Chapter 297 – Re: Ally?

Day 36 (Cont)

"Here, have nut. Good for deep think and repel crazy cat ladies." A familiar voice said beside him.

"Sure, I'd love some nuts- YOU! What are you doing here!?!" John exclaimed, completely taken aback by the woman beside him.

Short black hair, a revealing black corset, long flowery tattoos visible along her side, and a pair of pearlescent emerald-green eyes now partially hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses on the tip of her nose. It was the dragon lady he had met back in the My Hero Academia world, now standing beside him, eating some nuts from a sack.

"Searching for home. Have you seen it? Hmm... no, you have other gods' musk now, but you haven't sat on my comet again. Hey, that orb iucundus; trade for nut?" She said, looking up at him, not even questioning his new looks.

"Sit on a comet? What orb? What are you even saying?"

"One in your face socket. You take nut, I have orb. Nut really good at keeping crazy cat lady and smokey guy away."

"Crazy cat- Is Twinkle still chasing you?"

"Un hun, she and smokey guy won't end chasing my butt. Then I found nut; now I haven't had visits in a hora or a quattuor."

"Those are just regular peanuts... where did you even find them?" John said, glancing at the cloth sack full of nuts she was holding, using Truesight for a moment to ensure they weren't magical. She lit up brilliantly in his eye, but the bag and nuts were just... nuts.

"On a table while searching for something to help find my way home. Nothing interesting but magic nuts... maybe they are just lucky nuts. You sure you don't want to trade orb for a lucky nut?" 

"You can't have my eye for a peanut." He said with a laugh, wondering how she even got here.

"Aww. How about nut and magic potion?" She said, pulling a potion out from behind her. It was corked in a clear glass bottle, but the red liquid was bubbling menacingly. 

"I'm not giving you my eye!" 

"Rou, who is this?" Ruby said, stopping beside them with a wheelbarrow full of rabbit manure for the berry bushes. That was something else he was supposed to be helping with, but things just weren't working out as planned today. 

"Ahh! A Firehair barbarian! Oh, you are adorable. Are you one of his Concubina? No, you're a simple Agronomist. You should treat this one better; she is too cute to be covered in faex." She said, walking around Ruby a couple of times, eyeing her up and down.

Too cute to work in her class? I mean... she is cute, but everyone needs to pull their weight here.

"Ruby, this is... I actually don't even know your name."

"Loquaxpuellaineptiaspatiumtempus"

"Lo- What?"

"Loquaxpuellaineptiaspatiumtempus."

John just blinked. "Do you have a shorter version?" He asked, then realized that was probably quite rude. Not that she seemed to care much about that.

"That is the short me."

"I... listen, I will never be able to pronounce that. Can I call you something else?"

"I've been called loco before, but I think they were trying to be mean. They were being mean to dogs, so I beat them up. Do you have a dog? Can I pet it?"

"What? No, I don't have a dog."

I can see why they might have called her loco. 

"Misericordia, I want to pet a dog. Let me ponder on name; we keep meeting, I need a name you can use." The dragonlady said, plopping her butt on the ground, crossing her legs and resting her head on her fist in some parody of the 'Thinking Pose'.

"Is... she okay?" Ruby whispered, leaning in close to him.

"I... think so? Listen, she is a very powerful being and can travel to different worlds. We met a few times in one of those worlds. I wouldn't say she isn't dangerous, but she doesn't seem to be evil, just... chaotic."

The embodiment of chaos.

Ruby nodded, tapped her chin for a moment, then stepped over and tapped the dragonlady on the shoulder. "Can we call you Pande?"

"Ahh! Pande... Pande... you're a sly vixen. I approve." She said, jumping up and half bowing to him. "Please, name me Pande if you wish."

"Well, Pande. Call me Rou, though that is not my name in other worlds. This is Ruby, a friend of mine in this world."

"I'm happy to meet you, Pande."

"And I you. Now, if you don't want to trade your eye for a nut, have you any idea how to get back to my universum?"

"Actually, I do, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take." He replied. He had actually thought about this a bit, but the thing was he had to figure out which world she was actually from.

