Chapter 155: After Crying and Shouting, One Moves Toward Tomorrow

"You said it yourself, Subaru — if you ever got tired, I'd give you a lap pillow."

Emilia kept her head lowered, a gentle smile playing at the corners of her mouth, as though she were remembering how outrageously Natsuki Subaru had behaved back then.

Natsuki Subaru's eyelids drooped, lifted, drooped again. In this quiet, warm hush, drowsiness was creeping over him.

Right now there was no terror of being hunted down by Rem, no anxiety over Ram's suspicion. There was only a stillness and a safety he couldn't put into words.

Emilia-tan really was an angel!

The thought welled up in Natsuki Subaru all over again.

"I know. Something must have hit you really hard, didn't it? Anyone could tell just by looking."

Emilia closed her eyes, her hand never stopping as it stroked through Natsuki Subaru's hair.

"And I know you don't want to tell me what happened."

"I also know — a lap pillow might not be enough to help you relax. But this is the only thing I could think of that I can do for you."

She opened those violet-blue eyes again, earnest and endearing all at once.

Natsuki Subaru's body gave a small shudder, and he buried his head a little lower.

He was starting to feel grateful that Emilia had turned his head away at the beginning.

Otherwise she'd be seeing his face right now — undignified, twisted up on the verge of tears. That would have done real damage to his image.

"Are you tired, Subaru?"

Emilia asked, guiding him gently toward the words he couldn't reach.

"…I'm totally fine."

Natsuki Subaru said it after a moment's hesitation.

"Is this making things hard for you?"

"If you're that kind to me, I'm going to fall for you, you know."

He didn't answer her directly. His head was a mess, and that was what came out of it.

"See? Then I'll turn annoying all over again, like — like that, and like — this…"

He stammered, groping after something he wanted to say, unable even to tell himself what it was.

And right then, in the middle of that tangled confusion —

Emilia leaned down, close to his ear, and with the softest possible voice and a breath of warmth against his skin, she whispered:

"You've worked so hard, Subaru."

One instant. That was all it took.

Every wall Natsuki Subaru had built up came down at once. In that moment he felt utterly seen through by her — every bit of his bluffing, every weakness laid bare.

And somehow, it didn't feel bad at all.

"It was hard… it hurt so much!"

"It was terrifying, and it was so sad… I tried, I really tried. I tried so hard to change the future, to make everything turn out right."

The tears spilled out of him and wouldn't stop. He scrubbed at them with the back of his hand and they kept coming.

"I really did try. I really…"

"Mm. I know."

Emilia looked down at him tenderly, at the fragile thing he'd become in front of her, the way a mother listens carefully to a child pouring out complaints and begging to be comforted.

"It's all because I love this place, because it matters to me, so I wanted to take everything back no matter what. But… I was just so scared. Scared of running into something like that again. So I pushed myself way too far…"

Natsuki Subaru understood it himself — everything about the way he'd acted today had been off. He'd forced his cheer so hard that it only made him look more suspicious.

But he couldn't help it. He simply could not control it. The more afraid he was, the stranger he came across.

He honestly had no idea what to do anymore!

Emilia said nothing. She only stayed there, quietly offering him her lap, staying at his side until he drifted off to sleep.

"That's just too sneaky. That me, up on the screen."

In the viewing seats, Emilia stared straight at the warm, lovely scene between that other self and Natsuki Subaru, and something sour turned over inside her.

True, she knew that experience belonged to her. True, she had felt every bit of that sweetness herself.

But that had been in another world!

In this world, she had never once given Subaru a lap pillow like that!

So Emilia couldn't shake the envy… envy of her own past self, up there on the screen!

To think that version of her had gotten Subaru to lie in her lap like that, so relaxed, so at ease.

Now that everything had started over and Subaru remembered nothing, recreating a scene like that would be terribly hard…

With his affection for her back at rock bottom, if she just came out and offered him a lap pillow, wouldn't that only leave him uncomfortable?

Sorrow welled up in her. Starting over meant she could change all those awful endings — but Subaru's affection had been wiped clean back to zero along with everything else!

Everything they had lived through together, the joy and the grief alike, had become memories that "never happened," remembered by her and no one else!

Emilia clenched her fists until her nails bit deep into her palms and blood seeped out.

That hollow feeling — it was enough to torture a person into madness!

And while Emilia wrestled with that pain, everyone else in the viewing seats had turned to look at her without meaning to, shock written across their faces.

It was the particular astonishment you feel in a team match when the worst player on your roster, the one who's basically the mascot, suddenly starts hard-carrying in the endgame.

Hold on — so you're not just here filling a slot to get the game started? You can actually do something?

"Lady Emilia, that was magnificent! With this, so much of Mr. Natsuki's mental burden will be lifted. Maybe… maybe Mr. Natsuki can clear this loop outright, without having to die again!"

Otto burst into applause, delight all over his face.

The way he saw it, Emilia's move to comfort Mr. Natsuki up there on the screen was nothing short of a stroke of genius. The whole board had come back to life in an instant!

Nobody understood better than he did just how formidable Mr. Natsuki was!

As long as his spirit didn't break, Mr. Natsuki was practically a god of war — he could shatter any wall that stood in his way!

"Ara, what a considerate woman. I think I'm starting to understand why darling was so fixated on you back then~"

Ever since Elsa had come to terms with her own feelings, she'd stopped calling Natsuki Subaru "that man" and switched to "darling."

A reminder to herself. And a declaration of ownership.

"But since it's all starting over from the top this time, who wins is still anyone's guess~ When it comes to understanding darling, I'm miles ahead of you~"

This time Elsa only murmured it under her breath rather than announcing it. When you were truly confident of pulling something off, there was no need to broadcast it to the world.

The only one who caught what Elsa said was probably Meili, who had just glanced up at her without leaving any trace of it.

But Meili only looked once before withdrawing her gaze, wearing the face of someone who couldn't care less.

Was that really so, though?

Meili, who had grown up among Mabeasts, hadn't slowly learned to speak, to walk, and to kill until she met Elsa.

She had long since made a habit of imitating Elsa — her clothes, her tone of voice, her way of doing things.

Before she met the Natsuki Subaru of the Arrogance line, that way of living was the only thing holding her sense of self together.

And this time was no exception, of course.

In a place where Elsa wasn't looking, a strange smile spread across Meili's face, brimming with hunger.

Sorry, Elsa. I'm going to take Big Brother for myself — wearing your look, using your methods~

After all, Big Brother is very important to me!

____

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