Chapter 191 : Chapter 191

Chapter 191: Honor and Glory (2)

Last ‍​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​‌​​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​‌​​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‍year—that is, when I was still attending the Academy normally—I had almost no connection with Felix.

We ‍​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍were both first-years in the Combat Department, but the people we actually associated with and the factions we belonged to socially were different.

‘He ‍​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍was close enough to the Crown Prince that calling him his closest aide would not have been an exaggeration.’

We ‍​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍had not even crossed paths during the final exams, so this was the first time we had properly spoken.

It ‍​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍was strange that our momentous first conversation was taking place aboard an airship flying toward certain death.

In ‍​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍any case, Felix was the first to speak after that brief standoff.

“It has been a while. Is this the first time we have met since graduating from the middle division?”

“……I suppose it is.”

I had no choice but to answer the question vaguely. Until then, I had not known for certain that he and Rain Enlight had known each other.

Fortunately, I did not show much surprise at that fact. I had already inferred it to some extent.

‘I feel this much repulsion toward the man standing before me. How could he possibly be a complete stranger?’

It was a sensation comparable to when I had first met Robelia, Rain Enlight’s older sister after falling into this world—a feeling as though my insides were twisting just from facing him.

It was a good thing I had built up some resistance to that sensation when I met Robelia last time. Without any preparation, I might have crumbled right there.

“So, what did you want?”

Suppressing that instinctive revulsion, I asked him.

“It is nothing in particular. I merely wanted to see your face.”

“Were we close enough for that?”

“Hah.”

He gave a derisive laugh, as though clicking his tongue at my words. Though laughter had entered it, his ice-cold expression did not change in the slightest.

“Let me ask you something.”

“What is it?”

As though everything until then had merely been a preamble, he broached the subject.

And the question that followed was—

“Just how did you obtain that power?”

“…….”

How had I obtained that power?

The question was too ambiguous for me to grasp its precise intent, but a chill ran down my spine.

It sounded as though he were asking about the ability that formed the foundation of all my power—『Overcoming Ten Thousand Deaths』.

“How did you acquire that much power in such a short time?”

Thankfully—or perhaps naturally—that was not what he meant.

The intent behind the question became clear. How had I, an utterly unremarkable failure at the very bottom of the rankings, acquired enough strength to stand shoulder to shoulder with the highest-ranking knights?

It was an entirely natural question, and one that pierced straight through to my core.

“I merely did my best with what was before me.”

“You do not think you can brush me off with such nonsense, do you?”

As Felix said, that was not my intention. I had merely been buying time to think.

‘So the day finally came when I had to face this question.’

It would not have been an exaggeration to call that question my weakness itself.

To explain how I had reached my current level, revealing the existence of 『Overcoming Ten Thousand Deaths』 was indispensable. But if I did that, I would lose my greatest advantage.

On the other hand, without mentioning that ability, no explanation I gave would escape suspicious looks.

A brief silence passed as those thoughts ran through my head, but Felix, sensing it, spoke again.

“You need not rack your brains any further. I did not expect you to confess readily from the start.”

“…….”

“Whatever devious means you used, the day will come when you have no choice but to reveal that secret.”

After that, there was no more war of nerves between us.

Felix simply turned away and left, allowing me to finally catch my breath after my insides had been twisting so badly.

“……Haa.”

I let out a quiet sigh and thought.

‘At least his purpose in coming to me is clear now.’

It was a declaration of war. On a small scale, it was Felix’s personal declaration, but on a broader scale, it could be seen as a declaration from the Crown Prince’s Faction.

He intended to make an issue of how I had acquired my power.

‘It was not something I had failed to anticipate…….’

It was a social weakness fundamentally inherent in me, so I had known it would be brought to light eventually.

The problem was that even though I clearly knew such a weakness existed, it would not be easy to defend it convincingly against those who attacked it.

‘My head is starting to hurt.’

Regina, my political partner and companion, probably knew that as well. She had often seemed to want me to tell her about my secret in roundabout ways, but I had never told her.

‘No telling what weakness that would give her to seize on.’

She was the sort who would use my weakness to pull herself out of a crisis if it came to it.

“So, what do I do……?”

I muttered quietly as I sank into thought.

Just as before, though, I could not find a clear answer.

My head throbbed, and it even felt as though my breath were being constricted.

It was that suffocating feeling of facing an obstacle with no viable way forward in sight.

Well, yes. It was a feeling I had always known.

But that feeling did not last long.

