “Circling back to our massacre, I should inform you that some of the survivors have been interviewed.”

“There are survivors?” Hunter asked.

“Yes. Most of the staff were sent away yesterday, likely due to the summoning, but the servants and knights who remained… were left largely uninjured,” Moros began, turning a few pages in his journal and then tapping on the paper. “All of their accounts were very similar. Each one, whether or not they were alone to begin with, suddenly found themselves with nobody else around. Then they reported… being stalked by some kind of monster, which they then either tried to flee or confront. For most, the memories end shortly after that, but a few of the knights reported… actually fighting with something, though the monsters they described all vary wildly in description, and none of them have the physical injuries they claim to have received.”

Iphis replied, “It sounds like they were exposed to some kind of sleeping drug or hallucinogenic, and then subdued with psychic attacks. That’s how I would have done it, anyway.”

“Indeed, that’s the likeliest explanation, but we’ve yet… to find any drug residue that might confirm it. That said, while it’s possible we might be able to get more out of the survivors, I wouldn’t count on it. So far… we have no descriptions of our assailants, or any idea how many of them there were. Someone also went to the trouble of stripping the mana… from all the affected areas, so there’s even less of a chance that we’ll get anything. What we do know is that they must have… some knowledge of necromancy to do that so thoroughly, and also if, as our Consultant proposed, that demon downstairs was killed and eaten, then… another demon or a divine mage must be involved.”

“Which also happens to be the reason I’d like the both of you to provide me alibis for your whereabouts last night,” Chiron added, speaking to Hunter and Iphis, “Not that you’re really suspects, but the two of you… well…”

“Already wrote it down in the carriage earlier,” Iphis said, offering Chiron a slip of paper from his pocket like he’d been expecting this.

“I’ll, uh… can I get it to you later?” Hunter asked.

“Of course, but today would be preferable.”

At the entrance of the ballroom more members of the Kastri Guard had arrived, their uniforms making it obvious that they were higher ranked than any of the others. Seeing them, Hunter froze.

With a tone like a student trying to negotiate for less homework, Iphis asked, “Boss, you’re not thinking of putting us on this as well, are you? As fun as that would be, considering everything else we’ve got going on…”

“No. Your only task is to look into whether or not any of this is Calamity-related. Another team will handle the actual investigation.”

“Oh, thank goodness. Um… Consultant, what are you doing?”

Hunter, who had dashed behind a pillar, hissed, “Do me a favor and act natural, okay?”

Earlier, Moros had wondered whether or not all demons could see one another or if Ianthe’s ability was special somehow.

Unfortunately, Hunter didn’t know the answer to that, so hiding was his only choice.

On the bright side, he had now confirmed that the experience of spotting a living demon was very, very different from looking at a dead one. 

That visual distortion in the air hanging around one of the men who’d just entered was the same, but the adrenaline-laden bolt of recognition Hunter endured upon seeing him was definitely new.

Chiron asked, “Did you see something?”

“Yeah, so… how big a deal would it be if I said I think the Commander of the Kastri Guard might be a demon?”

Judging by the way all three of them became very still, he had his answer.

“You’re sure?” Chiron asked, his voice sharp.

“Yes!” Hunter said, peeking out from behind the pillar before shrinking back again. “Definitely yes! What the hell should I do? What if he can see me too?”

“You stay right there and the rest of us will… keep acting natural,“ Chiron muttered, subtly moving to block Iphis, who’d taken a step in the commander’s direction.

“Boss, how do you want to handle this?” Iphis asked Chiron. “There’s no way we can just let him keep wandering around, is there?”

“No, there isn’t,” Chiron growled in a deep voice. “Which is why the Golden Shield has to officially take over this scene, and why we’re going to arrest him.”

Hunter was a little surprised by their reaction. He’d expected them to be a little more skeptical of his claim, to make him prove it somehow, but instead they all seemed ready to take him at his word?

Wow. It felt nice to be trusted.

“Oh… the Spear’s High Cleric probably isn’t going to like that,” Iphis sighed. “Ah, and neither will our Archcleric, now that I think about it.”

“They’ll just have to get over it.”

In the distance, the Commander and his subordinates stopped to talk with the silver-robed High Cleric who was currently in charge. From a distance, this interaction seemed about as friendly as all the others Hunter had seen today between the clerics and the guard, which was to say it looked like they might start swinging on one another any second.

“Normally I'd say let’s lure him somewhere, but the guards have been trying to get in here all day, and the Archduke of Kastri himself forced the Spear to finally let them in,” Chiron muttered angrily. “There’s no way they’ll be willing to step out now, especially if interfering with our evidence is their goal.”

“I could blow up the Kastri Guard headquarters to distract them?” Iphis suggested hopefully.

