Book 2 Chapter 26: Out of Boredom

Koshchei

June 7, 1787, Realm Time, near the Outworlder Base

"She caught me drinking beer, and made a scene," the goblin complained. "I tried to explain to her that I was an adult before I changed, but she doesn’t listen."

"Uh-huh," Koshchei said, struggling to nod. A woodboard creaking was all that went through. Since he became a hut, human gestures were a thing of the past.

"She talked to the innkeeper to forbid me from the pub," the goblin continued. "I was transformed into a monster, okay, but taking a man's beer is too much."

"Tell me something…" A high-pitched squeal erupted out of the small speaker Koshchei used to communicate.

The gobling squeaked, somersaulting and ducking behind a nearby tree.

"Geez! You scared the shit out of me… Don't do that again."

"I apologize," Koshchei bowed awkwardly, making the new bed Isolde put inside him slide forward. "I cannot speak without this device's help."

"It's already amazing you can use tech, dude," the goblin said, returning on the porch.

"My magic is strong," Koshchei said. "It allows me to create… how do you call it?"

"An interface."

"You seem familiar with the Outworlders' terms."

"Knowledge is power," the goblin said.

Koshchei tried to remember the creature's story, which the monster had shared a few times, but failed to recall it.

"Do you regret joining… err… us?" Us was a stretch, because gathering all those mutated kids and orphans was all Isolde's idea.

"Nah," the goblin waved his hand. "If not for the boss stopping me from drinking, it would be perfect. No work, free food, a comfy bed… I like school the most. Learning to read opened my eyes to a whole new world."

"You didn't know how to read before?"

"You think anyone bothers to teach a slave how to read? All they wanted from me was to do my act and pickpocket the audience when I was not performing."

Ah, yes, that's it, Koshchei finally remembered. Dmitri had been what the Outworlders called a little person, born a slave, and sold to a circus that had the misfortune to cross paths with Elena, his former Baba Yaga.

It's time to proceed with the plan. He's the best candidate.

"You are a well-spoken person, Dmitri," Koshchei said. "It's a pity you cannot live a life of your own."

"I'm trying to make the best of it," Dmitri said philosophically. "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

"Don't you have dreams of your own?"

"Sure I have. Learn a trade, start a family… Being green doesn't help much."

"I was told Isolde's friends are trying to improve your condition."

"Yeah, a sort of potion."

"Tell me about it."

"We were given an injection, and we will be tested again for a positive reaction. If there is one, we will be given a second shot. That is supposed to cure us."

"Hm… Where do they keep that second shot?"

"A glass cabinet keeping it cold."

"Is it locked?"

"Why are you asking that?" the goblin stared at Koshchei.

"I'll tell you why in a moment. The scientist testing you, what do they say?"

"Not much. They're not very optimistic about it. They're new at the job and don't understand how the potion is supposed to work."

"They told you that?"

"No, they talk about it among themselves. I heard the previous doctors were murdered. A general tried to take power, and they were in the way."

"Are those second shots labeled?"

"Yes, they are four types, I think. Body, Magic, Tech, and Misc. I don't know what Misc is."

"Miscellaneous. Those are categories of magic powers. What they want to do is to give you a so-called awakening potion. Give you a thing called the System. With it, you will be able to heal yourself, in time."

"That's great!" the goblin widened his eyes.

"The potions won't work."

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"How do you know?"

"Potions granting powers are extremely tricky. I estimate the chances of success as less than one in a hundred. You see, Dmitri, I'm a sort of potion expert myself. How do you think I changed from a man into a hut?"

"You used a potion?" the goblin gasped.

"Exactly. I have a proposal for you, Dmitri. When you go back for testing, take two potions from the freezer. One marked Tech and one Body. The first will be for me. It will improve… my interface. The latter will be for you, and I'll make sure it will work."

"That was why you befriended me?" the goblin simpered. "To steal for you?"

"For both of us. Come inside, I'll show you something."

Grimacing—as much as a hut could do that—Koshchei forced two remote boards in the floor spread apart for two inches, revealing what was underneath. His hoard of gold and gems.

"Whaaat?" the goblin exhaled. He tried to kneel and put his hand through the hole, but Koshchei snapped the boards back, sealing the aperture.

"Not so fast, my friend. If you bring me a potion, I'll make sure you get the System, and let you take a fistful of coins and precious stones. That should set you for life."

"But my hand is small," the goblin simpered.

"That's how things work. We have to obey the local Zeitgeist. For a fistful of dollars, the deed must be done."

"I dunno," the goblin said. "The boss is nice to us. This looks like a betrayal of her trust."

"Isolde? Didn't you complain about her minutes ago?"

"Yes, but… What do you want to use it for?"

"I'm very bored lately. I need something to open my horizons."

"You won't hurt the boss, right?"

"If I wanted to hurt her, all I had to do was let the Warlord get her."

"How much gold is there?"

"I sincerely don't know. It was my country's treasure, long ago. I was the knyaz. The Mongols came, and I had to store it in a safer place." Running for my life while letting my army die to cover my retreat… Well… That was their duty after all.

"But… if you have so much money, why don't you give some to the boss? She's struggling to get money to build the orphanage and the resort?"

