Chapter 85: Sadie: An Ally

SADIE

I think I get some kind of allowance for hating my parents sometimes. Yes, there could be an explanation for leaving me outside an orphanage, but it hasn’t reached me in twenty-one years. At some point, a girl gets to stop considering every possible excuse and be angry about being left there.

Trey, though? His mother died from poison, and that’s nearly everything I know about her. I can understand him hating whoever did it. Hating her is the part I can’t work out.

"What do you mean, Trey? Has someone been telling you things about your mother?" I ask. "You’re not just believing them, are you?"

He lets out a scoff. "You think this is about rumors? How old do you think I was when I found out my father was cheating?"

My eye twitches, which is hardly enough of a reaction to that question. There are only a few months between Trey and Ezra, so the overlap isn’t difficult to work out. Ezra certainly never acted embarrassed about it; sometimes, he spoke as if it was just another detail that made his family interesting.

"She was too weak to be a mother." Trey’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

I want to ask why she’s the one he keeps blaming when his father was the one cheating, but I’ve already misunderstood him once. I let him finish.

"What does it take to leave a man who hurt you?" he asks, the words coming harder now. "To choose yourself? Your child? Your family?"

Don’t tell me...

Did Alpha Vincent poison her? My stomach turns, and I’m worried I’ve said it out loud.

But men have killed their mates to make room for someone else. I’ve read enough to know that, and Ezra’s mother is alive and serving as Luna now.

That isn’t evidence, and I should know better than to let my brain call it a solved case. Still, I keep thinking about his mother smiling in that photograph. Did the man she loved murder her?

My mouth opens, but I can’t get the question out. How am I supposed to ask something this awful when he had to live through it?

"Was she poisoned by..." I stop, then try again. "Was it family?"

"There was never any poison."

My eyes widen. "What?"

He smiles without any warmth. "Yeah. My family managed to make the version everyone knows sound better. Impressive, right?"

"Trey..."

"You wanted me to talk." His voice stays cold. "This is what I get to think about when I do. Her weakness. The fact that my mother killed herself right in front of me."

I sit frozen on his lap. My throat feels tight and I can’t get anything out. It’s too much. Too much for me to process and handle.

"What am I supposed to do with that, Sadie? Talk until it stops bothering me?" His mouth presses tight before he continues. "Does she come back and explain why she jumped while I was trying to save her?"

My fingers dig into his skin. I don’t even know I’m doing it until he shifts, and I jerk my hand away, staring at it.

"She... she..."

I can’t get past that one word. When I finally look up, the pain on his face sinks deep into my heart. His breathing has grown heavy, warm against my skin, and he keeps stopping to draw another breath. I can’t ask him for more. I don’t even know what would make any of this easier to hear.

So, I pull him against me, both arms around him. "You don’t have to explain any more. I’m here, okay? Let me hold you."

His arms tighten around me, his hand settling across my back as he folds into the hug. I keep him close, painfully aware that this is all I know how to do for him right now.

My cheek rests against him, but I can still hear that word. Weakness.

Oh, Trey Mercer. Is this where all that anger came from?

His outburst over Ezra comes back to me, along with those harsh comments I still wish he never said. Was I trying to explain myself while he was remembering her?

It doesn’t undo what he said, but I can hear more than contempt in those words now. Some of what felt like cruelty came from pain I didn’t recognize, and I hold him a little closer.

"I can’t imagine what you went through, Trey," I tell him. "I want to understand, but you could explain it all day and I still wouldn’t know what it felt like to be there."

I take a breath. There’s no easy way to say the rest.

"But your dad hurt her. He was the one who cheated, and that can mess someone up badly. She loved him, didn’t she? I know she was your mom, but she was also a woman who trusted someone not to hurt her like that."

Slowly, I pull back and cup his face. His mouth is pressed tight, and he seems to be working just as hard to hold himself together now as he did before.

"You’re allowed to be angry. You’re her son, and she hurt you, too," I continue. "I just hope there’s a point where you can think about her without all of it hurting this much. Where you can forgive her for what you lost and still be glad she gave you life."

He’s still with me, and I want him to hear something about himself that isn’t another demand to be strong.

"I think she’d be proud of you. Of how you’ve grown, how you look after people you care about." My voice catches before I can keep going. "You were something good in her life, Trey. I hope you can believe that. Her son, her greatest gift. The way she left doesn’t mean you weren’t worth staying for."

Tears gather at the corners of his eyes as he looks away. His ears have reddened along with his nose, and he presses his lips tightly together.

"You don’t have to keep doing that," I whisper. "I’m here, Trey."

After a little while, I gently turn his face back to mine. "You’re not alone, Trey."

"I feel alone, Sadie." He draws a breath that doesn’t come easily. "I’m choking on how much I hate them, and everyone else acts like I should be over it. My father’s a great man. I should be proud. That’s what I get to hear about a fucking monster."

His eyes are wet, but he keeps them on me.

"And I’m supposed to want a brother I never asked for. Be mature because it wasn’t my fault or Ezra’s. I know that. It doesn’t make me want him." He swallows. "I want that woman gone, too, but everyone acts like she belongs where my mother was. Nobody else has a problem with any of it. Just me."

"And me," I add, hearing my own voice break. "I’m fiercely loyal. You’ve probably noticed what a problem that can be." I give him a small smile. "But I’m on your side, Trey. I can hate them with you. You don’t have to listen to everyone talk about how great they are and feel like you’re the only person who knows better."

My fingers straighten his collar while he watches me.

"But we should get something good out of this arrangement besides a shared list of people we can’t stand. We become the best versions of ourselves without their help. You become the man your father should’ve been, someone who takes care of the people who love him instead of making them wish they didn’t. Let Ezra and his mother see you build a life they don’t get to control. You get to choose who’s in it, Trey. You get to be happy with who you become." My voice lowers. "That’s the best way to hate them. Don’t let them have everything."

He takes my hand from his collar, keeping it between us as his other arm draws me closer. I’m almost close enough to kiss him when he speaks.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Know what to say to me."

Is that really such a mystery?

"Because I care about you," I tell him. "I don’t have to think that hard about it, Trey."

He holds my eyes, then briefly lowers his to my mouth.

"Kiss me." His voice is low, and he waits a second before adding, "Please."