“No. Even if that were a good idea, which it isn’t, there’s a chance they’d realize it was a distraction and still refuse to leave. That said, we could try sealing off the ballroom and dealing with him in here, however…”

Moros jumped in to say, “Sending all of our people out first might also alert him that something’s going on, not to mention that… his subordinates may or may not be aware of what he is. In addition, we don’t know how strong he is or what kind of domain he has, so if he takes any of them hostage it could get messy.”

“I think his power’s got something to do with water,” Hunter said from behind his pillar, surprising them. “Uhh, like ocean vibes, almost?”

Iphis, who was closest to his hiding place, whispered eagerly, “You can tell that as well!?”

“I mean, sort of? Like I said, it’s a vibes kind of thing,” Hunter replied, taking another quick peek at the Commander and again recalling what Selene had told him.

She’d been so confident that he could both see other demons and identify what kind of domain they might have, but why did she know that?

Had she learned it from the demon she was contracting with, or had Ianthe let it slip sometime? If it were the latter, why couldn’t he remember those two ever being close enough for that sort of discussion?

“Then there’s no choice, it’s too dangerous to risk letting anyone stay,” Chiron said.

“I can get them out,” Moros said softly.

“Are you sure?” Chiron asked.

“You don’t need to!” Iphis disagreed. “Just… give me a few minutes to think of something.”

“The Archduke of Kastri’s son may have summoned a demon. That means he, or even the Archduke himself, might be involved in the Order, and now… the guards under the Archduke’s command, the ones who’ve been obstructing us all week, show up with another demon in their midst?” Moros said, shaking his head. “You must realize how dire this situation is. Their people are probably… all over this mansion already, every extra second we waste risks them further compromising our investigation.”

Iphis fell silent at that, so Moros gave him a few consoling pats.

“I’m sure if you had time you could come up with something, but this is an emergency… so stop fussing, okay?”

“… Damn it,” Iphis muttered, giving up.

“Boss, please alert the Silver Spear that I’ll be intervening as soon as you can… I don’t want to risk injuring anyone if they mistakenly think I’m attacking them. Oh, and please position a few people outside to collect whoever I catch. Once I’ve gotten everyone out, I’ll seal off the ballroom and… stay behind to make sure the demon doesn’t knock the house down.”

“Ah… Give me a few minutes. The Spear won’t be easy to convince, and I need to contact the Archcleric for reinforcements. I’ll signal your receiver when we’re ready,” Chiron said. With that, he exited the sound barrier and headed off towards the High Cleric and the Commander.

“Hey, for the sake of the idiot stuck behind a pillar, what are you guys about to do?” Hunter asked.

“Crane is going to use a divine ability to handle these people,” Iphis said, leaning his back against Hunter’s hiding spot with an unhappy sigh.

This sounded pretty dramatic, but Moros himself was now just idly standing by flipping through his notes, occasionally pausing to write more things down.

“And… that’s a bad thing?”

“Divine corruption is permanent, and Crane already has a considerable amount, so I consider it a bad thing. Anyway, Consultant, pay attention because you’re going to evacuate when the Silver Spear does.”

“What? No way! If you’re staying to fight it, I will too.”

“No, you won’t,” Iphis replied firmly.

“Why the hell not?” Hunter demanded, the ferocity of his whisper somewhat stymied by the fact that he was still being forced to conceal himself behind a column like an eavesdropper at a party. 

“It’s too dangerous to fight with magic if you haven’t been trained to do so, especially against something as unpredictable as a demon.”

“Okay, then I won’t use magic. I’m an artificer, I have lots of weapons!”

“Furthermore, while I’m sure you have experience from your old life, you yourself have commented at length on how different things are here. My partner can fight alongside me because he has experience with my spells and knows how to keep himself safe, but what about you?” Iphis hissed back at him, “Everything I use is potentially lethal to anyone who’s hit by it.”

“So? My daughter puts all kinds of armor and buff spells on me every morning, I’ve probably got twice the defense you do! And more importantly, long range has always been my specialty, you don’t need to worry about hitting me if I don’t go anywhere near you!”

“The answer is ‘no,’ it isn’t up for negotiation.”

Hunter let out an angry breath, frustration bubbling in his chest.

The truth was, he didn’t think Iphis was being unreasonable. Bringing an untested person into an active combat situation was, from any objective viewpoint, a terrible idea.

Despite this, he still wanted to stay and fight. Like one alley cat seeing another, the moment Hunter laid eyes on that demon all he wanted was to charge at it and tackle it into a cartoonish dust cloud. For some inexplicable reason, it was as though its mere existence was a completely intolerable insult to his own, and the effort it’d taken to stay behind the pillar this whole time instead of rushing out to cause unnecessary trouble made his fists clench so hard his nails were cutting into his palms.

