Extra: A Dinner With the Muscle Mommy, 1

Egel walked closer to the love of her life, but before she could open her mouth again, Mordecai had already turned to Cassandra.

He kept his voice low but soft. "Cassandra. I need you to do a few things for me." He watched her straighten instantly, snapping back into the yandere secretary. "First, go to Brenda. Tell her I want a new set of contracts drawn up." Cassandra's eyes lit up as soon as she heard the word 'contract.' "'Terms and Conditions.' A full Terms of Service agreement, the same kind we used when we fought nick, all the fine print. I want copies posted at the entrance of every dungeon in our territory. Anyone who steps inside has legally agreed to them the moment they cross the threshold."

Cassandra blinked once, then nodded, filing it away. "Understood, my Liege. And the... purpose of these contracts?"

"You'll see." He said.

Mordecai left it there. The purpose was something that you'll see in Book Two, and I'm not mentally ready to explain that the entire adventuring economy was about to become a subscription trap.

"Second. Take all of Yssrath's things, the fireproof clothes, the formula, all of it, back to Vera. She probably needs them." He paused. When he spoke again, his voice had lost the tone of an order. "And after that... wait for me. I'm going to clear a few things off my schedule so I can spend some proper time with you. Just us, I promise."

Cassandra's expression froze for half a second.

"...Very well, my Liege." She said, unable to hide the recluctance in her voice. Come on, less than an hour ago she had been eating ice cream with him on a bench, and for a few precious minutes, she had even had a body.

Now she was being sent off to deliver baby clothes while another woman stood beside him glowing like she'd just swallowed the sun.

Mordecai noticed. Of course he noticed. That's the ugly reality of being a self-aware protagonist.

He leaned slightly closer and lowered his voice until only she could hear him. "Relax. I've already thought of everything." Then he smiled at her, warmly.

In that moment, her shoulders loosened.

If her Liege said he'd thought of everything, then he had. He always did.

A smile slipped onto her face before she could stop it, soft and involuntary, with the faintest blue creeping into her cheeks.

"Then I'll be waiting."

No reluctance this time.

She gathered the shopping bags, inclined her head and stepped backward into a portal. Dark light folded around her, then vanished.

Egel had spent the entire exchange vibrating with the strained patience of a large dog watching someone hold a ball. The instant Cassandra disappeared, she was at Mordecai's side.

"Kaitoyama! S-So! Does that mean... you'll really buy me dinner and spend time with me??" She was literally tapping her foot against the ground without realizing it.

"Yes." Mordecai stood and brushed away some dust from his legs. "I keep my promises. Always. Kinda."

Those four words had a catastrophic effect on Egel.

She stood silent for a few instants, and then... she jumped for joy.

Unfortunately, in her moment of pure happiness, Egel forgot one small detail.

The Great Sage Equal To Heaven had crammed roughly two thousand years of cultivation into her body.

Her happy little hop launched her two hundred meters into the air.

Mordecai tilted his head back and watched her shrink into a red-haired speck against the sky. She cleared the rooftops, passed the guild's tallest spire and briefly entered the flight path of a very confused flock of pigeons.

"...Damn. I created a monster." Mordecai muttered, crossing his arms.

Several seconds later, Egel came back down. Some newly acquired instinct kicked in at the last moment, slowing her descent until she landed beside him in a light crouch.

She stood up, red-faced.

"...Oops. I'm sorry." She scratched the back of her head.

Mordecai stared at her.

"Still, um..." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Still getting used to that."

"I see." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright. What do you want to eat, Egel?"

She scuffed one boot against the ground, suddenly shy despite having achieved low orbit thirty seconds earlier.

"Well... anything's fine, honestly. I don't really care what it is." She glanced up at him through her lashes. "As long as I'm with you... That's the part that matters."

Mordecai let out a quiet sigh.

"...Alright. Fine." He gestured vaguely toward the guild hall. "Should we go to the guild? They served an amazing cheeseburger with onion rings last week."

Egel raised both hands and pressed the tips of her index fingers together.

That gesture again.

It had looked ridiculous enough in the corridor. It looked even more ridiculous now that the woman doing it could probably punch a mountain until the mountain apologized.

"It's... it's too crowded," she mumbled. "I'd like something... more intimate. Just us. If that's okay."

And that was when the notification appeared.

[HIGHER REALMS CHAT IS EXPLODING.]

[The audience has formally requested a romantic outing with subject 'Egel.' They want romance. They want it badly.]

