Chapter 249: I love her

Killian held his breath, his eyes fixed on the empty glass of water sitting beside his laptop. ’I love her,’ Killian repeated. It was a fact he couldn’t debate. It was the reason he turned a blind eye to her actions.

’And then what did you do?’ his wolf pressed on relentlessly. ’You helped that same discarded girl time and time again despite pretending to despise her. You made sure she was protected within the pack grounds under the excuse that it was safer, not because you desperately wanted her close where you could see her.’

His wolf continued, trying to get him to see through his ego. ’You convinced your brothers to reject her before the council could force you to keep her as a mere breeder, claiming you hated her and couldn’t stand being bound to her for another second.’

Killian’s chest rose and fell in heavy, silent breaths as his wolf laid bare every hypocrisy he had buried deep inside his chest. ’You made Alexander consider Xavier because you know he was never respected or feared Eloise. He could protect Yuki from Eloise,’ his wolf stated.

’That’s not it,’ Killian argued. He wasn’t protecting Yuki from Eloise or the pack because he cared. It was because of Ravencourt’s reputation. It was all for the reputation.

His wolf heard his thoughts and reasoning and sneered at him. ’Keep on finding excuses to rationalise your actions, Killian. You know the truth.’

’The reason you took on the role of her protective brother was because she became your adopted sister, telling yourself you couldn’t allow her to embarrass the Ravencourt name,’ the wolf sneered, its voice dripping with bitter, sarcastic venom.

’I understood every single part of your pathetic logic, Killian. Truly, I did. So tell me... why couldn’t you sleep after arranging that brilliant engagement with the Velmore family? You picked them because they’re the strongest house after us, capable of withstanding the Beta’s political pressure. It was the perfect plan, wasn’t it? So why couldn’t you sleep last night, Killian?’

’You aren’t making any sense,’ Killian argued back, his inner voice trembling slightly despite his best efforts to maintain control. ’It was the best choice for her survival. She gets out of our personal lives, and Eloise isn’t insecure anymore. It is the best outcome for everyone involved.’

His wolf let out a dark, booming laugh that echoed violently inside his head.

’Is that really what you want to believe?’ the wolf asked softly, its voice turning eerily calm. ’Can you look into your own soul and honestly say this is what you truly wanted?’

Killian went still. The question remained hanging inside his mind. He stared through the glass wall of his office at the city view beyond it. It was a clear afternoon.

He had always believed that doing the right thing meant sacrificing what he wanted. That was what an heir did. That was what a future Alpha King did. But for the first time, he wasn’t sure whether he was protecting Yuki from the court or pushing her away because keeping her close had become too dangerous for himself.

His wolf’s voice softened. ’Can you say it, Killian?’

’Can you say this is what you truly want?’

Silence stretched between them. Outside the glass, the city continued under its regular rhythm. The distant traffic moved below, and the busy skyline stretched endlessly beyond him.

None of it reached him. Killian’s fingers slowly uncurled from the edge of the desk. The headache pulsed once more, then settled into a dull, steady throb behind his eyes.

’I did what was necessary,’ he said at last, the words thin even inside his own mind.

’Necessary for whom?’ the wolf asked, quieter now. ’For the Court? For Eloise? For the clean line of succession you keep polishing like a trophy? The succession that requires the fated mate you rejected.’

’We can have a second-chance mate. It just can’t be her,’ Killian answered.

He reached for the glass of water, found it empty, and set it down again without drinking. The contract he had already signed sat open on the screen, the cursor blinking in the same place it had been for minutes. He closed the file. Then he closed the next one. And the next.

’You’re afraid,’ the wolf said, not unkindly. ’Not of the Court. Not of the resistance. You’re afraid of what it would mean if you stopped pretending the rejection was clean.’

Killian’s jaw locked. For a long moment, he simply breathed, counting the slow rise and fall of his chest the way he had been taught as a child when his mind and thoughts got out of control. When he finally spoke, the words came out low and rough.

’If I keep her close, I endanger everything we built to protect the pack. I will disrespect the pain my mother went through. Kaden can’t handle it,’ he paused, remembering how much the divorce had affected Kaden. He was always the volatile one.

Killian reached for the link with his wolf again. ’If I let her go, I...’

He stopped. The unfinished sentence hung between them like a live wire.

’Why can’t you answer?’ his wolf asked. ’They might be your brothers, and it might be your pack, but you are still your own person, Killian. You don’t always have to be the hero.’

Killian closed his eyes. Outside, a cloud passed over the sun, dimming the light across the glass wall. When he opened them again, the office looked exactly the same.

His mind drifted back to this morning when she ran to Xavier. She looked lighter, like a weight had been lifted from her. That was what he wanted. She shouldn’t suffer because of the actions of others. He hated Aevia for what she had done, but Yuki was still her sister. No matter how much he resented the situation, he couldn’t accept that bond without feeling as though he had betrayed his own family. Yet when he saw the tender look in Xavier’s eyes, that quiet obsession...

No. Killian shoved the thoughts away. There was nothing to think about. Everyone was happy this way.

’I need air,’ he told his wolf.

’And probably some sleep too,’ his wolf muttered.