Chapter 195 - 194: Separation Of Lovers

The order arrived at Lancaster Mansion later that same afternoon, sealed with the officially stamped war notice, and Caelestis read it in silence before setting it down on his desk with the grim, resigned expression of a man who’d known this was coming from the moment the news of the rebellion in Zhipher broke. He sat with it a long while, staring at nothing in particular, before finally rising and making his way toward his own rooms, already mentally cataloging what needed doing before dawn.

Eleanore found him packing that evening, methodical and efficient in the way he did everything, though his hands paused more than once over items that clearly carried more weight than their practical use suggested, a worn letter, a small carved token she didn’t recognize, set aside and then reconsidered twice before finally going into the bag.

"When do you leave?" she asked from the doorway.

"Dawn," he said, not turning around. "They want commanders at the eastern line within the week."

She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her cheek against his back, and felt him go still beneath her touch. She curls her fingers deep into the thin fabric of his shirt. Caelestis grabs the back of her palm, slowly uncurling her fingers and turning around. Hugging her, his own hand covers around hers and she buries her face into his chest.

"I don’t want you to go," she said quietly, the honesty of it costing her more than she expected. "I know that changes nothing. I know you have to. But I needed to say it out loud at least once before you left."

His forehead dropped deep within her shoulders. "I don’t want to go either," he admitted. "For the first time in my life, I actually have something worth staying for. That makes this considerably harder than it used to be."

"Then come back to it." She places her palm flat on his head pulling him closer, before kissing deeply into his hair.

Her arms around her back tightens. "I intend to." voice crying a quiet, fierce certainty that steadied something in her chest. "Nothing on that battlefield is going to keep me from coming home to you, Eleanore. I promise you that."

She cups her arms palms around his cheeks, bringing his lips close to her before kissing him, slow and searching, memorizing the shape of it the way she hadn’t let herself do the first time he’d almost been lost to her. She wanted to remember him for the longest time, till he was gone and for that time being she only wanted to live with it felt like hugging him, kissing him, and loving him.

They sat together on the edge of the bed afterward, her head resting against his shoulder, watching the last of the packing lie half-finished beside them, both reluctant to let the evening end the way it had to.

"Write to me," she said. "Whenever you can. Even if it’s only a line."

"Every chance I get," he promised. "I’ll fill entire pages with nothing but complaints about camp food if that’s all the news I have."

"I’ll gladly take it."

"Then you’ll get it." He wraps his palms around her cheeks, kissing her gently, not hurrying just savouring every inch of her mouth, that taste, that feeling that he had to carry with him to the battlefield.

He hovers over her, as he gently lays her down on the bed. Playing with her hair as he spoke, "I want to feel you once more, before I leave, Elley."

Eleanore lays her palm flat against his cheek. "I also want to feel you once before you leave me alone in the cold, dark depths of your room."

He laughs. "You can change it. When I come back I want to see all the darkness taken away from my world, by you, Elley."

She nods. "You will come into a brighter room after tonight. I promise."

"Thank you." He kisses her again, and out of nowhere the facade of strength Eleanore had built around her melts.

She wraps her arms around his shoulder, pulling him closer, until their chest met. She could feel his rising and falling against her and then instantly a tear escaped her eyes. Fear had creeped into her, what if things go wrong and she never gets to see him again. What if, the battlefield becomes more dangerous than any of them had ever anticipated. She absolutely did not want that.

Even so the thought that had sat in her mind was extremely unbearable. Caelstis notices it and pulls back. His thumb brushing against her cheeks whipping her tears, pressing his lips tightly as he could feel this ache in his heart. One, he couldn’t quite explain and that tore him.

He sinks his face between her neck and her shoulder, hugging her tightly as he feels her whimpering his arms. She breaks further as she feels his warmth and then the tears streaming down her eyes become unstoppable.

Cealestis slides his arm around her back, sitting straight in the bed, pulling her up on his laps, still hugging her tightly as he gently rubbed down her back. She buries her face into his shoulders as she doesn’t stop.

"Elley, if you cry—" His voice cracks. "I won’t be able to leave." He was backing all this ache in his heart and the pain of separation.

There was no exact time span, as to how long the war could go on and how intense it could get. How it could impact him or Seraphine. All of this was something he was unaware of and that was actually worse.

Eleanore hugs him tight all night, unaware of when she would experience this warmth in him again. When everything will get back to normal and when she can welcome him back home. Like he was some sand, leaking out of her grasps no matter how much she held him tight.

The sun rose, eeped through the windows of Caelestis’ dark room, crashing on her face. She flickers her eyes open, cold air enveloping around her. As she moves her hand on the empty side of her bed, looking for his warmth but did not find it. She grabs the blanket close to cover her naked chest, as she got up and looked at the window from where the sun was seeping in.

He had left, just like how he had said and she didn’t even get to say one last goodbye to him.