Chapter 83: AUTHOR’S BLACK BOX

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where everyone has five minutes to process their trauma...

Author: Okay, everybody. Before Chapter 66, we’re having a mandatory mental-health meeting.

Roman: No.

Author: I didn’t even explain it yet.

Roman: I heard "mental health." No.

Elena: He’s going.

Roman: ...I’ll consider it.

Theo: Wow.

Roman: What?

Theo: Twenty years as an international mystery man. Mercenary contacts. Secret tunnels. Guns. Threats. Torture couldn’t break you.

Simone: One girlfriend comes back from the dead—

Theo: "Yes, ma’am."

Roman: I will shoot both of you.

Elena: Roman.

Roman: I will politely disagree with both of you.

⸻

Allison: Can we discuss why everybody in my life is secretly connected to a criminal organization?

Author: Plot.

Allison: That’s not an answer.

Author: It’s literally the answer.

Lucian: She’s had enough.

Author: You stay out of this. Your dead grandfather came back to life.

Lucian: Unfortunately.

Theo: I still want reimbursement for the funeral.

Charles: It was a beautiful service.

Theo: YOU WATCHED IT?!

Charles: Of course.

Theo: I CRIED.

Charles: You gave a touching speech.

Theo: I SAID YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT FAMILY MEANT!

Charles: Technically—

Theo: Don’t you dare say technically.

⸻

Susanna: Can we talk about how I got kidnapped?

Adrian: Yes.

Susanna: Not you.

Adrian: Why?

Susanna: Because your solution is murder.

Adrian: Not always.

Everyone:

Adrian: Fine. Frequently.

⸻

Anthony: In my defense—

Allison: No.

Anthony: But the Consortium—

Allison: No.

Anthony: Vivienne manipulated—

Allison: Page forty-seven.

Anthony: ...

Allison: PAGE.

Theo: FORTY.

Simone: SEVEN.

Roman: Damn.

Anthony: Why is everybody involved?

Lucian: I’m not.

Anthony: Really?

Lucian: Allison handled you perfectly well without me.

Anthony: That’s surprisingly mature.

Lucian: Thank you.

Anthony: So you don’t hate me?

Lucian: I didn’t say that.

⸻

Author: Aaron, your turn.

Aaron: No.

Author: Password?

Aaron: Don’t.

Roman: PASSWORD?

Aaron: Roman.

Theo: Wasn’t it—

Aaron: Theodore.

Theo: Elena?

Aaron: I’m leaving.

Elena: Twenty years.

Aaron: I WAS GRIEVING.

Roman: For twenty years?!

Aaron: I COMMIT.

Allison: Honestly, that’s the funniest thing he’s ever said.

Aaron: I was an international criminal mastermind.

Simone: With your crush’s name as your password.

Aaron: Former international criminal mastermind.

Theo: Did you at least add numbers?

Aaron: I’m not answering that.

Elias: He did not.

Aaron: TRAITOR.

⸻

Author: Lucian, emotional assessment.

Lucian: I’m fine.

Allison: Liar.

Lucian: I’m functioning.

Allison: Different word.

Lucian: Productive.

Allison: Still not fine.

Theo: Emotionally constipated.

Lucian: Nobody asked you.

Theo: Grandpa literally faked his death and came back running the Illuminati from Wish. We all have problems.

Charles: The Consortium is significantly more sophisticated than—

Everyone: SHUT UP, CHARLES.

⸻

Author: Allison, how are you doing?

Allison: Well...

My ex betrayed me.

My marriage wasn’t what I thought it was.

My new husband accidentally became the love of my life.

My mother got kidnapped.

My uncle turned out to be Batman with abandonment issues.

Roman: Excuse me?

Allison: Aaron turned out to be emotionally damaged Lex Luthor.

Aaron: That’s insulting.

Allison: Elena came back from the dead.

Elena: Technically—

Theo: NO MORE TECHNICALLY.

Allison: My husband’s dead grandfather isn’t dead.

