Chapter 121 — What She Never Said

Chapter 121: Chapter 121 — What She Never Said

~ Raven ~

Thalia opened her mouth, then closed it again.

Raven waited. She was used to Thalia talking through any silence, sometimes before anyone else had a chance to speak. Watching her struggle to begin made Raven wonder just how much she had been keeping from them.

Thalia looked down at her hands.

"My mother’s a prostitute."

She said it quickly, but her shoulders drew inward afterward, and she couldn’t seem to look at any of them.

Tessa’s eyes widened before she caught herself. Brielle remained quiet, and Raven waited.

When Thalia finally looked up, her gaze moved between their faces as though she expected someone to pull away or say something cruel. Nobody did, and after a moment, she continued.

"We were poor. Not the way people here mean it when they complain about having to wear something twice." She rubbed her thumb across her palm. "Sometimes we couldn’t afford enough wood to heat the whole house. My mother did what she had to so we could eat and keep a roof over our heads. She even paid for a tutor to help me prepare for the entrance papers."

"Thalia—"

"I love her," Thalia said before Tessa could continue. "I do. She worked so hard for me, and she never let me go hungry, even when we barely had anything."

Her voice faltered.

"That’s what makes it worse."

"You don’t have to explain," Brielle said.

"I want to." Thalia pressed the heel of her hand beneath one eye. "I know why she does it. But sometimes I still wished she did something else. Sewing, keeping books, anything I could tell people without wondering what they’d think of her."

She swallowed.

"She paid for my tutor, and I couldn’t even tell people how she earned the money."

Her voice cracked. "What sort of daughter does that?"

Raven didn’t know what to say. She wanted to reassure her, but Thalia was already speaking again.

"The Wrens never let her forget it. We’d be invited to a family dinner, and someone would always find a way to bring it up. Not directly, usually. Just enough that we both knew what they meant. Eventually, we stopped going."

"And Grace?" Tessa asked.

Thalia’s fingers tightened around each other.

"Grace used to be different."

She glanced down, and for a moment Raven thought she might stop there.

"When we were younger, I thought she was amazing. She’d sit beside me at those dinners and keep me talking so I wouldn’t have to listen to everyone else." Thalia managed a faint smile. "Before she left for Valerius, she used to read Bellringer broadcasts to me while we ate. She’d even do the voice."

Brielle glanced at her.

"Grace?"

"I know." Thalia’s smile faded. "Then she started pulling away. At first, she’d still talk to me when we were alone, but barely acknowledge me around the others. I kept telling myself I was imagining it."

She picked at a fold in the blanket.

"After she went to Valerius, it got worse. Whenever I saw her, she always seemed to have somewhere else to be."

Raven watched her wind the blanket around one finger before letting it go.

"I thought getting in here would change things."

"Because you’d be at the same academy?" Raven asked.

Thalia nodded.

"I wanted to come here anyway. I want to earn enough that my mother never has to do that work again." Her voice grew firmer. "I want her to be able to stop worrying about money."

Neither Brielle nor Tessa interrupted.

"But I wanted Grace to be proud of me too," Thalia admitted. "I thought if I passed the same admissions and proved I could belong here, she might stop being embarrassed by me."

Raven lowered her eyes.

She had seen Grace being cruel and spoken before thinking about anything else. She hadn’t known Thalia was still hoping for the cousin who used to sit beside her at family dinners.

"I got here," Thalia said quietly. "And she still wouldn’t look at me. Then today, she said I had nothing to do with her."

She lowered her eyes. "I thought getting in would make a difference, but nothing’s changed."

Tessa set her cup aside and moved onto the bed beside her.

"It doesn’t change anything with us," she said.

Thalia looked at her.

"You’re still the loudest person I’ve ever met."

A small laugh escaped Thalia before she wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"That’s on purpose sometimes."

"What is?"

"All the talking." She looked between them. "If I keep going, nobody gets a chance to ask me things I don’t want to answer. Where I grew up, what my mother does. I can usually make someone laugh or change the subject before they notice."

Raven studied her.

"And if I’m excited about everything here, nobody asks why I’m so worried about getting it wrong."

Raven had noticed the chatter, the jokes and how easily Thalia seemed to find something to say. She had never thought to wonder how much of it was deliberate.

At Blackthorn, she had learned to keep quiet when things became unbearable. It had never occurred to her that Thalia might talk for much the same reason.

"You never owed us an explanation," Brielle said.

"I know."

"Even now."

Thalia nodded.

"But I don’t want you hearing it from someone else. After today, I kept thinking about what would happen if Grace said more, or if someone who knew my family decided to tell you." She took a breath. "If you were going to know, I wanted to be the one who told you."

Raven waited until Thalia finished wiping her face.

"I’m sorry," she said, her voice smaller than she intended. "I should have listened when you asked us to stay out of it."

Thalia looked at her for a moment.

"I know you were trying to help. Hearing Grace say that probably made it hard for you to keep quiet."

Raven didn’t answer.

"But next time I ask you to leave something alone, you need to listen." Thalia pointed at her. "Actually leave it alone. Don’t wait a minute and decide you know better."

"I’ll try."

Thalia gave her a doubtful look.

"What?"

"You’ll try?"

"I’m being honest."

"Try harder," Brielle said.

Tessa laughed, and Thalia’s mouth finally curved into a proper smile.

Raven could live with being outnumbered if it meant they were speaking to her again.

They stayed together for a while, talking more quietly. Tessa retrieved her cup and complained that it had gone cold, while Brielle pulled the blanket over Thalia’s feet. When Thalia began talking again, Raven let herself listen without searching for a way to help.

She didn’t mention the First Circle or the girls who had approached her. That could wait.

Then all four Linkslates chimed almost together.

Tessa reached for hers as the familiar Bellringer notification appeared. Thalia wiped beneath her eyes and glanced at Raven.

"Have you managed to make the headlines again?"

Raven gave her a flat look.

"Haha. Very funny."

They opened the broadcast, and the familiar masked figure appeared. Bellringer’s voice filled the room as he leaned toward the camera.

"Today’s topic is about our favourite person."

Raven’s expression slowly changed.

"Raven Rivers."