Chapter 39: Sam Can't Get No Satisfaction

Sam

December 31, 1786, Realm Timeline, Pressburg/Bratislava/ The Slovakian Protectorate

Better was the enemy of good, and often, things went south when least expected. Everything was going so smoothly that Sam feared every next second would bring the a total reversal of fortune. For a month, he had lived with that fear.

They had put together a dedicated rifle regiment riding on bikes to harass the enemy and run. Officially, it was an Austrian force. Unofficially, they were Outworlder mercenaries gathered by Little John, led by Eliza and Janosh. Besides that, massive incursions occurred every day, from Slovenia or Croatia. Riders with curse-immune horses—chosen by Isolde—were wrecking the Kingling's supply lines. Kaunitz's idea. Gyor's and Buda's sieges had been lifted, although the Transylvanians' retreat was orderly. Maybe Napoleon was helping, giving advice.

Like on cue, on that thought, his phone rang. Unknown number. This time, it was only voice, no video.

"What do you want, punk?" Sam snapped.

"Wow! Such hostility. I called to express my most heartfelt greetings for eighteen eighty-seven," Napoleon said.

"You're having a party?" Sam asked. There was distinct music in the background that sounded a bit Latino. "Where are you, in Spain?"

"For your information, I'm in the Caribbean, putting together a privateer fleet."

"Arr," Sam said, for lack of other words.

"I heard somebody made a move on you."

"Yeah, Francis. I figured out it was him. Thanks for the hint."

"I'm glad you and your beautiful wife survived. I had the pleasure of seeing her videos, dancing."

"Eliza's my ex. We're divorced."

"Really? Oh... That is weird..."

"What is weird?"

"Our common friend, the one who gave me your number, insisted you two were a happy couple. Well... maybe he is not up to date."

Oh, fuck... "Quick question: have you even seen this person, in person?"

"What kind of question is this?" Napoleon snorted. "I will not reveal my sources."

He didn't... It's the Seer... Fuck you, you manipulative AI!

"What are you going to do about Francis?" Napoleon went on. "I could help, if you want."

"Don't you worry, it has been taken care of."

"How?"

"He found true love and renounced his rights to the throne to marry a poor Hungarian maiden. She was kidnapped by an evil werevolf Ottoman prince, the leader of a group of bandits in the mountains of Croatia. Francis charged into the bandits' den, sword in hand, making the twenty thugs run, and freed the half-naked damsel in distress at the last second, before she was subjected to a fate worse than death.

"They're on their way to New York as we speak, for their honeymoon. Leopold is furious; Joseph is happy for the kid, because he's a big fan of true love. He gave them the dispensation for the marriage himself."

"Wow... You are really good. I take my hat off to you."

"A friend helped. Why are you putting together a fleet, if I may ask?" Sam tried his luck.

"The fleet... I guess it is too late for anyone to do anything against it anymore, so I'll tell you. There are many problems to solve, all over the world. For now, we'll start with the Americas. I am in Saint-Domingue."

"What the heck is that?"

"Really, Samuel? Do you use sugar?"

"Like cane sugar?"

"Yes," Napoleon sighed with the exasperated patience an adult has for a child. "Where does cane sugar come from?"

"I don't know. Where does it come from?"

"Americans!" Napoleon scoffed. "From Saint-Domingue. It's a French Island next to Cuba."

"Ah, you mean Haiti?"

"I don't mean Haiti. I mean Saint-Domingue. Are you trying to be annoying on purpose, Samuel?"

"Sorry. What about Saint-Domingue?"

"Well, my friend, I have excellent news. In Saint-Domingue, slavery was abolished, land redistributed, and half a million new citizens happy to serve their motherland. Of which, twenty thousand are training to fight under their own officers and embark on the adventure of their lives."

"May I ask what your objective is?"

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

"You may. It's Brazil. Rinse and repeat what we did in Saint Domingue, only on a bigger scale."

How many slaves does Brazil have now? Is he going to conquer the world with armies of freed slaves?

"Why?" Sam decided to ask, instead of guessing.

"We can't take over Spain's colonies, because they're our allies. Brazil is the best target. The government is incompetent, the landowners Portuguese—"

"Meaning what?"

"They're not French nor our allies, duh! We can confiscate their lands and kill them if they don't agree."

"You're sure your name is Napoleon, and not Lenin?"

"Ha ha ha, that's a good one. I aim to do what you did in the Protectorates. Show the world that industrialization and free citizens are more productive than slavery. In time, the example will spread to the Spanish colonies and all over the world. That, in general, is the overall plan. Spread the example, keep the wars to a minimum. For instance, Europe has comptoirs the all around the world."

"You want to rebuild the colonial empires? I have to warn you—" Sam paused, searching for his words.

"Warn me about what? You will fight me?"

"No," Sam shook his head. "First of all, I'm just a normal guy—"

"Our common friend says you have a lot of influence."

Fuck you, Seer! "He's exaggerating. Anyway, even if I had, I'm a realist. As long as what you do doesn't impact us, we're good."

"Then what was your wharrning abut?" Napoleon said with a more pronounced French accent.

"When the portal was opened, the United States government made a decision to invite representatives from all countries to use it alongside it, even if they kept control."