"What? Truly?"

"I do need to know more about your father. You say you can smell me on him, but that doesn't help me much."

"Ahh... well, he is powerful, but travels around serving some goddess like a lapdog. It's very sad."

"Sad?"

"We are dragons; we serve no master... or in his case, a mistress."

"Huh, serves a... is his name Tim?" He asked, vaguely remembering the burger vendor in Infinite Frontiers who was far more than he seemed.

"Yes! Though I'm not allowed to call him that. He gets crabs and chases me with a flipper when I do."

"Well, I can't help you yet, but I am hoping to someday link-"

"ROU!!!! I NEED HELP!!!!" A voice shouted, interrupting his explanation. He turned to see Ee racing down the path towards them, carrying a small, bloody body in her arms. 

"Don't go anywhere." He said to Pande, then rushed towards Ee. It looked like she was carrying a small child in her arms. Or a very large life-like doll. 

What is that thing?

"I was mining, and she just fell out of the wall. Sato said to come find you, that you would be able to help!" Ee said, stumbling over her words as she tried to get them all out in a rush. 

"I'll see what I can do." He said, taking the small... being from her and laying her down on the grass. She was slashed several times, leaving bloody gashes on her sandy coloured skin. In the centre of her forehead was a large ruby, sticking out almost like a horn. 

"Middle Heal!" He chanted, sending waves of magic into her little body. The diagnosis function of his magic didn't work quite right, but it still closed up all the wounds on her skin.

"Just what in the world are you?"

"A carbunculus? Where did you get it? Can I have it? I have these nuts and potion to trade."

"Hey! Who are you? Where did you come from?" Ee said, standing between him and Pande with her fist raised. Ruby was rushing up behind her, the farming forgotten for the time being.

"Easy, Ee, she is an acquaintance from another world. And no, Pande, you can't have her."

"Why not? She is broken. Do you want to have a broken carbunculus?"

"What do you mean she is broken?" He asked, looking down at the unconscious woman.

"Her core is damaged. View." She said, swiping her hand across the being's chest. Her clothes disappeared, revealing another red ruby inside her chest cavity, though this one had several cracks running through it. 

"I... don't understand. Is she a robot or something?"

"No, but she is partially artificial. I can see all the complex magics used to make her, very advanced. I approve."

"Can you fix her?" He asked, hoping she could fix whatever was wrong with her and maybe he could learn how to heal a being like this in the future.

"Can I have her?" She asked eagerly, giving him a wide smile.

"She isn't mine to give! I thought you wanted me to try and get you home? Isn't that worth helping me out with a few things?"

"Fine, but I thought I would be your Concubina if you got me home." She said, cocking her head to the side, looking confused.

"I don't remember you telling me that." He said, just as confused as she looked.

"Hmm, maybe I told crazy cat lady. She looked befuddled when I announced that, and it let me blip afar."

"I'm sure it did. Listen, I don't mind some chaos, but you're pure pandemonium, Pande. I don't think we would work out." 

"Well, if you're correct, I yield for now. Frustrans, I was looking ahead to disappointing my dad with a nondarco."

"I have no idea what that even is. Can you help her or not? Otherwise, bugger off and find someone else to pester." He growled, at his wits' end with this woman.

Drunk Aqua is easier to deal with than this. Well, easier to make sense of at any rate.

"Fine, but grab my nuts. No eating unless you trade me for orb, carbunculus, or let me be your Concubina."

"I'm not going to eat your peanuts." He said, taking the sack from her.

"I thought you said you would love my nuts." She replied without missing a beat. 

"I...just can't anymore. Please, help her." He asked, rubbing his forehead. He was getting a headache trying to understand what in the world this woman was even saying. 

"You echo like my dad." She pouted for a moment, then turned to the carbunculus and began casting a spell.

He found he could follow what she was doing, but had no clue what in the world it was. She placed her hands to either side of the carbunculus, forming a sphere of blue energy that surrounded the little woman. Then she widened her hands, and its core floated up from its body, the ruby fracturing in several places.

