Chapter 98: Talking About Scaring Behavior

POV Eliza

“Hello Tamina.” <Eliza>

Tamina purred in my arms. When she noticed this, she was startled and turned red.

“Ahem, yes, hello Eliza. Ahem, you didn't hear anything, did you?” <Tamina>

“What am I supposed to have heard?” <Eliza>

I played along with her game and just smiled. Then I let go of her.

“Come on, Eliza, I'll bring you something to eat. I'm sure you're hungry.” <Tamina>

Tamina took me by the hand and led me into the dining room. Then she quickly disappeared towards the kitchen and returned with a small meal. While we were eating, she asked me why I was so late. I then explained to her that I had to help a friend in need and that it had taken quite a while. Furthermore I told her that I was staying here for a few weeks but was planning to move to my winter quarters in Tyros before the turn of the year. I could tell she wasn't happy with the words. In return, I promised her that I would visit more often next year. She was forced to accept that. Afterwards, we talked for a while and then went to bed. My old sleeping place was still free.

I didn't get a chance to visit Luna's shrine over the next days. For one thing, Master Freyna always worked late in her office, but my biggest obstacle was Tamina. She spent every spare minute with me, so I was rarely unobserved. Although my questions were burning on my mind, I had to be patient. I felt that I needed to talk to Luna alone and that the answers would change my life once again. So I made the best of the situation and trained as much as I could. I was able to switch off my thoughts and at least find some peace for myself.

I also learned the spells that Master Freyna had promised me. Therefore I improved Dark Magic to Tier 10, so that I needed the upgrade next. This meant I could cast nearly all the spells of the basic rank that she knew from the Dark Magic area. These included the simplest form of summoning, an attack spell, a curse that gave the Blind status effect and the two spells to increase light and dark resistance. Summoning was a completely new area for me. I had to see the spell in action and practise it. The attack spell offered many possibilities against opponents who had eyes. Light resistance would certainly become important in the distant future. Dark resistance was currently of no use to me as long as I didn't have the basic resistance. In the end, she taught me another bonus spell that I hadn't expected. It was the basic shadow manipulation. It allowed the caster to hide in a shadow. This also offered many possibilities in later ranks.

It was the evening after I had learned the shadow spell. Master Freyna was on a mission for two days, so her office was empty. I felt an inner restlessness coming over me. The time when I would finally get answers to my questions was approaching. I radiated such restlessness that Tamina asked me at dinner what was wrong with me. I somehow managed to come up with an excuse, which she accepted skeptically. I didn't want to tell her the real reason, let alone confess that I knew about the shrine. So far, no one had officially accepted me into the circle of those in the know.

At night, when everyone was asleep, I crept out of my room towards the office. I had the shadow spell active, which was of immediate use to me. On my way, a door opened and a resident stepped into the corridor. The fact that I was able to crawl into a dark corner and the fact that the person was half asleep worked in my favor. I waited until he had disappeared and then continued on my way. I got to the shrine without any major problems now that I knew the entrance.

At the shrine, my anxiety became almost unbearable. I hurried to touch the statue so quickly that I arrived there out of breath. However, I was immediately overcome by a feeling of calm and serenity when I felt Luna's divine power. Luna greeted me with an amused undertone in her voice, as if she was teasing me.

“Oho, Eliza, can't wait to speak to me that you even had to run?” <Luna>

“My goddess, I am so glad to hear you. The last few weeks have been awful.” <Eliza>

“Now calm down first. Then you can tell me what happened.” <Luna>

“I don't know how to describe it, but something is different with me. Inside me. I hardly recognize myself. It's like I'm a different person.” <Eliza>

“What's different about you?” <Luna>

“I was in the dungeon, I had to be in the dungeon. I felt an inner pressure to fight. And I enjoyed fighting so much that I could hardly stop.” <Eliza>

“That's interesting. Please describe it to me in more detail.” <Luna>

“It started when I had to free Lynn from the clutches of bandits. That's when I realized that she probably feels more for me than just friendship. That's also overwhelming me at the moment. When we got back to Tyros, Ken, our party member and Lynn's childhood friend, confessed his love for her, but Lynn rejected him. As a result, Ken broke down mentally and lost his carefree nature. Lynn then decided that she and Ronnen would take Ken home to their home village. Letting him continue to act as an adventurer would only put his life at risk. I learned that one of the conditions for the three of them to be allowed to leave their village was that they stay together and support each other. Now Lynn is worried that she won't be allowed to leave her village when they return.” <Eliza>

“Keep talking.” <Luna>

“The whole situation is scaring me. Lynn, who has burst into tears, Ken, who has lost the courage to face life, and me, who doesn't know how to deal with her own feelings. I haven't dealt with love issues in this world yet, or rather I've repressed them. I like Lynn very much, but a possible love wouldn't stand a chance. We are in the Empire here and same-sex love is not practiced. I wasn't straight in my old life and I'm not straight now either, so that wouldn't be a problem in principle. But I'm not human and so I don't know how she will react to the real me. I'm afraid that would be a problem.” <Eliza>

“I can understand that very well. The empire lives by the rules of Lumos and in his mind, women don't have equal rights. That's why I don't get along with him. Well, to be honest, that's just one of many reasons, but let's leave it at that for now. Incidentally, your character did not change when you were reborn, i.e. both your ethical values and your characteristics such as sexual orientation are the same. Some things work on Narran as they do on Earth, some don't. There are too many different worlds for that. But go on, it's your story.” <Luna>

“Thank you for your understanding. Anyway, I was very emotionally upset after the break-up with Lynn and felt the urge to distract myself somehow. The only thing that came to mind was fighting and the nearby dungeon came to mind. So I grabbed as much food as I could carry and set off straight away. It was evening, but I couldn't stay another night in Tyros. In the dungeon, I almost completely lost control of my mind. I could only think clearly enough to strengthen myself with spells and I threw myself at monsters. I fought for as long as my stamina would allow, regardless of my own health. Then I rested until it was full again and continued fighting. I could only sleep at night because I was so exhausted. The only other thinking I could do was choose my opponents and where to sleep. I was obsessed and in a fighting frenzy and I don't understand why. I've never reacted like this before. Do you have an explanation for this?” <Eliza>

“Yes, I do have one. I thought we wouldn't need to have this conversation for a while, but I was wrong. What I'm about to tell you will change your life. But you can decide for yourself how much.” <Luna>