Chapter 455: Greenfaced

Chapter 455: Seraphina

I expect an apology at least from Rylan this morning. Not for him to tell me he is leaving.

"Is this because of our argument last night?" I ask him, afraid.

He avoids my eyes.

Rylan rubs the back of his neck. I feel something cold settle in my chest.

"I will not allow it," I say.

He finally looks at me.

"Sera—"

"No." My voice is sharp. "You are my mate. You are not leaving."

"It is not permanent—"

"I do not care." I step closer. "You are not leaving."

He sighs.

"Seraphina—"

"You cannot just leave," I say. "You cannot just walk away because we had one fight. That is not how this works."

"It is not just one fight."

"What?"

He looks at me.

"You know it is not just one fight," he says. "These past couple of months, we barely go a night without a fight breaking out in this house."

"And your solution is to leave?"

"My solution is that... we need space." He looks down at his hands. "I need space."

"You want space from me?" I ask. "Your mate?"

He moves until he sits next to me on the bed. He takes my hands in his.

"My mate, my heart," he says. "I love you. You know this."

I stare at him.

"Then why are you leaving?"

"I am not leaving you," he says. "I am leaving the house. The tension. The fights. I need to breathe. I need to remember who I am outside of all of this."

I pull my hands away.

"That is the same thing."

"It is not."

"It is."

He sighs.

"Seraphina—"

"No." I stand. "You do not get to do this. You do not get to leave me because things are hard. You do not get to walk away and pretend it is for the best."

He looks up at me.

"I am not pretending anything."

"Then stay."

He is quiet.

"Is this that panther?" I ask turning towards the door. "Did she put these ideas in your head? I am going to give her a piece of my mind."

He wraps his arms around me.

"This," he says against my ear, "is why."

I freeze.

"Of late, our conversations always end up this way. We end up hurting each other. I cannot remember the last time we laughed, spent time together. All we do is argue and have sex. And with how things are going, our bond can only keep our relationship strong for so long."

I feel my eyes sting.

"That is not true."

"It is true."

"No—"

"Seraphina." He pulls back to look at me. "I love you. I have always loved you. But I am tired. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of feeling like I am not enough. I am tired of being the one who is always second."

He releases me. I grab his arm.

"You are not second," I say. "I love you as much as I love them. You know that."

He stops.

He does not turn around.

"I do know that," he says quietly. "Logically. But it does not feel that way."

I feel my chest tighten.

"Rylan—"

"It is not your fault," he says. "It is my own insecurities. I know that. I have always known that. But knowing it does not make it go away."

I do not know what to say.

He takes my hand.

"I love you," he says. "I have always loved you. But I need this."

He looks at me. His eyes are tired, but there is something else in them too—something like hope.

"As it is, I will keep lashing out," he continues. "I will keep being angry. I will keep hurting you. Hurting everyone. I love you, but I need to learn to love myself too."

I feel my throat tighten.

"Rylan—"

"I cannot be a good mate to you if I do not know who I am," he says. "I cannot be a good Alpha. I cannot be a good person. I need to figure that out."

He squeezes my hand.

*

I stomp my feet walking toward Redmoon. I need answers about this—about my mate leaving. I ask around. They say she went into the forest.

I walk in the direction the wolf pointed, ready to give her a piece of my mind.

Then I stop in my tracks.

I hide behind a tree.

There, against another tree, are them.

Elara has her hands on the tree, while from behind, pistoning in and out of her is her mate.

I hold back my gasp.

That night on Moonfall, I could not clearly see. Now I can.

How can a... female have that?

I watch, entranced. Heat pools between my legs.

"I do not understand why you want to do this outside when we have a perfectly safe bedroom."

"What can I say?" Elara’s voice is breathless. "I am a wolf. There is nothing—uh—better than—mmmnn—the outdoors."

"Do not blame your wolf nature." Daphne pulls Elara’s head back by her hair. "You are just an exhibitionist, little wolf."

I can see Elara’s face from here. She is so blissful. She smiles.

"I just might be," she says. "I want to show off to the world how well my mate takes me."

It feels like those words are jabs against me.

I clench my fingers into a fist. I feel blood pooling and equal amounts of arousal, envy, and hate swirling inside me.

I want to push away Elara and take her place.

I do not hear what her mate whispers in her ear, but Elara smiles. Happy.

It is not fair.

I should leave. I should turn around and walk away. But I cannot move.

I watch them. The way she moves inside her. The way she whispers something in her ear that makes Elara laugh.

Laugh.

They are laughing.

You do not laugh during sex. There is tension and desire and emotion. There is no room for laughter. But on Moonfall and now, it is the same.

I want to tear them apart.

I turn. I walk. I do not look back.