"There are two reasons, Dmitri. First, if Isolde gets everything she wishes easily, it will hurt her development. She won't be able to grow as a person," Koshchei said the first bullshit he could think of. "Second, you know the stories about me, right?"

"Yes," the goblin nodded.

"What do they say? That I'm some good-hearted benefactor, a good doer, a hero?"

"Oh!"

"Yes. Koshchei's priority is Koshchei. If I give some of my gold away, she'll ask for more, and more, and his friends will ask too, and in no time, there will be no more gold for Koshchei."

"But what are you keeping it for?"

"That's my business, Dmitri. Maybe I want to install a huge home cinema after my interface improves. Heed my advice: do good only within reason. Imagine I help all the kids get the System. What would—"

"You can do that?"

"Of course I can. Imagine what will happen next. From somebody not even worth a second look, I'll become an asset. I'll spend my days awakening people and inflating the number of magic users. Some will turn into villains; it's just a matter of statistics, and I will be blamed. This is your chance, Dmitri. They won't even notice a couple of potions missing."

"Okay… I'll do it," the globlin said. "Shit, the boss is coming."

Isolde was, in fact, approaching with large strides and a deep frown on her face.

"Are you skipping school, Dmitri?"

"It's a holiday, boss."

"And you, Koshchei… Can't you help at all? Dig a ditch or something with those big legs of yours."

"Sorry, Isolde, but I'm a very religious person. I don't work on holidays," Koshchei said. If he had eyes, he would have rolled them. The girl was getting cheekier by the day, forgetting who was the boss in their relationship.

"Hmpf," she crossed her arms.

"How are things going for you, boss?" the goblin asked politely.

"Badly. I spent all the money I had from the Chaos company to start the resort, and I need eight thousand ducats more. Every spared dime counts," she threw a meaningful look at the hut.

"I'm sure somebody will borrow you the money," Dmitri winked toward Koshchei.

"Somebody who has money. Like a bank. Or the Duke. Or the Chaos Company," Koshchei said.

"The duke and his wife promised to borrow me a thousand from their personal money. I can't ask for more. Banks need collateral, which I don't have, and Tristan invested the Company's money into Austrian bonds and shares."

"Why not Protectorate bonds?" Dmitri asked.

"Austria has bigger projects now. Railways, factories. The profits are huge."

"So, he's putting the Company's interests first," Koshchei said.

"His girlfriend is a very bad influence on him," Isolde frowned. "Anyway… I have an idea how to get money. It's a great one, actually. You'll play a big part."

"Really?" Koshchei asked, a bit alarmed. "Do you want the scrap metal I gathered?"

"That's peanuts. You know Sam, the duke, visited the Elven Realm?"

"I've heard about it, yes."

"They're interested in promoting sport tourism. They have this big arena, called a Colosseum, with horse and chariot races every month or so. The prizes go up to a thousand ducats. Double if you sign with a sponsor, which Tristan's fiancée agreed to intermediate."

"You competed in horse races before, right?"

"Yes, but I need a new horse, and it takes time to train together. I was thinking chariot races. Anything can pull them, by the rules. A person, an ostrich, doesn't matter. All movement skills are allowed one use, as long as they are continuous and don't directly jump space. I'm considering using the Warg."

"That's a great idea, boss," Dmitri clapped. "You'll be famous."

"I need a good chariot, Koshchei, and I can't afford one," Isolde said abruptly.

"I'm not exactly a chariot builder, you know."

"But you could transform into one, right? The A sentient chariot would grant me the victory, and money for the orphanage."

"I don't think this is such a good i—"

"That would help the boss's personal development tremendously," Dmitri said, staring toward the hut. "She'll get the money by herself!"

You fuck! Think you're smart?

Suddenly, a brick detached from Koshchei's chimney, crashing a foot away from Dmitri's toes.

"Sorry," Koshchei said. "Accidents happen."

"You're okay kid?" Isolde rushed to grab the goblin's shoulders.

"I'm fine, boss," Dmitri heaved, hand on his chest. "I think it's time I make my will. Boss, if some accident happens to me, I leave everything to you," the goblin sneered, extracting a pencil and a paper. He scribbled something on it in a hurry, and turned it toward Koshchei:

'koskey is hiding tons of guld under his flour! He's blackmailing me. I'm not suecideal.'

"You did good progress in school, boy," Koshchei said, barely hiding his anger. "Your spelling is perfect."

"I'll send a mason to check the chimney," Isolde said, shaking her head, evidently a bit flabbergasted by the nonsensical conversation.

"I know masonry. I'll do the job for two fistfuls of candies," Dmitri said.

Koshchei exhaled an audible sigh. There were two ways forward. Kill the goblin after he returned with the vaccine, or respect the deal, which he didn't often do. Yet, the green pest was sure to leave that note to somebody, just in case.

"I, Koshchei the Immortal, swear an old true oath to pay Dmitri the full amount of two fistfuls, if he does the job we agreed upon. I will ensure no harm comes to him in the process. I will also grant him improved health."

A circle of runes spread around on the ground, then faded. True oaths were not taken easily, but this one, if the mission succeeded, was worth it.

"You can improve someone's health?" Isolde asked.

"No. I'll give Dmitri an expired healing potion I have in storage. Pay no mind. When do you need to race?"

"Two weeks from now," Isolde said. "Can you help?"

Knowing he would regret it, Koshchie nodded.