Chapter 138.

Music Recommendation: Siren Sounds by Tate McRae.

...

Christmas Eve arrived without asking whether Emilia was ready for it.

The city didn’t care. It glittered anyway. Everywhere she looked, there were lights.

People carried shopping bags. Couples walked with their hands intertwined. Children ran between their parents, laughing as they pointed at decorated windows.

The whole city seemed determined to celebrate.

Emilia couldn’t understand how.

She sat in the back seat of her mother’s car, her cheek resting against the cold window as she watched the city pass.

Christmas Eve.

She had always liked Christmas.

When she was younger, her mother would begin decorating the house weeks before Christmas Day. There would be music in the kitchen, too much food, too many lights, and her mother would complain about how expensive everything had become while buying even more things.

Kylie had always joined them for Christmas several times over the years.

Usually, Christmas Eve meant laughter.

This year, Emilia had been trying. But there was a hollow place inside her that none of it could reach.

She knew exactly what had put it there.

Adrian.

Her mother glanced at her through the rearview mirror.

Emilia blinked and looked away from the window. "I’m fine, Mum." She answered readily, before she would be questioned.

Her mother sighed.

Kylie, sitting beside Emilia, immediately reached for her hand.

Mrs. Hayes glanced at them through the mirror, and parked the car so they could all step out and get the decorations.

Meanwhile, Adrian stood across the street. His hands were buried inside the pockets of a dark coat.

A black baseball cap sat low over his forehead, partially hiding his face. A simple pair of glasses altered the shape of his features enough that anyone passing him would have needed to look twice to recognize him.

He hadn’t come here intending to see her.

At least, that was what he’d told himself.

Christian had told him the city would be crowded.

That Christmas Eve would make it easier to disappear. Nobody from Blackwood would expect him to be anywhere near Emilia.

For approximately thirty minutes, he watched her, and everything else had become irrelevant.

She was standing outside a small Christmas market with her mother and Kylie.

She was wearing a cream-colored coat. Her hair fell over one shoulder. There was a small smile on her face.

Adrian stopped walking.

His entire body went still. For a moment, he forgot the cold, the traffic, and the university.

He only saw her. Alive, and beautiful. He watched her tilt her head as Kylie said something.

Kylie laughed.

Emilia laughed too.

His lips unconsciously raised into a smile as he watched her. He waited to see the exact way her eyes narrowed when she found something genuinely funny.

His gaze stayed on her, and then he noticed something. She looked thinner. He swallowed, as his heart clenched.

Across the street, Emilia laughed again.

Adrian’s fingers curled inside his pockets.

He wanted to cross the street. The thought came so naturally that his body almost obeyed it.

He could walk over, and stand in front of her. He could say her name. Just once, and hear her voice answer him.

Adrian stopped.

His eyes hardened.

He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not even for one minute. Not when that minute could cost her everything.

He turned away, and then he heard Emilia laugh again. He stopped. His eyes closed for a second.

"Damn it."

He turned back.

She was still there.

His expression softened. There was something almost cruel about seeing her happy without him.

Not because he wanted her unhappy.

Quite the opposite.

He wanted this. He wanted her safe. He wanted her to have every opportunity he’d nearly destroyed.

But some selfish part of him wanted to be standing beside her. He wanted to hear her complain about the cold. He wanted to put his hand around hers.

He wanted to take her home.

He wanted—

Adrian looked away.

...

"Emilia!" Kylie grabbed her arm.

Emilia laughed as Kylie pointed toward a stall covered in Christmas ornaments.

"Look at those."

Emilia smiled. "They’re ugly."

Kylie gasped. "They’re adorable. That’s a snowman."

Emilia smiled. The cold air brushed against her cheeks. She pulled her coat tighter around herself.

For the first time in days, she felt almost normal.

Her mother handed her a cup of hot chocolate. "Here."

Emilia took it. "Thanks."

Kylie looked toward the street. "Should we get some pastries before we leave?"

Mrs. Hayes nodded. "Fine. But don’t buy much." She warned Kykie against her sweet tooth.

Kylie looked offended. "I have self-control."

Emilia laughed. "You bought twelve cupcakes last Christmas."

They started walking.

Emilia remained at the other end with Kylie walking between them. She was about to say something when someone walked past her. The person wore a dark coat, and a black cap. He carried a faint scent.

Emilia’s smile disappeared.

Her shoulder brushed against his. It was barely anything. Mostly just a passing touch. It lasted for a fraction of a second.

