Chapter 120: Oh...Mother

After the knights left, I went to sit at the table while Ezio emerged from my shadow and sat across from me.

A knife formed in my hand, and I used it to open the letter.

I took out the small piece of paper inside. It had been neatly folded.

"What does it say?" Ezio asked.

I unfolded it and began reading.

"I hope this letter finds you well, young master Yves. This is an invitation to participate in the upcoming Rite of Passage, since you’ve now become eligible to participate. If you perhaps assume that you’re not ready, you may deny the invitation, and there will be no punishment. Though I doubt it will come to that.

"You’re expected to head to the estate one day before the Rite of Passage. I hope you return safely from the trip, and I look forward to seeing you in two weeks.

"Kind regards, Altair."

As soon as I finished reading the letter, the paper suddenly caught fire.

I let go of it.

Before it could even touch the table, the entire letter had already turned to ashes.

A letter that self-destructs after its contents are read?

There was no need for all that.

As I expected, it was indeed an invitation to participate in the Rite of Passage.

"You see now? I told you they’d already know about your awakening," Ezio said.

That made sense.

I had no idea which servant had been sent here to act as the patriarch’s eyes and ears, so most likely, the moment I awakened, the news had already reached the main family.

"Do you know who they sent to watch me?"

Ezio leaned back in his chair.

"Nope. And even if I tried to find them, I’d probably have to torture them to make them spill the information. They’re very experienced when it comes to handling torture."

I nodded in agreement.

Well, I just didn’t like being watched without my permission.

But what could I do?

The only time I would truly be free to execute my plans would be when I went to the academy.

I had a few things I wanted to accomplish.

And a few people I might have to deal with if necessary.

I looked at Ezio.

"The letter was personally written by the family head’s Shadow Guardian. Should I feel emotional that the family head’s Shadow Guardian sent a personal letter to me?"

"Fuck no. Why would you feel emotional?"

Ezio frowned.

"I was being a sarcastic dumbass."

I clicked my tongue.

"That just means he was most likely the one who came here to confirm whether you had awakened or not. Knowing that old man, distance doesn’t matter to him anyway."

There was a hint of irritation in Ezio’s voice.

"If that’s actually the case, then I’d feel flattered that the most dangerous assassin of all time came personally to check on me. How nice."

I smiled before adding,

"You seem to not like him. Or am I wrong?"

Ezio glanced at me.

"Would you like the person who made you go through hell during your entire childhood?"

"Fair."

I nodded and didn’t ask again.

Altair Schatten.

The man responsible for countless deaths, whether they belonged to important figures or criminals. The current Shadow Guardian of the King of the North and the head of the most dangerous assassin family in the world.

He was an extremely important character in the story.

He had saved the main character from near death multiple times.

Speaking of the main character...

I wonder how he was doing.

By this point, he should be training his ass off for the academy.

I still hadn’t decided whether I should defeat him and take first place in the qualification exam or let him win and take first place himself.

I wasn’t sure yet.

Only time would tell.

I turned toward Ezio and asked something I’d been curious about.

"Ezio, how strong are you?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I know you’re a Sovereign, but what Subrank are you at? I know my aunt is a Middle Sovereign, so for you to avoid her like that, you’re either at the same Subrank or stronger."

I had never really seen him fight someone of the same rank until today.

And calling what happened earlier a fight was already generous.

He had spent most of the time defending himself.

He had to be a Peak Sovereign.

And if he was...

Well, that would change some of my plans.

I’d make him overwork for me.

"You... you really like asking questions, don’t you? You’ve been like this ever since you awakened."

Ezio frowned.

"And nah. I’m hungry. I don’t have the energy to answer that."

Ugh.

This bastard.

"The food should be coming anytime soon."

I let the knife in my hand crumble into nothing and waited patiently for the food.

It didn’t take long.

Two maids entered the room with a cart carrying so much food that it could have fed ten people.

The aroma immediately filled the room.

Both my stomach and Ezio’s growled.

The maids were surprised to see us already back and quickly greeted us before congratulating me on my return. They placed the food on the table and left.

Ezio didn’t even wait for me.

He was already digging his hands into the food.

I immediately started eating as well.

If I didn’t, this ugly bastard would finish everything by himself.

