Chapter 114: It's not because I want to be a doll, but because Subaru treats me like one

"I love those gem-like, dewy purple eyes of yours, too—every time our gazes meet, my heart can't help but flutter... Emilia, you really do have so many good points. It just so happens you're exactly my ideal type."

Natsuki Subaru reached out and counted off Emilia's virtues one by one, then paused for a moment, lifting his head to give her a slightly embarrassed smile.

"Of course, you have flaws too. Emilia, you're neither an angel nor a goddess—just an ordinary girl. Wanting to run away when you hit something troubling is perfectly normal."

Natsuki Subaru's words seemed to carry a hidden meaning, but at that moment Emilia wasn't thinking about it that deeply.

——She couldn't even remember how long it had been.

Once again—Subaru had, once again, truly turned his gaze toward her.

Emilia gazed dazedly at Natsuki Subaru's face, the emotion called "being moved" surging endlessly within her heart, the joy of regaining what she'd lost overflowing through her entire chest.

All this time—no, ever since the Sanctuary incident ended, Subaru had never once looked at her again.

Whenever Subaru looked her way, it was as if he were looking past her, toward some place farther away.

As though someone were standing there, drawing him in so strongly that he overlooked every single thing she did to try to catch his attention——

She had seen how very much Subaru cared about that girl who lay forever in bed, unable to wake—the girl named Rem.

And so she had imitated the other one and cut her own long hair short, trying to use such a childish method to draw even the faintest shred of Natsuki Subaru's attention.

But she had failed. Emilia understood that this was only to be expected.

Just as it was only to be expected that Subaru would overlook her.

For some reason, she always felt there was a strange sense of detachment about Subaru, as if he weren't in the same world as her—or even as Betty, Garfiel, or Reinhard—as if he were that far away.

Being able to talk with Subaru every day made her happy.

But she knew that it wasn't only her conversations with him—his talks with Betty and the others were equally a part of Subaru's fixed, unchanging routine.

Every day, every single day, Subaru went about it as if carrying out a mission, as though anticipating some turning point that might come yet never seemed to arrive.

And she—after enduring the breaking of her contract with Puck, and the torment of having her memories unsealed by the Sanctuary's Trial.

Her spirit grown fragile, she no longer had any other choice but to anticipate alongside Subaru, waiting together for that illusory, intangible turning point.

Just what was Subaru waiting for?

Waiting for Betty to step out of her psychological shadow, to stop hating him, and to return to her usual haughty self?

Waiting for his friend Otto to come back and fight by his side with a smile?

Or waiting for Garfiel to step out of his own shadow—waiting for that child named Rem to wake and greet him with a smile?

...What childish wishes those were.

Subaru kept thinking that way, yet not a single one of those wishes could ever come true.

But—in truth, she was just the same as Subaru!

She, too, was waiting for Subaru to turn around and spare her a single glance, pinning her hopes on him understanding that behind her careful efforts to please him lay a desire to be loved even more.

Why was it that Subaru simply couldn't understand this?

It wasn't because she wanted to be an obedient little doll—it was that Subaru had always treated her as one.

Emilia had assumed that days like these would go on forever, until... not long ago her consciousness crossed over into this world.

This world was filled with twisted, grotesque monsters more terrifying than mabeasts, yet Emilia found it utterly sweet.

All because this world had Natsuki Subaru in it—and a Natsuki Subaru who would confess to her and say he loved her, even after losing his memories.

This time she would... treasure it properly.

Drowsily dozing, Emilia slowly sank into a deep, contented sleep amid her expectations for the future.

Natsuki Subaru ran his palm over the hair of Emilia, who lay draped against his chest, listening to the comfortable little snores escaping her lips, his eyes gentle.

Now that he knew Emilia's experiences in full, he could prescribe the right remedy.

Although Emilia hadn't mentioned it, he knew that, following the course of that other world of possibility, things had unfolded a certain way.

Puck's plan to help Emilia grow had probably ended in failure, and after dissolving his contract with Emilia, he had vanished without a trace.

Had Puck still been at Emilia's side, surely her mental state wouldn't have deteriorated to such an extent.

To solve this problem—well, it was simple, if you wanted to call it simple.

Namely, he would make up for the mistakes committed in that other world of possibility, rewriting the point of divergence to lead Emilia back onto the right path.

In his memory, in the Sanctuary it was precisely by confessing to Emilia and, after a love-sealing kiss, that he had given her the courage to pass the Trial, to face her past, and to walk toward growth.

Although by now it was all far too late, he could still give Emilia confidence by way of offering her companionship and love.

One day, she would pull herself together and face her past—because that was the Emilia he knew.

Thinking this, Natsuki Subaru gently and quietly gathered the sleeping Emilia up into his arms, then walked step by step toward the bed in the bedroom.

Laying Emilia down on the bed, he tried to slip away.

But every time he moved even a short distance away, he saw the sleeping Emilia furrow her brows, as if the very next second she might wake from some uneasy premonition.

There was nothing for it; Natsuki Subaru could only stay in the bedroom. He sat down at the wooden desk in Emilia's room, writing and sketching, organizing his thoughts about the intelligence the Gospel had left behind.

As well as making some preparations for the night—he needed to carefully distinguish among those "guests" mentioned in the Gospel.

He had to take care not to let an Imitation Human disguised as Ram inside again, the way he had the night before.

As he wrote on and on, he grew a little drowsy. After a yawn, he gave it some thought, then climbed straight onto Emilia's bed and lay down side by side with her.

It wasn't the first time he'd slept together with Emilia anyway, so he didn't feel the least bit awkward.

He slept all the way until afternoon, and when Natsuki Subaru woke with a yawn, he found that Emilia—already awake beside him—was gazing dazedly at him.

For some reason, the moment Natsuki Subaru opened his eyes, he saw Emilia's face right up close.

Realizing he had woken up, Emilia immediately leaned back in a fluster, her face flushed red as if to cover something up, speaking at a tremendously rapid pace.

"Subaru, g-good morning!"

At those words, Natsuki Subaru's heart gave a violent jolt—what, had he slept all the way until the next morning?

He hurriedly sat up and looked toward the gaps in the window, which had been nailed shut with wooden boards, and found the light was clearly on the dim side.

This... wasn't it only afternoon just now?

In the blink of an eye, Natsuki Subaru worked out exactly what had happened and let out a helpless sigh.

He glanced at Emilia, who had her head lowered ever so cautiously, seeming afraid he might scold her. There was nothing he could do—after all, there was no way he could ever scold an Emilia this adorable.

So he placed his hand on the head of the anxious, fidgeting Emilia and stroked it gently, then said with a smile.

"Emilia-tan, it's all right. It's precisely because I love you that I can embrace your imperfections."

"So don't keep lowering your head. Lift your chin, throw out your chest, and go do whatever you want to do, with confidence and pride."

After hearing this, Emilia nodded lightly to show she'd heard him—but she did not raise her head the way Natsuki Subaru had urged.

Because at an angle Natsuki Subaru couldn't see, the corners of her mouth curved into an arc.

Her body trembled faintly. This unprecedented love from Natsuki Subaru was very nearly enough to drown her reason.

Since Subaru had said as much, how could I, as his doll, fail to obey his command——?

So it should be perfectly fine for her to hide her expression now, to conceal her true thoughts, shouldn't it?

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