[Subject 'Egel' popularity has increased 150% over the past two months due to "amazing character design, kudos to the artist". She is now the second most popular character in the entire narrative, only behind 'Larry,' and is a leading candidate for Best Love Interest.]

[QUEST UNLOCKED: A Dinner With the Muscle Mommy.]

[REWARDS: 25,000 Soul Coins.]

[BONUS: An additional 40,000 Soul Coins if the outing concludes with a happy ending.]

A second panel opened beneath the quest window.

The comments were moving too fast to read properly, a wall of Higher Realms nonsense flying past like Twitch chat during a raid.

Mordecai caught fragments anyway.

[HIGHER REALMS CHAT: SLOW MODE ACTIVATED.]

[MODERATOR NOTE: CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"

LUKAS_THE_GREAT: MUSCLE MOMMY DINNER DATE LETS GOOOOO

Muscle_Mommy_Slave: finally some ROMANCE i've been waiting a fucking lifetime. Holy shit!!!!!

Crazy_Shipper99: ship it ship it ship it

Egel_Fanboy#12: she went to SPACE from being happy i'm in love

XxShadowSlayerxX: bro better hold her hand or i'm dropping the novel

Gooner_King: 40k bonus for a happy ending?? AUTHOR PLEASE BREAK THE RULES!!

Egel_Slave: WOOOF WOOOOOF🥵🐶🐶🐶

Mordecai's jaw tightened, and his hands slowly curled into fists.

'So this is what intimacy between two people is to you.' A quiet meal became content. Her happiness became a quest objective. Her heart came with a forty-thousand-coin completion bonus.

He stared at the scrolling comments.

That poor girl had spent most of her life training and destroying her own body, and then manipulated into believing that her sister was dead.

Ah, those viewers wanted to manipulate her feelings again.

Mordecai wanted to decline the quest purely out of spite. Badly.

But he didn't, because, unfortunately, principles did not keep Fort Blackstone supplied with modern things. Soul Coins did, in some ways.

An alarming number of the things he actually needed for the fortress were locked behind the Higher Realms' microtransaction storefront, which meant quests, rewards and the occasional humiliation of participating in whatever nonsense the System considered "content."

And near the top of Mordecai's personal shopping list sat a case of vacuum-sealed salted peanuts imported from Tokyo. The good ones. The ones that, for reasons known only to God and whoever designed this stupid world, could not be obtained anywhere else.

Sixty-five thousand Soul Coins bought a lot of peanuts and premium items for his "journey".

Mordecai mentally dismissed the notification and filed the disgust beside all his other disgust.

"Alright, Egel," he said. His voice betrayed none of it. "Let's go."

After his words, her whole face lit up.

The happiness on it was so simple and genuine that the Higher Realms chat somehow became even more disgusting by comparison.

Mordecai stepped closer and nodded toward the street.

"Come on. Let's walk. You know that I don't have a lot of free time." He sighed.

"Y-Yes!" Egel fell into step beside him.

After a few steps, however, the confidence she'd shown earlier started evaporating. Her fingers twitched at her side.

"C-Can I..." She swallowed. "Can I hold onto your arm?"

It was a remarkably small voice for a woman who had recently visited the stratosphere.

Mordecai glanced at the chat again. It had somehow started moving even faster.

And then, he considered the request for half a second.

"Sure, Egel. Go ahead." Then his brain immediately began manufacturing a tactical justification.

'If people see me walking arm-in-arm with someone, the disguise becomes more convincing. Just an ordinary couple. Nobody looks twice at some background character on a date.'

[System Reply: What a fucking idiot.]

Mordecai ignored it.

[Egel is famous in this city. Extremely recognizable. If people see her walking around attached to some random low level adventurer, they are going to wonder who the random adventurer is. Or, worse, they're gonna think that you got NTR'd. You have made yourself MORE conspicuous. Congratulations on your tactical genius.]

'Whatever.'

[Brilliant counterargument.]

'It doesn't matter. The logic of this world is too stupid to function anyway. Nobody is going to figure out who I am until the author decides to write it. That's how things work here.'

This time, the System said nothing. Mostly because he was right. I decide everything here.

Then, Egel wrapped both hands around his arm and held on. Tightly. Too tightly.

Not because she hadn't adjusted to her new strength. Mordecai could feel the difference. There was a carefulness to the way she clung to him, almost desperate, as though loosening her grip might cause him to disappear.

Good things had a habit of being taken away from Egel, and her body knew it.

Mordecai noticed and said nothing. But he didn't pull away.

Together, they walked to find a restaurant.