Ch. 244 - This Potion Should Only Exist in Heaven — How Many Times Can the Mortal World Get a Whiff [1]

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The Golden Armored Violent Ape's S-rank presence was completely gone, like Zhu Bajie pinned under Five-Fingered Mountain...

On the other side, the plant-type contract spirit had also been taken out by the Ice Wolf and Fire Bird in a two-on-one gank, leaving the field long ago.

Through Chen Shu's heaven-defying brilliance, Nanjiang City had successfully clinched a spot in the finals!

"Nanjiang Bandit! Nanjiang Bandit!"

Voices in the audience immediately started shouting at the top of their lungs.

They got paid — they had to deliver!

The water army had professional ethics!

Once someone led the rhythm, the herd naturally followed. The entire Spirit Fighting Arena erupted, joining in the unified chant!

"Nanjiang Bandit! Nanjiang Bandit!"

Everyone's hearts were surging with excitement. Nanjiang City's road to the finals was the stuff of legends.

And Chen Shu was, without a doubt, the creator of that legend.

"Well done!"

Down below, Shen Wushuang couldn't help but clench his fists in excitement — but a sigh followed right after.

If Chen Shu were a normal student, he would have been proud to call Chen Shu his own.

As things stood, Shen Wushuang didn't even dare admit Chen Shu was his student...

Chen Shu left the platform, basking in the crowd's cheers.

The two teams met face to face. The three members of Nancang Second High wore heavy expressions — they'd aimed for runner-up, but suffered a crushing defeat instead.

"We WILL beat you someday!"

The three drew deep breaths, their eyes still burning with fighting spirit. A single loss hadn't broken them.

"Keep at it!"

Chen Shu grinned, clapped them on the shoulders, then turned and walked away, shaking his head with a sigh.

"Another one for the bucket list — the 'maybe in your next life' list..."

"......"

Watching his retreating back, all three felt a powerful urge to beat the crap out of him.

Xu Xiaoyu and Xia Bing exchanged a glance, their eyes brimming with excitement.

Even if they lost the finals, Nanjiang City would still place second — putting aside the prizes for a moment.

The college entrance exam bonus points alone were enough to make countless senior-year students green with envy.

......

That night, Nanjiang Second High's four members held a celebration.

Xu Xiaoyu couldn't help saying, "Chen Shu, you really are talented! Way ahead of us."

Chen Shu waved it off humbly. "Ah, what talent? My real talent — you all know what it is!"

"......"

Shen Wushuang's mouth twitched. "Talent for crime, you mean..."

"What do you mean crime? That sounds terrible!"

Chen Shu curled his lip. "It's called talent for dispensing justice!"

"Right — when are the finals? I want to go back to Nanjiang."

Chewing on a skewer, Chen Shu said, "I kind of miss my classmates!"

You just want to bully people again, don't you?

The three of them were collectively speechless. After a long pause, they finally managed: "I don't think they miss you."

The special training class now, without Chen Shu's oppression, could finally act like normal human beings again.

These days, people like Tang Lie and Du Long didn't have a trace of their former arrogance left. Their edges had been completely worn smooth.

"The finals will probably be a while yet."

Xia Bing spoke up. "The loser's bracket still needs to play through to determine the final rankings."

Provincial competition rules granted college entrance exam bonus points to the top five, so the specific placements had to be determined.

Xu Xiaoyu added, "Based on past scheduling, the finals won't happen until mid-May."

Chen Shu nodded. By then, the college entrance exam wouldn't be far off.

At his current pace, even the passive Beast Taming Power he gained from sleeping every day would push him to Black Iron rank before the gaokao.

The provincial competition was in the bag, the gaokao was in the bag!

Life was seriously smooth sailing!

Chen Shu's gaze shifted to Shen Wushuang. He spoke up.

"Hey, Teacher Shen — I'm looking to buy some laxatives. Any recommendations? Best if they're strong enough to make someone shit themselves incapacitated."

"You're constipated?"

"Blue Star has gravity. I've never been constipated in my life. It's for someone else."

