Chapter 102: Thinking About It

Selene’s POV

I got home thinking about what it all meant.

The kiss. I kissed him. No ... he kissed me. We kissed. Did that make us a couple now? Were we supposed to be dating? I didn’t know how to date someone because I had never done it in my life. I had only ever been betrothed and betrayed.

Besides, I hadn’t even thought Aiden was my mate. So many things were running through my mind trying to make sense of what had just happened.

I was supposed to be excited ... and I was, somewhere underneath all the noise in my head. I had kissed someone, or he had kissed me, and it hadn’t been because I was anyone’s slave or property. It had been because he actually liked me.

I reached my room ... the chambers they had given me, the space I had quietly started calling home.

"Good night sweetie, don’t dream about me too much," he texted.

I just reacted with a love emoji. Some moments were beyond words, and I simply didn’t have them.

If there was a word stronger than speechless, that was what I was.

Aiden had me thinking all through the night and into the following day. I couldn’t focus on anything anymore.

When I woke up the next morning, I found myself immediately reaching for my phone, expecting to see messages from him ... and there they were. Even though I hadn’t replied to a single one, I still wanted to see them. I needed to see them.

It was strange. I was strange. And I knew I needed to talk to someone about what I was feeling before it swallowed me whole.

I moved through the chambers like I had forgotten every corner of it. Look at confused me.

"What would be perfect to cook today, ma’am?" the chef asked.

"What?"

"I’m asking about today’s menu, ma’am," she said again.

It was only then that I registered what she was actually asking me.

"Cook what’s on the menu, please," I told her and took my leave.

I headed straight for the library. That was where Ms. Ashlyn would be.

She was deep in a book when I arrived, but the moment she saw me, she closed it.

"You didn’t have to close it, ma’am," I said.

"No, Selene ... it’s been a while since you came by, so I knew today had to be important. Busy with your love story or something?" she said.

I laughed despite myself. "That’s actually what I came to talk to you about, Ms. Ashlyn. He’s..."

"Sit down, Selene. Let me get you some water first." She stood, poured me a glass, and set it in front of me. "Now you can talk."

I found that both funny and oddly helpful. My head really was full to the brim.

"I think I’m afraid of commitment, Ms. Ashlyn."

"Afraid? Why would you be afraid?"

"Aiden took me to meet his mother yesterday, and she liked me. Everything felt so... balanced. We even kissed, and..."

Ms. Ashlyn smiled.

"There’s nothing to be scared of," she said gently. "You’re so used to chaos that you’ve become afraid of balance and calm."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes. You need to embrace the calm, Selene. Allow yourself to be loved. Stop restricting yourself. Be free."

"I’ll try, ma’am," I replied.

"I’m sure you haven’t been answering his messages. I’m sure you’ve been ignoring him."

How did she know me this well?

"I didn’t know what to say," I admitted. "I think I was just afraid of what comes next."

"You’ve been through many unfortunate things in your life," she said. "It’s time to enjoy now."

I understood her. She was telling me to use what was in front of me and not waste it.

"I’d love to read a little before I head back," I said.

"Of course. But don’t keep Aiden waiting too long."

I settled into my books and continued from where I had left off. It was a good read ... rediscovering things I thought I already knew. As always, time slipped away from me without warning.

By the time I looked up, it was already afternoon.

I closed the book and picked up my phone. I opened Aiden’s messages and typed back.

"Sorry I couldn’t reply. I was studying in the library."

He was online. He saw it the second I sent it ... like he had been quietly waiting for my name to appear on his screen.

"I get it, bookworm. You’ll teach me new things, won’t you?" He added a funny sticker.

"I think we need to see each other," I replied.

"Of course. Where?"

"Can we do the restaurant from our first date? But it’s not a date."

"That’s fine. 6PM work for you?"

It did.

I made my way back to the chambers to get ready. As I was leaving the library, Ms. Ashlyn called after me.

"Tell him you love him too."

Who told her that was what the meeting was about? She never ceased to amaze me.

"Alright, ma’am," I said, matching her energy with full sarcasm.

She needed to find herself young again ... quickly. She clearly hadn’t finished living.

When I got back to the chambers, I spotted Tessa with her arms wrapped around Lucian’s like she couldn’t manage to walk on her own. Lucian wouldn’t have allowed that before. Something had changed. I didn’t dwell on it ... just filed it away as an observation ... and went upstairs to get ready.

I gave the chef instructions for dinner, then put on something simple. I didn’t want to create any false impressions tonight.

Within the hour, I was at the restaurant. He was already there. How did he manage that every single time?

"Aiden, this is no longer normal. What time did you get here?"

He stood up smiling and pulled me into a hug.

"Thirty minutes ago," he said.

I admired that about him more each time. Disciplined. Consistent. That wasn’t something I had ever been given before.

We started on the food in front of us. I was hungry, but we had things that needed to be said.

"I’m sorry, Aiden," I started. "After last night, I was distant. I didn’t mean to be. I’ve always been like that ... distant ... and I think it’s a problem I’ve carried for a long time."

"I love that you’re explaining it," he said. "It means you’re accountable. I like that."

"I hope you weren’t upset about what happened yesterday... what I mean is, the..." I trailed off.

"I know what it was," I cut in quickly.

"Can I be honest with you?" he asked.

I wasn’t sure I was ready, but I nodded anyway.

"I like you, Selene. That’s why I took you to meet my mother. That’s why it probably looked like I was rushing."

"No one said you were rushing anything," I said.

"Does that mean you feel the same way?"

I was quiet for a moment.

"You can’t like me ... or rather, you shouldn’t. You’re a great guy, Aiden. But I have been wounded, and I don’t think I can just trust anyone again."

"I won’t break your heart, Selene."

"That’s what they all say," I said sharply.

"I’m not like other guys." He set his fork down.

"You’ve shown potential," I said carefully. "It’s not even about you right now ... it’s me. I need to build trust in this before I can give you anything real."

"I can give you time. I’m not rushing anything," he said.

"I’ll take that," I told him. "But in the meantime ... while I’m thinking ... no frequent calls or texts. When I’m ready, I’ll give you my answer. I promise to be accountable."

He nodded slowly.

"Can I at least drop you off this time?" he asked.

I agreed, not wanting to seem completely unreachable.

Whether a relationship with Aiden was worth stepping into ... that was a decision only I could make. And right now, I didn’t even fully trust myself to make it.

But I was thinking about it.

And that alone was something.