Chapter 42 42: “If That Day, Rem Did Not Take Subaru's Hand”

After a long, long moment — their lips finally parted.

Rem and Natsuki Subaru drew back from each other by a few inches. The kiss had lasted so long that she still felt slightly dazed.

A deep crimson flush spread across both her cheeks. Her tongue slipped out just barely between her lips, and she let out a faint, breathless little pant — as though all her strength had been spent in that one moment.

She — she actually did it?

Rem's eyes went wide. She was genuinely stunned.

She had certainly made her plan — resolved herself to capture Subaru's heart.

But how had she succeeded when she'd barely even begun?

Could it be that her idea had been right all along —

Strike while the iron is hot. While the bond between Subaru and Lady Emilia is still shallow — slip in through the gap!

Rem recalled how Subaru had been the one to lean in just now, and her face went even redder with shy, helpless embarrassment.

W-would Subaru think she was a loose, easy girl?

The thought sent a pang of gloom through her — but she shook it off almost instantly.

Subaru wasn't that kind of person!

But wait.

As that thought settled, Rem noticed something was off.

She'd been swept away by a surge of sudden, overwhelming joy just moments ago.

But now, thinking about it calmly — given Subaru's personality, how could he possibly have just… agreed to her, right then and there?

Without a word of protest.

If she was being completely honest with herself: Rem was the person in this world who understood Natsuki Subaru best.

She had already braced herself to be rejected. Her confession was only ever meant to be a seed — a way of making her feelings known, planting something that would take root over time.

She had intended to wait. To go through more with Subaru, experience more at his side.

And one day, that seed would sprout and grow — until she had taken root so deeply in his heart that nothing could move her.

But now —

Rem lowered her head, turning it over carefully in her mind. If the Subaru she knew would never have agreed so easily…

Then… could it be that the Subaru standing before her was the same as her? Someone who had come back — reborn from another life?

At that thought, Rem slowly raised her head — and found herself looking directly into the eyes of Natsuki Subaru, who had been watching her the entire time with a quiet, gentle smile.

"Rem, stop overthinking."

"Let me tell you a story — about a boy named Natsuki Subaru, who received the memories of the hero he would one day become, long before it was his time."

Watching Rem with her head bowed in thought, Natsuki Subaru had known at once that she must be puzzling over his behavior.

So he chose to be honest.

He started from the beginning — from his life before he was transported to this world. He told her everything, all the way up to the moment he had received the memories of his future self. The one thing he left out was Return by Death.

While Natsuki Subaru spoke, Rem listened in complete silence. She didn't interrupt once.

She matched each event he described against her own memories, one by one — trying to work out exactly when this Subaru had returned, and which memories he carried with him.

Subaru's account soon reached the rooftop in the Royal Capital.

The moment when he had been crushed beneath the weight of countless deaths and rebirths — ground down by despair until he was on the verge of giving up on everything — Rem felt her heart clench violently.

Was this the turning point? Was it here?

Rem bit her lip hard. She had asked herself this question more than once.

If she had chosen, on that day, not to reach out and take Subaru's hand —

What kind of ending would have been waiting for them?

And now — she was about to find out.

"And then," Subaru's voice took on a faint hoarseness.

"Just when I was about to break — you stepped forward, Rem. You stood up for me. You encouraged me."

Natsuki Subaru described the version of himself that had cornered himself in his own despair, who had abandoned all effort — and told her how Rem had pulled him back from the edge, word by word, with her unwavering affirmations.

How her words about starting from zero had reignited a will to fight that had been almost completely extinguished.

Rem listened in silence. Before her eyes, that scene seemed to take shape — a boy on the brink of collapse, straightening his spine again because of words she had spoken in a time she couldn't remember: "Rem believes in you."

Natsuki Subaru's voice didn't waver or pause. He pressed on quickly — telling her how he had picked himself up and thrown himself back into the fray. How he had forged an alliance with the other two royal candidates, Crusch and Anastasia. And the brutal, harrowing battle he had fought alongside Rem in the thick fog against the massive demon beast — the White Whale.

Rem held her breath, gripped by anxiety — had she managed to protect Subaru during that battle? Had she kept him safe?

Every word Subaru spoke, every single syllable, landed in Rem's chest like the blow of a hammer.

She ached for every danger he had faced. She prayed silently for every victory he had scraped through.

And then, finally — Subaru reached the most critical moment of all.

He had led his allies back to the Roswaal manor just in time.

The desperate, knife-edge battle against the deranged and broken Archbishop of Sloth — Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti.

And at the very last second — he had pulled it off. Ram and Lady Emilia, who had been on the verge of being slaughtered by the Witch Cult, were saved.

Rem's breath stopped.

Sister… and Lady Emilia… they were actually saved this time?!

The enormous, suffocating dread that Rem had buried deep inside herself — the fear she had carried every single day and night, that haunted her every nightmare — the terror of losing her beloved sister Ram, of something happening to Lady Emilia —

In this one moment, it shattered completely.

An enormous, all-consuming wave of relief and joy surged up and broke through every last wall inside her — like a dam giving way to a flood.

"Ha — haha… Hahaha… Sister… Lady Emilia… I'm so glad. I'm so glad!"

Rem's laughter rang out bright and clear as a silver bell, pealing through the room.

It was laughter full of pure, unguarded joy and release — as though it were sweeping away every shadow that had pressed down on her for so long.

But as she laughed — Rem didn't even notice when the tears began.

Crystalline droplets welled up without warning and spilled over in great rolling streams, sliding down her flushed cheeks.

One after another — silently soaking into the fabric at the collar of her maid uniform.

And then a faint, choked sob broke free from behind her pressed-shut lips, and her shoulders began to shudder — trembling beyond her control.

In the wake of that joy, something else rose up inside Rem — a grief and remorse she had no words for.

So it was true. Even back then, in the Royal Capital — she really could have done it.

She could have been the pillar Subaru leaned on.

She could have helped Subaru save her sister, save Lady Emilia — and watched, step by step, as he became a true hero.

…She could have. She had always been capable of it.

But on that day — she had chosen to be selfish, just once. She had chosen to run away with Subaru. To leave everything behind.

Rem had never once regretted eloping with Subaru — choosing him over everything, marrying him, building a quiet, ordinary life far from the conflict.

What she hated — what she could not forgive in herself — was that through her selfishness, she had strangled the possibility of Subaru becoming a hero. She had strangled the possibility of her sister and Lady Emilia being saved.

What a — what an unforgivable act of sloth that had been.

Rem covered her face with both hands, burning with shame.

It was at that moment that Natsuki Subaru noticed something was wrong.

He didn't ask. He simply reached out, and laid his hand gently on top of Rem's head — and began to stroke her hair, soft and slow.

"Rem. It's all in the past now."

Natsuki Subaru spoke quietly, his voice like a beam of warm sunlight falling into the darkest corner of Rem's heart.

The warmth of his palm seeped through her hair and reached her.

That touch — familiar, slightly rough, yet impossibly tender — spread through her like a current of warmth, gently scattering the churning self-reproach inside her.

The sound of Rem's sobbing suddenly grew louder — as though she had finally found somewhere to let it all out.

She lurched forward, burying her face deep into Natsuki Subaru's chest.

Scalding tears soaked rapidly through the fabric over his heart. Her shoulders heaved and shook in great, violent waves — as if she were trying to cry out every last drop of guilt she had carried for so long.

"Uu… uuuu… Subaru… Subaru! I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry!"

Rem sobbed the words out, muffled and broken.

"It was all Rem… it was Rem's fault!"

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