...

The rest of the day passed peacefully.

I did nothing but rest.

I had been fighting monsters every single day for two months, so I needed proper rest.

During that time, I visited the lake where I had first awakened.

Standing there brought a strange feeling to me.

Was it nostalgia?

Maybe.

Too many thoughts were going through my head.

I walked around the yard and the mansion, exploring places I hadn’t personally visited before while Ezio simply hung around inside my shadow.

Eventually, night came.

We ate dinner inside my room.

I didn’t like eating at a huge table when there were only two of us. There was no point.

After dinner, I changed into white pajamas.

It was time to sleep.

"Well, Ezio, goodnight. You can sleep on the couch."

I climbed into my huge bed, which honestly had no business being this damn big.

Ezio shook his head.

"No. I could make a bed for myself, but I’d rather sleep in the ceiling."

"See you tomorrow, then."

I pulled the blankets over myself and closed my eyes.

Ezio didn’t reply.

I felt his presence disappear from where he had been standing before appearing somewhere directly above me.

In the ceiling.

I felt like sleeping in the ceiling would be incredibly uncomfortable, but I decided to let him do whatever the hell he wanted.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

The room was silent.

Five minutes passed.

Then ten.

Ten became twenty.

Twenty became an hour.

I couldn’t sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, my mind returned to those days.

The days I fought Sister Friede.

I saw myself burning.

Black flames engulfed my body.

I could feel the heat.

I could feel my flesh burning.

The smell of my own body being reduced to ash entered my nose again.

Then the scene changed.

My head was falling.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Then I was drowning.

Not in water.

In my own blood.

My lungs were destroyed, desperately trying to pull in air that would never come.

The memories kept changing.

Burning.

Drowning.

Decapitation.

Pain.

Death.

Again.

Again.

Again.

My body shifted underneath the blankets as sweat covered my skin.

My breathing became heavier.

Then my eyes snapped open.

I sat upright.

"Huff... huff..."

My trembling hand immediately went to my neck.

My fingers touched my skin.

My head was still there.

I looked down at my body.

It was fine.

I wasn’t burning.

I wasn’t bleeding.

I was alive.

But this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

Ever since I killed Sister Friede, I’d been like this.

I had thought that keeping [Calm Mind] active while dying would prevent something like this.

I was wrong.

It hadn’t affected me while I was fighting her.

It had kept me sane.

It had kept my mind from breaking while I experienced death after death.

But it hadn’t erased anything.

It had only made me numb to it.

The memories were still there.

Every death.

Every scream.

Every moment of pain.

And whenever I turned off the Gift, those feelings came flooding back.

Sometimes I had to activate it again just to make them stop.

But how long could I keep doing that?

How long could I use my Gift as a way to escape from myself?

This was trauma.

Real trauma.

I wasn’t emotionless.

I wasn’t some machine that could simply experience death and move on.

I had feelings too.

No normal human being would be fine after dying four times.

Not four times in the same way.

Four completely different deaths.

No one would be fine after watching themselves burn to ashes while feeling their own flesh being consumed by scorching black flames.

No one would be fine after drowning in their own blood while their destroyed lungs desperately begged for even a single breath of air.

No one would be fine after being decapitated.

Twice.

I was living inside a fantasy book where magic existed and almost any physical injury could be healed.

Broken bones could be fixed.

Burns could disappear.

Missing limbs could be restored.

But the mind was different.

The brain wasn’t so easy to repair.

So I had been stupid to think my Gift could simply protect me from everything.

I knew this path wouldn’t be easy.

I knew I might lose myself halfway through it.

I knew I might eventually break.

But it was the only way.

The fastest way I could think of to reach the conclusion of this story.

And maybe...

Just maybe...

I could find a way back home.

Back to my world.

Even if I lost myself along the way...

As long as a little bit of me remained, that would be enough.

It would have to be enough.

So I forced myself to sleep.

Even when tears silently rolled down my cheeks.

Even when my body trembled underneath the blankets.

Even when the memories returned and the agony became unbearable.

I forced myself to close my eyes.

Eventually, sleep finally came.

And as I drifted away, I could only hope that I could live with this feeling forever without losing myself.

But oh, Mother...

Would you still love me if I was a little bit broken?