Chapter One-Hundred and Ten: Shimeko’s Diary: Shimeko’s First Kill

Christina's Arc: Bend or Break

When the blinding lights fizzled out, I found myself back in Shimeko's room. Shimeko wasn't drawing at her desk or sleeping on her bed. I stood still for a moment. Then I heard the sound of a pencil scratching paper. I checked behind the sofa and found Shimeko practicing her shitty kanji with another little girl. The other kid was much smaller than Shimeko, but her kanji was…fine. Knowing that Shimeko could see me, I hung out behind her. After all, she was having fun, and how often does that happen in this house? Then she looked up from her own writing and stared at the other girl's kanji.

"Wow, Subaki. You're so good," Shimeko said.

Oh my god. I'm looking at the baby form of that tank of a woman, and she's actually cute as a kid. I wonder where it all went wrong?

"Dank you, big sister Shimeko. I learn this character today," baby Subaki said, kicking her legs in a prone position.

Aww, they both suck at saying words properly, too. I think I'm going to puke from how cute this is.

I looked over Shimeko's shoulder and noticed that I didn't cast a shadow, so I could eavesdrop without being detected.

"Can I learn?" Shimeko asked.

This is too pathetic. The ankle-biter is teaching the sword legend how to write, but they both suck. A giggle slipped out, and Shimeko gradually stood up. As she stood, I thought it best to hide. So I tiptoed slowly—

"Mean ghost! Subaki, the mean ghost is back," Shimeko said in a joyous voice.

Shit! If I'm so damn mean, why doesn't she sound scared?

I turned, and there she was. She stood inches away and pointed at my freaking face. Thankfully, Subaki looked confused. But that didn't stop her from walking over or sharing in Shimeko's excitement.

"Where? Is he funny-looking?"

You little shit. How dare—

"No, he's more beauty than goddess. Dark skin, not black. Oh, he got green jewels for eyes and rope for hair—"

"It's actually fair-skinned, and stop giving me away to Subaki!"

Nothing seemed to change last time, but she described me to a dead woman. I don't want things to get too weird just in case. "Why is Subaki here?" I asked.

Shimeko lifted her hands, brushed her cheeks, and made a "V" pose, like she had claimed victory.

"The mommies are working, and Subaki's mommy always brings dan…dan—"

"Dango," Subaki said; then she made the same stupid pose. Then they both cheered.

Working… Working on what? I hardly see Trish do anything beyond sitting at her desk and getting drunk. Shit, now I want dango.

"Okay, okay. Settle down, and stop smiling. You should be afraid of me."

She lowered her arms, and Subaki did the same.

"Why?" Shimeko asked.

"Because I'm… supposedly a ghost who scares people."

"But you're not scary. Only mean. Only when you say boo."

I've never wanted to drop an F-bomb more than now. Sword legend aside, she's just a kid for now.

"Sure, kid. I won't scare you anymore. So, what kind of work are your mommies doing if you don't mind me asking?"

…

She stared at me with a blank face.

"Right… What's Mommy's job?"

Shimeko looked toward the ceiling and held her face with both hands. Her white hair dangled behind her as she tilted her head up. Then she started making an 'um' noise.

"Mommy is hitting people with her big bladed stick. She says I will, too. Subaki's mommy is with my mommy."

I nodded slowly because I wasn't sure what she meant. Was Yoshime beating someone up with help or…did that crazy ogre actually pick a fight with another clan? I hope it wasn't because of me.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Yoshime's husband walked in. He narrowed his eyes and frowned, like someone took his dango or something. Strangely enough, he didn't approach Shimeko.

Instead, he walked to Subaki.

Knelt down.

And hugged her.

Shimeko and I stared. Even she thought it was odd.

…

He held Subaki at a distance.

"Arakida, your father will be here shortly, okay? And don't worry, because he's going to bring you your dango," he said with glassy eyes.

I guess that was her last name before she married Kurogane.

"B-but Mommy always picks me up."

Whatever resolve he had broke down in front of us, and he started crying. Then he hugged her again. Shimeko hugged him and cried, too.

But what's the big deal if her father picks her up instead? It's not like… Wait. If Yoshime's job is to hit people with her bladed stick… Then she's... Oh, Subaki.

"It's okay. I don't mind Daddy taking me home. I'll ask Mommy to do it next time."

Shit! It's like a thousand stabs from Shizuka.

"Wait here, darling. Let me walk Arakida out," he said while gently caressing Shimeko's face.

"Okay, Daddy," she said, wiping her tears. Then she sat on the floor as her father led Subaki Arakida out of the room and maybe the estate.

"Um, Shimeko, you do know what that was about, right?"

She looked up from her seated position and shook her head no.

"Then why were you crying?"

"Because Daddy was crying."

F-bombs forever!

"Well, Shimeko, your dad was crying because—"

The door burst open again, and my blood ran cold. I was frozen. Had her dad returned already?

"Where are you, my precious mountain blossom?"

Shimeko turned to Yoshime immediately. Then she popped up and ran over to her.

"Mommy, Mommy. Subaki's mommy isn't bringing dango!"

