Chapter 98: What have I done to you?

The words didn’t register in Dorian’s mind at first. They echoed in a terrifying, hollow loop, pounding against the inside of his skull until he couldn’t breathe.

Alyssa was pregnant. She had been carrying his child. And now... it was gone.

The realization crashed over him, threatening to drown him where he stood. He looked at the faces around him; Pandora was weeping quietly into her hands; Henna had fresh tears tracking down her cheeks; Nina couldn’t even look him in the eye.

Jake and Anthony kept their gazes locked on the floor, their jaws clenched in silent, helpless agony.

Through the roaring sound in Dorian’s ears, Dr. Dylan’s muted voice added, "It is a miracle she survived the blade, Alpha. A miracle she was still breathing when Anthony brought her in."

A miracle. Of course she was. That was what Alyssa had always been to him, a ray of pure, unblemished light piercing through the dark, bloody storm of his world.

And he had failed to protect her.

Moving in deafening silence, he brushed past Dr. Dylan and pushed open the door to the ICU. The sharp, sterile scent of antiseptic and menthol hit his nostrils as he stepped into the dim room.

There she lay. Small, fragile, and hooked up to a web of clear IV tubes and rhythmic, beeping monitors.

He froze, his boots glued to the tile. The sight of her shattered body sent a wave of nausea crashing through his gut.

She looked as though she had been dragged through the depths of hell. Angry red scratches marred her soft skin, a dark purple bruise shadowed the corner of her eye, and her lips were dry, pale, and chapped. Thick gauze swathed one of her hands, while the other rested limply over her bandaged abdomen.

Her chest rose and fell in faintly despite the clear oxygen mask strapped over her nose and mouth.

​"Goddess above," he whispered, his voice cracking as he forced his numb legs forward until he stood beside her bed.

With a hand that trembled violently, he reached out and brushed his fingers against her skin. She didn’t stir. A faint frown of discomfort creased her brow, as if she was in pain even in her unconscious state.

For several long minutes, Dorian simply stood there, staring down at her face, praying for his heart to stop beating.

Finally, his legs gave out. The crushing weight in his chest brought him down to his knees on the cold floor. His broad palm wrapped carefully around her wrist, his thumb tracing her faint pulse, while his other hand hovered over her tangled hair, shaking too hard to touch her.

"Alyssa," he choked out, the name leaving his throat like a bleeding prayer. "My love... what have I done to you?"

Slowly, carefully, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against the mattress right beside her hand. He lost all track of time. Minutes bled into hours as the world outside ceased to exist.

His soul was bleeding out. The Moon Goddess had turned her face from him, stripping away every piece of light he tried to hold onto. Why give him a woman capable of melting his frozen heart if she intended to let her be broken like this?

Or was this his punishment? Was the universe punishing him for Elvira’s death? Was this the price he had to pay for his past sins, to watch the people around him bleed for his mistakes?

Because if this was truly his punishment, he would rather put a blade through his own heart and end it all.

Outside the glass partition, Pandora and Anthony stood shoulder to shoulder in the quiet hallway, staring in at Dorian’s broken figure kneeling by the bed.

Jake and Henna had returned to the mansion, and Nina had gone to attend to her children. Anthony had tried multiple times to persuade Pandora to leave too, but she refused to budge. She wasn’t leaving until Alyssa opened her eyes.

"He’s been like that for hours," she whispered, her breath fogging slightly against the glass. "I’m terrified for him, Anthony. I’ve never seen him like this, not even when he lost Elvira."

"What Dorian is feeling right now goes deeper than grief," Anthony murmured solemnly. "It’s guilt. He blames himself for what happened."

"But it wasn’t his fault," Pandora argued, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "No one knew Pilate had breached the estate. No one expected last night to end in blood."

"It doesn’t matter," Anthony replied quietly. "Dorian will carry this scar for the rest of his life because he swore an oath to protect Alyssa. To him, failing her is unforgivable."

He turned to face Pandora, his eyes softening. "If something like this ever happened to you, I would burn the world down, but I would still blame myself until my last breath. I am meant to keep you safe. Not just because you’re Dorian’s sister, but because..."

He caught himself, the confession burning like fire at the back of his throat.

Pandora turned her head, her heart taking a hard, sudden leap against her ribs as she looked up into his eyes. "Because what?" she asked softly.

Anthony held her gaze for a long time. He almost said it, almost laid his heart bare and confessed how he had loved her for years.

But yet again, he held himself back. He sighed and looked away. "It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Dorian is drowning in his own guilt. And what makes it ten times worse is that he loves Alyssa."

A faint smile touched Pandora’s lips. "You noticed it too?"

Anthony chuckled wryly, his eyes reflecting the soft lights of the hallway. "Please. I know Dorian better than he knows himself. The man is hopelessly in love. He’s just terrified that loving Alyssa means betraying the memory of Elvira, or that he’s incapable of giving her the depth of devotion she deserves."

"So, it’s not that he’s scared Alyssa will never have his heart?"

"Dorian lost his heart to Alyssa the very first night he laid eyes on her in Iridian," Anthony said softly. "Why else would a King spend three years obsessively searching the continent for a girl whose name he didn’t even know? He still keeps her silk sash locked in his desk."

Pandora sighed softly, leaning her head against his arm. "Maybe we should tell him. Help him see it."

"No," Anthony shook his head, slowly raising his arm to wrap it around her shoulders. "He has to see it on his own. And if this tragedy doesn’t make him realize how much he loves Alyssa, how much he needs her, I don’t know what will."