Chapter 545: The Guy Who Loves Cutting People and the Femboy

"Invite my ass. Haku and I are here delivering goods."

Zabuza jerked a thumb toward the resort area behind him.

"…"

Kakashi was long since used to Zabuza's particular brand of elegance and refinement.

Still, if Zabuza had not been invited over to help deal with the opposition, then Kirigakure's troublemakers probably were not much of a threat.

Mei clearly did not think she needed to mobilize every fighter available to her.

Thinking about it, that made sense.

Several nations had already formed an alliance. If something truly serious happened, there was no reason Kirigakure would rely on Kisame alone.

As for delivering goods…

Kakashi vaguely remembered hearing that the Land of Waves had become an important trade port between the mainland and overseas regions.

So Zabuza making a delivery here was perfectly normal.

"Delivering goods, huh? Then why did you come over here?"

Kakashi asked.

"Why did I come over? Of course I've got something to ask you."

Zabuza pulled a book from his clothes and slapped it straight into Kakashi's face.

"Kakashi, tell me—did you write this damn thing?"

"Which one is it?"

Kakashi did not immediately deny it.

After all, this was hardly the first time he had been forced to take the blame as an author.

He needed to check the title before he could be sure.

Zabuza nearly laughed from sheer anger.

"'Which one'? Kakashi, you naturally suspicious bastard, how many freakish novels have you written?"

"Do you remember how many rice balls you've eaten in your life…?"

Kakashi paused.

"No, wait. What I mean is, I didn't write this one. I've never even heard of it before. What's wrong with the book?"

After reading the title, Kakashi searched his memory and gave a firm answer.

His reputation as the number-one author might have been fake, but Kakashi felt he could at least compete for the title of number-one reader.

If even he had never heard of the novel, perhaps it had only been released recently.

"It's about some heartless bastard obsessed with cutting people who wanders around with a boy who uses ice and looks like a girl."

"Later, that heartless bastard is supposed to fight some arrogant white-haired guy who covers half his face and has special eyes."

Zabuza summarized the plot in the bluntest, simplest, least subtle way imaginable.

"…"

Kakashi fell silent again.

This time, however, he genuinely could not tell whether the similarities were real or whether his nerves had simply become too sensitive.

Only moments ago, he had repeatedly compared Nanami's perfectly normal story to the Uchiha Clan Massacre until he finally pissed her off.

"Stop pretending, Kakashi! You're seriously going to stand there acting like you don't understand?!"

Zabuza exploded when he saw Kakashi's expression.

Originally, he had only come over because Kakashi's group had arrived next door with such a huge commotion.

He had been curious enough to take a look and casually ask about the book while he was here.

But now Kakashi was deliberately pretending not to understand.

Wasn't that basically admitting guilt?

So Kakashi really had written it!

This book—The Biography of Sukuna!

"Wait, Zabuza, calm down. I'm not pretending. I'm genuinely surprised that there could be a story with so many coincidences…"

Kakashi hurriedly waved his hands.

"Heh. You're still trying that shit with me?"

Zabuza sneered.

"'How could there possibly be such a coincidental story?' Bullshit!"

"Your Vigorous Paradise stuff, your Limited Tsukuyomi stories—which one of those wasn't just a 'coincidence' that happened to match real people in the shinobi world?"

"I wasn't even suspicious of you before, but now you've exposed yourself, Kakashi!"

Zabuza stared at him with open contempt.

Even Hoshigaki Nanami, whose earlier conversation with Kakashi had already gone completely off the rails, now looked at him with disdain after watching this exchange.

She despised people who pretended to be something they were not.

Kakashi, for example.

Obviously one of those suspicious people, yet always acting like a respectable gentleman in public.

Or Uzumaki Naruto.

Obviously a gay-type shinobi, yet constantly using the Sexy Jutsu to pretend he liked girls.

"I… Fine."

Kakashi gave up.

"You're not going to believe anything I say right now anyway, so just assume I wrote it. Is there actually anything in there that slanders you?"

Once the conversation had already blown up this badly, trying to argue—

No.

Trying to explain—was pointless.

Anything Kakashi said now would only sound like an excuse.

So he might as well temporarily accept the blame and find a way to recover later.

That was exactly what he was trying to do now.

When Zabuza threw the book at him, Kakashi had not merely looked at the title.

He had casually flipped through several pages as well.

And during those few moments, he had secretly used the Sharingan's enhanced visual perception to perform a little quantum-speed reading.

He had already absorbed parts of the story.

Compared with the Make-Out series or the Limited Tsukuyomi stories, this novel could not even be called mild.

It was practically plain water.

Completely ordinary.

So Kakashi could only conclude that Zabuza had actually been telling the truth.

At first, Zabuza genuinely had not suspected Kakashi of being the author.

It was only Kakashi's own bizarre reaction that made him suspicious.

Kakashi thought that asking what exactly offended Zabuza might finally put the matter to rest.

Instead, Zabuza immediately opened the book to the very first passage and shoved it in front of him.

"Fine. Forget the later parts for now. I've read the beginning."

"You didn't write any of that gay nonsense onto me."

"But what the hell is this?"

Good question.

Kakashi wanted to know too.

He had not written the damn book.

And his earlier quantum-speed reading had only covered scattered sections from the middle.

How was he supposed to know what the opening said?

Kakashi followed Zabuza's finger and read the passage.

Now he understood what Zabuza was angry about.

The protagonist—the same heartless, slash-obsessed man who would eventually fight a masked white-haired man with special eyes—had been treated as a monster when he was young.

The villagers feared his strength.

They ostracized him.

Drove him away.

Even tried to kill him.

That opening…

That backstory…

Combined with the fragments Kakashi had already skimmed…

Was this really supposed to be called The Biography of Sukuna?

Shouldn't it be called The Biography of Dark Naruto?

Nobody had bullied Zabuza when he was a child.

His childhood story was famous throughout the shinobi world.

He had slaughtered an entire class of students by himself.

So what Zabuza was demanding to know was this:

If the protagonist was clearly modeled after him, why the hell had the author given him Naruto's tragic childhood backstory?

Naruto was Kakashi's student.

Didn't that make it look like Kakashi was somehow trying to claim seniority over Zabuza or something equally ridiculous?

…

Kakashi racked his brain for a long time and still could not think of a way to resolve the accusation.

Then his eyes happened to fall on the title once more.

Sukuna.

A strange sense of familiarity suddenly surfaced.

He had heard that name somewhere in Amegakure before.

When was it?

He could barely remember.

"Wait!"

Kakashi suddenly slapped his thigh and shot to his feet.

"This book really wasn't written by me! I have actual proof!"

He finally remembered.

"?"

Zabuza stared at him as though he had gone insane.

"Kakashi, what the hell is wrong with your brain? I wasn't even doing anything and you suddenly yelled 'wait.'

"Or were you trying to shout 'man'?"