Chapter 162: Not mine to tell 2

LYSANDER

"I thought I understood the kind of man he was. His decisions, the things he valued, the reasons behind the choices he made."

I shook my head.

"But now..." I let out a slow breath. "I’m starting to wonder if I ever knew him at all."

Fia said nothing.

"Maybe he isn’t the man I thought he was." I stared at the ground for a moment before looking back at her. "I thought he was a good man. A just man. But ordering the deaths of healers and Omegas to bury a secret? Killing innocent people to protect his throne?"

My jaw tightened.

"That isn’t justice. That’s just..." I swallowed. "That’s my father."

Fia was quiet for a moment.

"Well, that’s fine."

I looked at her.

"You’re not him," she said, her voice steady and completely unflinching. "You’re not Johann. And you’re not your uncle, either, whatever secrets he’s been keeping. You’re not your father."

She stepped closer.

"You’re you. And to me..." A small smile touched her lips. "You’re the boy I met in the meadows."

Something tightened in my chest.

"As for Bonnie, I can’t speak for her. But I can speak for myself, and I know you. Maybe not everything about you, but enough." Her gaze held mine. "You’re not a monster, Lysander."

I turned away, looking back toward the estate. The windows glowed warmly against the darkening sky, each one offering a glimpse of a life continuing inside while mine seemed to be coming apart at the seams.

"I guess we can agree on that."

My voice was quieter when I continued.

"I don’t know if I can be the man he wanted me to be. But what I do know is that I don’t want to be."

"You don’t have to be him," Fia murmured.

She moved closer, her voice softening.

"You just have to be better."

I cleared my throat, the sound rough against the silence.

"I shouldn’t keep you here with my tales of woe." I glanced toward the car. "Your mate is waiting. Your children are waiting."

Then I looked back at her, guilt settling heavily in my stomach.

"And I’m sorry. For today."

Her expression changed slightly.

"For exposing your abilities like that. For forcing you to use your gifts in front of all those witnesses." I shook my head. "It was reckless of me, and dangerous for you. I should have thought about what it could cost you before I put you in that position."

She waved a hand, brushing aside my apology.

"To be frank, I don’t think the thought terrifies me anymore." She glanced toward the darkening sky, where the last traces of daylight were disappearing behind the trees. "Perhaps the goddess’s heart is softening. Perhaps she’s bringing the healers of the age of legends back into the world, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it."

A faint smile touched her lips.

"Maybe it’s time we stopped hiding."

She let her hand fall, and whatever lightness had been in her expression disappeared.

"There is something I should tell you, though. Before I go."

I raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"Bonnie has something important she needs to tell you." Fia watched me carefully. "I’m only telling you because I’m worried she’s already preparing herself for the worst. She’s expecting you to reject her before you’ve even had the chance to hear her out."

My brow furrowed.

"I hope she tells you herself," she continued. "I really do. But if she doesn’t, and something strange happens within these walls again..." She hesitated, her gaze holding mine. "Call me."

"Why?"

"Because whatever it is, I can help."

A cold trickle ran down my spine.

My heart gave a hard, uneasy beat.

"Do not scare me like that Fia. What is it?" I asked. "What’s wrong?"

"I can’t say," Fia insisted, her voice gentle but firm. "It’s not my secret to tell. But there’s something else I want you to understand before you start turning this over in your head and convincing yourself she’s shutting you out."

She stepped closer, resting a hand on my arm again. Her grip was warm, steady.

"When she lost control today, when she was fighting me and trying to get to Johann... you were the only one who could bring her back."

I said nothing.

"Before that, she exposed herself to the world. She showed everyone what she really is rather than let you die." Fia’s eyes held mine. "Lysander, she would have hurt me today. She might have finished Johann. But she stopped."

Her fingers tightened around my arm.

"Because of you."

The words settled somewhere deep in my chest.

"Not because I talked her down. Not because I overpowered her. You brought her out of it."

She squeezed my arm, her eyes bright with conviction.

"I know she cares about you. I know it in my bones. So don’t you dare start doubting that because she’s struggling to tell you something."

I looked away.

"It’s just..." Fia hesitated, searching for the right words. "For someone like Bonnie, letting another person in means giving them something they can use against her. She’s spent so long expecting people to disappoint her that she’s learned to prepare for it before it happens."

Her voice softened.

"She told me once that if disappointment is expected, then anything good is a pleasant surprise, and anything bad is simply what she was waiting for."

Something in my chest tightened.

"She’s been disappointed by the world more times than she should have been, Lysander. She’s waiting for you to be the next person who proves that voice in her head right."

She held my gaze.

"Don’t prove it right when she’s finally trying to fight her way out of it."

I stood there, letting her words sink into me.

I thought of Bonnie in the courtyard, the emptiness in her eyes, the way she had smiled while hurting Fia, as though she were watching herself do it from somewhere far away.

Then I remembered what came after.

The way she had collapsed into my arms.

Small, broken and exhausted.

And trusting me to catch her.

Even after everything.