Chapter 31-Not a part of my life

Chapter 31: 31-Not a part of my life

Aymara froze. "H-huh?"

For a moment, she genuinely wondered if she had heard him correctly.

Nathaniel blinked at her, clearly unable to understand her reaction. "Your boyfriend?"

The word alone made Aymara’s stomach twist. Of all the things Nathaniel could have asked about, why did he have to bring up Dylan?

Nathaniel watched her carefully, a faint pulse beating hard in his temple. He hated that the name still had the power to stir something in him; anger, disbelief, and beneath both, the old ache of wanting her back. He didn’t trust that ache. He didn’t trust her either.

"Where is he staying?"

Aymara opened her mouth, then closed it again. Until a week ago, Dylan had been her boyfriend. They had been together for seven years. At least, that was what Nathaniel believed.

As far as he knew, Aymara had been deeply in love with Dylan. She had defended him countless times, chosen him over everyone else, and slowly pushed Nathaniel out of her life because of him.

Now she had suddenly appeared at his hospital bed, kidnapped him, carried him across the ocean, and built an entire fortress to keep him alive. Of course he would be confused.

Aymara slowly placed the tray on the nearby table. "He’s not here."

Nathaniel frowned. "Why?"

"Because I didn’t bring him," she forced out. She hated having to talk about Dylan, he just wasn’t worth it at this point.

His eyebrows drew together. "Why not?" He asked. "Why wouldn’t you save the love of your life when you know the world is ending.

Aymara looked at him. Her heart burnt with hatred that the illusion of Dylan being the love of her life still existed in this universe.

Still, there was no easy way to answer that. "He isn’t part of my life anymore."

Nathaniel stared at her. There was a sudden itch in his soul to get to the answer she was not giving him. "What?"

"We broke up, okay."

The words came out simply, almost too simply. Nathaniel’s expression changed. His fingers curled into the blanket, and for one disloyal second, relief flickered through him.

He crushed it down immediately. Relief felt too much like hope, and hope was something he no longer knew how to give her. "You broke up?"

"Yes, we did."

"When?" He asked, seeming unfazed but only he knew how happy he was deep down. He hated Dylan for her and he hated the parts of her he erased and squeezed to fit his ideals.

"Recently," Aymara answered without going deep into the details.

His eyes narrowed, he wanted the full tea before his heart can relax. "How recently?"

He knew how love works, if it was too recent, chances of them getting back together and himself being kicked out soon were too high.

Aymara hesitated. "A few days ago," she exaggerated the time to let it seem old and final.

Nathaniel stared at her as though she had just told him the ocean outside was made of fire. "You broke up with Dylan a few days ago..."

"Yes."

"And then you came to the hospital and took me."

"Yes," that one word felt heavy like she was trial and he was deciding if she was guilty of not.

"Then you bought a cruise, stocked it with enough supplies to survive an apocalypse, and brought me here."

Aymara nodded slowly. "Yes."

Nathaniel looked at her for several seconds. His disbelief pressed against his ribs. Part of him wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Another part wanted to believe that, somehow, this meant he had mattered all along. "Why?"

Aymara’s fingers tightened. She knew exactly what he was asking. Not why she had brought him onto the ship. Not why she had prepared for the apocalypse. He wanted to know why she had chosen him after six years of choosing someone else.

"You loved him." His voice was quiet.

Aymara’s heart sank at those words. Mainly because she couldn’t refute how true they were. Yes, once upon a time her heart had beat for Dylan but that was a lifetime ago and in this life, all of her would be dedicated only to Nathaniel.

"You loved him enough to..." He stopped, his jaw tightening. He didn’t want to say it.

He had spent years watching Aymara change because of Dylan, watching her cancel plans because Dylan didn’t like him, watching her distance herself, watching her defend Dylan even when there was no reason to, and watching the person who had once been his closest friend slowly become someone he barely recognized.

Eventually, he had accepted that he had lost her. "You loved him enough to burn every bridge around you for him so what could have possibly driven you to break up with him?"

Aymara lowered her gaze. The answer was a lot harder to get out of her.

Nathaniel gave a small, bitter laugh. The sound scraped his throat. "Then why?"

She looked up. "Why what?"

"Why did you come back for me?"

The question hung between them. Nathaniel’s eyes were no longer angry, and that somehow made it worse.

His anger had been easier to hold than the longing beneath it. He wanted her answer, but he was afraid of what it might awaken if she gave him one. "Why didn’t you save him?"

Aymara’s chest tightened.

"If you knew the world was ending, why didn’t you bring Dylan?" She remained silent. Nathaniel looked away. "You loved him." His voice became softer. "You chose him over me so why not save him?"

Aymara’s eyes stung. "I did cho...choose him," she became short of breath.

"Then why am I here, Aymara Ellington?"

’Because I spent my entire previous life regretting losing you. Because when the world ended, you were the person I realized I had never been able to replace,’ she thought bitterly. ’Because I finally understood that I had thrown away was the person who loved me most.’

Aymara wanted to say all of it. Instead, she walked closer to the bed. "Because I was wrong."

Nathaniel looked at her in silence.

Aymara swallowed. "I thought Dylan was the person I wanted." Her voice trembled slightly. "I thought what I felt for him was love. I was wrong."

"You don’t know that," he interrupted her. Just a few days, there was still a chance to rekindle their flame. "It’s too soon to declare that. Don’t you think?"

"I do know, Nate... He..."

"You could just be angry with him and that’s why you are saying all this things."

Aymara felt angry, not because of Dylan but because it was so hard for Nathaniel to understand her. "I’m not."

"Then what changed?" Nathaniel asked. "Why fall out of love with him, huh?"

Aymara looked at him for a long moment. "Everything changed."

She sat down beside the bed and continued, "I woke up one day and realized I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I realized I had spent years changing myself to make someone else happy," she admitted. "I stopped making my own decisions, stopped seeing people I cared about, and stopped doing the things I loved for him."

"It took you a few days to realize that after seven years with him?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "And I’m supposed to believe you?"