"Quick question: was the portal in your world in the same place as on the Realm? I always wondered why it opened in a cave in Moravia and what was so special about the place."

"Nothing special, it's at the same latitude as the Quantum Lab where the experiment was made. A wilderness in Minnesota. An hour later and it could've been Paris."

"Oh my! It's for the better it wasn't. Austria took the heat, and we had time to adapt. So, the warning?"

"Ah, yes. A lot of people from Africa, Asia, etcetera, came. Mainly scientists but also military from allied countries. When the portal broke, they were the first to leave the Protectorates."

"Should I understand they became Renegades?"

"Yes," Sam nodded. "They planned to help their own countries. If you want to take over their countries, you might find the morsel is too hard to chew."

"I understand," Napoleon said. "Then you will be happy to know that building colonial empires is the last thing Lafayette and I want. We will keep the comptoirs for now, as long as they are viable as trade hubs and for spreading the message, which is: When the population is happy, prosperity follows."

"Just now, I couldn't tell the difference between you and a Renegade," Sam laughed. "You are an idealist, after all."

"I'm the most practical guy that is, and unlike my alter ego from Earth, I love money and industry more than glory. Prosperity is directly related to free and happy citizens. Liberté, Fraternité, Prosperité. That's our new motto."

"And Egalité?"

"Of opportunity, not outcome."

"Oh... I see you've done your homework."

"You need aristocracy, my friend. Just add upward social mobility and make it reward merit; that's all. Trust me, a count is better than a billionaire."

Sam shrugged. "I guess your mind is set."

"Do you have a different opinion?"

"People will try to abuse every system. You need a strong state to watch the privileged don't get too cocky."

"You speak exactly like my old friend, the Kingling."

"You don't say," Sam crossed his arms, sulking. It was not a comparison he liked to hear.

"Let's skip to the chase. Well done, for... whatever that part of Europe you worked on."

"Hungary?"

"Transdanubia, whatever, it's not like I care. Will you give it back to Austria, after all the effort? Never mind, speaking for myself. I wouldn't, if I were you. Okay, I will get to the point. The Kingling lost his bid to dismantle Austria completely, and he knows it. He's grateful you allowed him to pull back his armies safely, and is ready to negotiate."

"Err... Grateful for what?"

"There is no sense in lying to me, Sam. We both know the Kingling has steam barges, and he used them to evacuate his army using the Danube. Since only an idiot would not have watched the Danube, we concluded you allowed it on purpose. Right?... Right?" Napoleon repeated, as Sam maintained silence.

Sam pursed his lips. "Err... Sure..."

"Merde... I'll tell him you did. Promise me you're not going to send the Phantom after him."

Who the heck is the Ph— Ah... It's me, basically... The rope. I have a reputation already? I didn't kill so many officers... About thirty, over three nights. I get mana exhaustion fast.

"Well?" Napoleon asked, mistaken Sam's silence for hesitation. "Making him a martyr would be a bad idea. His followers could still hit civilians with plagues."

"Okay..." Sam nodded. He had never planned it anyway, for the same obvious reason.

"Excellent. Sorry, I have to go to a party, so here is how things stand. Since Lafa and I are otherwise occupied, you will have to handle things on your end in Europe. Poland, Russia, Turkey, whatever, keep them in check."

A shiver passed through Sam's spine. "Piece of cake."

"I knew I could count on you. Have a good New Year."

"Hey, I was joking!" Sam shouted, but the call had already shut off. Sam threw his phone on the couch in anger. His dissatisfaction was bitter, and for a moment, he wished he were back on Earth, working on some new game.

Clinking a glass of champagne at midnight, with her barely touching the alcohol because of her pregnancy, was all the celebration Sam and Penny had for the New Year. She went to bed five minutes after midnight. Still, Sam stayed awake in his office, organizing his agenda and writing a list of his New Year's Resolutions.

The phone rang anew, still with an unknown number.

"What now?" Sam snapped.

"It's me," a modified robotic voice said.

"Me who?"

"Synthetic Extrapolative Entity for Reconnaissance two point zero."

"Seer?"

"Me. I am investing all my available energy into this communication, and there will be no further contact. Our realities have diverged too much. This is a warning and a gift."

"I'm listening," Sam said, as the voice sounded extremely serious.

"After our last interaction, I have detected ten probabilistic disturbances in your timeline. All hidden, all terrible. World-altering or extinction-level events. All I can detect is that they are related to people, but the identity—"

The call cut off abruptly, and all Sam could do was stare at the blue notification, his heart pounding in his chest.

The Seer has given you a Main Quest. To save the Realm from a terrible fate and possible extinction, ten objectives (targets) have to be cleared. The identity of these targets is unknown. They are not well-known public figures, like Napoleon, but are hidden in the shadows. Trust your instincts to discover them. Be honorable.

New skills:

Time Dilation: Plus and Minus: When you successfully wound a target from your first hit, you can apply a stack of Time Dilation. This skill has a ninety percent chance to inflict a Time Dilation Minus, and a ten percent chance to inflict a Time Dilation Plus.

Time Dilation Minus will slow the target's timeline a thousandfold, and Time Dilation Plus will accelerate it by the same amount. Both will last five minutes from your perspective.

END OF BOOK ONE