“Young Master, we will soon arrive at the mission site. Please prepare.”

The words of an unnamed soldier pulled me back to reality.

“Understood.”

As usual, I merely replied in an even voice.

Dust swirled so thickly that I could not properly make out even what lay directly before me.

-BOOM—!

The cannon blasts, roaring relentlessly every few seconds, occasionally left my ears ringing as well……

“Help me……!”

“Ugh, uugh, aaaaaagh!!!”

The screams of people whose names I did not know, but who surely had lives of their own, showed no sign of dying down.

Yes, it was not something I had been unaware of, but heading into a battlefield was unpleasant in many ways.

It was not merely because I had to fight for my life. Even the worst possible outcome that resulted from it would be no more than a minor inconvenience to me.

-SHNK.

“Gah……urk……”

The fact that the opponents I had to point my sword at and take the lives of were sometimes humans like me, rather than monsters, was not much of a problem either.

I had already walked that road.

But

A soldier—or perhaps a corpse—who had lost the left half of his body, its components splayed in a form too grotesque even to describe.

I stared down at that something for a moment in the middle of the battlefield.

There were many possible causes of death. He might have taken the magic of crazed fanatics head-on, been torn apart by the monsters under their control, or been caught in friendly fire.

It was not as though I had any connection to this soldier that gave me the leisure to lose myself in such thoughts amid this urgent situation.

-Young Master, we will soon arrive at the mission site. Please prepare.

At most, our connection amounted to him having given me advance notice aboard the airship about when the mission would begin.

It was simply hard to grasp the reality that a man I had been speaking with perfectly normally until moments ago was now rolling across the ground so futilely and wretchedly.

I had watched this sight for months. It was about time I got used to it.

-BANG—!

Of course, that did not mean I had devoted enough attention to those trivial thoughts to let a monster charging to kill me land an attack.

Click.

I pulled the trigger reflexively, and the monster’s body, now bearing a massive hole from the fired bullet, tumbled limply to the ground.

“Haa……”

I felt like shit.

Until now, there had only been two things I needed to think about in a fight.

How to survive, and whom to kill.

And in that process, the ones sacrificed were always me, and someone or something trying to kill me.

But what about now?

My mind was unsettled by the death of someone I had never had a single interaction with in his life.

Yes. If it ended there, that would at least be better. If I were merely blaming my own helplessness for failing to prevent someone’s death.

But the even more fucked-up part was that, if I decided to right now, I could save this person.

『Overcoming Ten Thousand Deaths[Unique]』

: Upon death, returns to a point before death. The number is limited to 10000.

: [2788] deaths overcome.

: Remaining count: [7212].

: Upon returning, all Stats carry over.

: Current Checkpoint: Episode 9

Yes. If I returned to the checkpoint, I could save the person currently lying dead, no matter what I had to do.

I could try to settle things through conversation, or break something so he could not advance to the battlefield. There were countless options.

But I chose not to do that.

Cowardly, I chose to pretend I had not seen this soldier’s death.

Why?

‘If I decide to save this person, I lose any reason to turn away from everyone else as well.’

As I said before, using my ability to save this one soldier’s life would not be difficult.

But what if I applied that same logic to the countless lives dying pointlessly on the battlefield?

Once I decided to save a complete stranger, I would have no reason not to save others in the same position.

And if I decided to save them all…… just how many deaths would I have to endure?

Saving hundreds, thousands of lives on a battlefield was not simply a matter of repeating the act of saving one life. The difficulty would rise exponentially.

Then how many deaths would I have to repeat to save them all?

And why would I have any reason not to apply the same standard to the dozens of battlefields I still had to fight through?

‘This is fucked up.’

Yes. If I chose to save every life on that path, even repeating the seven thousand and two hundred lives I had left would not be enough.

Even if I had spare lives remaining, I would be left with far too few to stand against Ad Astra’s conspiracy.

That was why I chose to turn away from lives—why, in a sense, I chose to commit evil.

“……No matter how I look at it, they are all just excuses.”

When I found a brief moment to catch my breath in the middle of the battlefield, I muttered that unconsciously. I found myself resenting this world a little more.

I could understand why it had inflicted pain on me thousands—no, ten thousand—times.

It was painful, but at the same time, it was also an opportunity.

Even falling into this world without knowing the reason……yes, I could endure that.

After all, I loved this world.

But why?

If God truly exists, why does He force me to commit evil in this way?

Why does the world make me weigh my suffering against evil?

Even as I harmed people and swung my weapon, that question never left my mind.