Eventually, I turned and found Yoshime bent over to talk with Shimeko. But her armor was badly damaged, and she was bleeding from her head and side, and she favored her left leg.

"Listen, Shimeko. What I'm about to tell you is important, and you need to be there for Subaki from this point forward. Do you understand?"

"Oh, okay, Mommy."

"While we were crushing our enemies in Hokkaido, the cowards flanked us from the east. We… We lost many sisters… We lost Subaki's mommy, my gem."

Shimeko reached up and touched Yoshime's face.

"It's okay. We can find her, Mommy."

Yoshime stood to her full monstrous height.

"No, Shimeko. Kaede Arakida will never bring dango for you or her daughter again. The Moonbind cut her down while we were defending our sisters. But we will have our vengeance. Come, Shimeko. We shall take it in doses."

Doses? What the hell does she mean?

She scooped up Shimeko and exited the room. I followed behind her. I didn't want to get trapped in the room, and Yoshime was quick to close the damn door. We walked for a while, then passed a room with a woman lying on a table, surrounded by women in armor. Then we left the estate and walked a fair distance out to a small structure that I'd never seen before.

We entered what felt like a cellar, and I knew where this was going. We continued downward, and I couldn't take my eyes off of Shimeko; she wanted to cry, I could tell, but her wide eyes and gaping jaw made it look like something was breaking inside of her.

"Shimeko…"

…

"Shimeko, I-I don't want—"

I don't want what? For this to be her life? For her to become a monster? How can I want anything for her when she's so close to death?

When we got to the bottom, I lost my damn nerve. I thought it would be a basement, but it was a dungeon with multiple rooms. Just how many prisoners did they have?

We passed a few doors and entered the fourth.

Three guards stood across from three prisoners who were kneeling and bruised. It was almost tragic. All the women were blindfolded. The one on the far left was gagged, too. The woman in the middle looked like she had made peace with what was to come. But the one on the far right was gritting her teeth, snarling like a caged beast.

"Here is the first dose of our revenge, Shimeko. These are the villains who cut down Kaede Arakida and took Subaki's mommy from her!" Yoshime screamed, causing the girl to the far left to cry hysterically.

"Villains? You and your mother started this war. We were just defending our homeland from—"

"Shut your filthy mouth unless you want your tongue removed before you die!"

"Death cares not for life's pleasures, beast!"

Yoshime set Shimeko down.

Walked to the side of the room.

Grabbed a hammer.

Positioned herself behind the woman on the far right.

Then she pulled out a small blade.

Was this really about to happen? I mean, Shimeko's right here.

Shimeko gritted her teeth and clenched her fist as tears finally made themselves known.

"How kind of you to volunteer yourself, my dear. What was your name?" Yoshime asked, raising the hammer into the air.

The woman inhaled deeply.

"My name is Ak—"

Crack was all I heard as the hammer fell onto the woman's skull with blinding speed and monstrous force.

Red splattered onto Yoshime's armor.

The woman's head rolled as her body lost balance from its kneeling position.

The woman on the left screamed and cried.

The woman in the middle didn't even flinch, and Shimeko gasped for air.

"These are the monsters who haunt you—the monsters that must be purged from this world before we can truly be happy, my lotus. Now, you who sit calmly before death, tell me, for how long have you known our movements? How did you know to ambush in the mountains?"

…

"Kill me under the light of the moon, and lay my sisters beside me," the woman said, though we were far from both moonlight and sunlight.

Yoshime walked over to her and ripped off her blindfold, but the woman kept her eyes shut.

I want to stop reading now.

"Open your eyes, honorless witch. Behold your grand fate."

The woman slowly opened her eyes and saw her fallen sister. Still, she was unfazed. Then she looked at Shimeko.

"Shimeko, you don't have to—"

Then she spat in Shimeko's direction.

"I will not be intimidated by lesser queens—"

Yoshime grabbed her by the hair and exposed her neck.

"Congratulations, filth. You will be my daughter's first kill, marking the beginning of her reign, and the first step in her path toward vengeance. You should be honored. Now, come, Shimeko, and open her throat the way Mommy did to the other woman that helped kill Subaki's mommy."

Shimeko slowly walked toward the prisoner, and every guard in the room tensed. So did I. Her eyes were still wide enough to see her soul, but she felt as empty as I did when I first killed someone. But she's just a little girl.

Yoshime held out the blade.

Shimeko took the blade and held it with both hands.

Shimeko slowly raised her blade to the woman's neck.

The woman never stopped staring at Shimeko.

Yoshime reached over and pulled the other woman's blindfold off.

Then I heard groaning.

Shimeko screamed as she dug the knife into her skin.

The woman screamed as her dirt-covered neck turned red.

Then she choked on her own blood.

"I want to stop reading now! Christina, close the damn book!"

Yoshime let go of the woman's head, and she fell forward, gasping for air like a fish out of water.

"No! Please, goddess, not like this. No. No, no, no. Please!" the remaining sacrifice screamed. Then she puked.

Shimeko fell to her knees and cried. I wanted to cry with her because she had lost something she could never get back—something no one could give her.