"What did-"

"Here, give me poison fruit energy. Will make this stick like horse gum." She said, shifting her arm closer to him.

"Huh, fruit energy? My Ki?"

"Ita! Now hurry, unless you like looking at a lady's core. She would be a bit small to be your concubina, but I not judge. Could be fun too."

"What is with you and... never mind." He said, placing his hand on her arm and channelling his Ki into her. He had no idea how she did it, but she lathered his Ki onto the jewel and stuck it all back together. The core moved back into its body, and she pressed her hands on the outside of the sphere, squeezing it until it slammed into the core with a pop. 

"There. All fixed. She just need some rest now. And I now take my payment." She said, waving her hand to close whatever spell she used to let them see inside of her, leaving her dressed in the tan outfit she had on before.

"Payment?"

"This." She said, then pounced on him, licking him from his neck up to his nose and then pecking him on the lips. "There, no dragons will bother you. You have been marked as mine."

"What in the world are you-"

"HEY! Get off my man!" Ee said, her and Ruby grabbing hold of Pande from behind and pulling the dragonlady off of him.

"Ack. Are they both in your harem as well?" She said, allowing the two of them to drag her away.

"Yes!" Ee said before he could reply.

"If he lets me be," Ruby added, causing John to sigh internally, but his head was spinning, and he couldn’t get any words out at first.

“Just what-”

"NEW ORDER - MANA BURN!" Another voice called out, interrupting him before he could reply.

"Ack! Crazy cat lady found me! Where are my nuts? I shouldn't have put them down." Pande shouted, then shimmered and became several copies of herself.

"Stop doing that! I don't want to have to hurt you, but if you keep running away, I'm going to start breaking bones!" 

"Damn nuts, not so lucky. Go away! I have no more pancakes for you. Go back to your duck, duck lips." A dozen Pande’s said, pelting a tall, blonde woman wearing an American flag suit with peanuts.

"I said enough. New Order - Break Illusion!" Twinkle shouted, causing all the Pande's to disappear except for one.

"Twinkle?!?" John said from the ground, his head spinning from the assault. He could swear standing overtop of him was Stars and Stripe, his sister from Earth and another world, wearing her costume and all.

Man, that is bright in this world of rather drab colours. 

She paused, startled and looked down at him. "Twinkle? Only my brother calls me.. Wait, who are you?" 

"It's me, J- You're brother. Dallas, Texas."

"What?"

"It's me! Remember back in Japan? You're in another of my worlds!" He said, trying to sit up. Whatever it was she did, it was starting to fade.

"How? What? Argh, not important. Crap! Where did she go?"

John looked around, and Pande had indeed disappeared, leaving nothing but her bag of nuts and weird potion behind. 

"Damn it! John! She is gone already!" She said, shouting again, causing his vision to blur for a moment before clearing again.

What in the world did that woman do to me?

"It's fine; it wasn't like we expected to get the drop on her when we first jumped into a new world. Let's find a place to set up shop before we stir up more trouble with the locals. That one looks particularly mean." John Constantine said, stepping up beside Twinkle with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Thank you. And you seem just as pleasant as the first time we met." John replied, slowly getting to his feet. He now towered over Twinkle, though he wasn't sure if he would want to try and fight her quite yet. 

"Huh? I don't recall meeting someone quite like you."

"It's my brother."

"That thing is your brother?"

"This thing is about to teach you some manners if you don't listen to her," John replied, cricking his neck. He had just about had enough of surprises for one day. 

"Easy, man! I have no interest in fighting. Just trying to catch a thief and bring her back to Earth Prime to be put on trial." Constantine replied, raising a hand to placate him. John could tell he had a spell sitting in the palm of his hand, ready to smack him with it if things got hostile. He had no intention of starting a fight either, so he let it slide. He was in no condition to fight anyone right at that second.

"Earth, what?... and what in the omniverse did she steal to cause you to chase her for... months now?"

"Has it been that long? Well, she stole some paintings and changed the course of history of Earth 138."