… Perhaps he’d been repressing some rather negative feelings about his own possession? Attacking this demon clearly wouldn’t help, but he couldn’t shake the certainty that it would make him feel a lot better.

“Hey, let me ask you a question—do you think I’m safe living in my current body?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I’m still technically a member of the Order, I am working at ground zero of the Calamity, and my daughter is one of the main people involved in it! Let’s be realistic, the chances of me accidentally getting sucked into something like this in the future are pretty fucking high, aren’t they?”

“Then we can look into getting you some training when we get back. I’m not risking your life if I don’t have to.”

“Come on, there’s a big difference between training and real action, and we both know it. I’m not asking to jump into a melee with you, I’m asking you to let me assist you from a distance so that I can get some experience and learn from you! Anyway, think about it… the two of us, fighting a demon together, don’t you think it could be fun?”

Now Iphis hesitated.

A reasonable person in his position would probably keep saying ‘no,’ but luckily for Hunter, Iphis was not a reasonable person. He was a madman with a hedonistic streak who had to put a great deal of effort into pretending to be responsible.

Hunter, who was only two horns and a pitchfork short of taking up a new position as the devil on Iphis’ shoulder, kept whispering.

“I mean, just imagine, with you and me working together I bet we could piss that thing off so much it surrenders just to get away from us! And ya know, realistically, how many times are we gonna get the chance to do this kind of thing? Think of the memories we could make!”

“I mean, I guess that does sound nice, but…”

“Anyway, it’s not like I’m some greenhorn. I’m not gonna take stupid risks or try to be a hero, I’ll faithfully follow any instructions you give me. Don’t want me to attack with magic? Fine, won’t touch it unless it’s an emergency. Stay far away? Give me a distance estimate and I’ll follow it to the decimal. Run if you tell me to run? I’ll flee so fast you won’t see my afterimage. You trust me, don’t you, buddy?”

“Um…”

“Come on, what do you say?”

“Um… well… hrrgh…,” Iphis hemmed, his resolve wavering. “You said long range is your specialty? How good is your aim, exactly?”

“Very, very good, used to win a lot of contests, even almost went to the Olympics for it, okay? I’m not going to shoot you by accident, you can ask your partner, he saw me throw a pen at a guy just a day ago.”

“Yes, well, it’s just that… how should I put it?” Iphis rubbed the back of his hood awkwardly and muttered, “I… can’t really wear or use any defensive magic.”

“You can’t… wait, what, really!? So no mage armor, no shields, nothing?” Hunter gasped from behind the column, thoroughly scandalized.

It was frightening enough to face magic with armor, so the idea of going out there with just a normal fleshy body was ludicrous. If he were Iphis, he’d refuse to do any of that at all!

“You know that blessings come with conditions, don’t you? And that the stronger the blessing, the more burdensome the condition? Well, I have quite a few very good offense-oriented blessings. It’s just that with all their conditions stacking on top of one another, the tradeoff is a little… depressing.”

“My God… you’re a real life glass cannon.”

Sounding offended, Iphis whispered back, “Hold on, it’s not like I’m completely defenseless! I can dodge, I can deflect, I can control the environment, I can use physical shields, I have lots of options! It’s just much easier to focus on keeping myself from harm when I’m not also worried that someone on my team might accidentally shoot me.”

Hunter considered this for a moment, and then boldly offered, “I’ll pay you 100,000 drachmas if I accidentally shoot you.”

“Wait, really!? In real money, actual silver, not some kind of pun or wordplay or trick? Per shot, or just once?”

“Real money, per accidental shot, yes.”

All reluctance gone from his voice, Iphis said, “I accept. Also, for the record, I have a big heart. I would definitely forgive you if you only shot me once or twice.”

“Hey… if I’d just bribed you instead of trying to convince you in the beginning, would you have agreed?”

“… No.”

“You hesitated.”

“No, I only agreed because you made a very convincing argument first. Your life is more important to me than money. That said, my life is less important to me than money, so really feel free to—”

“I’m not paying you if you run in front of one of my shots on purpose, let me make that very clear.”

“Okay, okay! Just make sure the Boss doesn’t realize you stayed behind, alright? Seriously, the moment the demon is down, you need to make yourself scarce.”

“Sounds good, I hate cleanup duty anyway.”

Iphis tugged on Moros’ sleeve and said, “The Consultant is going to stay behind to learn a few things, will you cover for us?”

Hunter had been getting ready to convince Moros as well, only for Moros to immediately agree. 

“Alright, if that’s what you want.”

… I can’t tell if Moros is just that ride or die or if Iphis is the only one who cares about me, but hey, it works.

Hunter and Iphis got busy enthusiastically discussing strategies while Moros occasionally provided suggestions. Ten minutes later, Moros’ receiver chimed with Chiron’s signal.