Nothing anyone else would have noticed.

However, Emilia stopped breathing. It felt as if her body knew before her mind did.

She froze.

The warmth of the contact disappeared almost immediately. She turned her head.

The stranger continued walking.

She stared at his back. Something about him felt familiar. Not his face. She couldn’t see it properly.

The cap was pulled low, and the collar of his coat covered part of his jaw.

But there was something.

The way he walked. The slight angle of his shoulders. The stillness in his movements.

Emilia’s fingers tightened around her cup.

Her heart began beating faster.

"Em?" Kylie’s voice sounded far away.

Emilia didn’t answer.

She stared at the stranger. The man kept walking. He didn’t turn around.

Emilia’s breath caught.

She didn’t know why. She didn’t know what she was looking for.

She only knew that something inside her had suddenly reached toward a memory she couldn’t quite touch.

That scent.

She’d smelled it before. There was another scent overshadowing the particular familiar scent, but she still recognized it.

So many times.

In his apartment, in his car, against his shirt, on his bed, and all. Her stomach twisted.

No.

It couldn’t be.

Adrian couldn’t be here.

He couldn’t. The school had made the rules clear. No contact, no communication, and no meeting.

He wouldn’t risk it.

He couldn’t.

Would he?

"Emilia?" She finally blinked.

Kylie was looking at her.

"What?" She asked softly.

"You stopped."

Emilia looked back at the crowd.

The man was already farther away.

"I thought I recognized someone."

Kylie glanced around. "Who?"

Emilia shook her head. "I don’t know." She looked again.

Hundreds of people moved through the street.

The man was gone.

Emilia swallowed. "It’s nothing."

Kylie frowned. "You sure?"

Emilia nodded. "Yeah."

She stood there for another moment. Her eyes searched the crowd. She didn’t know why her chest hurt.

Why her heart was beating like she’d just seen something she’d spent weeks trying to forget.

She looked down at her shoulder.

The place where he’d brushed against her. Her fingers slowly touched the fabric. She inhaled. There was nothing, but just cold air.

She shook her head.

"Come on," her mother called.

Emilia looked up. "I’m coming."

She followed them, but she looked back once more.

...

Adrian heard her stop.

He heard the slight shift behind him. He knew she had turned. Every instinct inside him screamed to turn around.

He didn’t.

His shoulders remained straight, and his pace remained steady. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat.

He’d done it deliberately.

The contact.

He’d seen her walking toward him. He could have moved aside, and avoided her completely.

He hadn’t.

For one selfish second, he wanted to feel her. Even through their coats. Even through the distance. Even through everything he’d done to keep her safe.

So he’d walked close enough for their shoulders to touch.

And the instant it happened, everything inside him stopped. It felt like stepping out of a cloudy day.

Like suddenly finding sunlight after weeks underground. One brief touch. One breath. And he remembered what it felt like to be close to her.

He quickly kept walking. If he stopped, he would turn. If he turned, he’d look at her. If he looked at her, he’d go back.

His hands clenched inside his pockets. His nails dug into his palms. He kept walking.

All he could think about was the warmth that had briefly existed against his shoulder. He wanted to turn around.

God, he wanted to.

His jaw tightened.

He didn’t. The traffic light ahead changed. Cars began moving.

Adrian stopped briefly at the corner.

He waited.

He could feel her somewhere behind him.

He kept walking. Only when he was far enough away did he finally stop.

He turned.

The crowd had swallowed her. He searched anyway. His eyes moved through the mass of people, and he saw her again.

His breath caught.

Then someone walked between them, and she disappeared.

Adrian stood there.

He didn’t move.

His face remained cold. His eyes didn’t. He watched the crowd for another few seconds.

She was gone.

He lowered his head.

A breath escaped him. He had no right to feel relieved. He had no right to feel anything, but he did.

...

Emilia couldn’t stop thinking about it.

They were back in the car.

Kylie was talking, and her mother was driving. Christmas music played quietly through the speakers.

Emilia stared out the window.

She could still feel it. That brief brush of shoulders. She knew it shouldn’t mean anything. It was nothing.

A stranger had walked past her.

That was all.

However, her body disagreed. Her mind kept replaying it. Everything about him had felt familiar.

Too familiar.

Emilia closed her eyes.

She remembered Adrian’s shoulder beneath her cheek. His scent against her skin. His hand resting at the small of her back.

She opened her eyes.

She couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t keep turning every stranger into him. She had to move on.

They had nothing.