Chapter 106: AUTHOR BLACK BOX

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where everyone is alive, nobody is being investigated, and the greatest threat to national security is the family group chat...

AUTHOR:

Okay.

Before Chapter 81 emotionally attacks everyone—

We need a break.

ALLISON:

Finally.

LUCIAN:

Agreed.

AARON:

Why am I here?

ROMAN:

Court order.

AARON:

That doesn’t make sense.

REBECCA:

Neither did calling me about your washing machine.

AARON:

I regret telling anyone about that.

THEO:

Too late.

SIMONE:

Way too late.

ELENA:

I heard about it before lunch.

AARON:

How?

ROMAN:

Family.

AARON:

I hate family.

SUSANNA:

No, you don’t.

AARON:

I hate this family.

ADRIAN:

Understandable.

ALLISON:

Dad???

ADRIAN:

Have you met us?

⸻

THE AUTHOR HAS A QUESTION

AUTHOR:

Everyone has to answer one question.

LUCIAN:

No.

AUTHOR:

You don’t know the question.

LUCIAN:

Experience has taught me that doesn’t matter.

THEO:

I volunteer.

SIMONE:

Of course you do.

AUTHOR:

If the entire family had to go on a road trip together, who would be banned from driving?

EVERYONE:

THEO.

THEO:

WHAT?!

CLARA:

You drove over a curb.

THEO:

The curb was poorly positioned.

SIMONE:

It was beside the road.

THEO:

Exactly. Suspicious.

ROMAN:

Allison drives.

LUCIAN:

I can—

Allison slowly turned toward him.

Lucian reconsidered his life.

LUCIAN:

Allison drives.

ALLISON:

Excellent.

THEO:

Marriage has made you weak.

LUCIAN:

Marriage has made me alive.

SUSANNA:

Also correct.

⸻

FOURTEEN MINUTES INTO THE TRIP

ALLISON:

I’m hungry.

LUCIAN:

We just left.

ALLISON:

And?

CLARA:

I’m hungry too.

THEO:

Same.

SIMONE:

You ate before we left.

THEO:

That was pre-road-trip food. Different category.

From the back:

ADRIAN:

I packed snacks.

Everyone turned.

Susanna closed her eyes.

"How many?"

Adrian opened a cooler.

Then another.

Then pointed toward a third bag.

SUSANNA:

We’re going away for two days.

ADRIAN:

Anything can happen.

CLARA:

Do we have enough food to survive the collapse of civilization?

Adrian checked.

"Depends how long the collapse lasts."

ALLISON:

Dad.

ADRIAN:

What?

SUSANNA:

Keep driving.

ALLISON:

I’m driving.

SUSANNA:

Right. Sorry. Your father has already exhausted me.

⸻

FORTY-SEVEN MINUTES INTO THE TRIP

AUTHOR:

Aaron handles navigation.

AARON:

Obviously.

REBECCA:

Absolutely not.

AARON:

Why?

REBECCA:

Because someone will say, "Find the nearest gas station," and you’ll somehow obtain the owner’s mortgage history.

AARON:

That is ridiculous.

ROMAN:

Is it?

AARON:

Yes.

Pause.

AARON:

Property records are public.

REBECCA:

SEE?

ELENA:

Use Google Maps.

AARON:

I dislike Google Maps.

CLARA:

Why?

AARON:

It reroutes without explaining its methodology.

ALLISON:

It’s a map.

AARON:

It’s an algorithm.

ROMAN:

Oh my God.

AARON:

Algorithms should be transparent.

REBECCA:

You built a secret intelligence network.

AARON:

People grow.

Ten minutes later—

ALLISON:

Which exit?

Aaron stared at his phone.

Silence.

REBECCA:

Aaron.

"Exit thirty-two."

Roman leaned over.

Google Maps was open.

He gasped.

ROMAN:

Everybody stay calm.

AARON:

Don’t.

ELENA:

He’s using it?

ROMAN:

He’s using it.

THEO:

THIS IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

AARON:

I will throw this phone out the window.

REBECCA:

Potential evidence.

Aaron lowered the phone.

"I hate you."

REBECCA:

Billable.

⸻

LUNCH

The waitress approached the table.

"Separate checks?"

Adrian and Lucian both reached for the bill.

Susanna put her hand over it first.

"No."

Adrian stopped.

Lucian stopped.

The waitress looked at Allison.

"Do they always do this?"

"Yes."

Susanna handed over her card.

Adrian frowned.

"I invited everyone."

THEO:

Technically the Author did.

Everyone turned.

AUTHOR:

Leave me out of this.

SUSANNA:

I’m paying.

No one argued.

The waitress nodded toward Susanna.

"I like her."

SIMONE:

We all do.

⸻

THE HOTEL

AUTHOR:

There has been a booking error.

LUCIAN:

Fix it.

AUTHOR:

No.

ADRIAN:

I’ll buy more rooms.

AUTHOR:

Sold out.

AARON:

I can—

EVERYONE:

NO.

Aaron closed his mouth.

AUTHOR:

Six rooms.

Allison and Lucian.

Adrian and Susanna.

Gabriel and Clara.

Roman and Elena.

Theo and Simone.

And—

Aaron and Rebecca.

Silence.

AARON:

No.

REBECCA:

Agreed.

AUTHOR:

One bed.

AARON:

Absolutely not.

REBECCA:

I’ll sleep in the car.