Shen Wushuang nodded, about to reply —

Then his mind jolted as if a thought had struck him.

"For who?! You can't be planning to drug the Nancang First High team..."

"Of course not!"

Chen Shu verbally denied it while his head nodded involuntarily.

"Holy shit — are you fucking serious right now!"

Shen Wushuang shot to his feet, face full of shock.

In all his years, he had never seen someone try to drug their opponents with laxatives before a match. This was the height of absurdity!

"Can you use your goddamn intelligence for good for once?! Just never being a decent human being, huh?!"

Shen Wushuang rubbed his forehead. He had never met anyone this shameless.

"I think victory has a thousand paths. I'm just taking a... unique approach. Is there something wrong with that?"

Chen Shu said this with a perfectly straight face. "Trailblazing — nothing wrong with it at all!"

"These dirty tricks aren't something you can pull off, Chen Pi. You really can't handle them."

Shen Wushuang shook his head with a sigh. "Nanjiang City's image will go up in smoke."

If he called the mayor right now, the man would probably rush over overnight to stop this.

With this guy's dangerously unhinged thinking, and people still expecting him to bring positive publicity to Nanjiang City?

Seeing Shen Wushuang refuse to help, Chen Shu could only drop the subject.

The four ate and drank in perfect harmony. Eventually, stuffed and satisfied, they returned to the Nancang Hotel.

......

Early the next morning, Chen Shu slipped out of the hotel, moving with deliberate secrecy.

After crisscrossing several streets, he got his hands on the desired laxatives...

He'd had the idea — now he had to execute it. Otherwise, what was the point of all that brainpower?

The Nanjiang Bandit never just ran his mouth — he was a man of action!

Time flew by, and before anyone knew it, May had quietly arrived.

The once-cool weather had gained a few degrees of sweltering heat. The fiery passion of summer was approaching once again.

Nighttime. Room 301 at the Nancang Hotel.

Only a single desk lamp was lit inside the room. Everything beyond the table was pitch black.

The dim light illuminated a face — not just sinister, but scheming!

The scene couldn't help but remind one of some horror movie about a mad scientist.

"Hehehe~~~"

Chen Shu let out a wicked laugh. On the table before him were all manner of bottles and jars.

Inside them were powders of every color — none of them looking like anything legitimate.

"I'm going to make you shit yourselves questioning life!"

With nothing better to do, Chen Shu had spent this entire stretch of time scouring every corner of Nancang City, buying laxatives of every variety, then grinding them all into powder with his tools.

Tonight, Chen Shu would concoct the ultimate laxative!

"Even without the System's help, bro's still an alchemist!"

Chen Shu grinned, dumping every powder into a single beaker, constantly carrying out purification and filtration work.

An entire night passed, until the morning sunlight streamed in.

"Aaaaah~~~"

Chen Shu let out an enormous yawn, feeling exhaustion wash over him.

And on the table before him — only a tiny bottle of powder remained. It was a deep, profound black, clearly no ordinary product.

Chen Shu kept chuckling to himself:

"Forget basic Beast Tamers — even Gold-ranks will shit until the heavens turn black and the earth goes dim!!"

"This potion should only exist in heaven — how many times can the mortal world get a whiff? I hereby name you: Bandit Brand Laxative!"

[1] 此药只应天上有 (This Potion Should Only Exist in Heaven): A parody of the Tang Dynasty poet Du Fu's famous line "此曲只应天上有，人间能得几回闻" ("This melody should only exist in heaven — how many times can the mortal world hear it?") from his satirical poem To General Hua (赠花卿). The original praised music so sublime it belonged in the imperial court — a compliment that was secretly a rebuke, since the general was illegally using court-exclusive music. Chen Shu replaces 曲 (melody) with 药 (potion/medicine), applying one of the most elegant lines in Chinese literary history to a homemade super-laxative. The pattern "X只应天上有" has become a ubiquitous Chinese internet meme for hyperbolic praise of anything from food to cats — here deployed with maximum irony.