"Whose paintings?" He asked, not understanding what in the world this man was saying.  

I know the Omni has a lot of Earths, but he can't be talking about my Earth as Earth Prime, right? God, I have better things to do right now than deal with this baloney.

"Hitlers."

"Huh? What? Why would that even matter?"

"He didn't get turned down by the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna, since he didn't have art he could apply with. So he refocused on making new paintings, and actually got a lot better."

"But... who cares. Isn't it better that WWII didn't happen?"

"Problem is that it still happened, just several years later, after the Soviets had already developed the bomb. It... wasn't pretty for that Earth. So we are trying to capture her and make her fix the timeline for that Earth."

"I... have no words." 

They are chasing after Pande... so she can cause WWII to happen all over again, and this is a good thing?... What in the hell is happening?

"Trust me, temporal mechanics are a bugger to wrap your head around. Don't worry about it too much. You appear to have a fairly primitive society here; it shouldn't be a problem for you unless you're messing with space magic."

"John, he's my brother, John Wayne, from my original world. You met him briefly at the Takeyama's."

"Damn. Sorry. You... uhhh... changed a bit." Constantine said, holding his hand out to John.

"Tell me about it." He replied, grasping the smaller man's hand and shaking it. "Please don't say my real name here. Something about True Names and curses. I go by Rou right now." 

"Ahh, I heard of things like that. No problem." 

"He's already wrapped up in something like I am with Utopia, so he has been using space magic already." Twinkle said, still looking around for Pande before focusing her gaze back on Constantine. "Speaking of, can I go home yet? I didn't agree to chase this woman across the multiverse, just my own universe. I have my own adventure to continue."

"Right. I know, and I keep trying, but something is blocking me from making a portal for you."

"You keep saying that, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's just because you like having someone warm in your bed at night."

"That is a perk, but I wouldn't keep you around just for that. I really can't send you home right now."

She can't go home? Well, time is frozen in that world right now because of DEN. I'm guessing that would cause major issues if you tried to teleport there.

Before he could say anything, he was interrupted yet again.

"ROU! WE'RE BACK!" Another voice shouted, booming across the farm. John turned his head towards the noise and his jaw dropped. A massive red ogre approached them, a giant smile on his face, with two more female ogres walking behind him, carrying a massive boar tied to a branch that had to be the size of a bear. 

"Kichi!?!" John shouted back, confused yet happy to see they had finally returned.

"That's me! And look, I evolved!" The big man said, extending his arms out from his sides. He was even bigger than John, his body rippling with thick, well-defined muscles. 

"I see that! You look strong!" He replied. He wanted to deal with this Twinkle/Pande business, but he needed a moment to get his thoughts together, and greeting Kichi and his party seemed to be the best approach to give himself a few minutes to collect himself.

"I am! So... who are these people- Rou! You're arm grew back?"

"Yeah, buddy, Sui fixed it. And yeah, we have some visitors. It's a long story. Let's have a chat over some drinks tonight."

"Okay... do you need help?"

"No... Not unless something-"

"ROU! HELP!" Another voice said, causing him to spin back towards the mine. Sato was limping towards them, carrying Sei in her arms, the former having several arrows stuck in her back, while the latter had a short sword buried in her guts. 

He rushed to her, taking the wounded mage from her arms and pulling the blade out. "Middle Heal! Detoxify! Middle Heal." He chanted. Nothing was happening, so he moved to Sato, who had collapsed beside him, and pulled the arrows from her back and repeated the spells. 

"Ahhh!!!" She screamed, as an orgasm rocked her while her wounds closed. 

He turned back to Sei and tried again, but her skin was already cooling. 

Aqua! Fuck the rest of this; I'll deal with it later. 

"Kichi, check with Sato about what happened and deal with it if you can. Twinkle, can you lend them a hand if needed? Ee, be their guide if you can. Ruby, bring the car- whatever with you and come to the mana pool." He said rapidly, giving orders to those around him before cycling his wind magic and tearing off towards Riana's Tree as fast as he could with Sei in his arms, praying that he wasn't too late.