Lucian: Unfortunately.

Allison: I’ve apparently been stalked since before I had functioning kneecaps.

Harold: That’s not precisely—

Allison: Harold.

Harold: Never mind.

Allison: And now a criminal organization wants me to become their CEO.

Author: Chairman.

Allison: Do I look like I care about the job title?!

⸻

Simone: You forgot Clara.

Allison: Right.

Simone: Vivienne.

Allison: Right.

Simone: Sharon.

Allison: RIGHT.

Simone: Black leather ledger.

Allison: Simone.

Simone: Monastery.

Allison: Stop.

Simone: Secret tunnels.

Allison: I SAID STOP.

Simone: "Legacy Subject Confirmed."

Allison: LUCIAN, CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS.

Lucian: Those are your friends.

Allison: Then get me new ones.

⸻

Author: Okay. Moving forward, no more secret relatives.

Everyone looks at Charles.

Author: No more people coming back from the dead.

Everyone looks at Elena.

Author: No more secret organizations.

Everyone looks at Aaron.

Aaron: Why are you looking at me? I didn’t create this one.

Author: No more kidnappings.

Adrian slowly lowers his hand.

Susanna: WHY WAS YOUR HAND UP?!

Adrian: Question.

Susanna: What question could you possibly have?!

Adrian: Does voluntarily transporting someone against their wishes count?

Everyone: YES.

Adrian: Good to know.

⸻

Author: And absolutely NO new mastermind above Charles.

Charles: Technically, the Consortium—

Allison: Don’t.

Charles: Has a board—

Allison: CHARLES.

Charles: With several—

Roman racks gun.

Charles: I am the final villain.

Author: Thank you.

⸻

Theo: What happens after we defeat him?

Author: Healing.

Everyone:

Roman: That sounds suspicious.

Author: Family.

Aaron: Worse.

Author: Romance.

Lucian quietly looks at Allison.

Allison: Don’t start.

Lucian: I didn’t say anything.

Allison: Your face did.

Theo: Tuesday?

Allison and Lucian:

Both: SHUT UP, THEO.

⸻

Elena: What about Roman and me?

Author: Slow healing.

Roman: Define slow.

Elena: Roman.

Roman: I’m asking for narrative clarity.

Author: You thought she was dead for twenty years.

Roman: Correct.

Author: You need therapy before you need a bedroom.

Roman: This book has become oppressive.

Elena: I agree with the author.

Roman: Therapy sounds wonderful.

Theo: HE DID IT AGAIN!

⸻

Aaron: And me?

Everyone goes quiet.

Author: Accountability.

Aaron nods.

Author: And maybe figuring out who Aaron Mercer is without revenge.

Aaron looks uncomfortable.

Roman: Therapy.

Aaron: I’d rather go to prison.

Elena: You might do both.

Aaron: Wonderful.

⸻

Anthony: What about me?

Everyone:

Anthony: Understood.

⸻

Charles: And me?

Allison smiles.

Allison: Chapter 66.

Charles frowns.

Charles: What’s in Chapter 66?

Roman smiles.

Aaron smiles.

Adrian smiles.

Lucian smiles.

Even Elena smiles.

Theo reaches for popcorn.

Simone: Why do you keep having popcorn?!

Theo: I know storytelling structure.

Allison crosses one leg over the other and looks directly at Charles.

Allison: Remember when you spent my entire life studying what I’d do next?

Charles narrows his eyes.

Allison: Good.

She smiles sweetly.

Allison: Predict it.

⸻

🖤 END BLACK BOX 🖤

Author: Okay! Everyone back into the book. We’ve got a criminal empire to dismantle.

Roman: Then therapy?

Elena: Yes.

Roman: Damn it.

Theo: And Tuesday?

Lucian reaches for him.

Theo: I’M GOING! I’M GOING!

Allison: Somebody please start Chapter 66 before another relative comes back from the dead.

Author: Gladly.

NEXT: Chapter 66 — BURN THE BOARD