AUTHOR:

Towed.

REBECCA:

Why?

AUTHOR:

Plot.

AARON:

This is lazy writing.

AUTHOR:

Careful.

AARON:

I withdraw the criticism.

⸻

Roman looked at Elena.

"I can sleep on the floor."

Elena stared at the king-size bed.

Then at him.

"You’re six-foot-something."

"Six-three."

"You’d rather sleep on carpet than share a mattress?"

Roman glanced toward the hallway where Theo was openly listening.

"Yes."

Elena closed the door in Theo’s face.

"Coward."

From the hallway:

THEO:

I HEARD THAT.

⸻

2:13 A.M.

A knock sounded on Allison and Lucian’s door.

Lucian opened it.

Theo stood outside holding a pillow.

"No."

"You don’t know what I want."

"No."

"Simone kicked me out."

From down the hall:

SIMONE:

BECAUSE YOU ATE MY COOKIES!

Theo looked wounded.

"They were on the shared nightstand."

"They were on MY SIDE!"

Lucian began closing the door.

Theo put his foot in it.

"Brother."

"Cousin."

"Family."

"No."

"Allison!"

From the bed:

"Let him sleep on the floor."

Lucian turned.

"Why?"

"Because if you leave him in the hallway, he’ll keep talking."

Lucian considered this.

Theo smiled.

"She’s so smart."

Lucian handed him a decorative blanket.

Theo stared at it.

"This is twelve inches wide."

"Goodnight, Theo."

⸻

7:02 A.M.

Everyone met downstairs for breakfast.

Roman looked rested.

Elena looked rested.

Neither commented.

Theo looked like he’d lost a territorial dispute with the floor.

Simone looked delighted.

Allison looked tired.

Lucian looked homicidal.

Gabriel and Clara were already eating waffles.

Adrian was reading the newspaper.

Susanna was drinking coffee.

Then Aaron and Rebecca entered.

Everyone went silent.

Aaron’s hair was perfect.

Rebecca’s was not.

Theo’s eyes widened.

Rebecca pointed at him.

"Don’t."

Theo shut his mouth.

Then opened it.

"Did—"

REBECCA:

Attorney-client privilege.

Aaron slowly turned toward her.

"THAT IS NOT WHAT THAT MEANS."

The table exploded.

Allison nearly choked.

Roman dropped his coffee.

Elena put her face in her hands.

Clara screamed laughing.

Gabriel turned away.

Simone slapped the table.

Theo fell out of his chair.

Rebecca calmly poured herself coffee.

Aaron stared at everyone.

"I slept in the desk chair."

Nobody listened.

"I SLEPT IN THE CHAIR."

From the floor, Theo wheezed:

"THAT MAKES IT WORSE!"

⸻

THE RETURN TRIP

Everyone climbed back into the vehicle.

Theo approached the driver’s door.

Twelve voices shouted:

"NO."

Theo stopped.

"I wasn’t going to drive!"

SIMONE:

Then why are you standing there?

"I dropped my phone."

He bent down.

His phone was under the vehicle.

Roman stared.

"How?"

Theo retrieved it.

"I don’t feel supported in this family."

CLARA:

You drove over a curb.

THEO:

ONCE."

SIMONE:

And there it is.

Allison got behind the wheel.

Lucian climbed into the passenger seat.

Aaron opened Google Maps without being told.

Rebecca noticed.

She said nothing.

Aaron looked at her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You’re doing the face."

"I’m sitting here."

"I dislike you."

"Billable."

From three rows back:

THEO:

Are we there yet?

Everyone groaned.

They had not moved.

⸻

AUTHOR’S FINAL QUESTION

AUTHOR:

Would everyone take another family road trip?

ALLISON:

Yes.

LUCIAN:

No.

Allison looked at him.

LUCIAN:

Yes.

SUSANNA:

Maybe.

ADRIAN:

Yes.

ROMAN:

Absolutely not.

ELENA:

Yes.

Roman sighed.

"Fine."

SIMONE:

Only if Theo gets his own vehicle.

THEO:

Road-trip convertible!

SIMONE:

Bus ticket.

GABRIEL:

Maybe.

CLARA:

Yes.

Gabriel sighed.

"Then yes."

Everyone looked at Aaron.

AARON:

No.

Rebecca looked at him.

"Absolutely not."

She kept looking.

Aaron frowned.

"What?"

REBECCA:

Nothing.

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Whatever you’re doing with your face."

"I’m sitting here."

Aaron sighed.

"Fine."

Everyone cheered.

"I SAID FINE. NOT YES."

THEO:

SAME THING!

"It is literally not the same thing."

AUTHOR:

And that concludes today’s Black Box.

THEO:

Wait.

AUTHOR:

What?

"Where were we even going?"

Silence.

Everyone looked at the Author.

AUTHOR:

...

ALLISON:

You didn’t plan a destination?

AUTHOR:

I planned emotional development.

ROMAN:

On a road trip?

AUTHOR:

Yes.

Aaron folded his arms.

"That explains the lack of operational planning."

AUTHOR:

You know what?

Black Box over.

THEO:

WAIT—

AUTHOR HAS LEFT THE CHAT.

THEO:

So who’s writing Chapter 81?

Silence.

Aaron raised a hand.

"I can—"

EVERYONE:

NO.

🖤 END AUTHOR BLACK BOX 🖤

Now everybody back to the actual book before Aaron starts plotting the manuscript.