Chapter 272 - 271: Is It So Hard to Admit I’m in Your Heart?

「Early the next morning.」

When Yvonne Lowell and Leo Grant came downstairs, they saw Nolan Crawford with his back to them, sprawled out on the living room carpet with his butt in the air, making incessant smooching noises at the Leogryph and the Mountain Lord.

His face kept inching closer, as if he was about to pounce and swallow them whole. An unknowing bystander would have mistaken him for their creepy, obsessive fan.

Unfortunately, the two behemoths didn’t even spare him a glance. They simply feigned sleep with their eyes closed, taking turns letting out a few snores in an attempt to make the blockhead shut up and get lost.

The corner of Yvonne Lowell’s mouth twitched. "What in the world are you doing?"

’If my entire life’s understanding isn’t wrong,’ she thought, ’these two critters I’m raising are felines, aren’t they?’

’Is Nolan Crawford trying to play with them as if they’re dogs? What kind of dog looks this much like a cat?’

"Oh, you’re up? I’m playing with them. Can’t you tell?"

Nolan Crawford plopped right onto the floor. He glanced back at them before turning his unwavering gaze back to the two behemoths. His voice was tinged with grievance as he said,

"I’ve been chasing them around since the crack of dawn, all over half of Apeiron, only for them to come into your living room and plop down. And they still won’t let me pet them! I hate animals with such strong personal boundaries!"

Yvonne Lowell nudged the man beside her with her elbow and said ominously, "I’m afraid the Crawford family is doomed."

’This kid wasn’t very bright to begin with, and it’s become even more obvious since he met my little ones. What a tragedy.’

Nolan Crawford: Ancestor, with a descendant like me, do you think our family will become a century-old dynasty or a millennium-old one?

The Crawford Family Ancestor: ...I’d go back in time, become enlightened overnight, and renounce the mortal world to become a monk on some mountain.

"It’s fine. Even if he’s a lost cause, there’s still the second Crawford son. Let’s not mind him and go get breakfast."

Leo Grant made no effort to hide his disdain. He glanced at the human-shaped blob on the floor, then slung an arm around Yvonne Lowell’s shoulder and headed for the dining room.

’I knew the kid wasn’t bright,’ Leo thought, ’but I didn’t realize he came with a pre-installed self-evolution function that just makes him dumber and dumber.’

’If I’d known it would be like this, I would’ve rather begged Caleb Lowell to team up with me or just gone solo. Anything would’ve been better than dragging this complete moron into the picture.’

Nolan Crawford: Bro, is it that hard to admit I have the brains and talent for this? Is it so hard to admit you have a place for me in your heart?! AARGH!!!

"When you two lovebirds are talking trash about me, could you at least lower your voices or do it somewhere else?! I can hear you!!!"

Nolan Crawford rolled his eyes in annoyance and yelled at their retreating backs.

"ROAR!" ’What the hell are you yelling about?! A lion can’t even get a moment’s peace to catch a few more winks! Get lost and play somewhere else, you little punk!!’

"AWOO!" ’Yeah, totally! You son of a bitch, you scared this beautiful lady half to death!!’

The Leogryph and the Mountain Lord roared at him in unison, then walked out without a backward glance.

Nolan Crawford scrambled to his feet to follow them. "Hey, where are you two going? Slow down, wait for me! Smooch-smooch-smooch-smooch..."

The Leogryph and the Mountain Lord: We hate humans who say one thing but do another and never keep their word!

...

Leo Grant’s expression froze for a moment as he stared at the medicinal bath before him, which was emitting steam and a foul, rank stench.

A little while ago, Kai Preston had sent someone over to ask if he wanted to try Apeiron’s exclusive secret formula for body strengthening.

The messenger claimed the herbal bath could cleanse one’s marrow, fortify the body, and heal latent injuries, hyping it up as a peerless, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

He also mentioned that over at Nina Jennings’s place, Silas Lynch and Zachary Jacobs, as well as Nolan Crawford and Ian Lynch in their courtyard, were all already soaking. Leo was the only one left.

Before he could even give his opinion, Yvonne Lowell had already readily agreed on his behalf.

’But this bucket of... stuff... isn’t this just Kai Preston’s idea of a prank? Did he just scoop a ladle of sludge from a septic tank, add water, and call it a bath?’

He considered himself a man with a high tolerance, but this concoction was really making him want to politely decline and run for the hills.

Kai Preston: ...Spreading rumors and slinging mud, are we? This is your one warning. You’re one step away from being thrown into the sea to feed the octopuses.

Nolan Crawford, Silas Lynch, and Ian Lynch: Huh? Why is it that the version we heard was that *you* were the one who had already started soaking long ago?!?!?!!

Leo Grant asked with a hint of tact, "Sweetheart, what exactly is the source of this... unique aroma?"

"Just think of it as a chemical synthesis reaction. There are quite a few smelly medicinal herbs in it, after all. Asafoetida, dried insects, Ligusticum, Trogopterus dung..."

Yvonne Lowell rattled off a long list of herbal ingredients, some of which he’d heard of and some he hadn’t. They all shared one common trait—they stank to high heaven.

She’d soaked in this stuff many times before. She’d gone from pinching her nose shut and breathing through her mouth to casually lounging in the tub and eating snacks.

By now, she was completely immune to the smell; a minor biochemical weapon like this couldn’t faze her.

’She’d been planning to go to the apothecary and grab a bag of herbs for his bath anyway. She just hadn’t expected the old man to take on the odious task for her. What a righteous geezer!’

’As a reward, I’ll try not to piss him off at all today!’

Leo Grant: Suddenly, I feel like my body is in absolutely peak condition. So good, in fact, that I could probably punch a hole through the Earth’s core.

As if she could read his mind, Yvonne Lowell shot him a cool glance.

"Get in already. Stop dilly-dallying. It stinks, sure, but it’s not like the smell is going to marinate you. Besides, the effects are instantaneous. You’ll feel the difference the moment you get out."

’Well, time to bite the bullet,’ he thought. ’Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. It’s obvious my girlfriend is eager for me to jump in, too.’

Resigning himself to his fate, Leo Grant held his breath, untied his bathrobe, and stepped into the wooden tub.

Yvonne Lowell pulled out her phone, sat down to the side, and started playing a game. Without looking up, she said,

"The first ten minutes might hurt a bit, but just bear with it and it’ll pass. I’ll let you know when time’s up."

Her words had barely faded when Leo Grant felt a pain that pierced him to the marrow, shooting through his nervous system and straight to his brain.

It felt as if the Leogryph had decided to commit patricide and, waiting for him to fall asleep, had simply crushed him with the weight of Mount Tai.

His organs felt like they were all being crushed, each one screaming at its neighbor to stay out of its personal space.

The Leogryph: ...First of all, I ain’t done nothin’ to you. Second, if you really want it to happen, I can oblige. You’re welcome.

Beads of sweat the size of peas rolled down his temples and vanished into the medicinal concoction. The veins on his neck and arms bulged conspicuously from the strain.

To make matters worse, a perfectly timed sound effect burst from Yvonne Lowell’s phone:

"Keep going, Spe-cial For-ces!"

Leo Grant: ...Nice.

Sensing his reproachful gaze, Yvonne Lowell scratched her cheek awkwardly and offered him her phone.

"You want a go? I haven’t even parachuted in yet."