"Ah, you seem to be in your right mind. Now, tell me. How long have you known our movements? Is there a mole amongst my ranks? Tell me and your death will be—"

"No! I don't want to die. Please don't kill me. Please, Your Grace."

"Then tell me what I want to know."

"How did you know to flank us?"

She took a few breaths.

"W-we… There was no order. We weren't flanking you. W-we…" she shuddered. "Training."

"Make sense, or I'll make sense with my blade."

She took several breaths.

"W-we didn't flank you. We were a training regiment for recruits. I've been in for less than two months. My unit was never meant to join the battle. I was only training to guard the gate. I-I'm sorry about your friend. Please don't kill me, Your Grace."

"Are you telling me that my royal guard was dispatched by a bunch of fucking recruits? That they were recruits?" she said, pointing at the two dead women.

"They were veterans," she said through tears. "They were training us, but I'm only seventeen."

Yoshime positioned herself behind the last prisoner and stared down at her. The girl looked up in fear.

"I cannot say that the information was helpful or comforting, child."

The prisoner started sobbing loudly.

"The more information you can give me, the longer you can live."

The prisoner wailed.

"Well, do you want the hammer, or will you brave the blade like your brave friend here?" Yoshime asked, pointing to the corpse in the middle.

The girl started crying again, and then she pissed herself.

"Come now. Have you no shame?"

I've… What can I do? The only person who can see me is losing her shit. Wait!

"Shimeko, listen to me. I know Subaki, too. I saw her the other day, but she was big. She was a mommy, too."

Shimeko turned to me with a face full of tears, but she was looking right at me.

"S-Subaki is a mommy?"

"My water lily, Subaki is just a babe. She can't be a mommy."

"Not yet, Shimeko, but I'm in the future, because I'm not a ghost. In the future, Subaki is this big," I said, holding out my arms. "Subaki's daughter is this big." I brought my arms in a bit. "Also, Subaki's daughter has a daughter."

Her face lit up.

"Subaki is so big," she said, wiping her eyes. "Can I play with them?"

Screw you, fate, for making me lie to her.

"Of course you can. Let's all play together."

"Shimeko, who are you talking to?"

The room watched Shimeko, and I shifted between Yoshime and Shimeko.

"Mommy, the mean ghost said he knows Subaki. He said Subaki is this big," she said, stretching out her arms, still holding the knife.

The ogre flashed her teeth and made eye contact with each woman in the room.

"Do you see what they have done to my gem? Even when purging their taint from this sacred place, they still poison her with their curses!"

"Shimeko, tell her that I'm not a curse or a ghost. Tell her… Tell her—" I closed my eyes and started to tear up. "Tell her that I'm a consort," I said, lamenting my freedom.

"Mommy, what's a… a… con…sort?"

…

One of the guards coughed.

The seventeen-year-old girl whimpered.

"Shimeko, where did you hear that word from?"

Shimeko looked around and then pointed at me like they could see me.

"Ghost, I purged you once, and I'll purge you again!"

You didn't do shit!

"Tell her that I'm a consort from the future, and if she kills that stupid girl, I will end her bloodline… by making sure they all have golden frames…"

I hope this works.

Shimeko blinked.

"Okay, fine. Repeat after me."

Shimeko turned to her mother and the sobbing girl, and said,

"Yoshime Shiranui, I am the consort of the future queen of Iron. I demand you stop this execution at once, or else I will ensure that every queen after Shimeko has a golden dragon frame."

"How dare you, evil spirit!"

"Not an evil spirit. Just an angry consort who has future knowledge I'm willing to share if you spare her life. After all, she's just a stupid girl," Shimeko repeated.

Yoshime's face turned bright red. Then she started violently pulling at the prisoner's hair.

"This little soon-to-be corpse? You expect me to bestow grace on the demon who helped slay my royal guard, my sister, my friend?"

You're the one who took your friend to die!

"Tell her that—"

"I can tell you about Shimeko's future… me?" she asked, pointing at herself and wiping more tears from her face.

"Your Grace, what's happening here?" one of the guards asked.

Yoshime looked at the guard standing across the room from Shimeko and loosened her grip on the poor girl's hair.

"I don't trust you, spirit. How do I know… What am I saying?"

"I'll give you something now for re…assur…ance."

Yoshime lowered the hammer.

What can I possibly say? Come on, brain, do something!

"I knew Shimeko before I started haunting her. But I can't tell you why. I know… who's next, and I can stop it all as a con…sort."

Yoshime gritted her teeth. Then she released the girl's hair, and the girl fell to the floor.

"Okay, spirit. Since you care so much about my enemy, I will spare her life—"

"But, Your Grace—"

"Silence!" Yoshime shouted at her guard. "If you are a consort, then tell me which one you are, because there are no black-skinned, green-eyed consorts as of yet."

Shit, why am I even saving her? I should have just let it happen. It's a memory, after all—screw it.

"Shimeko, come here. I'm going to teach you some kanji."

She walked to me and used her blade to carve into the dirt floor, following the path I traced with my finger. It felt like forever, but we had only been at it for minutes while Yoshime watched Shimeko. When she was done, I told Shimeko to stand back.

Yoshime stepped over the corpse of the middle soldier, positioned herself to read the writing, and sighed.